Sweetie, I'm not going to sugar coat this.
The negativity you're feeling is the result of an abusive relationship. You are being abused. Abusers, like bullies choose those who typically have been abused/bullied before as partners, and exploit the lack of self esteem of their victims, to continue with their behaviour.
You know, I've never heard a young girl criticised for her make-up when she's trying to learn, so why place the expectation on ourselves of perfection, or bust.? These are skills, life skills, and they take time to master, and then more time to perfect, so all our early efforts aren't great - on the outside. On the inside, however, such a simple task brings joy, that we can even attempt to be more of ourself.
In the same way, the remaining family that you helped would be trying to tell you just how needed your care was, with their loved one. They would probably thank you all for your care, diligence and professionalism if they could, but rest assured, you all will be remembered by them.
And here we are, telling you that we care for you. Yes we may be a fluorescing electron, flickering in a pattern that your mind can translate to meaning, but behind those electrons are real folk, just like you - we know the challenges, we know it's not easy, and we know the void inside, and I will repeat again that you do matter, to us.
(Hugs)
Rowan
