My Very Own HRT thread!

[Maddie86]

as you lose weight AND become more fit from exercise your body will become more efficient an probably use fewer calories.  that's why your weight loss slowed and at times plateaued. 

as someone who's wrestled with an eating disorder my entire adult life my advice is to avoid taking drastic steps.  Dysphoria and weight loss can mess with your head.  Slow steady weight loss is healthier for you mind and body.   Don't skip meals.  it's better to just eat a few fewer calories now and then than it is to skip meals. 

it sounds like you have a regular healthy routine.  just stick to it.  over time it will get you where you're going.

thanks! yes, I am definitely not the meal skipping type lol, so I won't be doing that, I've lost almost 100lbs so far without skipping! and I agree, my plan has worked for me so far but I knew it would slow at some point, I know I'll get to where I want to be though, it's just gunna take me a little longer now, but that's ok, I've come a very long way already!

[Maddie86]

so I'm in the middle of my 12th week of HRT and I am definitely feeling the breast growth now! I've felt it here and there a little bit over the last month or so but it would usually go away after a day or two, and I know I've been feeling it the last few days, but this morning it actually finally started to hurt a bit, I was out for a jog and I had to stop and just walk because my shirt rubbing against my chest was too irritating! Another thing to keep in mind is that I've been on a prescription anti-inflammatory since April, Naproxen. A week ago today was the last time I actually took it, and I'm wondering if maybe my breasts started developing a while ago and this just masked the pain a little. probably not but it's a thought!

as for my weight loss, I'm down this week! It's only like a pound and a half or so, but I cheated my diet while visiting a friend last weekend, so this week I was just gunna be happy if I didn't gain lol, I'm like just under 195 now and it feels good!

[Maddie86]

ok so today is the start of my 14th week of HRT, and tomorrow marks the start of the 4th month since I started on July 17th. It's been about a month now since the doctor doubled my estradial and my spiro and I really don't think I've felt any difference yet. I go back in December and I think he's going to increase my dose again, but we'll see. in my post from 10 days ago I posted about breast development but I think I jumped the gun on it, I haven't really felt anything lately. they hurt a little when I jog but that's it. I haven't been getting anymore emotional either I don't think, and honestly I haven't really felt too feminine for a little while now, just kinda neutral and that bums me out.

I've been kinda sad over the last few days because I'm sensing a disconnect between me and some of my friends. I know they're busy but I have this feeling that they're keeping their distance from me for some reason, or at least one of them is. they'll still text me and chat but anytime I ask about hanging out they make excuses. When I first came out to them they were really supportive and we'd talk about doing all this stuff and having girls nights but that never really happened. We've hung out a few times but every time I was still presenting as male. I'm still early in my transition and I want to have nights where I go out dressed as a woman but it's hard to get them to commit to anything. this transition is going to be a lot lonelier than I expected! it's weird because my male friends who know about me are still down to hang out when they can. and there's a couple guys who I heard suspect that I'm transitioning and I've noticed that they've actually been friendlier towards me! I dunno, maybe i'm overthinking things, but I'm always the one to initiate conversation, it'd just nice if someone would randomly text me and ask how I'm doing.

oh, and as for weight loss, as of thursday I was down to a solid 194, where as the weigh in before that was just a pinch under 195, a heavy 194 i guess lol. I was just thankful that I didn't gain because I haven't been eating well. I've been a little sick lately so my muscles would ache and I couldn't jog at the park, so I don't expect to be down any this week when I weigh in, but we'll see.

[Laurie]

Hi Maddie.

  How are you doing girl? LOL Okay I suppose that doesn't count. But hey I can relate to the feeling of friends seemly withdrawing. They could very well be and then again it could well be your perception. Since I don't really have any local friends I cannot relate to it on that level. My friends are almost all online and I feel some are drifting or more likely being push away by my  ongoing problems. Then again it could well be just my perception. You could try reaching out to them a little more. ( something I personally find extremely difficult) But for you it could work. Take it upon yourselk to arrange  get togethers.
   And about them boobs.. Don't despair there either. Boobs can be glacially slow. I though mine had pretty much come to a stop by 6 months, but the other day I tried on one of my cute bras I bought months ago and never wore because I could not quite full the cups and it looked awful. Guess what? I do touch all of the insides to the cups now and the sam with another  bra I set aside hoping to fill it out at a later date. I apparently have been growing, slow yes but still growing. Patience it still the key girl.
  Weight loss? I hope I have lost a bit more the next time I weigh in at the doctors next month. I have continued with the carb cutting and a bit of portion watching as I have been doing. It resulted last weigh in with an 8 lb loss. My first ever intentional weight loss. It took 3 months but it was a loss. A bit of exercise helps also and I try to go for walks to accomplish that part.

