Shopping for Lingerie - an experience from the other side.

[Cindy]

Many people have a deep fear of buying female clothing in case they are laughed at, insulted etc. I and others keep trying to reassure that no one cares but it is a hard thing for many members to overcome.

I've been me for ages and I'm just another woman in the crowd nowadays but yesterday I was shopping and experienced a man buying lingerie in a boutique type shop and the staff reaction to him.

I thought it may be nice to post.

The shop chain is in Australia and is called Bras snd Things and is a typical lingerie and sleep ware, place. They sell everything from the lingerie you wear to the lingerie that guys want you to wear (and you can't figure out why but have suspicions ).

I was buying pyjamas, on sale for $15!! - oh how life has become practical!

While I was buying, a guy (maybe in his 40's), bearded, neat, nervous bordering on trembling, came to the counter with a bra and garter belt; just the sort of style you wouldn't wear for comfort, lots of bling and straps - cute.

The young woman serving had no problems and started the conversation to her colleague and him. "We are selling a lot of these, do you want a washing bag to protect them in the was? Have you shopped here before? Do you want to be a member of the shopping club? " All very routine, very low key and very normal.

He was trembling with nerves but there was no need. No one cared.

So do take heart if you are in that stage of your journey and happy shopping!

[stephaniec]

when I first started buying clothes I totally freaked. Now its just fun.

[findingreason]

That's awesome! It's great to hear about good experiences and that people that are supportive.

The majority of experiences I've had have been positive. But I did have an unfortunately bad experience once at a JCPenney's and was told I couldn't try clothes on in the female dressing rooms despite presenting female. Horrible experience and embarrassing. I never would go back again.

[Devlyn]

I do enjoy a lingerie shop.   

[Valkyrie_2]

I do enjoy a lingerie shop.   

Lol. An ex of mine called thongs butt floss


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[karenk1959]

I used to get nervous, but soon realized that the women in the store (usually I go to Victoria's Secret or Macy's) don't care. They don't know if I am buying for my wife or myself. I am actually thinking next time of just letting them know that I am transgender and am looking around for myself.

[Valkyrie_2]

I used to get nervous, but soon realized that the women in the store (usually I go to Victoria's Secret or Macy's) don't care. They don't know if I am buying for my wife or myself. I am actually thinking next time of just letting them know that I am transgender and am looking around for myself.

It's not that. They're there to make a sale. Black, white, male, female - all they want is to make that sale so they can earn their daily bread. A few of the odder ones might be judgmental but they're in the minority, even here in the Bible Belt. I prefer layne Bryant.


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[LizK]

I used to employ the old...I am buying this for my wife trick...but of course I was clueless...I buy much of what I want online but you cannot beat a good hands on shop experience. My wife and I go regularly together in part for practical reasons but also it helps to stop wardrobe clashes.

I don't actually think about it too much anymore abut each time I have shopped from the day I first decided to transition and my appearance was clearly male until now and my more beautifully glamourous appearance LOL I have never had a bad experience clothes shopping unless I caused it by doing something silly like getting suddenly paranoid or the like.

Liz

[Karrie]

I agree most SAs don't really care who is buying as long as they buy.
I remember buying my first girdle at the age of 16 , boy I was nervous back then.
Being older and dressing for many years now no longer nervous when I shop. Sure every now and then I get a "look" from other shoppers but heck I don't know them and it's my business what I buy and wear not theirs.
Confidence is key.

Karrie

[Joanna2]

I have only shopped in a store a few times for lingerie (as a man) as I do not feel at all passable or even presentable yet as a women. I don't want to present terribly and someone take my picture and put it on Facebook or something with some horrible caption on it. (one of those "Wal-mart people" or something). I do love shopping for panties and lingerie though if I am left to do it. I don't want some sales person to ask me if I need help because, for one, I feel like I am put on the spot to be honest or lie, and two, I think they are asking in an accusatory manner... like "what the hell are you doing here in this section looking through ladies lingerie?". They probably are not but my mind just jumps to that. I say "no, thank you" and then I feel like they are watching me like my next move is going to be kidnap some little girl or something. Thank God for the internet for learning my correct sizes. I my rate I would have never gotten that info from a salesperson, lol. One day I will probably read this back and think I am such a newb.
Buying shoes has been a whole nother story. I have not even attempted that in a store.

[LizK]

Joanna2 let me just put this to you 

A male goes into a lingerie store and furtively skulks around the place, never making eye contact head down, overtly nervous, shoo's away the assistant...and stands for ages just staring, furtive grabs a mismatch of sizes/styles and quickly pays for them and leaves without lifting his head

or

A male goes into a store and walks up to the counter and says I want to buy some underwear for my girlfriend/wife/friend and asks for help...yes I have my partners sizes

Which one of those two men is going to arouse suspicion, which one of those men is going to get the "Can I help you?" in the condescending voice, which one will make the sales people suspicious...which one will they remember

These assistants are there to make a living at selling their goods...that is all 90% of them want to do...and they would sooner not lose a sale by insulting you in any way. You really are just another customer until you do something out of the ordinary...they will have dealt with the "I need it for my wife scenario" thousands of times...they don't care if its true or not, just part of the sale.

