Being Socialized Female 101

[Ryuichi13]

the statements from skipulus are hyper stereotypical and I have yet to meet a woman who is not Amish who demonstrate more than a couple of those. I think this largely describes the 1955 stepford wife, Susie home maker in Oklahoma stereotype. The diminutive ones seem most prevalent in my circles.

The tool thing is weird because I know a lot of women who do that but also a lot who don't. I know fewer men who are incompetent with tools than women.

The fair thing seems decidedly Midwest and 1950 but the point is right on - in large social gatherings women do tend to take charge.

The not taking stances, discussing politics and hedging I have not seen to be true. But my circles are mostly highly educated and many are executives, teachers, lawyers which may be a different behavior demographic than high school or college educated housewife.

But these behaviors are all cultural and regional. I am an east coaster who grew up in New England. I have found most of the east and west coast to be similar, but the Midwest is sometimes like an entirely different country.

*snip*

Your list reads like something written in Good Housekeeping in the 1930s.  I would suggest you show this list to some cis-gender women.  It's so removed from modern reality they would think you're joking. 

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the "Stepford Wife/Good Housekeeping" statements. 

I taught my kid to be independent, a free thinker, to question everything, to take charge and how to do many things that are considered "stereotypically male."  She grew up to be a wonderfully, outspoken, take-charge, intelligent woman, and I'm proud of that fact. 

My daughter is from Cleveland, Ohio, now transplanted to Washington state, and she's still the independent-thinking, non-subserviant, woman that I taught her to be, and now she's teaching my two granddaughters to be the same, something I'm proud of.  They hike, climb trees, jump into streams to get frogs and all kind of things that are "1930s-type male."  And they do this while wearing pink sparkly unicorn shirts and purple leggings!  I can't wait until their father teaches them how to change spark plugs, but at ages 8 and 4, they're a bit young for car repair.

It sounds like you've been transplanted to Mayberry and Andy Griffin and Barney One-Bullet should come looking for a piece of pecan (YUCK!) pie.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Andy_Griffith_Show

I pity any women that mostly act the way you describe.  It sounds like they are expecting to be treated like servants or second-class citizens.  I wish them the best of luck.  Sounds like they'll need it to survive in 2019 and beyond.

Ryuichi

[jill610]

I'm sorry, but I have to agree with the "Stepford Wife/Good Housekeeping" statements. 

I taught my kid to be independent, a free thinker, to question everything, to take charge and how to do many things that are considered "stereotypically male."  She grew up to be a wonderfully, outspoken, take-charge, intelligent woman, and I'm proud of that fact. 

My daughter is from Cleveland, Ohio, now transplanted to Washington state, and she's still the independent-thinking, non-subserviant, woman that I taught her to be, and now she's teaching my two granddaughters to be the same, something I'm proud of.  They hike, climb trees, jump into streams to get frogs and all kind of things that are "1930s-type male."  And they do this while wearing pink sparkly unicorn shirts and purple leggings!  I can't wait until their father teaches them how to change spark plugs, but at ages 8 and 4, they're a bit young for car repair.

It sounds like you've been transplanted to Mayberry and Andy Griffin and Barney One-Bullet should come looking for a piece of pecan (YUCK!) pie.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Andy_Griffith_Show

I pity any women that mostly act the way you describe.  It sounds like they are expecting to be treated like servants or second-class citizens.  I wish them the best of luck.  Sounds like they'll need it to survive in 2019 and beyond.

Ryuichi

It seems that you are agreeing with me but maybe I'm reading too much into your quoting me, which seems like your are using my post as an anti example when it's saying the same thing.

The OP posted a list of stepford behaviors which I strongly disagree with as typical or necessary.

[Linde]

I pity any women that mostly act the way you describe.  It sounds like they are expecting to be treated like servants or second-class citizens.  I wish them the best of luck.  Sounds like they'll need it to survive in 2019 and beyond.

Ryuichi

If my wife would have been like the ones that are described in the list, I would not have been interested in her!  I wanted a partner (like my parents were in their relation), and not a servant!

[Ryuichi13]

It seems that you are agreeing with me but maybe I'm reading too much into your quoting me, which seems like your are using my post as an anti example when it's saying the same thing.

The OP posted a list of stepford behaviors which I strongly disagree with as typical or necessary.

I think that perhaps you are reading too much into my statement.  I'm agreeing with you. 

Ryuichi

[MaryT]

Hi ladies! So, the other day I was at my support group and one of the ladies there mentioned that because they weren't raised and socialized as a female, they didn't know any of the do's and don'ts of being a girl that all female bodied people are taught from a young age. At this point they all turned to me (the only FTM in the group) and asked me what some of those do's and don'ts are. I got thinking that this was probably a common problem you gals run into, so I thought I'd make a list and post it here.

Disclaimer: These are my own personal experiences and observations and are obviously not going to be universal. A lot of these are things that I'm trying to unlearn myself.

