On being Liz

[Shy]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who ends up with an eyeball stuck on an eyeliner pencil. Lovely to read about your progress Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Jeanette are you talking about a mental alarm or a physical alarm...mine is a physical sound... had it go off once for 4 days...that was incredibly annoying because it is one of the sounds that worms its way into your head...before 12 hrs was up I was sitting with a pillow across my stomach to try and shut it up...if you meant a mental alarm then I get it...that can't be ple4asant to have to continually deal with

Liz

   LOL  Liz, you are correct, my alarm is a mental one.  I was trying to equate the pang of fear I get every 3 months when I go in for a CT scan to see if my cancer has come back again with your fear or dread of your pump's alarm going off.  Both are fears of unpleasant things to come.

  Sorry for the confusion but you did figure it out.

  Jeanette

[LizK]

Hi Jeanette

at least my alarm I can turn off, even if it does take a few days but having the mental alarm is worse cause you can never shut those up...

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Jeanette

at least my alarm I can turn off, even if it does take a few days but having the mental alarm is worse cause you can never shut those up...

Liz

  My alarm can and does shut off... Every time my oncologist tells me, "They could find no sign of your cancer having returned".  Then I'm good for another 3 -4 months.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

The outpouring of love and support for me just continues on Facebook as word spreads of my transition among my old crowd from the early 80's. A number of people have not only "liked" the posts but many have left personal messages of encouragement.

My eldest brother posted he was honoured to call me he "Sister", Brother just a year older offered me his support in any way I needed, publicly stated he loved and supported me. This same brother went out of his way today to ring and tell me he loved and supported me. He also said he was so happy I had finally found some happiness and he would do anything he could to help me. He has vast resources compared to mine and is very clever man with a career that shows it.

My father today told me he was proud of me and what I had achieved he went on today saying he is beginning to think of me in terms of Liz and she/her, he apologised he has not managed to get that to arrive out of his mouth yet but he is working on it, he has 53 years of conditioning to break...I love him for trying, and told him that.

Good news on the electrolysis front...Just went through a 5 day grow out session so I can get an Idea of how long to finish first clearance of all the tough stuff leaving on new/regrowth...drum roll...3 hours. I am stoked...I have an hour next week then a months break. She will be able to clear one cheek at each session. trying to do two area's doesn't work very well and we always get a better result from numbing one large area at a time...like the cheek, or the entire chin lip area....my neck and jawline is pretty much cleared, with not much growing in that wasteland...three hours. All the work on my top lip is going to need redoing as wasn't done properly in the first place...too much pulling not enough sliding out!!

Off next Friday to finally see a surgeon about my hip hopefully they will be able to do something to help the arthritis in their...both knee and Hip are bone on bone in places and that stings, just a little bit!!! So hopefully they can tell me what they can do, its been pretty dodgy this summer so I would hate to think how its going to feel as winter takes hold. Anyway what ever they suggest I will be up for I guess....

Didn't have much on today(Dinner with No 1 Daughter a 5pm,) so managed to Squeeze in a quick visit with Cindy on the away to a friends for coffee and then home for more boring chores. I will see her on Monday as I have to be back at the hospital "for an oil, grease and change" anyway so will pop in and see her after that. I will leave Cindy to post about my visit but suffice to say...she passed muster for a gal who has had some serious stuff going on. She has everything you can think of attached including ...the machine that goes "ping!"

Liz

 

[JeanetteLW]

Good for you Liz,

  I loved reading of your family successes. Arthritis is a given at our age I think. Fortunately mine isn't bad yet. Shoulders mainly for me. Joints sure hurt when they rub wrong. I haven't needed any lube jobs yet. Knock on wood.

  Thank you for the Cindy update. I'm intimately familiar with those machines. It's not fun, it a pain in the tail trying to use the adult potty chair with everything hooked up. At least I didn't have to use a bed pan. oxygen, monitors, catheter nope no fun at all. I'm sure Cindy has all that and more, but she's a trooper and will survive it with her usual grace. Praying for her speedy recovery.
   Please pass on my best wishes for her when you next see her.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[HappyMoni]

Liz,

   Congrats for the many supporters from your family. It sounds wonderful. It just means so much when people are proud of you being your true self. Wish everyone could hear that. If only all families knew what a beautiful thing their support is, the world would be so much better. Happy for you!
   Thanks for letting us know about Cindy. She is pretty inspiring, and nice too.
Moni

[Drexy/Drex]

She who dares wins , i,m happy to hear of your success  with your family and friends  ☺

[LizK]

Last 24hours have been weird for me. I went out yesterday to the supermarket and chemist. Both local places I have not been there as Liz but hey...it can't be any worse than going to the city???

