Terrified w/prospect of going to therapist as Sarah

[elkie-t]

Hi Sarah! Happy for you. You can introduce your female name to your coworkers. Maybe even change a name tag. The cat is out of the bag, so to speak.


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[sarah1972]

Hey girl to! What an awesome day! So happy for you. Amazing how well your coworkers have received the news. Being welcomed into the girls circle is just such a great sign of acceptance. Get us d to a lot more girl talk and learning about all their secrets.

Congratulations on such a important step!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Girls! [emoji66]

What a wonderful day Sarah! I could almost see that smile. bet you had a big grin most of the 24hr shift.
Glad it is all working good for you.
Hugs,
  Laurie

Yes, Laurie, it WAS a wonderful day! And I smiled so much... Even at this moment I'm smiling, because I know for sure that there are many more wonderful moments to come!
Hugs, Sarah

Hi Sarah! Happy for you. You can introduce your female name to your coworkers. Maybe even change a name tag. The cat is out of the bag, so to speak.

Hi Elkie! Thanks! [emoji4] Actually, I've already told everyone at work that after I come back from my FFS, in March 2018, my official name will be Sarah. About the tag... lol Now that you mention it, yesterday I did notice that some people (mostly patients) looked at me and then at my badge and had that look "WT...?!" [emoji23] On the badge it's written "S. Familyname" but there's also an old photo of me, still totally male and bald, with big fluffy brows... I may have to change that pic to avoid confusions... [emoji28] Could it be that some people initially gendered me as female but then, seeing my ID, decided to gender me as male? I have to change that pic ASAP!

Hey girl to! What an awesome day! So happy for you. Amazing how well your coworkers have received the news. Being welcomed into the girls circle is just such a great sign of acceptance. Get us d to a lot more girl talk and learning about all their secrets.
Congratulations on such a important step!

Thanks, Sarah! I'm so happy! And it felt so good to talk in a soft voice about personal stuff with other girls... It's so strange... Before coming out, I avoided being too long around girls because I felt that people (the guys) would somehow "read" the queerness of my thoughts. But not anymore... I now feel much more comfortable and secure around girls. I thought this process would take much longer, but it is happening almost automatically. Infinite thanks for your words, Sarah! You're a sweet!

Hugs, Sarah


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[Sarah_P]

That is so great!!! I'm super happy for you Sarah!!! 

I found it easier to talk about more intimate things (feelings, body changes) with the female nurses than with the male nurses.

I know what you mean! I can talk to my female friends about those things no problem, but talking to some of my male friends (even one whom I love as if he were my brother) I tend to avoid those topics.

I hope this is just the start of many many more happy days for you!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Little update:

So a couple of days ago I had my ears pierced for the first time in my life. I didn't find it significantly painful and felt very cute afterwise... lol While I was taking a seat to get the ears pierced, the young woman who was going to get the job done told me: you're supposed to keep them on for at least 6 weeks. When she said that I thought to myself: "Uh oh... so that means that on my next shift in the ER, in a couple of days, I'll be wearing earrings... You're totally crazy, Sarah!" and told her, with a big smile: "Yeah, sure! No problem!" [emoji4] I chose cute flowers made of white and pale blue gemstones.

Yesterday was also a very special day: the first day I went to work "en femme" from head to toe. I didn't wore a skirt or a dress, I just wore my style and I felt cute and feminine. Yes, I look like a military girl, but a girl nonetheless... and for me that's the point of all this. [emoji39] It was also the first day at hospital with my earrings! People looked a little surprised, but not in a bad way. I did get compliments from some (female) nurses!




Hugs, Sarah [emoji136]

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[Sarah_P]

Looking good girl!!
I *almost* got mine pierced this weekend, since while shopping with a friend there were a couple of stores I could have done it at. I did get 2 necklace & earring sets though, so I've got something all ready for when I do!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Looking good girl!!
I *almost* got mine pierced this weekend, since while shopping with a friend there were a couple of stores I could have done it at. I did get 2 necklace & earring sets though, so I've got something all ready for when I do!

Thanks Sarah! On the first pic I look a bit like a butch lesbian, no?... lol Anyways, I'm happy that I am now able to attain an acceptably nice skin using only minimal amounts of makeup.

About the piercing of my years, my plans dictated a good 4 or 5 weeks wait from now, but in a burst of impulsivity I went to the mall with my wife and my youngest kid, I stopped in front of the store and I said: "It's gonna happen today!" Voilá! [emoji28]

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[elkie-t]

I'd say (without any desire to upset you),
1st one - totally male (even with your boobs). Your pose is sort of a dominant male, lack of any feminine patters on your hat or top, dull military color. Well, military uniforms tend to make cisfemales to look as much male as possible.

