Here I go again :-(

[KathyLauren]

I hear you on wanting the beard gone.  I was seeing a lot of old associates this weekend, most of them seeing me for the first time as Kathy.  This morning was the first day of this week's three-day grow-out, so I was stubbly this morning as I said farewell to them.  I'm told that no one notices unless they are looking for it, but it still bugs the hell out of me.

On the other hand, I make to pretense to be anything that I am not.  I am a trans woman, and part of that is having to grow my beard out for electrolysis.  If people don't like it, then too bad for them.

[Rachel]

Hi Laurie,

How well does the EMLA cream work. I use super numb but I never used EMLA.

I had been thinking of going to Texas (Frontier Airlines is inexpensive) and they E3000 the whole face with numbing. I think I will be checking out their cost and do an cost benefit analysis.

Congrats on the 1 month down. It gets easier as time goes on.

[Laurie]

I hear you on wanting the beard gone.  I was seeing a lot of old associates this weekend, most of them seeing me for the first time as Kathy.  This morning was the first day of this week's three-day grow-out, so I was stubbly this morning as I said farewell to them.  I'm told that no one notices unless they are looking for it, but it still bugs the hell out of me.

On the other hand, I make to pretense to be anything that I am not.  I am a trans woman, and part of that is having to grow my beard out for electrolysis.  If people don't like it, then too bad for them.

  Hi Kathy,

  Other people do not bother me, well okay driving there with plastic on my face does make me a bit self conscious. I 3 days my whiskers will be noticeable but even that is not my concern.  It is that now any beard stubble I feel annoys me and I cannot shave close enough that I cannot feel it. Now I may shave 2 and 3 times a day and I'm still not satisfied with the results. I was not like this before. I wouldn't even shave every day before, now what ever I do it isn't enough. And it isn't just my face. I never cared for body hair before truth before but now I really dislike it.
  I'm beginning think of it as an acquired dysphoria if that is possible.

Hugs,
    Laurie

[Laurie]

Hi Laurie,

How well does the EMLA cream work. I use super numb but I never used EMLA.

I had been thinking of going to Texas (Frontier Airlines is inexpensive) and they E3000 the whole face with numbing. I think I will be checking out their cost and do an cost benefit analysis.

Congrats on the 1 month down. It gets easier as time goes on.

Hi Rachel,

   Ask me again after this session. I have only had two sessions so far and the first I used Aspercreme with 4% lidocaine applied an hour before and was well hydrated. It did fairly well but did wear off before the session was over and I had her work on a untreated area too to see the difference. There was quite a difference with the treated being preferred as expected but I did find I tolerated the procedure rather well even in the untreated area.
  The second treatment was a 2 hour session and I did not prepare well for it as I was not well hydrated having for to drink lots of water the day before (she called me on it right away after she started), I drank my coffee that morning, I applied the EMLA cream but only about 2o minutes prior and did not cover it so the numbing effect was less than optimal. So I had only myself to blame having not done the things I was instructed to do. I managed the whole 2 hours but it was mostly without benefit of numbing. It is a good thing I tolerated the pain well (and there was pain) as I repeated found myself clenching my teeth as she worked.

   This 2 hour session will be better. I can still learn.

  As for the E300, you may want to talk with JenTay or Anne. Jentay has had it done (Think it was E3000) and I know Anne was going to and may have done so by now.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[davina61]

With you on the shaving, twice a day till my face is sore and cant stand Velcro arms. Cakes in the oven, you will have to take a byte .

[Laurie]

With you on the shaving, twice a day till my face is sore and cant stand Velcro arms. Cakes in the oven, you will have to take a byte .

  Bring it on.

Hugs to ya Davina,
   Laurie

[KathyLauren]

It is that now any beard stubble I feel annoys me and I cannot shave close enough that I cannot feel it.
...
  I'm beginning think of it as an acquired dysphoria if that is possible.

Oh, yes, I totally get it!  I can't stand anything other than smooth skin now.  I hate the feeling of sandpaper.  I have a few smoothish patches from recent sessions, but so far I am still getting regrowth in them after a few weeks.

I never did like the feeling of stubble.  I just thought that that was the way it had to be.  Now I know that it doesn't have to be that way, and I want it gone yesterday.

I don't think it is 'acquired' dysphoria.  I think we have had so much dysphoria to deal with that we have only allowed ourselves to be aware of the worst ones.  As we gradually knock those out or at least reduce them, we start to become aware of less severe dysphorias that have lurked hidden in the background. 

How well does the EMLA cream work. I use super numb but I never used EMLA.

