Terrified w/prospect of going to therapist as Sarah

[elkie-t]

You do look female in your latest photo. Unless you can connect that photo to your pre-transition pics... Essentially - it's still the same face. And you above all have the strongest memory of your face pre-transition. So FFS would definitely help you disconnect your current image from your pre-transition one.

Funny how of all features you mentioned as a tell signs, I didn't really put any weight to them. Well, maybe because I never had a FFS consultation. My thought process was - her features are too sharp, girls are soft and have at least some fat layer everywhere and your face looks like you're starving / dieting too much. Estrogen should help in that department over time, if you give yourself enough building blocks (Tula, eat something, as in 'Fat Greek Wedding').


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[Sarah.VanDistel]

You do look female in your latest photo. Unless you can connect that photo to your pre-transition pics... Essentially - it's still the same face. And you above all have the strongest memory of your face pre-transition. So FFS would definitely help you disconnect your current image from your pre-transition one.

Funny how of all features you mentioned as a tell signs, I didn't really put any weight to them. Well, maybe because I never had a FFS consultation. My thought process was - her features are too sharp, girls are soft and have at least some fat layer everywhere and your face looks like you're starving / dieting too much. Estrogen should help in that department over time, if you give yourself enough building blocks (Tula, eat something, as in 'Fat Greek Wedding').


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Well, Elkie, I feel that I look female in the latest photo but as you say I can still in some way see a connection with my pre-transition face, which is sometimes very distressing.

But what you say makes perfect sense... What I am seeking is a radical disconnection from that old image. FFS by a good (and not too shy) maxillofacial surgeon will hopefully achieve that.

The angularity of my facial structures are indeed a part of the problem and when I mention the facial features which must be operated it is precisely the ones which give me that angularity. My cheekbones are prominent but actually feminine. However, the rest not so much.

I've put on some weight lately, a bit to the dismal of my endocrinologist, but I did it voluntarily because I need some generous fat (about 1 liter) around my waist for a decent fat transfer to my hips/thighs in February. Afterwards, I plan on losing some weight again... at least enough to reach a decently average BMI. When I took my first pic (pre-transition) I weighted around 95kg (my max was 110kg) and now I'm sitting at around 78kg (my min was 69kg). Some time after my tummy tuck I'd like to reach around 65kg, very slowly of course.

I did already notice a change in the puffiness of my face and hope that the evolution will go on under HRT. Apparently fat redistribution starts being noticeable at around 6 months, so I'm more or less on schedule (almost 8 months HRT).

Hugs, Sarah


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[Saira128]

Oh lol!! I didn't think it through


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[elkie-t]

For whatever stupid reason, my Tapatalk keeps showing a picture of the old you. Sarah, please, post some new photo


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[Sarah.VanDistel]

For whatever stupid reason, my Tapatalk keeps showing a picture of the old you. Sarah, please, post some new photo


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Hi Elkie! Are you referring to my avatar pic? What photo are you seeing? Is it the one where I'm wearing a wig?

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[sarah1972]

Tapatalk is a bit strange, I have a feeling it never shows the latest picture uploaded in a thread. Here is what I think Elkie is referring to...

For whatever stupid reason, my Tapatalk keeps showing a picture of the old you. Sarah, please, post some new photo


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[Roll]

I think that my hair is now in optimal conditions for hairline advancement. Besides keeping on with the pharmacological treatments, there's not much more I can do until the surgery. I don't intend to cut it again in the foreseeable future. What do you think?

Hugs, Sarah

Just saw the before and after hair comparison post, and I have to say thank you, because oh my god you have given me so much hope that I'll be able to have a full head of my own hair in a few years! (It's been a big source of doubt and anxiety for me lately. ) Right now I'm on the same early pharmacological track, hoping to shave off a couple thousand from the transplant bill.

Do you think the topical caffeine really works? I didn't see it really spoken of much on the hair loss forums I was reading, but I want to try everything reasonable. (Also thinking about doing Rachel Christina's castor oil method, though I am a bit worried about doing too much at once and causing accidental damage.)