2nd one is 60-40, still 'rather male than female', but your head wrap with a pattern, lip gloss, smile, softens your image a lot.


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[Laurie]

About the piercing of my ears, my plans dictated a good 4 or 5 weeks wait from now, but in a burst of impulsivity I went to the mall with my wife and my youngest kid, I stopped in front of the store and I said: "It's gonna happen today!" Voilá! [emoji28]

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   Now that's my kind of a plan Sarah. Enjoy your new pretties.

Laurie

[Sarah.VanDistel]

I'd say (without any desire to upset you),
1st one - totally male (even with your boobs). Your pose is sort of a dominant male, lack of any feminine patters on your hat or top, dull military color. Well, military uniforms tend to make cisfemales to look as much male as possible.

Elkie... I'm in my first 1/3 of a transition, here... lol

Definition of transition
1
a :  passage from one state, stage, subject, or place to another :  change
b :  a movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another

I was happy because, for the very first time in my life, I went to work using only clothes intended for women. My intention wasn't to look like Barbie or Little Red Riding Hood, but just to get the "feeling". To test myself and the others.

You and others thankfully reminded me several times that what really matters is what we, individuals, feel. And I felt a woman. I felt good. I felt I took a step in the right direction. Did I reach my destination with that step? Hell, no... not yet. But I'm certainly a tiny little bit closer.

This, Elkie, is my pace... In the eyes of some transwoman, it may seem slow and fearful, in the eyes of others, blunt and brave. I don't really care because I know my path and at the end of this path I see myself, Sarah, with whatever clothes. [emoji57]

You may have already guessed that your comment did upset me... just a little bit... tiny, tiny little bit... I still like you very much! [emoji6] I love your comments and - please, please, please! - keep commenting! But don't forget that although our goal here is to attain a satisfactory womanhood reflecting what we feel, each of us has its own rythm, be it imposed by internal or external factors. In my case, I don't really feel that imposition, you know. I feel comfortable with this pace. Two days ago I went to work as Jo-An... but I'm sure that in a few weeks, slowly but surely, that military will progressively become a little less obviously male.

Just today, I went like this...



A little better... a little more feminine... and so goes my pace, step by step, with the inner confidence that in a not so distant future I will finally attain the image I project from my true self. As I don't plan to come to work as a man, ever again, from today on I also asked to be called Sarah or Dr. C.

2nd one is 60-40, still 'rather male than female', but your head wrap with a pattern, lip gloss, smile, softens your image a lot.

I agree... unfortunately, working as an ED physician, it's really not possible to use very flamboyant make up (such as a beautiful red lipstick or eyeliner). All I can do is try to subtly perfect my skin, hide problem areas (damn gray area... can't wait for it to disappear) and try to look like a normal girl with little makeup. I'm sure that when I'm done with the beard and FFS, things will become much more natural. [emoji18]

Hugs, Sarah


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[elkie-t]

Sorry, Sarah. I did not want to upset you. In fact, the less you hold to the old male image, the better you look as new you. In your case, little steps isn't the best route for your presentation (in my opinion), the more you accept your new image, the better you look. Don't hold your inner girl behind unisex appearances, go for what makes you feel good as it makes you also look much better.


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[Sarah.VanDistel]

Sorry, Sarah. I did not want to upset you. In fact, the less you hold to the old male image, the better you look as new you. In your case, little steps isn't the best route for your presentation (in my opinion), the more you accept your new image, the better you look. Don't hold your inner girl behind unisex appearances, go for what makes you feel good as it makes you also look much better.


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It's ok, Elkie... Actually, your bittersweet words worked more as a stimulus to become more adventurous! So I guess I should be thankful... What I am definitely not, is resentful! ☺ I am sometimes a little hesitant, for various reasons, but the foremost is because of my desire to remain "low profile", although I'm well aware that remaining low profile and transitioning are two self-excluding things. Still, I was hoping to remain as low profile as possible... It's true that each time I do something new, I am surprised by the lack of surprise of others. For my last shift, I went with a scarf on my head and nobody made a strange face or comment... I am now becoming convinced that, indeed, this is much less of a big deal than I thought.

Yesterday, I went to Ikea shopping with my wife, dressed as Sarah - I felt confident, dared to make eye contact with people (without sunglasses! [emoji6]) and it was a really nice feeling. Just before that, I went to get my vocal cords checked by an ENT, also dressed as Sarah. Tomorrow evening, Sarah will be going to a barbecue organised by the nursing staff of her ED... Today I came out to one of my best friends, whom I didn't see for 3 years and he was the most understanding and supportive person possible! And in a few minutes, I'll be sending my coming out email to the whole of my family. So barriers are falling almost without effort, more and more easily.

