Hello all,
First I would like to say thank you all for giving out so much warmth and support to our sister/brotherhood
.
I started transitioning 1 year and 3 months ago and it felt really great (I am on HRT)! What I want to discuss today is about the whole dating scene for transwomen.
I have been using many online dating apps to find my Mr. Right. I have been talking to a guy who I find really attractive for 7 months. He lives in Canada while I am in the States, so we only use fb messages to talk nearly everyday or skype once in awhile. I really like this guy even though we haven't met in person. However, he's living with his ex (a cisgender female) and told me that his ex wants to get back with him (but he doesn't want to). In the mean time, he doesn't want to address the issue between them.
He keeps telling me that life is hard. It's hard for transwomen but it is hard for guys who are attracted to transwomen as well. He also mentions that it's especially hard for men to confess to their friends and family about their attraction to transwomen. I told him at least he should tell his ex that he has been talking to or is interested in someone rather than just have her wait and think that she can still get back with him. I told him it is not fair to lead her on or to lead me on if that's the case (He told me he really likes me). He just keeps apologizing but doesn't want to make any changes. I feel very down and sort of worthless because of that. I feel like it's been 7 months and we talk almost every day, and all these time we spent on talking doesn't give him any courage to even mention that he's interested in someone? (I'm totally fine if he just mentions "a girl" instead of "a transgirl"). He will always leave abruptly during a conversation because his ex comes back home from work. He emphasizes he never thinks that I am not presentable in public but just hard for him to make that move. It really breaks my heart so I told him maybe it's best to just be friends then. He agreed and apologized again, but that doesn't help with my broken heart.
Moving on, I am using a different app (that I had used before) and wish I have luck in men. Usually I will emphasize that I am a MTF transwoman in my profile. But this time, I decided to create a different account and leave my bio blank. Sadly, it turned out I get more likes and matches (and they won't unmatch after we matched). It's very disturbing because I was talking to a guy today and he didn't know I am trans. We talked a bit and it seemed like he was quite interested in me and asked for my number. That is when I confessed to him about my identity. Soon he just said "that's not what I'm looking for so thanks for the heads up" and then left (unmatched). It really hurts because it makes me feel like I am less than a ciswoman.
I think it happens to a lot of us, but I think it's very degrading to us as humans. So with my stories, I would like to ask all my sisters and brothers, what are your thoughts on men who are attracted to you but don't want to bring it up to the table? Am I being too inconsiderate and not thoughtful for thinking that I deserve better than being hidden from the public (even though the Canada guy said he wouldn't mind to date me in public at all it's just hard to explain to someone close to him)? Also, what are your thoughts on men who were attracted to you but lost their attraction as soon as they find out you are trans? I know a lot of people said straight men are afraid of their attraction toward transwomen because they are afraid that they will become gay or have to bear the pressure as "being gay". I am not sure if that is true or could it be something else. I would love to hear your opinions or stories if you are willing to share!
Thank you all for reading my post and sorry for the long post!
Wish everyone have a great night and we are ALL beautiful in our own ways!
Best regards,
Jinnie