I always use Emla.  It definitely takes the edge off the pain.  On areas with low sensitivity, where I have laid it on thick, I feel no pain at all.  I have enough feeling that I can tell where she is working, but I won't feel the shock or the pluck.  On other, more sensitive areas, with the same amount of cream, It will feel quite ouchy.  If I have spread the cream on less thickly in places, it will be painful there.  But I really, really notice if she zaps a hair that is outside of the numbed area.  I darned near levitated off the table last week when she did that!  So it is clear that it does make a significant difference.

The more sensitive areas lose their numbness very quickly.  On less sensitive areas, she can work for an hour after she wipes the Emla off, but on more sensitive areas, she only has minutes to work.

[Laurie]

I darned near levitated off the table last week

  hmmm Astronomy lectures and levitation? One begins to wonder if this woman is really human...

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Laurie]

 Hi folks,

  Since getting home and having time to let things settle, I been getting restless and feeling a bit stagnant already.I've got my electrolysis on Wednesday and my previous post mentioned and week after next, I am going to have a busy day on Monday the 14th with labs, ct scan, oncology doctor, and today I just added a visit with my gender therapist. Tuesday is my PCP and Wednesday is another electrolysis appointment. Then on the 24th my sister has her biopsy and freeze procedure in an attempt to kill whatever it is that is growing on her kidney. She also needs to get some labs done before then. So as you can see things are getting back to normal.
   I called my GT this morning to make an appointment just to run a few things by him to see what he thinks. Little things. Like how my road trip went (he knew I was going to Maine but nothing more really), How I did the trip as Laurie and my deciding to try full time upon my return. And I think I will talk to him how I feel like I'm not doing anything to progress right now. I feel like I need to be actively doing something and I'm not. I just taking my pills and running around in my preferred clothes with a wig on my head. And yet everything I think of doing would probably be premature given the short time I have been at this. 8 months on hrt isn't that long unless you are just beginning it. A month of full time is really short. I'm sure I'm not ready to think about surgeries and the same with making a name change. So what do I do? Why am I even feeling like I should be doing something more?  Am I being impatient and if so impatient for what? I am not even sure what I want to do or in which direction I want to go. *sigh*  I'll figure something out.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Rachel]

GCS is a year wait. Surgery for ffs can be a 6 month wait. Name change was 3 or 4 months. At some point my dysphoria ramped up. I think it was when I went full time and wanted to present well.

I had GCS but the BA was postponed 7 months. It was a long 6 months.

With anything transition related time is forever and the need is immediate. Doing something positive and having a time line is very important. I presented my boss and hr a Gantt chart of my transition and a spreadsheet of costs for procedures with three doctor options.


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[Anne Blake]

Laurie,

I believe that what you are trying to get to is living your life as yourself. Listen to what you are filling your life with; doctor stuff, family stuff, being you stuff, this is living your life. At some point you may choose to get surgery and after that you will get back to living your life except your panties will fit a bit differently. You are doing what you want, now it is time to decide what you want to do when you grow (and it has to include more than hunting Moni!).

Anne

[Laurie]

GCS is a year wait. Surgery for ffs can be a 6 month wait. Name change was 3 or 4 months. At some point my dysphoria ramped up. I think it was when I went full time and wanted to present well.

I had GCS but the BA was postponed 7 months. It was a long 6 months.

With anything transition related time is forever and the need is immediate. Doing something positive and having a time line is very important. I presented my boss and hr a Gantt chart of my transition and a spreadsheet of costs for procedures with three doctor options.


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Thank you Rachel for the info. I could never be that organized. It isn't me at all. My problem is I feel I should be doing something to move ahead but haven't a clue what that should be.

  Hugs,
   Laurie

[Laurie]

Laurie,

I believe that what you are trying to get to is living your life as yourself. Listen to what you are filling your life with; doctor stuff, family stuff, being you stuff, this is living your life. At some point you may choose to get surgery and after that you will get back to living your life except your panties will fit a bit differently. You are doing what you want, now it is time to decide what you want to do when you grow (and it has to include more than hunting Moni!).

Anne

Hi Anne

  You are probably closer to what I need to focus on and that unfortunately feels like I'm doing nothing.  I suppose I am actually doing things i need to be doing for now. But it does leave me feeling like I should be doing something more. Perhaps it's just the slowing down from the excitement and activity of my road trip that is making me feel stagnant now as Liz was suggestion to me offline or I may need a new challenge to work on. (another Liz suggestion)

As for Mina or minny, She isn't getting off the trophy list  so easy. There will be a rematch.

  Thanks for your views on it, Anne. Please tell Debi I said hello.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Georgette]

Laurie and all,
Have been reading your posts, but have been busy so have not said much.

Had a two long days this weekend.  Started FRI night at 630 pm, didn't get home till 1100 am next day SAT, but did get a 3 hour nap in there.  Than back out again at 630 pm SAT, hosted some local TS and CD gals for a Drag show, but got back early at 430am SUN.  I was beat SUN, guess at my age I need to rest a little.