  So my dear, be patient and continue your routines your goals will come if you stick to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Roll]

As long as you don't gain, or even just avoid consistent gain, you are still making progress!

Well, that is what I told myself today anyway as I ate a piece of cake and way too much Chinese.

Also, try not to read too much into that neutral feeling. It's the pitfall of any treatment, in that a stabilized state becomes the new normal, and we as humans fail to recognize the difference from how we were previously without an immediate contrast. I can only assume this applies to HRT and feeling feminine as well.

[Maddie86]

Hi Maddie.

  How are you doing girl? LOL Okay I suppose that doesn't count. But hey I can relate to the feeling of friends seemly withdrawing. They could very well be and then again it could well be your perception. Since I don't really have any local friends I cannot relate to it on that level. My friends are almost all online and I feel some are drifting or more likely being push away by my  ongoing problems. Then again it could well be just my perception. You could try reaching out to them a little more. ( something I personally find extremely difficult) But for you it could work. Take it upon yourselk to arrange  get togethers.
   And about them boobs.. Don't despair there either. Boobs can be glacially slow. I though mine had pretty much come to a stop by 6 months, but the other day I tried on one of my cute bras I bought months ago and never wore because I could not quite full the cups and it looked awful. Guess what? I do touch all of the insides to the cups now and the sam with another  bra I set aside hoping to fill it out at a later date. I apparently have been growing, slow yes but still growing. Patience it still the key girl.
  Weight loss? I hope I have lost a bit more the next time I weigh in at the doctors next month. I have continued with the carb cutting and a bit of portion watching as I have been doing. It resulted last weigh in with an 8 lb loss. My first ever intentional weight loss. It took 3 months but it was a loss. A bit of exercise helps also and I try to go for walks to accomplish that part.

  So my dear, be patient and continue your routines your goals will come if you stick to it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

thanks for your response! Honestly, I do reach out to them all the time and I'm constantly trying to set things up, and it's always a no, so that's what's setting this whole thing off. on friday this one girl posted that she needed help taking an air conditioner out of the window. I told her I would come and help but then she said her brother might come help and then when he didn't she just decided to wait for her husband to come home. I'm always offering to come help them with stuff or even cook them dinner or something and it's always a no. I might just straight up ask her what's going on but I don't wanna start something I can't take back. I do like her and I'm not angry at her, I'm just kinda hurt, I feel like I'm low priority on her friend list where as I considered her one of my really good friends.

as for the boobs, I know they'll start eventually. things just seem stagnant right now and it's frustrating. My friends have commented that this year is going by really fast. um, no way, not for me! this feels like the longest year of my life! time is not on my side, I wish things would hurry up lol! I know that everything with HRT is YMMV, so I just have to hang in there

[Maddie86]

As long as you don't gain, or even just avoid consistent gain, you are still making progress!

Well, that is what I told myself today anyway as I ate a piece of cake and way too much Chinese.

Also, try not to read too much into that neutral feeling. It's the pitfall of any treatment, in that a stabilized state becomes the new normal, and we as humans fail to recognize the difference from how we were previously without an immediate contrast. I can only assume this applies to HRT and feeling feminine as well.

yeah, I keep telling myself that I'm good if I don't gain. I'm worried though, next weekend I'm gunna be drinking and consuming a lot of calories, so hopefully I'll keep things under control. I need to amp up my workouts but my knee has been bugging me. and this cold weather just makes me want to eat!!

and thanks, that's a good way to look at things for HRT and feeling feminine. things take time and I need to be patient, but it's hard, i'm anxious!

