The Stephanie Chronicles

[steph2.0]

I don't think I have your personal email, but I'll try a PM...
By the way, one test I used was copying and pasting the link to Kendra's Dropbox picture (of her on stage) and it worked just fine, but as beautiful as she is, I didn't think you'd want to see her picture in my post.

To quote Emily Litella: "Never mind..." I got it!

I closely compared the links:

Mine: https://www.dropbox.com/s/4a4fdq3y7n8k9g4/newbroad.jpg?dl=0
Kendra's: https://www.dropbox.com/s/5xtczd5fxnke3gz/2017-09-17%2000.36.11.jpg?dl=1

See it? The dl suffix is set to 0 on mine, and 1 on hers. I manually changed it on mine, and it works. Now if I could only edit my original post, all would be well. I'll post an amendment.

Problem solved. I can sleep now.

Steph

[steph2.0]

Note to self:
When using edges of hands to squeegee off water after shower, avoid breasticle area.

[steph2.0]

Staying Focused

[steph2.0]

I posted a few days ago about coming out to another close friend and his wife, and how awesome they were about it. He called a couple days later, and the first thing I heard was, "How ya doin', Steph?" We went on to have a completely open, unreserved, and relaxed conversation about anything and everything. The call ended with him insisting that they take my wife and me, (yes, Stephanie) to Disney World for a day. This evening we set it up for next Thursday.

I am so geeked about it. I feel like I did before my first date with the woman who eventually became my wife.

I already had some wonderful friends that I can talk about anything with, but this is the first time that concrete plans were made to not just meet one of them as myself, but be treated to a whole day doing something cool with them.

Wow. My confidence is off the charts right now. But OMG, what am I gonna wear?

Stephanie

[Leslie601]

Hello Steph,

A lot of what you say reminds me of some of the stuff my SO and I went through when I first came out. Some dear friends were wonderful and some fair weather friends aren't any more. My SO felt betrayed and threw the "D" word around, I probably could have handled that better but, thank goodness, it all worked itself out. Now we have fun and some folks have had a ball at my expense. It's been a long time coming with more to come I'm sure.
Some people have started and stopped and switched back and forth but I'm sure your case will be a hoot!

Leslie

[Laurie]

Hey that's great Steph(anie). Say hi to Minnie for me.

[steph2.0]

Hey that's great Steph(anie). Say hi to Minnie for me.

I will if I can Lau(rie) though it looks like most of the day we're doing a some sort of VIP tour of the Animal Kingdom park. We will have "park-hopper" tickets, though, so if we do get to the Magic Kingdom I'll look up Minnie - or should it be Goofy?

S(tep)hanie

[steph2.0]

A lot of what you say reminds me of some of the stuff my SO and I went through when I first came out. Some dear friends were wonderful and some fair weather friends aren't any more. My SO felt betrayed and threw the "D" word around, I probably could have handled that better but, thank goodness, it all worked itself out. Now we have fun and some folks have had a ball at my expense. It's been a long time coming with more to come I'm sure.
Some people have started and stopped and switched back and forth but I'm sure your case will be a hoot!

Hi Leslie,

My wife continues to be my rock. Not sure I could do it without her. Haven't lost any friends yet, though you never know. No matter how I'm received on my first all-day adventure as myself coming up on Thursday, I have a feeling that when I get home, I'll be ready to tell the rest of the world, embrace those who still love me for me, and discard the rest. Time to get this show on the road.

Much of this confidence was borne of the help of the great people on this forum.

Thanks for writing, and I hope your healing goes well.

Steph

[LizK]

............ I'm beginning to understand the narrow path we walk as we celebrate the good things, while we try to avoid hurting the others here that we care about. That's why I found it best to just smile, accept the congratulations, and move on.............................

Steph

Hi Steph below is an example of the code I use when I get it from IMgur which also gives me the opportunity for different code depending on what size I want

Where you see the word bracket replace it with this [ type of bracket
bracket url=https://imgur.com/yourid] bracket img]http://i.imgur.com/picturefile.jpg[/img][/url]

Hope that helps you work out how the BB code works

You are right we do walk a narrow path and as well as taking all that into consideration you have to try and do what ever is best for you...sometimes it becomes frustrating to continue to be considerate of others when they do not show you even basic respect....Sounds like you have a wonderful ally in your wife... we all a need a rock of support...its great that you have such solid support...

[steph2.0]

You are right we do walk a narrow path and as well as taking all that into consideration you have to try and do what ever is best for you...sometimes it becomes frustrating to continue to be considerate of others when they do not show you even basic respect....Sounds like you have a wonderful ally in your wife... we all a need a rock of support...its great that you have such solid support...

Hi Liz,

I'll start out by complimenting your new avatar. You look radiant!

