I am wondering if anybody here has had a transition schedule.

Although I had started my transition journey, I am still working out my transition schedule.  I am afraid of missing some steps. I know that everyone should have her own needs and they are unique. Thus, the schedule might be different.

I did -- but it wasn't very complicated.  I started therapy, support group, electrolysis, and voice training all at the same time.  Six months after that, HRT.  Ten months after that, facial surgery.  Almost nine months after that, bottom surgery.  Basically, as fast as I could afford it.

"Coming out" events differed depending on context.  During that first six-month window, I came out to my lover and my family and my church.  I went full time (except for work) in my day-to-day life when electrolysis had made a decent dent into my beard shadow; with my family, I went full time after facial surgery; rather than come out at work, I changed careers and got a fresh start after bottom surgery -- which both my therapists (private, in the States) agreed to, given my reasoning and especially after I had facial surgery. 

Everything is still so expensive.  My advice for a transition timeline comes down to this: don't jeopardize your income stream, which means delaying coming out at work until you're fairly passable.  Wait until you have at least a year of beard removal completed, and preferably until after facial surgery.  And do start beard removal and voice training immediately, because they take forever.

Someone once told me that transgender people are the best planners.  We do nothing be create schedules and lay out our transition.  I, like everyone else I know, have created not only one schedule but many.  One challenge, as you point out, is that we all aim/aspire for slightly different things.

Considering all the sleep I lost in the first 6-12 months of all of this you would think my schedule would be rock-solid and engraved in stone.  Not so.  Even some of the big stuff was done out of order.

I'm not sure what steps you think you could miss.  There are some steps that take time and not starting early could delay other things.  But missing something (other than changing legal name and all the places it's used) would be challenging.

I believe your dysphoria will guide you.  When something bothers you, fix/change it.

I had a schedule. Coming out to my wife, start Therapy 3 month later (due to work interfering I could not start sooner), start HRT on month 6, come out at work month 12, get GRS surgery month 24 - 30.

I only kept the first two. Stuck close the the 3rd mile stone. Coming out to friends happened a lot sooner than planned, coming out at work just happened a little bit earlier after I was entirely sure that hormones have such a god influence on my life. Start full time pretty much happened on the one year mark of coming out to my wife.

Surgery on the other had is pushed out for now. Mostly for personal reasons, I just can't take a 6 week break at the moment. I also added FFS to the list of things I want to accomplish. Surgery may now be a good 4 years out.

In every step I do I have to consider having a family - wife and 16 month old daughter. We are committed to make it work but it does take a lot of work and time and I do not want to make a move without having it discussed with them.

So, overall I had a plan but dysphoria made me move faster in some areas consideration for my immediate family made me postpone the last few milestones. 

In the end I am with Denise: If something bothers you fix/change it.Adjust your plans to how you feel.

Hi Naomi,

I didn't have a transition schedule because I knew full social and medical transition was impossible for me. Obviously I miscalculated somewhere.

It's good to have a plan.   You won't "miss" any steps, I assure you.  As Denise said, your sense of dysphoria, however it manifests itself, will tell you what you need to do.

Speaking only from my own experience, my advice to others considering transition would be:

1. Get a qualified gender therapist, one who specifically has experience with transgender issues. That should always be the first step. As I have said to others, everything about transition is either (a) scary, (b) painful, (c) expensive, or (d) some combination of the three.  You have to really want this.  Transition was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I am speaking as someone who went through drug addiction and prison many years ago.

2. Still ready?  Start the long, painful and expensive process of laser/electrolysis facial hair removal. Do it while still presenting as male. You need stubble for electrolysis, which is tough to deal with if you are tying to present in public as female.  Have patience.

3. While doing this, start growing your hair out, if it is not long already.  Lots of men have long hair. If you are overweight, you should consider changing your diet.  I'm not trying to be a "fattist".  Men are not shaped like women, and if you are overweight it makes it even worse.  You will find this out when you try to buy female clothes. A slim man comes closest to the body shape of a cis-female. Look at Andrej Pejic before she became Andreja. You can also get your ears pierced, if you're up for it. Lots of guys have pierced ears.  You won't blow your cover.

4. HRT. This was the game changer for me.  Up to this point I was still convinced that social transition was impossible. Once I started estrogen, my thinking went from "There is no way I can do this", to "I have to find a way to do this." Some people say electrolysis hurts worse once you're on hormones. I don't notice a big difference.  It hurts like hell either way.  Some say it's harder to lose weight.  I lost 27 pounds in three months this summer in preparation for SRS, and I have been on HRT two years.

5. FFS. This was my bridge to full-time. I was presenting part-time, and never was aware of getting clocked, but I was always as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.  It's tremendously expensive and a tough recovery, but well worth it, at least it was for me (see avatar). It really helped my confidence.  Conventional wisdom is that you  should be on HRT  at least a year before having FFS, as there will be some soft tissue changes that will affect what an FFS surgeon will recommend. Somewhere in here you should also consider voice training.