[rmaddy]

Euphoria from HRT is probably from the thrill of making a decision not from the HRT itself.  Feeling somewhat better is one thing, but cis-women, cis-men don't run around feeling euphoric.  Don't be discouraged if you don't feel that much different.  The questions to ask yourself are, "Am I emotionally stable?", "Am I having undesirable side effects?", and "Do I like the physical changes so far (and look forward to more?"  If you have three yeses, there isn't much reason not to continue if you are still inclined to do so.

[elkie-t]

They aren't comfortable with you being in between. It's easy to promise support, much more difficult to provide it for real. Take a pause, get on with your life, if someone from the group is more close or dear to you - maintain contact only with her and don't impose your company - if they want you, you will be invited, but don't try to hang to them. (But don't make a scene either - just maintain friendly contact and stop organizing).

Start a new hobby, make new acquaintances who would only know you as a trans girl.


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[Maddie86]

Euphoria from HRT is probably from the thrill of making a decision not from the HRT itself.  Feeling somewhat better is one thing, but cis-women, cis-men don't run around feeling euphoric.  Don't be discouraged if you don't feel that much different.  The questions to ask yourself are, "Am I emotionally stable?", "Am I having undesirable side effects?", and "Do I like the physical changes so far (and look forward to more?"  If you have three yeses, there isn't much reason not to continue if you are still inclined to do so.

I know what you mean about the thrill of the decision! I started HRT in July but I started coming out to people back in February and that's what really got things going for me, I started being much happier! and yes, I'm emotionally stable and I do like the changes being made, I'm just bummed they're not happening fast enough lol. I def have a lot to look forward to!

[Maddie86]

They aren't comfortable with you being in between. It's easy to promise support, much more difficult to provide it for real. Take a pause, get on with your life, if someone from the group is more close or dear to you - maintain contact only with her and don't impose your company - if they want you, you will be invited, but don't try to hang to them. (But don't make a scene either - just maintain friendly contact and stop organizing).

Start a new hobby, make new acquaintances who would only know you as a trans girl.


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I think you are absolutely right with the in between thing. one thing is that all my friends have boyfriends and they'll probably think it's weird being seen in public with me presenting as male without their husbands or boyfriends around. another thing is that I think they may be uncomfortable holding secrets. the last time I saw one of the girls she told me that someone asked her husband about me, and of course they don't want to out me so they lied to the guy and claimed they didn't know if I was transitioning or not, and having your friends lie unfortunately puts them in an awkward position. I wanna do nice things for them to thank them for having my back but I can't do that when they don't want to be around me! and yeah, I think I am going to stop trying to organize things. I definitely don't text them as much as I used to either. there's a line in a song that I think is appropriate for this, "sometimes it's good to give your friends a chance to miss you". I'm contemplating going off facebook in a few weeks. my band has a show on november 4th and we're releasing a CD before then too, so I gotta stick around to promote it but after that I might just stick with instagram for a while, idk.

[Roll]

I think you are absolutely right with the in between thing. one thing is that all my friends have boyfriends and they'll probably think it's weird being seen in public with me presenting as male without their husbands or boyfriends around.

I have no idea if what I'm about to suggest is a good idea or not, but I'm kind of curious what people feel about it so will say it... What if you adopted your feminine behavior in full even when presenting as male? That way you get to express yourself, and onlookers will just assume "gay best friend" diffusing any awkwardness of being "the guy" hanging out with women. (I also want to say I don't mean this to assume stereotypes of gay men. Simply playing to a perception.)

[elkie-t]

I believe it's easier on people's perception (and your own wellbeing) to jump on into full female presentation once the big announcement is made.

Telling your friends 'I am transitioning, but then continuing to present male - keeps them off balance, they don't know if it was for real, if you are not changing your mind, forces them to hide their knowledge of it, and so on.

People can accept you as either male, or female, but have difficulty to accept you if you switching back and forth.



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[Maddie86]

I have no idea if what I'm about to suggest is a good idea or not, but I'm kind of curious what people feel about it so will say it... What if you adopted your feminine behavior in full even when presenting as male? That way you get to express yourself, and onlookers will just assume "gay best friend" diffusing any awkwardness of being "the guy" hanging out with women. (I also want to say I don't mean this to assume stereotypes of gay men. Simply playing to a perception.)

honestly, I dunno if that would really work, and idk if i'd feel comfortable with it either lol. I do try to present a little femme, I put product in my hair to make it curly and a lot of the time I'll wear foundation but I don't do any eye or lip makeup. it's enough though where it got some of my friends wondering about me at least lol. I'm a pretty shy person anyways, so I can't really pull off a typical flamboyant gay behavior, and I'd feel weird trying. I just want to be me!