Today was work in yard and house.  Darn grass keeps growing and trimmed low branches on the 4 huge maple trees in yard, and half dozen smaller trees by back fence.

Reading all of your adventures with Electrolysis, takes me back many years.  We didn't have all that fancy painkiller stuff.  Just had too tough it out.
Over the years I have had some regrowth, maybe 20-30 hairs.  I was plucking but than just shaved them every few weeks.  Finally decided to get electrolysis again.  1/2 hour every 2-3 months.  Not uncommon for older women to get chin hair as they age.  Darn even found some on my ears, I must be getting old.

I think you are doing just what you need to do.  Learning to just live your life.  Not all the TS I know go past social Transition and do the variety of surgeries.  But this does seem like many are getting FFS BA and SRS/GRS/GCS lately.

[Laurie]

Laurie and all,
Have been reading your posts, but have been busy so have not said much.

Had a two long days this weekend.  Started FRI night at 630 pm, didn't get home till 1100 am next day SAT, but did get a 3 hour nap in there.  Than back out again at 630 pm SAT, hosted some local TS and CD gals for a Drag show, but got back early at 430am SUN.  I was beat SUN, guess at my age I need to rest a little.

Today was work in yard and house.  Darn grass keeps growing and trimmed low branches on the 4 huge maple trees in yard, and half dozen smaller trees by back fence.

Reading all of your adventures with Electrolysis, takes me back many years.  We didn't have all that fancy painkiller stuff.  Just had too tough it out.
Over the years I have had some regrowth, maybe 20-30 hairs.  I was plucking but than just shaved them every few weeks.  Finally decided to get electrolysis again.  1/2 hour every 2-3 months.  Not uncommon for older women to get chin hair as they age.  Darn even found some on my ears, I must be getting old.

I think you are doing just what you need to do.  Learning to just live your life.  Not all the TS I know go past social Transition and do the variety of surgeries.  But this does seem like many are getting FFS BA and SRS/GRS/GCS lately.

Hi Georgette!,

  It's good to hear from you again, it has been a while, If I didn't know better I'd think you were mad a t me for not sticking around for that visit. But I know that is wrong. I just couldn't, I was on overload already with the DC area and everything that implies. I will never understand how people can live in such high density areas. I lasted 2 days and that was too much for me. I had to escape. Sorry.
  You still amaze me with your carousing lifestyle and more power to you for it lady.
  Gee thanks  I never equated my ear hair with old age but now I will *sigh* I knew excess eyebrows growth is and I cut mine back periodically. I wish my eye lashes had that problem. As for the electrolysis I go for my 3rd session tomorrow so I have a fuzzy face, am getting water logged, and feel reluctant to go outside today. I am beginning to understand and feel bad? strange? could i be becoming dysphoric about it my facial hair? All I know is I seem to not want it more than before. It's a two hour session so it should be loads of fun.  I am glad that for me it is not that painful just a bit of clinching my teeth at times.

  Hope to hear more from you Georgette. Don't be a stranger. And we may meet yet.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[p]

Greetings from the Garden State, Laurie! Sorry that I have missed out on several weeks of posts. I was visiting my family for the first time since transitioning--it went well--and then I went to the beach for a little bit.

I am sorry to hear that things with your daughter are rocky right now. But on the flip side, I am in awe of you for taking the huge steps of going full-time and coming out on Facebook! Wow!!

I am avoiding coming out on Facebook because I always feel that I should tell this-or-that person on the phone first, and then I never even make the phone calls... A friend's wedding is coming up in a few weeks, though, so I need to get my butt in gear and make some calls.

And you know, I hate to bring up the dreaded M-word (no, not Moni), but I've heard a  MAKEOVER is just the thing for ladies feeling a little "stuck" in their transition 

Thanks so much again for visiting me during your trip. It sounds like the trip was a really wonderful experience. I really enjoyed reading all of your posts (and the limerick competition that followed).

Love, your #1 fan,
Patti

[p]

Just because I can't resist, here's a limerick (true to form, it's just a wee bit obscene):

There once was a lady named Laurie
Who set out for new territory
As she drove in her truck,
she stopped giving a f---,
And in her true self she did glory

[Laurie]

Greetings from the Garden State, Laurie! Sorry that I have missed out on several weeks of posts. I was visiting my family for the first time since transitioning--it went well--and then I went to the beach for a little bit.

I am sorry to hear that things with your daughter are rocky right now. But on the flip side, I am in awe of you for taking the huge steps of going full-time and coming out on Facebook! Wow!!

I am avoiding coming out on Facebook because I always feel that I should tell this-or-that person on the phone first, and then I never even make the phone calls... A friend's wedding is coming up in a few weeks, though, so I need to get my butt in gear and make some calls.

