Not dealing well with staring and snickers

[TigerLilyNYC]

Back in my early 20's I had two totally catastrophic transitioning tests (I do not apologize for alliterations). I was 6ft, Big boned, deeper then average male voice, in a world and time filled with the average woman being 5'6 and guys about 5'10. Oh, and we are talking the late 70's. NOT remotely a gay friendly time, much less T remotely knowing what trans was beyond a drag-queen. I got a lot of the stares and snickers. Teens, especially the girls are THE WORSE knowing they are essentially bullet-proof from any retaliation.

Today my experiences of being out in the real world as the real me are far different. Stares I take as a confirmation of my last mirror experience; "Pretty good looking for an lady".  No snickers at all from what I am aware of. And believe me I am hyper aware of such things after being a fat, stuttering four-eyed, knuckle dragging, mouth breathing "Target" all of my childhood and later in life.

From your avatar I cannot see why or how you can be getting clocked. I always go out of my way to present as unambiguously female as possible. Loving girlie-girl helps, but I also do jeans and cute tops. The entire look goes into the first impression you make. That also includes body language and demeanor.  Plus, there is "Situational Awareness". Are you in places or situations that may bring out the worse (or truth) in some people?

Thanks for your note, Joanne! And for not apologizing for your alliteration 😊 I fear that some of the looks and snickers may not be because of my being clocked, because even when I wear a hat which covers my #1 giveaway, which is my extreme bossing, I still get odd side-eyes and the occasional snicker....though it's far more rare. But it did happen last night while wearing a hat. The worst culprits for me are when I'm walking by two or more men. I think they aren't even doing the clocking thing but the binary is this woman cute or ugly? And if they put me in the ugly category then I'm not human to them and they have no problem laughing in my face. Walking by construction workers is the worst for me. They reduce women to would I bang her? If not, then she's of no use to me so she is not worth my politeness. So needless to say I look to avoid situations where I will be judged. But that's nearly impossible. At least once I have the forehead corrected I will feel a lot more normal. But that won't solve everything. 🙁

[jgravitt01]

Just wanted to share my experience that occurred today after therapy. I was in a nationwide department store looking at the makeup as well as the women's clothing area including intimates.
I happened to make eye contact with a young make teenager who was with two teenage girls as well. He immediately whispered to the two girls and then the followed me around the store (they thought they were being discreet but my former police & security training noticed them around every turn) this went on as I continued my shopping until I had gotten what I went there for plus some things I didnt know I wanted..(the way it always goes).
I went to the check out lane, they followed right behind me...and I mean right behind me. This girl couldn't have been more than 6 inches away from me.
I heard the young man say.."if you want to know for sure just ask her".
She didnt ask so it could have been anything from being clocked, to the nice jeans I was wearing, to do you need help with your make up ( I eould have replied yes since I only was wearing base and lipstick). My point is simply this,I didnt allow what I thought they were thinking or what they were doing distract, annoy, or hinder me in any way.
I deserve to be there as much as they do!
Be brave, be kind, be smart, be who you are & above all be safe!

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[TigerLilyNYC]

Just wanted to share my experience that occurred today after therapy. I was in a nationwide department store looking at the makeup as well as the women's clothing area including intimates.
I happened to make eye contact with a young make teenager who was with two teenage girls as well. He immediately whispered to the two girls and then the followed me around the store (they thought they were being discreet but my former police & security training noticed them around every turn) this went on as I continued my shopping until I had gotten what I went there for plus some things I didnt know I wanted..(the way it always goes).
I went to the check out lane, they followed right behind me...and I mean right behind me. This girl couldn't have been more than 6 inches away from me.
I heard the young man say.."if you want to know for sure just ask her".
She didnt ask so it could have been anything from being clocked, to the nice jeans I was wearing, to do you need help with your make up ( I eould have replied yes since I only was wearing base and lipstick). My point is simply this,I didnt allow what I thought they were thinking or what they were doing distract, annoy, or hinder me in any way.
I deserve to be there as much as they do!
Be brave, be kind, be smart, be who you are & above all be safe!

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

What a great note, JGravitt! I love that you simply don't try to put any thought into what they could have meant. I would love to evolve to that place. Reading stories like this helps! Thanks for posting!

[jgravitt01]

What a great note, JGravitt! I love that you simply don't try to put any thought into what they could have meant. I would love to evolve to that place. Reading stories like this helps! Thanks for posting!

Your very welcome. We share because we care! - Jaime

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[audreytn]

Does this happen to most of us where we catch people staring, sneering or snickering (sorry for the alliteration). I simply cannot ignore it and it never ends. Thanks for any input!

how far along are you in your transition?

It took a good 2 years of being on hormones for the stares and snickers to stop.

once hormones start to do their thing, it gets easier.

getting a good haircut to break up any masculinity goes a long way towards helping too. I'm constantly amazed how brushing your hair one way can make you completely feminine and brushing it another way can completely bring out every masculine trait you have.

Proper makeup techniques can also help reduce visible masculinity in the face.

And proper fashion and dress can aid as well.

But you have to ignore it.  Be strong, put in a smile and just remember you dont know those people and will likely never see most of them again. Always move forward!