Good luck

Liz

Edit: fixed my spelling

[Joanna2]

Joanna2 let me just put this to you 

A male goes into a lingerie store and furtively skulks around the place, never making eye contact head down, overtly nervous, shoo's away the assistant...and stands for ages just staring, furtive grabs a mismatch of sizes/styles and quickly pays for them and leaves without lifting his head

or

A male goes into a store and walks up tot eh counter and says I wan to buy some underwear for my girlfriend/wife/friend and asks for help...yes I have my partners sizes

Which one of those two men is going to arouse suspicion, which one of those men is going to get the "Can I help you?" in the condescending voice, which one will make the sales people suspicious...which one will they remember

These assistants are there to make a living at selling their goods...that is all 90% of them want to do...and they would sooner not lose a sale by insulting you in any way. You really are just another customer until you do something out of the ordinary...they will have dealt with the "I need it for my wife scenario" thousands of times...they don't careif its true or not, just part of the sale.

Good luck

Liz

Oh, you've heard this story before?...lol. So, I must say, so far on this this site, my seemingly "abnormal" experiences seem quite normal. That has been comforting and I have been absorbing everything. I will certainly remember your message next time I go lingerie shopping (yes, I was that first guy you described). I know I will overcompensate next time and use my deepest man voice to loudly announce that I am there for underwear for my girlfriend. funny. I do finally know my right sizes at least and I actually even know the names of the different panty, bra, and lingerie styles. Now if I can just get the color matching down.

Joanna

[AnneK]

I don't recall any occasion when I said I was buying for someone else, except those occasions when I actually was buying for my girlfriend/wife.  However, I certainly was scared at first.  Eventually, I reached the point where I didn't care if they knew and often mentioned I was buying for myself.  One store even gave me a pantyhose card, which would get a free pair when the card was filled.    However, after I started openly shopping for myself, I found the clerks tended to be very helpful.

[LizK]

Oh, you've heard this story before?...lol. So, I must say, so far on this this site, my seemingly "abnormal" experiences seem quite normal. That has been comforting and I have been absorbing everything. I will certainly remember your message next time I go lingerie shopping (yes, I was that first guy you described). I know I will overcompensate next time and use my deepest man voice to loudly announce that I am there for underwear for my girlfriend. funny. I do finally know my right sizes at least and I actually even know the names of the different panty, bra, and lingerie styles. Now if I can just get the color matching down.

Joanna

Love your sense of humour...just take that with you and you will be fine

[Niki Knight]

So I shopped in male form a lot prior to comming out and yes it can be very uncomfortable for the first few times. I would do the Im shopping for my wifes birthday or anniversary to disguise the truth and yes it worked for quite a while. I would get the occasional look but nothing to serious and most shoppers and clerks would smile and that would be it. Clerks would always be friendly and helpful in what ever way they could. After shopping in the same store for panties and bras for about a year I felt comfortable and confident. The more often your out shopping the more confidence you will have. I started to build a friendship with a couple of the girls which made things much easier and a confidence builder.

What I found out later was quite a surprise. Like I said I made a friendship with a couple clerks and went for coffee finding out that the girls new right from the start what was going on as they see it more than you would think.

Both of the girls said that they really didn't care and would be helpful in anyway they can. They did say that they try to make girls like us comfortable when shopping and they understand were terrified. One of the girls said its becoming more the norm and most clerks are comfortable dealing with our issues.

If anything I have found most clerks go out of there way to help you once they see you a couple of times.

So long story short. Try to frequent the same stores when shopping. Have the clerks get familiar with you so they recognize you and this will set your mind more at ease when shopping. Great confidence builder for the timid shopper.

Now that Im full time I just shop for my needs and enjoyment, really don't care what others think or say.

I have always looked at it this way.. Its my life and what I do is my business no one else's. If the individual has a problem with me or my appearance its there issues not mine. I will just ignore them.

Since I am full time now and shop no one pays attention at all. Truth be told if you show confidence you will pass much easier. If your buying in male mode, don't be embarrassed just be honest and say its for you. You may find the reaction from the clerks a positive one. I did this for about 2 years and it helped me build confidence and empowered me to move forward.

Just my 2 cents.

Huggs Niki Marie

[Valkyrie_2]

Store Clerks try very hard most of the time to be non judgmental. In fact it's part if their training. When I worked for a certain retailer as their Head Cashier, we underwent an online training course disguised as a quiz. In it there were between 3 and 5 options fir each story or snippet. I remember one in particular revolved around a man who went regularly to one of the stores dressed as a pink fairy, complete with a wand. The emphasis was on serving him as much as any of the other customers. I suppose he was referred to as a man in order to make it clear that we were to accept all gender identities.

It pains me to know that most store clerks receive only minimum wage and 20 hours a week. There's not too many people that can survive on $150 a week.


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[AnneK]

I also found that the store clerks were generally helpful.  There was only one occasion when I got the impression they'd rather I shopped elsewhere.  Also, when they know you're buying for yourself, they seem to be extra helpful.

[Meghan]

My first time went to bra's shopping and sale clerk ask if I buying for wife or girlfriend. I told her I am buying for myself because I am transgender. She helped me measure the bra size so I don't waste money's and time buying wrong size bra.

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[Rayna]

The only comment I've gotten has been when I brought my pile of women's jeans to the changing room clerk at Walmart. She asked "Did you want the men's?" I guess because I might have been confused. When I said no, these are fine she had no further comment.

Once years ago, before dysphoria presented itself to me, I shopped Penney's bras as a gift for my wife. I was embarrassed and got a few looks, but no comments or resistance.

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[Kelly1ca]

It was around Christmas and I went shopping for some panties and the sales lady asked if I wanted them wrapped and I said no thanks they are for me. I go back to that store several time and I have received great service. I'm actually glad I let them know I was shopping for myself.