Hi Naomi,
I didn't have a transition schedule because I knew full social and medical transition was impossible for me. Obviously I miscalculated somewhere.
It's good to have a plan. You won't "miss" any steps, I assure you. As Denise said, your sense of dysphoria, however it manifests itself, will tell you what you need to do.
Speaking only from my own experience, my advice to others considering transition would be:
1. Get a qualified gender therapist, one who specifically has experience with transgender issues. That should always be the first step. As I have said to others, everything about transition is either (a) scary, (b) painful, (c) expensive, or (d) some combination of the three. You have to really want this. Transition was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I am speaking as someone who went through drug addiction and prison many years ago.
2. Still ready? Start the long, painful and expensive process of laser/electrolysis facial hair removal. Do it while still presenting as male. You need stubble for electrolysis, which is tough to deal with if you are tying to present in public as female. Have patience.
3. While doing this, start growing your hair out, if it is not long already. Lots of men have long hair. If you are overweight, you should consider changing your diet. I'm not trying to be a "fattist". Men are not shaped like women, and if you are overweight it makes it even worse. You will find this out when you try to buy female clothes. A slim man comes closest to the body shape of a cis-female. Look at Andrej Pejic before she became Andreja. You can also get your ears pierced, if you're up for it. Lots of guys have pierced ears. You won't blow your cover.
4. HRT. This was the game changer for me. Up to this point I was still convinced that social transition was impossible. Once I started estrogen, my thinking went from "There is no way I can do this", to "I have to find a way to do this." Some people say electrolysis hurts worse once you're on hormones. I don't notice a big difference. It hurts like hell either way. Some say it's harder to lose weight. I lost 27 pounds in three months this summer in preparation for SRS, and I have been on HRT two years.
5. FFS. This was my bridge to full-time. I was presenting part-time, and never was aware of getting clocked, but I was always as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. It's tremendously expensive and a tough recovery, but well worth it, at least it was for me (see avatar). It really helped my confidence. Conventional wisdom is that you should be on HRT at least a year before having FFS, as there will be some soft tissue changes that will affect what an FFS surgeon will recommend. Somewhere in here you should also consider voice training.
6. RLE. Can't live with it, and you can't live without it. If you want insurance to cover your SRS, you really have no choice about this. Most surgeons in the US go by WPATH guidelines as well, so if you are willing to pay out of pocket, you are likely headed overseas. I was adamantly opposed to this requirement, but I've mellowed a bit. I can see the value in it. The daily grind of what women go through may surprise some, who are often so focused on themselves and their transition, they forget that it can be a cold, cruel world out there for females. I'll say it again: you have to want this more than anything. You have to be prepared to lose friends, family, and maybe your job. I'd say most people are luckier than that. I kept my job and most of my friends.
7. SRS. If you got this far, you might take this step. I have read that the majority don't. It depends on your sense of dysphoria, how your relationships function, and many other factors. For many, just being socially accepted as female is quite enough. They don't have any genital dysphoria and are happy just the way they are. For other, like me, SRS was always the goal - to have a fully congruent body, and be anatomically correct.
8. Other cosmetic surgery/VFS. Once you are full-time, you may consider breast augmentation or other body sculpting. Again, that's a very individual thing. VFS is another expensive option if you feel you just "aren't there" yet in terms of your presentation.
Those are my thoughts, anyway. I hope some of it helped.
With kindness,
Terri
Edit: Typos
