Gender Therapy and fear

[amandam]

Now I really feel I was a Sasquatch    Thank you for not mentioning 'Ears'

Well, the Tria is on sale right now.   Only have some ear hairs, thanks for reminding me.  Dang it, a few where the sun don't shine too. I don't think I can reach that far.

[amandam]

Interestingly, as far as my crossdressing goes, I have time about once a week. I no longer have the need to dress to the nines. I no longer need to put on all the makeup, jewelry, etc. For the last month, I've just worn a dress and heels, some mascara and lip gloss, and one of my wigs.

Then I just relax in front of my computer looking up transgender videos and topics. I used to dress to the nines, and first searched for straight or trans porn, with me always the girl. Toward the end of my crossdressing, I still make time to have a release, but it used to be, that was a huge part of my crossdressing. Now it's just an added benefit. And my erotic thoughts are now almost exclusively me as a woman being made love to by a man. I have to involve the area where my vagina would be if I had one.

I've also noticed I have displayed more fem mannerisms while in guy mode. I have to watch myself so I don't get looks at work, etc.

[amandam]

Still waiting on seeing a long-term therapist. No opening for her until the end of October. I have seen a psychiatrist for 30 years for depression and anxiety. This guy is kinda old school. He did help me get rid of panic attacks, etc.

I saw him a couple of weeks ago and told him I was seeing someone at Kaiser for my gender issues. Told him I have expressed some traits of both a crossdresser and a transsexual. He said that he didn't think I was the kind of person who wanted to be the "girl" in a group. He also said he didn't think I was the kind of person who wanted to be with a man while trying to be the opposite of him.    He's a nice guy, but like 80 years old.

His (lesbian) medical assistant and I talked about him and she agrees he's just old-school. We exchange numbers and will probably get coffee as we've kinda been friends for years. My first LGBT friend who knows about me.

[rmaddy]

If he didn't have any idea that you were trans, his knowledge of what kind of a person you are doesn't sound particularly comprehensive.

[amandam]

He knew I was a crossdresser. But, we don't talk that much about it. Since he's a psychiatrist, he's more interested in how I'm feeling and any meds I'm taking. Basic therapy, nothing else.

I'm glad I have a new therapist coming up, my dysphoria has backed off the last couple of days. Whereas, a month ago, I could have swore on my life I wanted hrt, the last couple of days, I don't "want it", I don't dis-want it, just kinda don't care. I know the pendulum will swing back again. It's this seesawing of my dysphoria that perplexes me.

[JoanneB]

Interestingly, as far as my crossdressing goes, I have time about once a week. I no longer have the need to dress to the nines. I no longer need to put on all the makeup, jewelry, etc. For the last month, I've just worn a dress and heels, some mascara and lip gloss, and one of my wigs.

I went through the same phase here. You spend hours getting everything just right because you planned for weeks maybe for that day. When you do it more often you start sort of thinking way back in your head... "I don't know any real woman that goes this crazy except for maybe a night out on the town.... Hey, I want to be, I am that woman too" so yo just do a few things to feel comfortable, as in able to look in the mirror and smile.

[amandam]

Hey, I want to be, I am that woman too" so yo just do a few things to feel comfortable, as in able to look in the mirror and smile.

That's a good point.