Transitioning but telling people it's a medical issue

[Wild Flower]

I have an idea, I want to start transitioning, but I don't want people to think that I am. I rather tell them I have a medical condition that is causing my hormones to act up. That way people will just think, "oh-poor you", and I can continue to transition without people thinking ill of me.

This is because I work in a prejudice environment, and my job is very important... so I would still dress and act masculine.

What do you think of this idea?

[Gertrude]

Shame loves secrets, and that's something all of us can relate to. Maybe it's time for a new job.


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[Dena]

Depending on what you look like and how your react to HRT, there could be a limited amount of time before people start to ask questions. People who have tried this often get glances that tell them they are in male fail or the bolder may ask. You need to have a fall back plan that will cover the worst possible case should it happen.

A second consideration is if you give a specific medical condition, you will be lying so it's best to wait until asked and then just say you are on a medication and you prefer not to talk about your medical condition at this time.

[Wild Flower]

Shame loves secrets, and that's something all of us can relate to. Maybe it's time for a new job.


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I rather postpone transitioning than quit my job at the moment.

[Wild Flower]

Depending on what you look like and how your react to HRT, there could be a limited amount of time before people start to ask questions. People who have tried this often get glances that tell them they are in male fail or the bolder may ask. You need to have a fall back plan that will cover the worst possible case should it happen.

A second consideration is if you give a specific medical condition, you will be lying so it's best to wait until asked and then just say you are on a medication and you prefer not to talk about your medical condition at this time.

That's a good one. People will come up with their own conclusions with obscurity, and that would be a personal matter to begin with. People will greatly assume it's a medical condition if I really try to look masculine.

[Gertrude]

I rather postpone transitioning than quit my job at the moment.

I implied get a new one. I don't know where you live,but there has to be somewhere better.


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[Gertrude]

That's a good one. People will come up with their own conclusions with obscurity, and that would be a personal matter to begin with. People will greatly assume it's a medical condition if I really try to look masculine.

Jennifer Finney Boylan went through something similar in that she transitioned to some degree before telling work, but she worked in a very liberal place. People thought she had cancer, but she didn't lie, just didn't disclose until the following semester. At some point the cat will be out of the bag and you'll not want to be in male mode. What then? Sooner or later you have to disclose or live a double life which probably won't be much of an improvement. Like Dena said, have a plan and backup plan. Question though, what would you do if someone prejudiced from work saw you outside of work en femme? This reminds me of bosom buddies.

Good luck no matter what you decide to do.


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[Wild Flower]

Jennifer Finney Boylan went through something similar in that she transitioned to some degree before telling work, but she worked in a very liberal place. People thought she had cancer, but she didn't lie, just didn't disclose until the following semester. At some point the cat will be out of the bag and you'll not want to be in male mode. What then? Sooner or later you have to disclose or live a double life which probably won't be much of an improvement. Like Dena said, have a plan and backup plan. Question though, what would you do if someone prejudiced from work saw you outside of work en femme? This reminds me of bosom buddies.

Good luck no matter what you decide to do.


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Since you word it as "question", I'll answer to the best of my ability. I don't ever want to be full on em femme, I don't want to be a label as "prissy" *that's the best word to describe it without mentioning derogative words*. I just want my hormones to feel right, my body to feel feminine, but I can leave makeup/clothing behind, that's not essential to me. I also prefer bisexual men//masculine-dominant women on a "romantic" level, so gay and straight men can take a hike when it comes to me. I'm not bisexual though, just attracted to masculinity.

I don't mind being transgender anymore (on a personal level), I kind of embrace being male and being woman. I am not delusional either though, since I rather be cisgender woman, but in all honesty, I don't care if the public sees me as a woman, man, transgender... I'm just me. I don't care about "feminine beauty" either. That requires too much effort for something that I would never truly have. "Androgynous beauty" seems easier. I don't have to be perfect that way.

I'm a demiwoman, so it's like not essential for me to look like a complete woman either.

I also don't mind looking like an androgynous woman either (not butch; androgynous woman, there is a difference).





I don't want to label it as being a freak, but I don't care if I have facial hair or not. I'm not genderqueer (mentally), but if my image suggest that, than totally fine with it.

[kelly_aus]

Just seems like avoidance to me. Seems to be a plan where you get the get the cake and then get to eat it too. Transition is not a free ride - it comes at a price, a price you don't seem actually seem prepared to pay at the moment.

As an aside, androgyny requires just as much effort as anything else..

[Dayta]

If you're only interested in the physical/emotional effects of hormones and not in the social or legal aspects of becoming a woman, I'd think about trying to get on them and just say nothing.  In my experience, people at work either don't pay as much attention to what you're doing or don't want to talk about it, at least until changes become more prominent. 

One way to approach this is to worry less about a cover story and more about doing what you want.  It's really none of anyone's business but yours and "Oh?  You think?  Maybe I should have that checked out" is as good a response as some elaborate ruse.  But the most important thing is you doing what you want, so make sure you know what that is.  Sounds like you do. 

Erin

[Draculess]

Just seems like avoidance to me. Seems to be a plan where you get the get the cake and then get to eat it too. Transition is not a free ride - it comes at a price, a price you don't seem actually seem prepared to pay at the moment.

