Upon receiving the letter

[2.B.Dana]

About a month ago my therapist agreed to write a letter regarding HRT to give my psychiatrist & endo at the VA. After weeks of unreturned emails, ph msgs and a hand delivered letter to her I was about nuts waiting on it. I finally scheduled another visit just so I could physically talk to her about it.Her response was, "I got your message" and that was it, new topic?? Ugh, anyway she had dictated the letter and was waiting for it to be sent to me. I explained that I needed it by today and she said she would do her best to get it to me. After the lack of contact over the past few weeks I didn't hold out much hope but it did arrive late last night by email and I found it this morning.

While I thought I would be so happy it kind of hit me in the gut really.  I don't know if others feel that way but reading about yourself in medical terms just feels odd. Especially when you understand just how "not normal" all of this seems. I am very glad to be able to move forward on this front but it just feels so much different now after reading all of this on paper.  I certainly know all of this about myself but reading it all from another perspective seems to make it all the more real and kind of disturbing actually. Has anyone else felt different about themselves or their situation after reading things like this?

[sarah1972]

Seems to be a pattern... My therapist also cut it very close and I did also get it really last minute. I had scheduled appointment for HRT pretty much the second she talked about getting HRT and there was a 10 week wait. Even thought I had 3 more appointments during that time, I only got the letter at the last appointment. She also mailed it to the Endo.

Yes, it sounds kind of odd reading about yourself however I was mostly excited and looking forward. To me it felt just like some added paperwork I have to do...

Good luck with HRT!

[JeanetteLW]

  I haven't gotten any letters. I am under VA care and am able to go online to read my treatment notes. I find it interesting. To me it is affirmation that yeah this is really happening and others think I am doing what I felt needed to be done.  I do need to have a talk with my GT to straighten him out on a couple things. Things like He believes I am dealing with end of life issues because I mentioned I have been told twice now that I have terminal cancer. I guess he didn't listen to that part where after my last cancer treatment, the prognosis went from months to possibly years. He could also be thinking of this apprehension I have to deal with every 3-4 months waiting for my test results.
  But yeah, I like reading about me from their point of view.

Hugs,
    Jeanette

[kat69]

Yes...that's exactly the way it happens.  I thought that perhaps the delays and last minute work were part of some elaborate scheme to see how I would react.   My letter was sent about three hours before my appointment with my endocrinologist, where I was to start my HRT. 

In the end it all worked out, but I think that the various medical professionals under whose care we are, don't always understand the human impact of their delays.  Most of us have issues with stress and/or anxiety, and worrying about something as simple as the letter isn't something we should have to think about.  I had people say to me that since I've waited 40 years to start transitioning, what's wrong with waiting another week or two.

I am saddened that we have to fight to get ourselves taken care of, as we've spent most of our lives making sure others are taken care of before ourselves. 

[2.B.Dana]

An update:

Just as I was about to leave on the long drive to the appointment I received a call that the doctor had gone home sick and my rescheduled appointment was in a month. I decided to mail in my letter and even wrote a letter to go with it and had a stamp on it and everything when I had a mini break down. I had a lot of plans for the day wrapped around that appointment so I went anyway. I decided to hand deliver the envelope and continue on with my day.

I had a box to go to Goodwill so I decided a quick trip in to check pants was in order. I did try on a few pairs and had a familiar chuckle at how wildly different the sizing is But I had wanted something that wasn't jeans and found a really nice pair with a long inseam! Even though I may not wear them right away, pants that long don't show up everyday so I got them.

Because I had the appointment cancel I had more time than I thought so I decided to add in a stop to a wig shop
Well I had more apprehension than when I went for my first bra fitting, not sure why... Anyway it was a really nice place but I had an interesting twist happen. Although I stayed quite awhile checking things out there was no one there!? I could hear all of the women out in private rooms talking with clients but I had the whole show room to myself.
I was able to learn all kinds of stuff and let my anxiety go down, there is only one "first time" so when I go back it won't all be new and anxiety ridden. I did find some wigs that really excited me to the possibilities 
It certainly made going full time seem much more realistic.

I did lots of little stops and was in virtually all women attire, (except for my coat and socks ) so it was fun. I finished my trip by shopping for some new earrings. I had the original posts in since before Christmas and had wanted some hoops. I got some of the continuous ones that were fairly thick. I wanted to be able to see them in the mirror when I didn't have my glasses on, lol. Anyway I got them, and had the ladies put them in for me, and it was quite a special moment for me. Felt like one of the girls for a few moments and it was nice.

My wife was very supportive of my day when I got home and complimentary on my earrings, as was my daughter. That added to the inner glow! Looking forward to the arrival of my pills and the continuing adventure.

[JeanetteLW]

Hi Dana,

  It sounds like your turned a down day into a really good one.

  Hugs,
    Jeanette