Hey, Lunacorn!
Hun, as a sexual assault survivor, I can relate to your feelings about your genitalia and being seen as desirable by men. I was abused constantly from infancy through my eighth year, and gang raped at twenty. Hope I am not over-sharing, but I want you to know "I get it"...
When I started gender therapy, one of the first things that my counselor wanted to be certain of, was whether my assault history was playing into my self-concept and sexuality. Because, you see, it is sometimes the case that a man will see themselves as being somewhat female, or asexual, after such abuses, and conflate their gender identity with their damaged psyche, and therefore, in such cases, what is called for is intense trauma/sexual survivor therapy, not a change of one's physical body. So, I am pretty sure, that you will find it quite difficult to get approval for any kind of nullification without having had a full course of sexual assault and trauma therapy first, which, in my opinion, might nullify one's desire for nullification. If after such therapy, you were to proceed through gender therapy, and be able to assure the gender therapist that your actual gender identity is such that you require surgical intervention to relieve gender dysphoria, then possibly you should be able to have such surgeries as are appropriate. As it is, based on the limited information you have shared, I find it highly doubtful that any surgeon will be willing to alter your body without you going through the usual channels. The WPATH standards of care 7.0 will require two letters from qualified gender specialist, and if they are not qualified trauma/sexual abuse specialists, they will also likely want to communicate with one that has cleared your state of mind. The standards of care require that any potential co-morbid conditions be ruled out before proceeding with treatments. This is because there are a few conditions that generate experiences that mimic gender dysphoria, and are meant to protect at risk individuals from making mistakes.
Just my opinions, based on my own journey through trauma/DID therapy, and gender therapy, and the whole transition process, including surgical rectification...
I truly hope you do attend to your pain with qualified therapists with specific experience in the issues you currently face...
Much love, healing vibes, and a big, safe cyber-hug! ((HUG))
Missy