As an aside, androgyny requires just as much effort as anything else..

yeah I gotta kinda agree. like I mean you do you, man. if only transitioning hormonally and not socially is what you want and you think that will actually work for you, by all means do it. I just knew someone before that said some similar things and the more I actually pressed them about it, the more it became apparent a lot of it was motivated by denial and self-loathing. This "demi-woman" stuff is particularly concerning. I mean if that's how you see yourself, but being a trans woman is not some less-than gray area. I know early in my transition I definitely tried more than once to just come up with "the easy way" to do it, but nothing that's really going to help you is going to be easy. I don't want to presume about you though, I realize it may sound that way.

anyway, it really depends on your build and overall appearance beforehand whether people will notice you're taking hormones. some people can definitely pull that off and some definitely can't

[Janes Groove]

I know early in my transition I definitely tried more than once to just come up with "the easy way" to do it, but nothing that's really going to help you is going to be easy.

It's called bargaining and it's one of the 5 stages we have to go thru until we get to the last step. Acceptance.

[Denise]

So I did the same sorta.  I told people that I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria.  Then explain that g.d. Is the clinical diagnosis for people who are transgender.

People then understood it was a medical thing ("diagnosis") and accepted it.

Eventually you'll need to fill in the blanks of you condition.  Bit your can do that on your timeline.

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[Chris8080]

I can relate to Wild Flower on most of what she described. At 68 years old I couldn't put off HRT any longer, had denied myself my entire life with serious consequences my entire life, mostly alone, depressed and feeling completely hopeless and trapped. I've never had a major interest in dressing female and that's no doubt for the good. At 6'3", shoulders that make me look like an NFL linebacker, size 13 shoe and hands that easily palm a basketball plus other male dominate features no amount of clothes, makeup, breasts etc is going to make me look like anything other than a man in women's clothes. Living in tiny town Arkansas going around looking like a man in women's clothes would no doubt be unhealthy at the least.

Several years ago I was on HRT for 6 months, developed small breasts and did what I could to convince myself that this would have to do. Kinda worked for a few years. This year I had to admit I needed to do something. Found a great counselor and MD and went back on HRT. Breast development has been faster than anticipated with a 6 month head start. This summer I am scheduled for Orchiectomy.

My game plan is much like Wild Flower's, I'll continue to dress male which is fine with me and offer up no more information to anyone else than needed. Luckily I'm retired so that helps a bunch. I'll do what I need to to hide the breasts and carry on the best I can. I don't pretend to know what will be in a couple more years but I'll be in my 70's then. SRS is out of the question if no other reason than money. Fixed income and all that. I may well need to once again stop HRT but for now it's HRT and the Orchiectomy. Life is already far better on many counts.

So yeah I can relate to Wild Flower. Not everybody needs to be or is capable of being the hottest chic in the bar. Male clothes, grateful for the wondrous changes I am finally accomplishing and carry on.

[Devlyn]

It's called bargaining and it's one of the 5 stages we have to go thru until we get to the last step. Acceptance.

I agree.

Wild Flower, you're talking about actively living a lie. Most of us are here because we got sick of doing that.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Chris8080]

I agree.

Wild Flower, you're talking about actively living a lie. Most of us are here because we got sick of doing that.

Hugs, Devlyn

Possibly so, I sure don't claim to know everything. I do claim to know about me and for some of us that lie is also reality. Some things are simply not doable on many counts. Some of us do the best we can and my ultimate goal is not to pass in public. That well down the list from what can be. Reality. I've learned over the years there will be far less grief if I accept reality and do the best I can today.

[vicki_sixx]

you're talking about actively living a lie. Most of us are here because we got sick of doing that.

Hugs, Devlyn

This.

If you'd rather put off HRT than change your job then just do that: put off tranition. Seems the best and eaisest option.

I don't know you but from the limited info on offer I get the impression you're either avoiding the full effects of transition or being a bit pie-in-the-sky and naive about it. Plus you'll just be swapping one lie (trans-in-waiting) for another (trans-in-hiding). If you're lucky enough to get good breast development then you're gonna struggle to hide it and binding growing breasts for the most of the time is not going to be a good idea. Then there's the fact that HRT may not make you feel any better/different than you do now.

Each to their own any everything but I just get the impression you're not ready to transition.

[Mariah]

This most definitely. Sooner or later your option will result in questions that you won't have a response for that is covered by what you said. Hugs
Mariah

Depending on what you look like and how your react to HRT, there could be a limited amount of time before people start to ask questions. People who have tried this often get glances that tell them they are in male fail or the bolder may ask. You need to have a fall back plan that will cover the worst possible case should it happen.

A second consideration is if you give a specific medical condition, you will be lying so it's best to wait until asked and then just say you are on a medication and you prefer not to talk about your medical condition at this time.

[Michelle_P]

Um.  There's a lot of generalizing in this thread, and some of it sounds not all that accepting of some folks.

I am transitioning, and for me it is definitely a medical issue.  I have told people that up front, including my primary diagnosis, which is gender dysphoria.  It is complicated by some neuroendocrine problems, including a prolactinoma, associated with sustained biochemical stress and testosterone exposure to tissues that really don't like that.

My apologies in advance if this offends anyone.  In calling this a medical condition, I refer only to myself, and make no claim or suggestion that there is or is not a medical condition related to or causative of another's transition. I specifically do not claim a medical cause makes a particular transition more or less valid. We each have our own reasons that drive our need to transition, and all are valid.  I do not think anyone would undertake and persist in the very difficult task of transition without a very strong motivation.

When I have had to explain MY transition, this is the document that I generally use:
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/my-old-friends-michelle-paquette

[mac1]

My wife will not accept any degree of voluntary transition. However, she would be accepting of anything which was medically necessary or that appeared to be related to a medical condition.