Thank you Elkie for existing! Thank you all!

Hugs, Sarah

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[Sarah_P]

It's so hard to hold back after you've tasted all that sweet freedom, I know!

Congrats on finding an old friend (and an awesome one, at that!), and I hope coming out to your family goes well!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

It's so hard to hold back after you've tasted all that sweet freedom, I know!

Congrats on finding an old friend (and an awesome one, at that!), and I hope coming out to your family goes well!

Oh yes! Totally true! But I think that approval plays a big role in encouraging our further coming out. If people react peacefully, with understanding and are even supportive, we feel much more confidence to take the next step. I reckon that I've been quite blessed in that regard. My mom and sister have so far cut relations with me; to my surprise, my father, with whom I've never had a close relationship, was the most accepting of my closest family. To compensate for this, I have tens of co-workers and a couple of friends who were super accepting and very supportive!

As for my family, I sent the coming out message yesterday and so far there were two reactions, both very positive and supportive, so I'm quite happy!

I forgot to mention something that happened yesterday... As I said, I went to my ENT appointment as Sarah. In went to the reception for registration and the lady who was attending asked me for my ID. I gave it to her, she inserted it in the reader and suddenly tells me (in Dutch): "Ui Ui! It looks like you gave me the wrong ID, Ma'am! This one is from a gentleman!" You should have seen my smile... I answered, with that big big smile: "No no, it's the correct ID..." And only then did she realize... She was super sweet and kept gendering me correctly! So gratifying! I just wanted to give her two big kisses on the cheeks and tell her: "You, Lady, made my day!" [emoji4]

Hugs, Sarah

P.S. I love your new avatar pic! [emoji6] S.V.D.

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[Sarah_P]

Oh yes! Totally true! But I think that approval plays a big role in encouraging our further coming out. If people react peacefully, with understanding and are even supportive, we feel much more confidence to take the next step. I reckon that I've been quite blessed in that regard.

I know I've been very lucky to have the all the positive reactions I've had from family & friends. Even my father, who's the only blood relative I've had any contact from in 20+ years seemed to take it fairly well (I have a feeling he may change his mind as I change). My step-mother, who's far more a parent to me than he ever was, has been very supportive. If it wasn't for her & my friends support (including my bosses!) I know this would have been much much harder, and I may not have had the confidence to have done all I've already done.

P.S. I love your new avatar pic! [emoji6] S.V.D.

Thank you!    I've been wanting to get a picture of me up, but all my selfies look awful. Thankfully my friend/boss that I spent the day with last weekend takes much better pictures. 

[stephaniec]

Congrats

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Congrats

Thank you Stephanie! [emoji4]

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[JoanneW]

Sarah, from the photos your skin looks incredible. For the second time today, jealous, much.

[sarah1972]

I am gone for a week and all this happened?

Congratulations S V D! So many steps in such a short time (and we all knew it would happen this way!!!

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Sarah, from the photos your skin looks incredible. For the second time today, jealous, much.

Hi Joanne! Thanks girl, that's really sweet! [emoji39] I still have some irregularities in the places where beard still exists (including white beard... grrrr...), even after shaving, but with decent makeup skills I'm able to cover them pretty convincingly, at least at this distance. I hope that time + laser + electrolysis + HRT will do the rest.

However, I do take religiously care of my skin and spend about 20-30 minutes per day doing just that.

Morning routine: brow plucking (the little outliers grow literally overnight!), inspection and termination of possible rebel nose hairs (lol), mild exfoliation and thorough rinsing, massage with a few drops of a concentrate of hyaluronic acid, special moisturizer around the eyes, daytime moisturizer over the rest of the face and lip balm or lightly colored gloss (if I'm not going to wear lipstick); if I'm going out, this is the time when I apply some translucid primer and the rest of the makeup.

Night routine: wash & rinse with a makeup remover in gel which contains salicylic acid, special moisturizer around the eyes, nighttime moisturizer over the rest of the face and lip balm. About two times a week I use a homemade serum for my eyelashes. Sometimes, especially in the weekend, I use a refresher mask (sometimes clay, sometimes lemon - made by Garnier, not homemade).

I've doing this for the past ~8 months. It's true that over the last ~7 months I've been on HRT and that definitely helps, especially with the sebum (I uses to have a VERY oily skin - not anymore) and the acne (no traces of it anymore).

Hope this helps!

Hugs, Sarah

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