•   The first thing you should know is that girls are taught from a young age to be a little bit fearful. What I mean is that they are raised knowing that being raped, assaulted and/or murdered is a very real possibility. This isn't just being paranoid, statistics show that between ¼ to ½ of all women have been sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime. This means that they behave very differently in certain situations than a man would because they are aware that there is constant threat. This doesn't mean live your life in fear, it just means you need to be aware of your surroundings and avoid certain situations.

o   Don't walk down dark alleys alone at night. In fact, be extremely cautious of going anywhere alone at night. If you have too, be alert, pay attention to your surroundings. Don't be looking at your phone. If you're walking to your car, take your keys out of your purse before you enter the parking lot and walk with them in your hand.

o   Body language is a big factor in keeping you safe. Don't try to make yourself look small, don't hunch your shoulder down and keep your head looking at the ground. Put your shoulders back, your chin up and be looking around. And don't be afraid to glare at anyone you think is suspicious looking. Anyone who is looking to assault someone is looking for a victim: someone who is weak, easy prey and won't fight back. So, if you look like you know what they are up to and will fight back if they try anything, they will most likely leave you alone.

o   If you are at a club, bar or any type of similar setting, never leave your drink unattended. In fact, never let it out of your sight. Putting it down and looking away is exactly how you get roofied. And yes, people try that all the time. Pick it up, and don't put it down until you're done, or if you're sitting at a table, put it directly in your line of sight so you can see if anyone tries anything.

o   And on another note, at such places, always try to go to the restroom in groups of at least two. There's a reason women do this, it's because there is safety in numbers and restrooms at such places are great places to be assaulted. Think about it, you wander away from your group of friends alone, to the back of the club where there are fewer people, to a room with a door that locks. Perfect ambush opportunity.

o   Be cautious of men you don't know approaching you when you are alone. Your car breaking down on the side of the road is always a bad situation to find yourself in. Don't assume that everyone who stops and offers to help is doing so with good intentions.

o   Don't pick up hitchhikers. I feel like that should be self-explanatory.

•   <slut shaming portion removed> Admin

Are you scared yet? You've probably never had to think of any of these things before, but these are things women are always aware of. You don't have to live in fear, but a healthy dose of caution goes a long way to keeping you safe.

And now that I've made you completely paranoid, let's move on to lighter things. Some of these things many of you probably already know, but I'm trying to be thorough.

•   Skirts and dresses. There are few things to know about wearing skirts and dresses.

o   When you sit down wearing a skirt or dress, you never just sit down. This causes the skirt to gather underneath you uncomfortably and causes your skirt to wrinkle. What you do is this: you reach behind you with both hands, palms open flat, and gently pull the loose material of the back of the skirt forward until its resting against the back of your thighs. You do this as you are in the process of sitting down. It should be one fluid motion. Sweep your arms back, palms open, move the material while sitting down, and then bring your hand into your lap.

o   Always keep your knees together when sitting while wearing a skirt or dress. No one wants to see your underwear.

o   When you bend down to pick something up off the floor while wearing a skirt, you never bend over at the waist. You bend down with your knees to pick something up. Again, no one wants to see your underwear.

o   Bonus: how to walk in heels. The trick to walking in heels, is that you are not walking with your entire foot. You are only walking on the ball of your foot, or if you have really high heels, your tippy toes. If you're standing still, you can put your weight on your heel, but when walking only put weight on the balls of your feet. And when walking down stairs, hold onto the hand rail.

•   Women cross their legs when they are sitting down. It is something most of them do unconsciously. They sit down and immediately cross their legs. Either one thigh over the other, or at the ankles.

•   When women stand, they tend to put all their weight on only one leg at a time. If you've notices how most of the time women have their hips canted when they are standing, it is because of this. Put all your weight on one leg and kind of relax the knee of the other leg so it is slightly bent.

•   Women carry things differently than men do. Women's bodies are different than men's bodies, which yes you already knew, but probably not in this way. Men are built to work, so they are stronger in their shoulders and upper bodies, and have a center of mass that is higher up on the body than women. Women are built to carry babies. This means that their center of mass, and the strongest, most balanced part of their body is the hips. So, when women carry things, especially heavy things, they carry them on their hips not their shoulders. For example, when carrying a laundry basket, women will often hold it in one hand and rest the other end against their hip, either in front of them or to the side. Or if they're carrying a bag of something heavy, they carry it in both arms, low in front of their bodies, and rest the weight on their hip bones.

•   When women make eye contact with someone, they smile. Even if you don't know the person, still give at least a small smile. Okay this is kind of a generalization, but it seems to be a thing most women do and what is expected of them.

•   Women listen to every single word that comes out of someone's mouth and always have some kind of reply or comment afterwards. According to my mother, men do this thing where they tune someone out if they don't think they're saying anything important (which I agree with because I do this all the time). But women always listen to everything that someone is saying, no matter what the topic. So, no matter how many times a day your mother has to tell you about the exploits of all the birds at the bird feeder, you have to listen to every word and each time have an appropriately enthusiastic response.

