Crushed

[RobynD]

Your last message sounds like you are "slowing your roll" and I think that is a good thing. The pain she caused was intense but that can cause us to make snap decisions before we should. I counsel people to slow up a bit in relationship disagreements and later they are glad they did.

She may need time to process what she did, apologize and then both of you can heal from it. Like you said she then can decide to come along or not. You may need some time to heal.

Public opinion scares so many spouses and it needn't. The truth is most people are focused on their own issues and don't give much thought to other peoples relationship choices.

[DawnOday]

Forgive me if this seems ignorant, but would she have any interest in talking with other spouses/partners of those who are going/have gone through transition?  I got the sense that there have been at least the occasional post from a SO of someone transitioning on this forum, let alone others who are out there.  Could this be a fear-based reaction, rather than a true reflection of how she sees you?  It's so sad to think that after so much dedication and commitment, it would all end rather abruptly like this

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No such thing as a ignorant question. Stupid ones yes. I have been considering taking her to my support group meetings. They have meetings on the third wednesday of each month with SO's. I presented the information I had about DES usage in utero, as I believe it is the source of my confusion to both her and the kids. The kids seemed to absorb the information. She obviously has not. I do need reinforcement as the bigotry has been around as long as I have. How often do you see a positive image of a transgender person?