So I get through the shopping feeling like only 3/4 of the shoppers are staring at me...each and every kids eyes seemed to bug out of their heads and people seemed to keep away from me, it felt a bit like wearing medieval sign saying "Unclean"...or was that my imagination...anyway off to he Pharmacy and I have to say by the is stage I was still feeling Ok...had the blinkers working pretty good. Had managed to get my groceries in a very busy supermarket without all the people stopping and staring when I walked in. Got to the counter at the pharmacy to get my scrips and I got the once over from one of the regular women who work there. Handed her my slip and she proceeds to tell me that they had none of my hormones and I will have to wait till Monday. I think what threw me is that, she seemed so pleased with herself. So I began to ask and was rudely cut off, being told to pick them up after 5pm Monday.

I was very pleasant through out the interaction but by the time I got back to my car I was really upset and I don't know why. So I went home hoping I could shake the feeling...I had run out of Progynova and had taken the last dose over 24 hrs previous. This dose I take is only a supplementary to an implant that I also have. Long story short I rang the chemist back and asked if I could just have enough to see me till Monday (which is 3 pills)...will see what we can do...twenty minutes later I received a call to go and pick up the entire script...don't know where they came from but never look at gift horse in the mouth...I di feel a bit better after taking it but nothing significant...nor expected.

Today I feel quite flat and I have been misgendered twice today and each time you would have thought someone wacked me with a hammer. Each time by my wife...I know its difficult for her as she is so used to he and him. They all know how important it is to me but there is only one who has at least tried,

I had a full blown conversation with my Father on Friday about pro nouns and names and even then he could not bring himself to use any of it. I think what surprises me the most is how much it hurts each time they do it. When you are feeling down and dysphoric as I am today it  is like little cuts, they really hurt and  you bleed a little each time, I am sure over a period of time with enough of these cuts they really begin to take their toll.

Habit I will accept  as an excuse but only if you are trying to break it...and to say you are trying to break the habit would really mean on each occasion you would try and use the correct pronoun...you may not get it right every time...but surely every now and then you would manage to use my name or the correct pronouns. But they haven't ever....none of them including my daughters and wife. They all dead name and mis-gender me...most days I can take this and let it flow off my back but today I cant....it hurts...

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Liz,

  It sound like you have had a very trying day. I'm sorry. And after you being so upbeat and having several, no many, good days. That's probably why you felt so down. Tomorrow will be a better day just you wait and see.


  Hugs,
    Jeanette

[LizK]

Thanks Jeanette

It was a bit of a vent but up until the last few months I was not sure how I would feel about pronouns and names.

The most surprising thing to me is how much it hurts. I have always been able to let it roll off my back probably because I wanted to believe that they would come round...but they haven't yet...its just today, I am tired and sore a bad combination in anyone's book but toss in a liberal dose of GD and that's why I feel the way I do, where normally I would care but it doesn't usually bother me unless I am dysphoric...today I have it bad and I don't know why...tomorrow will be a better day I am sure

Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Liz.

  I'm hoping today is much better for you. Yeah, family are special cases and when things don't go the way we would like it tends to become a more difficult problem. I do understand. Got my own little problem there.

   I do hope you are feeling much better today Liz. Go sneak in to visit Cindy if you can, she'll cheer you up and you can update all of us on her progress.

  Jeanette

[LizK]

I have to go in for my "service" on my medication pump at 11am. But am going to go early and the nurses on the Pain Management unit get to meet Liz for the first time today. They will be fine I am sure. I did tell them about my Transition when I was in for my last top up. After than I am off to squeeze in a short visit with Cindy before heading off to see my  Psych to get my letter to change my name....should be a good day. Last night my mood began to lift and I do feel better today.

Liz

[davina61]

The saying is "you can call me anything you like as long as its not late for dinner"

[LizK]

The last few days have been a mixed bag with yesterday being my busiest day for awhile. I started with voice therapy and finished with an hours Electrolysis.

The speech therapy went well and we have now established a pitch and are working on recognising  the pitch. Then practicing certain words and how they feel on the face and tongue...so I have a month of practicing with that and explosive sounds.