6. RLE.  Can't live with it, and you can't live without it.  If you want insurance to cover your SRS, you really have no choice about this.  Most surgeons in the US go by WPATH guidelines as well, so if you are willing to pay out of pocket, you are likely headed overseas. I was adamantly opposed to this requirement, but I've mellowed a bit.  I can see the value in it.  The daily grind of what women go through may surprise some, who are often so focused on themselves and their transition, they forget that it can be a cold, cruel world out there for females.  I'll say it again: you have to want this more than anything.  You have to be prepared to lose friends, family, and maybe your job.  I'd say most people are luckier than that.  I kept my job and most of my friends.

7. SRS.  If you got this far, you might take this step.  I have read that the majority don't.  It depends on your sense of dysphoria, how your relationships function, and many other factors. For many, just being socially accepted as female is quite enough.  They don't have any genital dysphoria and are happy just the way they are.  For other, like me, SRS was always the goal - to have a fully congruent body, and be anatomically correct.

8. Other cosmetic surgery/VFS. Once you are full-time, you may consider breast augmentation or other body sculpting.  Again, that's a very individual thing. VFS is another expensive option if you feel you just "aren't there" yet in terms of your presentation.

Those are my thoughts, anyway.  I hope some of it helped.

With kindness,

Terri   

Edit: Typos

I love scheduling stuff.  "To do" lists help me not only see progress, but to keep motivated.

My first was to get set up with Hormone Therapy and stop further hairloss.  I then moved onto Hair Restoration.  My hairline was petty bad, and that was going to take the longest to see results from.  I started voice training with a speech pathologist shortly after hair restoration.  I then moved on to hair removal.  I am going to schedule my bottom surgery next, because its a huge source of stress in my life.  I've also heard reports of extra breast growth after bottom surgery.  Who knows, but hey... take what I can get.  These should keep me focused for 2 to 3 years, and allow the hormone therapy to take hold and plenty of voice practice.  From there I can decide if I want to proceed with voice feminization surgery, facial feminization surgery, or breast augmentation.

Quote from: Maybebaby56 on July 30, 2017, 08:36:34 AM
Conventional wisdom is that you  should be on HRT  at least a year before having FFS, as there will be some soft tissue changes that will affect what an FFS surgeon will recommend.

I have to say I think conventional wisdom IMO is wrong (and was certainly different back when I had FFS in 1999).

FFS should not IMO be about soft tissue work but work on the bones to undo what testosterone has done as much as possible. For that HRT makes absolutely no difference (and remember soft tissue will change as one ages ... the bone work much less so if at all).

The soft tissues work after that boney work is mostly the same work as woman might get, so I would not call it FFS.

As for planning... Well I did only sort of did it generally without an overarching plan or timeline.

When I decided to transition I arranged to start HRT, and realized that conventional electrolysis could take years... So I went for massive clearing at Electrology 2000 in Texas where they used anesthetics and 2 operators for several full days a visit... and was essentially cleared within a year.

I went fully time a few months after the clearing was done, had SRS almost exactly 1 year later, and FFS about a year after that.

- Karen

 Didn't really have a schedule as such just wanted to lose weight before starting HRT.  As I lost the weight I just changed my wardrobe to female. Took about 2 years to lose 185 lbs somewhere along the way I was full time, I can't really say on what date that happened it just did.  It was about six months before starting HRT that date I know as well as the day I legally changed my name and gender. I do want to get GCS and have taken steps toward that, I just went to class about it last week but I need to get somethings settled in my life before I can set a date.

My transition  schedule is each day longer on HRT

I have kind of a loose schedule. Unfortunately I don't make a whole lot of money at my current job, so more so than ever I'm living paycheck to paycheck.
Therapy, coming out to friends & family, let my hair grow, and started laser on my face in June. Started HRT in July. August I don't have anything in particular planned (except maybe some more time spent out as me with friends). September I'm going to start electro for my other areas & finally get to a social meeting for transgender people (why is everything I want to do on Thursdays?). I'm hoping in December &/or January getting all the legal name & gender changes done & start hunting for a new job & place to live (I HAVE to get out of this backwards little town!). After that, full time!
I want to get GRS as soon as I can, but at my current pay it'd take a minimum of 10 years to save up (unless I win the lottery - yeah right). So I definitely need a higher paying job ASAP. I'm waiting to see the results of HRT before I consider FFS (I'd really rather avoid it if I can).

Quote from: naomi62343 on July 30, 2017, 06:34:20 AM
I am wondering if anybody here has had a transition schedule.

Although I had started my transition journey, I am still working out my transition schedule.  I am afraid of missing some steps. I know that everyone should have her own needs and they are unique. Thus, the schedule might be different.

"Man Plans, and God Laughs."  An old yiddish saying thats appropriate here I think. Good to plan but don't hold yourself to any of it. Life has a way of setting many of your priorities,  In spite of all your best efforts. If you need it, it will happen. You can be sure of that.

I have a whiteboard with all my up coming appointments, start dates, dosages, upcoming things I need to do. I have a section for monitoring different things , however most things I put into a spreadsheet. Sometimes you do need to keep track of where you are...most of the major stuff is self evident as you need to do it.

I also try and take at least one selfie a day from the same spot in the same position.