[Maddie86]

I believe it's easier on people's perception (and your own wellbeing) to jump on into full female presentation once the big announcement is made.

Telling your friends 'I am transitioning, but then continuing to present male - keeps them off balance, they don't know if it was for real, if you are not changing your mind, forces them to hide their knowledge of it, and so on.

People can accept you as either male, or female, but have difficulty to accept you if you switching back and forth.



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very understandable, that makes a lot of sense, but it's hard! I needed to get this off my chest and tell people, but I'm nowhere near ready to go public yet. I wanna get a lot more electrolysis in before I go public, and I will also be looking for a new job in a few months. another thing is that I live with my mom right now, and I don't want to come out until I have my own place. I'm hoping maybe I can come out sometime in the early spring, but the wait is going to be hard. I may just have to keep to myself for a while

[Becca Kay]

very understandable, that makes a lot of sense, but it's hard! I needed to get this off my chest and tell people, but I'm nowhere near ready to go public yet. I wanna get a lot more electrolysis in before I go public, and I will also be looking for a new job in a few months. another thing is that I live with my mom right now, and I don't want to come out until I have my own place. I'm hoping maybe I can come out sometime in the early spring, but the wait is going to be hard. I may just have to keep to myself for a while

I understand and i'm in a similar place.  a few of my closest friends know.  but I'm in the closet and just starting HRT and electrolysis.  I hate the way I look and I can't imagine full timing until my beard is gone and I lose more weight.  It make me feel very self conscious.  And on top of that i'm looking for a new job. 

I want to feel good about myself and more confident before I come out to every random person. 

[Roll]

honestly, I dunno if that would really work, and idk if i'd feel comfortable with it either lol.

In my head I wasn't thinking flamboyant gay, just feminine, but yeah I'd be uncomfortable doing it myself. Was a total shot in the dark/off the wall idea.

[Maddie86]

sigh. so today I woke up to a bad omen. I woke up with an erection, which was very surprising, it's been like 2 months since that happened! I was pretty disappointed. and then an hour later I had a car accident. I left for work and the sun wasn't fully out yet, I was less than a mile from my house and the stretch of road I was on was a 50mph zone with woods on both sides of me. I wasn't speeding, I wasn't on my phone, and my headlights were on, and yet I still hit a deer. It was really bad, it caused a lot of damage to my car. I didn't see it until it was in my headlights and it was running when I hit it, so it had to have darted out across the road like a second or two before I hit it, I don't think  there's any way I could have avoided it. The good news is that I'm totally fine, and my insurance has been pretty easy to deal with so far, but I'm still a little shook up. I know this has nothing to do with my transition, but that friend that I was talking about in my posts a few days ago was actually the first person to message me after I posted about it on fb and say they're glad I'm ok, so now I feel bad about posting that stuff the other day

[Maddie86]

I'm starting to get pretty bummed out. I woke up erect 3 days in a row now, and before that it hasn't happened since like august, and back then it was only one time!! what the heck is going on? It's been 5 weeks now since the doctor increased my estrogen and it's been 4 since I started taking more spiro, and I haven't felt any changes with the higher doses. and now I don't see the doctor again until december. should I maybe ask him about estrogen injections?

and to top it all off, I gained a pound this week 

not a happy lady right now, but at least I get to dress up for a halloween party this weekend. I hope it goes well!

[Laurie]

Maddie,

  Don't let it discourage you. The parts still work just not as well. I'm older and it has been many years since I awoke in that condition long before starting HRT. After starting I found a distinct lack od desire for umm activity which had  gone into overdrive prior to starting. Even now though very infrequent my body get an urge for relief though it is fruitless about once a month. You are younger (lucky girl) and the body will do what it pleases. I know this can be distressing but try to like of it and just another necessary bodily function the you have to put up with that will eventually be cured.
  Damn this sounds dumb, but I'm going to post it anyway.  I hope it does help if not just let me know and I'll remove it. I can't trust my  thinking these days. sorry

Hugs,
   Laurie