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Ouch... Yeah... That photo is not really me anymore! [emoji28] Here's a more recent one, which I already posted...

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

Just saw the before and after hair comparison post, and I have to say thank you, because oh my god you have given me so much hope that I'll be able to have a full head of my own hair in a few years! (It's been a big source of doubt and anxiety for me lately. ) Right now I'm on the same early pharmacological track, hoping to shave off a couple thousand from the transplant bill.

Do you think the topical caffeine really works? I didn't see it really spoken of much on the hair loss forums I was reading, but I want to try everything reasonable. (Also thinking about doing Rachel Christina's castor oil method, though I am a bit worried about doing too much at once and causing accidental damage.)

Hi Roll!

My pleasure! When I took the decision to transition, my hair was also one of my biggest worries. I started HRT last february and soon thereafter topical minoxidil and oral finasteride, although theoretically it doesn't make much sense to take finasteride when we're already on another very potent anti-androgen. I also take some supplements (biotin and silicium) which are said to be good for this purpose. The caffeine, I started only a couple of months ago, after reading the following article: Role of Caffeine in the Management of Androgenetic Alopecia (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3500065/). Of course, it is difficult to ascribe an effect to it... it may just be from HRT + finasteride + minoxidil. But there has been continuing progress, so it MAY contribute and I won't stop it... Really desperate to maximize my chances! [emoji4]

Good luck Roll!

Hugs, Sarah

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[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Girls!

Just thought of posting some update, although not much happened over the last few weeks.

I'm making good progress with my voice...

My new hair is growing nicely; although I'd still classify as military, I'm pretty sure that I'll be ready for some styling by the time I undergo my FFS (15/02/2018). For now, when I go out I still need to use a wig.

Except for under my jaw, I'm pretty much done with my beard; I have scheduled for December a 4-hour marathon of electrolysis with intravenous analgesia for my greys and whites as well as for the stubborn darks.

In terms of clothing, I reached the conclusion that I'll probably feel confident enough to venture outside with a dress or a skirt only after FFS and hip augmentation... but it's ok, I can live with that. For now... [emoji28] I can still decently express my feminity with pants. [emoji6] I bought my first pair of women's boots; they don't have high or even medium heels because I'm not too much of a fan of heels, but they're cute and - most importantly! - I feel cute when wearing them! [emoji7]

That's pretty much it, I guess... I'll leave you with a selfie from about a week ago. [emoji136]

Warm hugs!

Sarah

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[SadieBlake]

Happy happy for you Sarah! You bring a wonderful energy to your posts. Today is 6 mo post-op for me, I'm so much happier with life now that my brain is more calm and I was just remarking to my pshrink how wonderful it feels to be settling into life with my genital dysphoria solved (and boobs, I'm a little like my GF with those, I just like to squeeze them occasionally).

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Happy happy for you Sarah! You bring a wonderful energy to your posts. Today is 6 mo post-op for me, I'm so much happier with life now that my brain is more calm and I was just remarking to my pshrink how wonderful it feels to be settling into life with my genital dysphoria solved (and boobs, I'm a little like my GF with those, I just like to squeeze them occasionally).

Wow, Sadie! So happy for you! [emoji66] I still find it difficult to imagine how life will be after SRS. True, for me, that major milestone lies years ahead (my first consultation with the team leader surgeon is in 03/2018) but I can't but wonder how it'll be... [emoji7]

But for now, FFS (and to a lesser extent tummy tuck and hip augmentation) are my big goals and they are already scheduled!

As for my breasts, I agree with my plastic surgeon - it's too soon (8 months HRT). They keep joyfully growing like there's no tomorrow (I totally fill a cup B) and I'll just be a good girl and wait... who knows... maybe I'm one of the lucky ones who won't even need BA! [emoji126]

Big hug and really, really glad to see that smile on your face - well, I don't see but it's really easy to imagine! [emoji4]

Big warm hug, Sarah

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[sarah1972]

Wow! Still moving full steam ahead! Really happy for you. A good B cup after 8 month HRT is a pretty good result, I made it to a full A in the same time...Comparing your recent posts with your early posts, it is amazing how mu8ch peace and happiness you have now found!