I had my final clearance of the last of the "thick post" hairs from my neck and one cheek. I have about and hour an 1/2  work to pick up the final "thick Post" hairs...this hurt like crazy as these were on my neck which had no aesthetic so with my hypersensitivity it hurt like crazy but I just wanted them gone and am so happy...bit bumpy and lumpy today but that will sooth out...way less bruising than most times

My Psychiatrist who I have to keep seeing if I was GCS letters, I have no rapport and have never discussed anything about my transition with him in any real detail as I already have a psychologist for that. He is a nice enough guy. I asked him to write me a letter so I can get my licence changed. He agreed and about half way through he asked me when I began crossdressing full time. I looked at him a bit stunned and said "I beg your pardon" He simply repeated the question...so I sad please explain what you mean...he repeated the question so I sad to him...I am a woman I used to crossdress to a male every day of my life and now I present myself as my correct and original gender so I stopped cross dressing when I started living fulltime at the beginning of the month...he genuinely looked confused...it took me all my time to remain seated.

So I said to him I am not a cross dresser as you well know and have stated before!!! Maybe you could use the words "began to present herself as female" or similar...so he wrote the letter with the cross dresser line still in it. I remained very calm and asked him to change it....he then went bright red and simply rewrote the section of the letter as I asked him...it was wrong in so many way and I was really annoyed and angry at him. This clown is going to be the one who has to write my letter for GCS... When I asked him about this he said almost with a gleam in his eye that I had to do a minimum of a years RLE...the gate keeper in him couldn't help himself...I am furious with his attitude.

Please do not take this the wrong way, But I am not a crossdresser I am Transsexual and there is one hell of a difference. We have similar problems in some area's but in most others we differ greatly I have his letter and will take and change all the things I need too with it and then I am not sure. I will need to see him a minimum of 3 more times for the year to be up. I will then get my letter and fire his ass...I would do it sooner if I didn't have an 18month wait to see another Psych.

So today I am off to change my driver licence my Medicare details  and my bank accounts...with all those done I can rest a little easier...I will stop being misgendered because they "have " to use the name on my Medicare a card...being pulled over with my current licence as I don't look much like my photo could go really bad if I struck a bad cop...never mind hopefully today that is the end of it

In amongst this I was supposed to see Cindy but everyone was running late yesterday, hopefully I will get up there tomorrow as I have yet another appointment at the hospital anyway.

Liz

[Michelle_P]

Liz, I'm so glad you got past that psychiatrist to get the darn letter.  I felt so much better when the ID in my bag matched me!

I hope all the ID updates go quickly and painlessly for you.  (Less painful than that neck work, certainly.  I had that last month and... yeowie!  The good news is that new growth seems to be much less painful to remove than those mighty Old Growth beard hairs.)

[jentay1367]

he asked me when I began crossdressing full time

it's that kind of ingrained passive aggressive ignorant misogyny that gets me spitting mad. Psychiatrist indeed. Just another ignorant man ingratiating himself with a patriarchal good old boy system designed to protect his ineptitude and ignorance.

Okay   I'm through.  Glad it was an overall "win" day, Liz

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Liz,

  Wow! What a trying day you had. I thought the first parts were the tough one but then I read your encounter with that pompous butthead. How you managed to put up with him I'll never know. You must have been fuming.
  But you DID get your letter!  You ARE getting your documents changed! And I am sure no matter how un pleasant it may be you WILL get your GCS letter too. Of that I have no doubt.

  I've been watching for an update on Cindy and I wish you had been able to visit her today. She would have calmed you right down. I'm sure you took awhile to unruffle the feathers on your own. (I can tell you did manage it though). Hopefully you will see Cindy tomorrow and pass on to her all of our wishes for a speedy recovery. Give her a gentle hug from me if you are able. Just a little one will do.

Here is a BIG hug for you Liz ((((HUG))))
   Jeanette

[JeanetteLW]

it's that kind of ingrained passive aggressive ignorant misogyny that gets me spitting mad. Psychiatrist indeed. Just another ignorant man ingratiating himself with a patriarchal good old boy system designed to protect his ineptitude and ignorance.

Okay   I'm through.  Glad it was an overall "win" day, Liz

WHEW! What a mouthful Jen! Did you get it all out in one breath?

LOL

Hugs,
   Jeanette

[jentay1367]

WHEW! What a mouthful Jen! Did you get it all out in one breath?

LOL

Hugs,
   Jeanette

yup!! L.O.L.  If I'm gonna be a long winded mouthy bitch like that, it's a good thing I quit smoking. Don't wanna pass out in the middle of my rant! Loses its effectiveness.