I haven't been on for a while because I was trying to find myself. I wasn't sure who I was and I have found some insight into who I am. I realize how much I hate gender stereotypes and I have worked on dropping all of them. I believe everyone should be treated equally.

So when I was a young child, I enjoyed playing lacrosse and walking trails, but I wore skirts and shorts. Shorts were easier to play sports in, but I didn't really care whether I wore skirts or shorts. I never played with dolls when I grew up, but I remember I had fun with some friends at water-gun fighting and I also did archery. I liked the outdoors a lot and had fun camping. I remember when I had some friends over to play the game, Pretty, Pretty Princesses I didn't care much for the jewelry, I wanted to wear the crown and be the queen. I was always a tomboy and enjoyed competitive sports. I remember freshman year of high school, I used to race the guys and I did well on the track team. Sophomore year I joined the gymnastics team and had lots of fun, I felt like I truly belonged. In my junior year,  I couldn't reapply for the gymnastics team because I had to help my parents at their restaurant. However, I had two guy friends from the beginning of junior year that were great and my teachers were great as well. So January was  when things started to go downhill because my application to the military was denied and it was one of my dreams. Furthermore, I didn't do as well on the SATs as I thought I would. But I was an optimist and still continued to hope for the best. It was during March when a guy was being sexist to me that I felt quite sad and it has affected me into my senior year of high school. I have always felt more comfortable around guys than I have with girls and there were times when I got confused for a guy that I felt a sense of happiness. I feel as if I can be myself and blend in when I'm around guys more. So when that guy said something sexist to me, it shattered my beliefs of being equal in gender. All of my life, I have always beleived that men and women deserve equality and that gender stereotypes limit us. I have always never really identified with a male or female gender because I believe we are all equal at the soul. I am a tomboy though and I find myself being more comfortable being around guys. So after that guy's remark, I began to think of my childhood and of my tomboyish nature. I began to feel insecure about my gender and wonder if I was truly meant to be a guy. I spent some time off this site reflecting on who I am and thinking about what it would be like to be a guy and I'm not really sure I want to go all the way in personality, but I want to be one physically. In my personality, I am nonbinary wishing to not be defined by any gender or stereotypes. Lately I have female friends who know I've never worn jewelry or make-up, but they want to play dress-up, but I don't want to. I have never been interested in fashion and have always put my hair in a bun. The reason my hair has been in a bun is that it reminds me of the short hair I will have one day when I cut it. I have stopped wearing skirts and prefer shorts. Even though, I have tried to become a guy in appearance, my personality is still wondering and believes in equality in both genders. So how do I know who I am: transgender, non-binary or gender dysphoria?

Quote from: Shirley/Adam on March 06, 2017, 06:55:08 PM
I haven't been on for a while because I was trying to find myself.
...
I feel as if I can be myself and blend in when I'm around guys more.
...
I have always never really identified with a male or female gender because I believe we are all equal at the soul.
...
I began to feel insecure about my gender and wonder if I was truly meant to be a guy. I spent some time off this site reflecting on who I am and thinking about what it would be like to be a guy and I'm not really sure I want to go all the way in personality, but I want to be one physically.

In my personality, I am nonbinary wishing to not be defined by any gender or stereotypes. Lately I have female friends who know I've never worn jewelry or make-up, but they want to play dress-up, but I don't want to. I have never been interested in fashion and have always put my hair in a bun.
...
Even though, I have tried to become a guy in appearance, my personality is still wondering and believes in equality in both genders. So how do I know who I am: transgender, non-binary or gender dysphoria?

Hi Adam.

How does that feel.? Good I hope.

The snippets I've chosen, have resonated with me - classical definitions are that you have questioned your gender, and do not feel comfortable in your birth assigned gender, and the classic responses would be that you are under the transgender umbrella, and have dysphoria.

Where in the great land of trans has yet to be discovered, especially in the forest of non-binary terms. You do feel more comfortable with those in a masculine gender role, and knowing that much is a great place to start. Your description of wanting your physique to reflect this is perfectly normal, and how far you persue this is entirely up to you.

How you proceed, and in which way, is up to you and from your recount, it would be a good idea to see a professional, to talk through a lot of what you're feeling and experiencing - they will help you in your journey of self discovery.

Welcome

Rowan

You sound a lot like me. I'm bi-gender. I'm afab and I primarily identify female still, but there is a definite male half to my self. When I was growing up there were no options for someone like me, "non-binary" or otherwise. Tomboy worked as a description much of the time, but I wavered between tomboy and femme, but always knowing I could never really be as femme as I want to be, and never felt quite right going all the way to guy, either, despite feeling like one of the guys" when I'm in masculine settings. And yeah, it does hurt a bit when they either 1) assume that you're there to flirt, because it's all about girls coming on to them or 2) they reject me because of my female body/appearance.

It was an amazing moment of freedom when I first read the definition of "bi-gender." However, that was only the beginning of what is a lot of soul-searching to figure out just who I am. I've only known my "label" for two months, so I figure I have a long way to go and a lot of exploring yet.

My therapist said I need to listen to my body, not my mind. To not overthink things, and just to sometimes be quiet and feel what my instincts are telling me. It's been one of the most clarifying things I've done. It made me realize more of who I am and what I want; I'm more settled in my skin. So far it is taking me down a road that has my brain screaming, but my body is telling me "yes, this is the right path." Perhaps I'm unusual, but I want to transition physically but not socially. I already feel somewhat fake living as a woman, even though I like it; living as a man would seem even more fake.

Thanks for your advice both of you. I think I agree what you said Cailan Jade. I have had guys think I'm trying to flirt or reject me as well. I know that I will never follow the gender stereotypes of being female, but the gender stereotypes of being a male don't seem right either. What I'm trying to do is to stop the two halves of me from warring with themselves. The part of me that still retains the feminine identity still wants to retain the memories I have. But there is a masculine self that has always been there.