Hugs
Sarah

Wow, Sadie! So happy for you! [emoji66] I still find it difficult to imagine how life will be after SRS. True, for me, that major milestone lies years ahead (my first consultation with the team leader surgeon is in 03/2018) but I can't but wonder how it'll be... [emoji7]

But for now, FFS (and to a lesser extent tummy tuck and hip augmentation) are my big goals and they are already scheduled!

As for my breasts, I agree with my plastic surgeon - it's too soon (8 months HRT). They keep joyfully growing like there's no tomorrow (I totally fill a cup B) and I'll just be a good girl and wait... who knows... maybe I'm one of the lucky ones who won't even need BA! [emoji126]

Big hug and really, really glad to see that smile on your face - well, I don't see but it's really easy to imagine! [emoji4]

Big warm hug, Sarah

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[Sarah_P]

Always great to hear from you Sarah!! Glad everything's going well.

In terms of clothing, I reached the conclusion that I'll probably feel confident enough to venture outside with a dress or a skirt only after FFS and hip augmentation... but it's ok, I can live with that. For now... [emoji28] I can still decently express my feminity with pants. [emoji6] I bought my first pair of women's boots; they don't have high or even medium heels because I'm not too much of a fan of heels, but they're cute and - most importantly! - I feel cute when wearing them! [emoji7]

That's what counts!! 

[Laurie]

Hi Sarah.

  Thank you for giving us another update. Even if you do not think there was anything worthy of posting you should remember that your friends here will wonder what is happening and how you are doing.
  I think you are wrong about skirts and dresses. I think you could rock them right now. Besides that it can help you build confidence and get you comfortable in them. There is a bit more to be concerned about when you wear a dress than in pants.
  I also was never a fan of women in boots but now I own 2 pairs with a third on the way. The first pair were I calf boots with 3 1/2" stiletto heels. The second are ankle high boot with a 2' cowboy boot heel. The third are white with black cute winter boots I am waiting for.  I didn't like them for others but I love them for me.  You might give the a try.
  I am glad to read that you are doing well and have your procedure all planned and scheduled. Keep moving forward.
 
  Hugs,
    Laurie

[Sarah.VanDistel]

Hi Sarah.

  Thank you for giving us another update. Even if you do not think there was anything worthy of posting you should remember that your friends here will wonder what is happening and how you are doing.
  I think you are wrong about skirts and dresses. I think you could rock them right now. Besides that it can help you build confidence and get you comfortable in them. There is a bit more to be concerned about when you wear a dress than in pants.
  I also was never a fan of women in boots but now I own 2 pairs with a third on the way. The first pair were I calf boots with 3 1/2" stiletto heels. The second are ankle high boot with a 2' cowboy boot heel. The third are white with black cute winter boots I am waiting for.  I didn't like them for others but I love them for me.  You might give the a try.
  I am glad to read that you are doing well and have your procedure all planned and scheduled. Keep moving forward.
 
  Hugs,
    Laurie

Hi Laurie!

Sorry for taking so long to answer your post! [emoji17] I've been quite busy lately and have barely enough time for myself and my family, let alone for the forum. When that happens, I miss it though! [emoji4]