And you know, I hate to bring up the dreaded M-word (no, not Moni), but I've heard a  MAKEOVER is just the thing for ladies feeling a little "stuck" in their transition 

Thanks so much again for visiting me during your trip. It sounds like the trip was a really wonderful experience. I really enjoyed reading all of your posts (and the limerick competition that followed).

Love, your #1 fan,
Patti

Well hello stranger, ((HUG))
  I am glad to hear from you Patti and very glad to hear your trip home went well. I so wished we had more time to visit but i am thankful for the time we had. You young lady are a joy to visit.
  True to your title, of #1 fan I see you have taken the time to catch up on what I've done in the weeks you have been gone and know all there is to know about me. (shaking my head in wonder) You flatter me girl. Thank you.
    My situation with my daughter is what it is. She would probably say my actions over this last bit of nonsense was an overreaction and needless escalation over a minor issue. And heck she could be right, but it is just another thing to blame me for and I am done with it. It doesn't even have anything to do with my being trans, not really it goes back further than that. Since she is as stubborn as I am, this rift is not likely to be resolved. As a little girl she used to bring this to me fix instead of her mother saying "Daddy fix it". Well, Daddy has tried too long and too hard to fix this blame she harbors toward me and has given up. Daddy can't fix it. I've chosen to remove them from my friends list for a couple reason. One is that I hope to lessen the hurt and temptation to comment (possibly in hurt or bitterness) that following  them will bring. and second To minimize the impact of me and my new life may have upon them. To me it is obvious the want no part of it and thereby me.
   Coming out on FB was just another step in my coming out and living my life openly. I'm not hiding any longer. I did wait until I had made my phone calls or face to face confessions to those I felt I must. Which is just what you are wanting to do. But you my girl, needs must stop procrastinating. Just get off that cute butt and pick up the phone and call them. The sooner you do it , the sooner you are done and then you can feel the freedom of living without the burden of those secrets. They are a burden on your soul and it feels so good when you let them go.
  Going full time was just a natural extension that grew out of that wonderful road trip of discovery for myself. How could I not do it? Everyone of you who took that trip with me in your hearts are responsible for where I am now in my journey. Yes, I feel a little stuck, but as I've been shown, I am not really, the pace of what I'm doing has just slowed back to a normal one. I am still moving, but the excitement of the road trip has diminished, if not gone altogether. Sad isn't it? It was so much fun.
   LOL  Yes, the makeover, sigh, The makeover challenge was but a tool to help me move along in my journey and help me become more comfortable with it. Do you not think my road trip has done that, and done it in spades? I do. The makeover my dear friend is going to happen. I have not forgotten about it, nor am I fighting it any longer.  When I do go have it done it will be to enjoy the experience and to learn a little bit of technique. When it will happen I do not know, I know only that it will. I have promised myself this and now all of you.
  So you went to the beach? I'm guessing it was not just a day trip. I hope it was a quite beach and the time was spent with your husband. A romantic getaway so to speak. I can picture you in a bikini lying on the beach working on your tan while the waves lick at the sandy shore. It's a pretty picture in my mind.
   And thank you for the silly limerick. Yes, it made me laugh fondly at it. Thank you for the smile.

  Glad you are home safe and that your homecoming went well for you.

Hugs for you, Patti
  Laurie

[HappyMoni]

Just because I can't resist, here's a limerick (true to form, it's just a wee bit obscene):

There once was a lady named Laurie
Who set out for new territory
As she drove in her truck,
she stopped giving a f---,
And in her true self she did glory

Patti, a dirty limerick? I love it. I am now an official fan of yours. Oh, this is Moni, you know the other 'm' beside makeover. I would add something about making those calls. If you make them now, you only have to deal with the fear/nervousness in making them. If you put it off you will not only face that same fear/nervousness, but you will deal with the anxiety of "why didn't I make those calls, I should  have, etc." Just do it, Girl.
I used to have  training in southern NJ in a twp called Swedesboro near 295. Ring any bells?

[p]

Laurie--it was actually a family trip with my husband's family, but we did find a lot of nice moments to relax just the two of us. As for the bikini--that's a lovely image, but I wasn't so brave! But I did get a lot of mileage out of my short shorts.

You and Moni have convinced me that I MUST start my calls soon--it's my anniversary today, so tomorrow is the day that I start picking up the phone!

Moni--it's funny that you seem surprised that I would write a dirty limerick! It helps me realize that my Susan's Place persona is somewhat different from my real-life personality. I am the first person many of my friends and family would expect to compose a dirty limerick! As for Swedesboro, I haven't heard of it. I don't really get down to South Jersey much.

Thanks so much, Moni & Laurie for giving me a push to make my calls!!