•   Women look someone in the eye or in the face when they are talking. Yes, this is a normal social thing for everyone, but women tend to do it more so than men do. In other words, women are less likely to look away during the conversation than men are. Women also tend to lean forward toward the other person when speaking to or listening to each other.

•    Women compliment each other, a lot. They even do it to women they don't know, but it is especially common among women that they do know. For example, "that's a nice shirt" "I love your hair" "where did you get those shoes."

•   It's a lot more acceptable for a woman to show her emotions than it is for a man.

•   Women carry things in purses, and never in their pockets. Except for maybe Chapstick or their phone.

Wow, that was the longest post I've ever made in my life. I'll probably have more things to add as I think of them. Or if anyone else wants to add feel free.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, I don't mind talking about it. Just be warned, I'm FTM and I kind of made a lousy girl.

This thread has grown quite a lot with interesting ideas and opinions.  The OP is so useful to those early in transition, though, that I thought that I would quote it so that people who only read the more recent posts don't miss out on the benefits of this topic.

[MaryT]

This is a REALLY helpful topic, especially the OP by Kylen Kantari.

However, it took me ages to find it again.

Perhaps the Powers That Be could move the thread to a section where it could be found more easily and appreciated (and added to) by more members, especially newbies.

Right now, it is in the section Transgender Talk which, as I write, has 16,203 topics, making it hard to find even in the unlikely event that the pilgrim knows that it is in that section.
The section Help and Howto's, however, has only 320 topics.

[ChrissyRyan]

At least the Being Socialized Female 101
topic is currently at the top of the board's list of topics.



https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,4.0.html

And topic:

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,228377.0.html    Being Socialized Female 101

[Lilis]

This is a REALLY helpful topic, especially the OP by Kylen Kantari.

However, it took me ages to find it again.

Perhaps the Powers That Be could move the thread to a section where it could be found more easily and appreciated (and added to) by more members, especially newbies.

Right now, it is in the section Transgender Talk which, as I write, has 16,203 topics, making it hard to find even in the unlikely event that the pilgrim knows that it is in that section.
The section Help and Howto's, however, has only 320 topics.

I just bookmarked the OP and your post for future easr of finding, thanks! 🫶

[MaryT]

At least the Being Socialized Female 101
topic is currently at the top of the board's list of topics.



https://www.susans.org/index.php/board,4.0.html

And topic:

https://www.susans.org/index.php/topic,228377.0.html    Being Socialized Female 101

It's position on those boards is determined by how recently someone posted on it.  If the topic is inactive for a long time it will slip down the list and become much more difficult to find.

[Northern Star Girl]

@MaryT
Dear MaryT:
EXACTLY correct....    this is a topic of interest and if the thread becomes more active
it will stay near the top...
...but of course there are a plethora of other topics on the Transgender Talk board of equal interest.

Every so often we all should go down that list to see what interesting topics have gone "dormant."

                     Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this.

HUGS, Danielle [Northern Star Girl]

It's position on those boards is determined by how recently someone posted on it.  If the topic is inactive for a long time it will slip down the list and become much more difficult to find.

[ChrissyRyan]

Many times I have a dream that I was socialized as female, raised as female, went to school as female, and everyone for all practical purposes thought that I was a girl.  That was because I looked and sounded like a girl, was very fem, had beautiful hair, and did most everything nice girls do. 

I dreamt that my body rounded out at the appropriate time and that I was that lovely girl in the neighborhood that was kind, modest, friendly, thoughtful, bubbly, and smart too.  A sweetheart.

I am a woman now but I very much wish that those dreams were reality.  Turns out that I can be most of those things in terms of character and personality at least, not all, but I missed out on those experiences.

Chrissy

[ChrissyRyan]

I had that same dream last night.

I was not one of those super popular girls but I had nice friends.

Friends help make things better.  Not those Facebook "friends"; but, real friends.


Chrissy

[Natali400]

Wow, you must be a Virgo! 

I love the way you explain things so clearly and thoughtfully. 

Thanks!

[Lori Dee]

< raises hand > Virgo here. September 3.

I have always seen myself as the iconic Virgo. Feminine, but not in a sexual way. Like the Columbs, or Vestal Virgins.

Then a friend of my dad's was really into astrology and loaned me the book, "Linda Goodman's Sun Signs" and the book's description of Virgo was exactly me.

[Natali400]

< raises hand > Virgo here. September 3.

I have always seen myself as the iconic Virgo. Feminine, but not in a sexual way. Like the Columbs, or Vestal Virgins.

Then a friend of my dad's was really into astrology and loaned me the book, "Linda Goodman's Sun Signs" and the book's description of Virgo was exactly me.

Virgo sees all the details, I ❤️ them

Big 💜 to you 💋