Thanks for your thoughts about skirts, dresses and boots with heels! About the skirts, I must confess that I'm afraid to look too weird in them (i.e. not passable and looking like a ->-bleeped-<-, which I am not - not that I have anything against ->-bleeped-<-s, au contraire)... It's the shame, always the shame... [emoji47] It's silly and I shouldn't feel that way, I know... I only have a couple of summer skirts that I've only used at home and so far I've been using that as an excuse to not wearing skirts/dresses at this moment. However, you know what? You convinced me! I am going this afternoon to the mall to shop for a winter skirt or a dress. I was told that for my body shape a short skirt (just above knees) + opaque tights would work, but I'm embarassed to show up my legs... [emoji39] It's not that they're overtly ugly or excessively masculine (my wife told me that she'd trade legs with me any day! [emoji23]), but it's something that I've never done before, so I never gave much thought to it, but it's actually a challenge and even a milestone for me, I guess. I was wondering if a long flare skirt would be nice in a light color or pattern, together with a dark top (to offset my broad shoulders)... But I also want something relatively casual. [emoji848] Something along the lines of the pics below... Would the short skirt be innapropriate for my age (I'm 45 but I've been told several times that I look like I'm in my mid-thirties)? Hummm... I think I'll start with the long skirt... [emoji28] I'll sure let you know! [emoji6]

About the shoes... wellllll... It's also because of a bit (lot) of self-consciousness! It's also not as comfortable as flat shoes or boots. But above all, I'd hate seeing myself, "Mrs. Low Profile", being the center of attention after tripping on my high heels! I'll eventually have to go out with heels, but I feel it'll be something for a bit later.

Big warm hug, Sarah



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[KathyLauren]

Baby steps!  The more you get out wearing traditional female attire, the more comfortable you will become.

The short skirt on the right is a bit too short for a lady in her 40s.  Not that some women can't pull off the look, but it sends a message that you probably don't want to send.  Above the knee is fine, but only a few centimetres above.

The longer skirt is a classic, very elegant. 

[elkie-t]

About skirts - they are really enjoyable. And very flattering too for most MTF because they project a bigger bottom than Mother Nature gave us. Besides, as a woman, you can wear whatever you want to wear, reflecting your mood, and how you want to be perceived, etc. And no - you won't bring any additional scrutiny to yourself by wearing a skirt.

Speaking of skirt lengths... I personally found long skirts to be more complicated and less flattering than just below the knee a-line pleated skirt. You can also combine a short skirt with some leggings for less than formal occasion - there are no rules that you have to look like your grandma after 40, you know...

As far as heels go, they require some training, strengthening your muscles, but after some time - they become very comfortable. I actually preferred 3" heels over flats any day. And wearing heels helps a lot with your posture, gait, minimizes visual size of your feet, and so on. At least you should try


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[Sarah_P]

Hi Sarah!!
So far I've only worn full & knee-length skirts. My 24-year old girl friend will wear super-short skirts with leggings, but I'm not sure about that for myself. The picture on the right is too short for me (I'm 42, so right there with you). I'd recommend starting out with the full length or knee length (like Kathy said, just a tiny bit above the knee).
I've not worn heels for a while, and never outdoors. Mainly because at 6' 1", I'm not really wanting to appear any taller, but I've got a pair of ankle-boots on the way with a 1" heel. My plan is to 'ease into' the idea (and challenges!) of wearing heels out an inch or so at a time.

Baby steps indeed!

[sarah1972]

I recently got to love "sweater dresses". They are extra long sweaters which go to about mid thigh and are usually worn with tights.
In general I have decided to take clues to what I can wear from my cis female neighbors and that is one of the options I do see - they are all about my age. some of them wear skirts almost every day, usually mid length (slightly above the knee). Same applies for dresses in general. I do have a few long ones but those I do not wear a lot. But I do have to admit that I am lucky with my legs too.

For heels: training is one thing. Buying the right shoe the other secret. Since I stopped shopping online and rather go into a brick and mortar store where I can try them, I have been pretty lucky. 2 inch is super comfortable now and gives me a nice boost in hight, my "day to day" boots are a bit over 2 inches with a block heel. The block heel gives more stability. I also have a bunch in the 3 - 4 inch region and I am slowly getting used to them as well. My biggest challenge is the width of my feet which makes it hard finding anything comfortable. Hence the need to try them and I have walked out of shoe stores quite a few times with nothing.