Quote from: Laurie on October 28, 2017, 12:32:03 PM
Michelle,
I am as happy as I can be about you successful surgery and your return home. I was thinking of visiting you in between appointments this time but have once again put it off. I think it is probably too soon in your recovery for visitors and will wait until you are once again able to implement some of those defenses you purport to have in place. At the moment you are too much of a sitting duck and as defenseless as Mo?.. wait a minute I'll get it Mi? no Munnie, yeah that's it as defenseless as Munnie was when I hunted her down. She will get another chance someday but now the weather is not going to cooperate. Your day will also come, I promise you.
Laurie, you may have forgotten a few details...
1) I identify as femme lesbian with a 30% smidge of genderqueer...
2) I like Wicked Grounds... Oh, for the coffee, of course...
3) I am just now ramping up my estradiol after a long dry spell
There are... forces... at play beyond your ken.
You might find yourself rendered helpless between my hugs and kisses, and some really neat tricks I can do with my scarves. You DO realize that you are starting to look pretty darn cute, don't you?
In my realm this predator/prey thing may not follow the expected roles.
[emoji79][emoji316][emoji68][emoji441]
Quote from: Laurie on October 28, 2017, 12:32:03 PM
Though I have to describe the last few days as good, I still struggle with finding a motive to continue. My family is all but gone. I'm continuing hrt, electrolysis, and now voice because they are already in progress. Other than that my transition is at a stand still. I feel I lack motivation or a good reason for it. I find a lifetime of problems it has caused me instead. Am I doing good? Maybe sometimes. Other times the best I can say is that I exist, I go on. I wear a mask I frequently do not feel.
This post is an example of my thoughts. They start out good and digress from there. This happens over and over now. I can't say I like it but I also can't seem to stop it. It is like my crossdressing before I accepted it was just a part of me, something I had to do and was helpless to stop no matter how I tried. It is pervasive, subtle and sneaks out and into my thoughts often. this is not what I intended to talk about in this post but here it is. I ask your indulgence.
Laurie
Unfortunately this does sound familiar. I was pretty down when I had lost my family, my home, and was thrown out a year ago. That marks the start of my Real Life Experience. It was not planned that way, certainly.
One thing I did early on was resolve that in spite of that lovely prediction from my ex that I would be alone, that I would find a community, find new friends, and perhaps someday build a new family.
I did this, and it has been incredibly beneficial.
In my case, for community I sought out an open and accepting religious congregation that I thought I could be comfortable within, and aligned with my simple spiritual needs. That was a Unitarian Universalist congregation, through connections that led back to people I had admired in my old life.
With them I had a place to go on Sundays, certainly, and I could meet and converse with people at their coffee klatches after services. There were also social and spiritual activities. My Thanksgiving dinner last year was with them, and many other UU members who had no family to go to. I baked goodies for a Christmas brunch there.
I got more involved, with their social justice activities, and found my inner activist.
Somewhere along the line, I made friends. Many friends, like the ones watching over me tonight.
I'm not saying you should run off and join a church or anything drastic like that, but that you keep an eye out for community groups you might participate in, with their built-in networks and potential friends.
Just a suggestion based on what worked for me. There are many paths...
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
