Is this forum biased?

[karenk1959]

It seems to me that more times than not, when someone posts, including myself, that they have decided not to transition, typically most people respond very positively and wish that person well or state that they are happy that the person found some peace, but they usually follow it up with the big "but". I find that many who have transitioned imply that even though one has decided not to transition, that gender dysphoria will win out in the end and that contentment will only come from transitioning. It is only my own observation. I am beginning to think, however, that this forum and website attracts many more TG that have decided to transition and that there is a bias towards that way of thinking and the inevitability of their fate. The non-transitioning forum, in fact, attracts a lot less comments. I sincerely wish everyone well and honor their chosen path to contentment and peace. I enjoy this forum because it helps me to understand my choices in the context of others' life stories. But please don't presume that everyone who feels that they are woman in man's bodies will ultimately suffer from dysphoria if they chose to remain in those bodies. Namaste

[Erika_Courtney]

The people who are actively transistioning probably have more to take about, so therefore they post more.

Example I cycle from guy to girl mode. When I am in guy mode, I don't post much. When I flip back to girl mode, I am more active in posting.

[Dee Marshall]

I think it's that many of us started with the same attitude you have. I only intended to take enough estrogen to ease the mental issues testosterone was causing me. Eventually I revised my plan.

I can't honestly say what proportion of us stick with what you're planning. I assume that people who do don't stick around long. There aren't many of you here for whatever reason but you must feel a little overwhelmed.  Transitioning is a monumental task and most topics I see here relate to it.

Might I suggest you start topics of interest to you in the non-transitioning area, be up front that "you'll never make it" is not an answer you care to hear and see what comes of it. Just be aware that it may start off slowly. If we're somehow chasing off your peers it may take time to build up a viable population. If you have trouble coming up with topics that may be part of it, too. Once you've said "I'm transgender but never transitioning" I honestly don't see what there is to discuss, but I'm aware that that could be due to my own blinders.

[Michelle_P]

I am beginning to think, however, that this forum and website attracts many more TG that have decided to transition and that there is a bias towards that way of thinking and the inevitability of their fate.

There is some truth to this.  The motivation for many who seek out this site is to Do Something for their condition, and that something is more often than not an action moving towards transition. 

I suspect that non-transitioning folks have different drives and pressures, feelings that do not drive them into communities like this.  It's interesting, because in the outside world, I know far more non-transitioning (and non-binary!) folks than I run across here.  Many are content to occasionally escape into the roles that match their gender identity, while presenting and living primarily as their assigned gender identity.  Much of the 'cross-dressing' community I am most familiar with, my social support group, live like this, content with a night out every few weeks and otherwise living as their assigned gender.

The non-transitioning forum, in fact, attracts a lot less comments. I sincerely wish everyone well and honor their chosen path to contentment and peace. I enjoy this forum because it helps me to understand my choices in the context of others' life stories. But please don't presume that everyone who feels that they are woman in man's bodies will ultimately suffer from dysphoria if they chose to remain in those bodies. Namaste

Absolutely.  I have to confess some envy for my non-transitioning friends, as they seem to be living right and full lives, without having burned all the bridges I have burned.  I just have to follow my path in life, just as they have followed theirs, and found peace and joy without transition.

The 'big but' ( ) comes from the experiences of a person driven to transition.  They may not understand the range of experiences that others bring to the transgender universe.  I had intense dysphoria.  Others, folks who were not transitioning, had little to no dysphoria that I could find in conversations with them, and could 'scratch that itch' they felt with occasional gender presentation changes and little else.  A few did eventually move to transition after a very long time, as their dysphoria worsened.  Others I know have been non-transitioning and happy for 50 years!

We each have different backgrounds and motivations. We each have different paths in life we take.

[JB_Girl]

No doubt about it, there is a bias for transition here.  It is a bias of desperation. If I had not found understanding and support for my fears and hopes I doubt I would have survived.  Survival goes to outreach and that is reflected in these posts.  But I for one, am glad that you are here.  It brings a refreshing, and optimistic voice to a space often dominated by loneliness and fear.  Those of you who have found a non transition, non binary, proud and queer solution are the bravest of the brave.  Thank you!

Outside of this forum and with friends who know me well, I lead a life that is not much different for a cisgender, slightly over the hill, a bit eccentric, woman.  It is not stealth, it is living life on life's terms and as authentically as I can.

I tip my hat to you and do hope that you feel welcome and that your contributions are honored.

Peace,
JB

[RobynD]

I'm glad you are here too and i hope there is more interaction in that forum. The bias of course is real because it is just a numbers thing. Non-transitioning is just as valid as the path of the rest of us.

I do think that there are a fair amount of people here that started and stopped transition for many different reasons and then wished they'd stayed the course earlier in life and that drives some of the responses and advice.

[Charlie Nicki]

There is some truth to this.  The motivation for many who seek out this site is to Do Something for their condition, and that something is more often than not an action moving towards transition. 

I agree with this. I'd say people who stumble on this forum and stay active in it, are the ones who want to do something about their gender identity. It's very likely that the ones who can live with their dysphoria or don't have much at all, won't be as active. But everyone is welcome and we try to be supportive of everyone's decisions; I think when people say "hey you can do this for a while but there's a chance it might get worse" they're talking from personal experience and only trying to make you see both sides of the coin.

[SadieBlake]

Karen I think your observations are spot on and I think the reason is that this site, in addition to having  a majority of people who identify as transexual (which alone explains the lower activity in the non/de-transitioning area), is also predominantly older which also means a lot of late-onset trans women. That in turn to me also means people who have lived more years and probably in fact experienced the relentlessness of mismatched identity and body (for all I know you may also be late onset).

