I haven't been on for a while because I was trying to find myself. I wasn't sure who I was and I have found some insight into who I am. I realize how much I hate gender stereotypes and I have worked on dropping all of them. I believe everyone should be treated equally.
So when I was a young child, I enjoyed playing lacrosse and walking trails, but I wore skirts and shorts. Shorts were easier to play sports in, but I didn't really care whether I wore skirts or shorts. I never played with dolls when I grew up, but I remember I had fun with some friends at water-gun fighting and I also did archery. I liked the outdoors a lot and had fun camping. I remember when I had some friends over to play the game, Pretty, Pretty Princesses I didn't care much for the jewelry, I wanted to wear the crown and be the queen. I was always a tomboy and enjoyed competitive sports. I remember freshman year of high school, I used to race the guys and I did well on the track team. Sophomore year I joined the gymnastics team and had lots of fun, I felt like I truly belonged. In my junior year, I couldn't reapply for the gymnastics team because I had to help my parents at their restaurant. However, I had two guy friends from the beginning of junior year that were great and my teachers were great as well. So January was when things started to go downhill because my application to the military was denied and it was one of my dreams. Furthermore, I didn't do as well on the SATs as I thought I would. But I was an optimist and still continued to hope for the best. It was during March when a guy was being sexist to me that I felt quite sad and it has affected me into my senior year of high school. I have always felt more comfortable around guys than I have with girls and there were times when I got confused for a guy that I felt a sense of happiness. I feel as if I can be myself and blend in when I'm around guys more. So when that guy said something sexist to me, it shattered my beliefs of being equal in gender. All of my life, I have always beleived that men and women deserve equality and that gender stereotypes limit us. I have always never really identified with a male or female gender because I believe we are all equal at the soul. I am a tomboy though and I find myself being more comfortable being around guys. So after that guy's remark, I began to think of my childhood and of my tomboyish nature. I began to feel insecure about my gender and wonder if I was truly meant to be a guy. I spent some time off this site reflecting on who I am and thinking about what it would be like to be a guy and I'm not really sure I want to go all the way in personality, but I want to be one physically. In my personality, I am nonbinary wishing to not be defined by any gender or stereotypes. Lately I have female friends who know I've never worn jewelry or make-up, but they want to play dress-up, but I don't want to. I have never been interested in fashion and have always put my hair in a bun. The reason my hair has been in a bun is that it reminds me of the short hair I will have one day when I cut it. I have stopped wearing skirts and prefer shorts. Even though, I have tried to become a guy in appearance, my personality is still wondering and believes in equality in both genders. So how do I know who I am: transgender, non-binary or gender dysphoria?
