Does it bother you when people are too nice??

[AlyssaJ]

Has anyone else noticed a tendency of some people, especially in customer service situations, to go over the top in trying to be accepting and friendly when they clock you?  For instance, I was at Target yesterday, still all dressed up and made up from church, picking up some new summer clothes. There were two female associates standing in the aisle by the register's helping direct people to open lanes.

As I was walking up to the lanes, the one woman clearly clocked me and immediately gave me a crazy excited greeting and a little extra attention helping direct me to an open self-checkout lane. Now I had been kind of observing these two while I was shopping and this greeting and assistance was far and above what she was doing for other customers.

This isn't the first situation where I've noticed this either.  Now for me, I actually find I appreciate it.  While I don't really feel like I need to be treated special, I feel like at least they're doing their best to try to make me comfortable and show that they're an ally not someone I need to worry about.  However, in discussions I've had with other trans women, I've listened to them go off on a rampage about people who over-react like this. Talking about it being so phony and insincere.  I tend to think the opposite.  I think people who do this are trying very hard to be sincere in their acceptance even if they don't realize that by going over the top they've really confirmed that they see us differently than other women.  IDK what do you folks think?

[Angélique LaCava]

I've only noticed that with black women and I always look ok at them like they are stupid because ik why they are doing it. White women can be overly nice whether they clock you or not. I work in retail as a cashier and I'm overly nice to people who are Cis gender, just means I'm in really good mood.

[RobynD]

It can get a bit sappy at times yes, but i think people see the news, people read the internet comments and see bigotry often and they are just trying to overcompensate and let you know that they are accepting. I can't really say that is a bad thing.

I've made friends people that have served me in a customer capacity in the past. One of my best friends now came from that sort of repeat interaction. We laugh about it now.

[KathyLauren]

I agree with you, Alyssa.  It can be a little irritating, but it usually means that they are trying, and I give big brownie points for trying.  I'd much rather have trying too hard than not trying hard enough.  But if I detected any insincerity in the exuberance, my fangs would come out.

[Raell]

I don't know..I get excited myself around transgender people, although there are so many in Thailand, I should be used to it.
In my case, I feel a comradeship with them, but I tend to feel small and shoddy next to the tall, glamorous Thai katoey (she-males, who are really gay men in drag).

[TonyaW]

There was one time when I got the impression that the person was thinking "hey there one of those trans women I've been hearing about.  I'll use the right pronouns etc so she knows I'm cool with it."

She did call me ma'am , was very  nice and I really have no way to know what she was thinkingn so I don't fault her even if she was thinking that. 

I'd rather just get treated like everyone else but its much better than being ridiculed or worse.

It can get to be where they are over nice to the point of it being condescending. Luckily I have not had that happen personally. 



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[ainsley]

I used to appreciate it.  These days I find that when it happens it removes the "real" from the interaction.  They seem disingenuous, and I just want them to treat me like they treated the lady before me.

I agree that black women do it more, too.  Not sure if they are just being snarky, though.

Nice avatar, Robyn.

[RobynD]

Nice avatar, Robyn.

Thank you Ainsley 

[Shy]

I think there are a lot worse things going on in the world than being nice, so no it certainly doesn't bother me as long as there is no hidden agenda.
I did have one lady in a clothing store get a bit over excited, but it was cool She just wanted to acknowledge my womanhood and share a little of her experience with a few tips.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

shy

[Angélique LaCava]

I used to appreciate it.  These days I find that when it happens it removes the "real" from the interaction.  They seem disingenuous, and I just want them to treat me like they treated the lady before me.

I agree that black women do it more, too.  Not sure if they are just being snarky, though.

Nice avatar, Robyn.

a lot are being snarky.

[ainsley]

a lot are being snarky.

I tend to agree with you.

[EmmaLoo]

I totally understand where people are coming from here and there's  probably some truth in all of it. If you set aside the obviously snarky interactions that involve people being overly friendly, just put yourself in their shoes for a sec. Chances are they rarely run into trans people so meeting you may seem like an opportunity for them to show support. As artificial as it may seem they dont understand what we deal with so they just do their best to be kind.

I think it does us all good to give people the benefit of the doubt that they mean well.

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[ainsley]

I totally understand where people are coming from here and there's  probably some truth in all of it. If you set aside the obviously snarky interactions that involve people being overly friendly, just put yourself in their shoes for a sec. Chances are they rarely run into trans people so meeting you may seem like an opportunity for them to show support. As artificial as it may seem they dont understand what we deal with so they just do their best to be kind.

I think it does us all good to give people the benefit of the doubt that they mean well.

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I agree with the sentiment of giving people the benefit of the doubt.  I live in rural Missouri.  When people encounter me there is a good chance I am the first trans person they have met.  I am their first experience, so I am nothing but nice, despite how they react.  I think if their experience with me is contrary to their bigoted upbringing, then that will go a long way in changing the culture.   

Now, my wife and daughter are sometimes hard to tame and will call out rude people when they are with me. lol  My warriors...  They are like pit bulls.

[AlyssaJ]

I think it does us all good to give people the benefit of the doubt that they mean well.

THIS!! Your statement here is something I've been preaching to my oldest child.  They're a member of this millenial generation that is far more accepting of gender non-conformity and transgender identities but they're also very intolerant of people who don't have the same experience and viewpoints they have.  It causes them to react pretty virulently to people who mean well and it can actually turn potential allies against us.

It's so weird for me though when I encounter friends, like those I mentioned in my OP, who are older than me but also share some of that venom in reaction to situations like this.  As I said, for me it's appreciated that they're trying. I don't take it as fake or disingenuous but as was mentioned earlier, I'm probably the first or among a select few of transgender people that they'll meet (especially who they "know" for sure is TG).  So yeah they might even be excited and maybe that explains some of the reaction too.

[EmmaLoo]

I have a couple of Millenials myself, and you are spot on. They took the tolerance of their  multicultural city and college campus for granted until they entered the workforce and discoved a different world where they suddenly weren't surrounded by their peers. The landscape has changed considerably since last November --and not for the better.

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[Charlie Nicki]

I think there are a lot worse things going on in the world than being nice

My thoughts exactly! If people being extra nice to me is what I'll have to deal with, I'll take it. Better that than bigotry.

[Aurorasky]

As someone else, there are far worse things than someone being overly nice. That said, it can come off as little condescending or paternalistic even if the person doesn't intend to come across that way. The truth is men being overly nice if ofen annoying, especially if they are being over the top and playing cutesy with their voice. You know they're actually acting in that way to see if they can get lucky and fu^k you. Not always but very often. Unfortuantely the men who do this óften end up sexually harrassing you in someway or another. THAT SAID, flirting is nice and I enjoy but there's a fine line.

[Angélique LaCava]

As someone else, there are far worse things than someone being overly nice. That said, it can come off as little condescending or paternalistic even if the person doesn't intend to come across that way. The truth is men being overly nice if ofen annoying, especially if they are being over the top and playing cutesy with their voice. You know they're actually acting in that way to see if they can get lucky and fu^k you. Not always but very often. Unfortuantely the men who do this óften end up sexually harrassing you in someway or another. THAT SAID, flirting is nice and I enjoy but there's a fine line.

who was talking about men? We all was saying in general.

[Aurorasky]

who was talking about men? We all was saying in general.

I know no one is talking, I was just sharing my experience of when people are overly nice, particularly men.

[Harley Quinn]

I find it quite annoying, because 90% of the time it gets us off topic and I feel like they're dwelling on the subject. I'm sure they mean well, like the "thank you for your service" that Veterans get. However, it not an easy one to respond to... "Errr, you're welcome".