Now I literally cannot imagine having my female brain and not eventually coming to the decision I did, this is after 16 years of trying to identify as non-binary. And so yes, it's my belief that if you have a biologically female brain then some degree of medical transition is going to be required. Whether that can be satisfied by HRT alone or within the constraints of presenting non-passing (my case) is another story.

Speaking just for myself, yes when women come here and say they're trans and not non-binary then I'm inclined to advise a decision not to transition may not "stick". If I've experienced that and most of the women I've known have walked similar paths then it seems to be a credible view.

And I say this as someone who had a pretty ok life, relationships and workable sexuality, letting go of a life that had worked, albeit by choosing to play roles I wasn't comfortable in was an incredibly hard decision.

Lastly, most of the women who come here and say they're trans but not transitioning are doing so saying that the reason is a spouse or family that's not accepting of their identity. In that circumstance I will always be dubious of the outcome. Giving up on such a key element of self in service to another is something I think should never be asked or agreed to.

I have no idea whether this is you Karen, just reflecting on the circumstances I've seen.

[AlyssaJ]

You're absolutely right, I've noticed the same thing.  However, I think a lot of that "bias" or that big "but" comes from the overall experiences we've witnessed. There are a lot of stories on Susans and other places of people who entertained the idea of transition or even started transitioning, then backed off, but then had the anxiety, depression, etc. come back on them ten times worse later and they tried again.  Hell I know of at least one woman on this board who has been on and off HRT four times.

So I don't think it's that we're assuming the same will happen to those people but we are I believe responding with caution because we know it could.  And I think for a lot of us, at least for me, I want to make sure that a person who has decided not to transition isn't going to feel even more guilty or shame if they decide later that they do need to transition.  I want them to still seek help and support and know that they're not the first who that has happened to.  I think that's why you see so many post reactions like you mention.

[JMJW]

I'd be interested in what coping methods you are using and how successful they are over time. I can imagine science would be interested in it too, but as it's so difficult to study long term, so it's the people here that are being gender pioneers that will come up with solutions. There are alternate means of gender expression beyond transitioning. There's writing, the arts, gaming, roleplay, internet persona, fashion, make up and so on. These things in combination could take the edge off the worst of the dysphoria. Transitioning is extremely hard in this society, so it isn't for everybody. Indeed the "but" you mentioned isn't useful because alot of this will come down to self belief. If you believe you can beat GD without transition than you stand a much better chance compared to if you have doubt. 

[SailorMars1994]

There are a lot of stories on Susans and other places of people who entertained the idea of transition or even started transitioning, then backed off, but then had the anxiety, depression, etc. come back on them ten times worse later and they tried again. 

Lol, remember our talks back from Janurary eh my dear ??

[DawnOday]

Yes they do and i am glad. Without the knowledge I have gained here, I may never know peace in my life. I would not know DES maybe/probably is the reason. I would not have been able to explain to my wife of 35 years nor my grown kids. After the white paper I read yesterday, I am more relieved than ever.  http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm   If I knew then what I know now, and the services were readily available, I probably would have transitioned almost 40 years ago. Without the advise given to me by Dena, I probably would have given up because I just have so many heart problems. The irony is the same disease that would keep me from transitioning is the same disease caused by my gender issues. When I first posted here everything I wrote was a poor me screed and then I found hope. Now, all I want to do is give back. Yeah I do still use too many I's.  But it's reducing in number  10 1/2 months in and I feel better than I have in decades.

[AlyssaJ]

Lol, remember our talks back from Janurary eh my dear ??

I can neither confirm nor deny that you were one of the women I was thinking of when I posted that 

[SailorMars1994]

<3

[Sno]

Self selection bias is a strong and real thing - this forum among many is a testament to that fact.

As a non-transitioner, personally, I find it difficult to be able to demonstrate support for those for whom transition is not an option, driven from within to completely be themselves, I can only ask questions, hold a hand, or give a hug or two as a listening ear. I do my best, and hopefully my responses are seen as the attempts to supportive that they are intended to be.

For me, this creates friction with my feelings of validity - the age old 'you're not...' and 'are you enough..'.

A different time and/or place, and I know my story would be very different, and I know that it could change at any time - that's why I'm still here.

[feeling like exhibit A]

Rowan

(Fixed the autocorrect!)

[Dani]

... typically most people respond very positively and wish that person well or state that they are happy that the person found some peace, but they usually follow it up with the big "but".

We try to be positive in all our comments, BUT sometimes we just like to talk! 

[AnonyMs]

There's heaps of biases on this site, mostly unintentional. I look at quite a number of other sites as well and find the differences quite interesting.

The way the forum software works creates a big one, the level of moderation and terms of service another. I think both of those result in the older demographic here, and heavily influence a lot of discussion.

Personally I probably post here more when I need a bit of an outlet. If/when I'm ever done transitioning I suspect my posts will probably tail off.

There's plenty of other biases as well. Its mainly English language and western culture for example.

It's not really a question of is the forum biased, because it is, but what are the biases and do they matter to you.

[Nora Kayte]

Just a quick, YES it's very biased. And in more ways than you mentioned. Let's just say if you are not planning or wanting to go all the way and full speed, a LOT of people here think less of you. The may not say it to your face but the amount of responses, the length and quality are totally different.


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[MissKairi]

I think all forums are bias. I was on a trans site before and it was 90% crossdressers who constantly posted knickers photos

[Shy]

Personally I've never felt this forum as being bias, but then again i'm bias. Without Susan's I'd be lost for sure.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie