Friday night I went to see a concert with a college buddy. We've been friends for 20+ years now,
groomsmen in each other's weddings, etc. Had dinner and a couple drinks before, then went into the venue and were chatting. He started talking about running into a guy he went to high school with that was into drag and the conversation starting touching on CD and trans stuff. So i told him i had something to tell him that might change our relationship forever. And then i told
him I was trans. He asked me what I meant and I told that basically for my entire life, i wished i was female. He asked me a few questions, I answered, and then i asked him to keep it to himself for now because of work and my kids. I told him eventually I'm planning on being completely
out, to which he laughed and said he couldn't wait (meaning watching some people freak). And then we watched the concert and it was pretty normal.
Lately i've been having a bunch of anxiety over stuff i've said at work and with friends. It's totally
irrational, because i haven't said anything bad or hurtful. Such is the nature of anxiety i guess. So i had a few twinges of the beginning of angsty thoughts of "oh crap, what did i do, what if it all
goes away and i carry on as before, i can't i ring this bell".
And then i immediately realize: It's been there forever, i waited more than a year since i stopped
with the denial and the feelings have been static to maybe a bit stronger, ultimately if this ends our relationship then while that will make me sad, i can't live as i did before. Which makes me feel like i'm finally living with conviction and a bit of courage