As for being considerate of others who don't show respect, so far I haven't had any problem, but with my current attitude I won't have any problem writing them out of my life. We'll see how I actually respond when it does hit me in the face.

For the graphics, thanks for the tip, but now that I have Dropbox figured out, I'm good to go. It's very convenient to kerplunk the file into a folder, copy and paste the link, and make the one change, without having to sign up for yet another online service.

Be well,

Steph

[steph2.0]

Flashback

I ran across one of those log-sized pencils they taught us to write with in elementary school, and was reminded that I started out writing with either hand. For the first couple of weeks I could switch at will, but then was forced to use my right hand. I still write and throw right-handed, though I eat and do lots of other things left-handed. I wonder if there's any relationship to my trans condition?

Steph

[steph2.0]

Another milestone passed today!

After picking up my first prescription for BLT numbing cream (so I can finally get started on hair removal), I put on my earrings, brushed out my hair, grabbed my purse, and went shopping at Target. This was my first time out shopping without my wife for cover and moral support. On the way in I used the ladies room, then went right to the women's section and picked out a couple of tops... and my first bras! I had to keep going back to the fitting room until I found something that fit - probably 5 or 6 times. I used to sneak the clothes back onto the rack, but this time I just dropped them off at the desk like they want you to, and the nice lady thanked me.

There was absolutely no drama. Most people just ignored me, just another girl out shopping. The people I did interact with were nice.

Two things surprised me: first, it was a last minute decision to do this, so I the only makeup I had on was a little concealer over the beard. Second, other than giving myself a little pep talk before I got out of the car, there was no anxiety, and it just felt natural. Why shouldn't a girl go buy herself clothes without fear?

I think I'm finally getting it. Those of you who've been there are probably smiling and thinking, "I told you so!" For those who are just getting started, I was where you are just a few months ago. I you had told me in June that in September I'd be shopping in girl mode, by myself, for bras , I would have called the folks with the white jacket for you. Just own it, and if you're nervous, fake the confidence 'til you make it. Don't let them smell the fear, and before long, there won't be any to smell.

I am so geeked right now. I can see RLE just around the corner...

Steph

[Laurie]

 Hi Steph(anie),

  Good going girl. you're doing better than me. Although I have no problem being in the women's areas and even looking for a bra I have yet to try anything on. Not a single item.  Still a chicken. Bathrooms are also an anathema for me. Fear is a very difficult thing to overcome.

Laurie

[steph2.0]

I'm a little mystified about where my current confidence is coming from. It's not uncommon to hear people talk about euphoria within days of starting HRT, but I didn't experience any of that, either when I first started low-dose back in June, or when I went to full-dose a few weeks ago. It was pretty disappointing at the time, but that's what I seem to be feeling now. Is is possible that it just took longer to kick in for me?

I've always been a late bloomer - slow on the puberty thing, and late on all of the maturities: sexual, intellectual, and especially emotional. And my sense of time has always seemed to be slower than everyone else's. I've always been called smart but slow. People like the work I do, but complain about how long it takes me to do it. Sometimes I feel like someone in one of those SF shows who gets thrown into a different time scale. Everyone else is zipping around while I feel like I'm at normal speed.

Aaaanyway, I'm not complaining. Just a little stream-of-consciousness wondering out loud...

Steph

[steph2.0]

Fear is a very difficult thing to overcome.

Oh Laurie, don't I know it. Though I compared my current situation to back in June, I've been doing the terrified sneaking around "buying for my wife" birthday/Christmas-gift Halloween-costume don't-look-at-me sweating-buckets thing for at least 30 years. Online shopping was a great improvement, but even with that, I was so paranoid that I set up a new Gmail address that I could use to set up a new Amazon account, then bought Amazon gift cards that I could apply to that account so I didn't have to enter credit card information. And then I got a PO box so nothing got delivered to the house. Aaand then I worried the postal workers would see me picking it up. All of those kinds of subterfuges and lies are what finally shoved me over the top into my meltdown, and pushed me into finding a therapist. And the rest is history.

But I was serious, Laurie. People just don't give a you-know-what. Give 'em that avatar smile and you can get away with anything. Try it, you'll like it!

Steph

[Kendra]

I will confide in you that I'm confident your new-found confidence is why you are no longer confounded. 

But seriously, this is great to see.  Things that previously seemed impossible just sort of vanish when you focus on more important stuff.  If we act like we are supposed to be there (because it's true), everyone else just goes back to being civilized or fiddling with their phone. 

[Laurie]

  I think the problem is that they are exclusively women's special places that I don't hold a membership card for.  I can do the others fine because though men are uncomfortable in them, they are still public spaces.  It's sort of like those times I would wear my sister's clothes for Halloween. It was a load of fun, but at the end of the night the clothes had to be taken off.

[Megan.]

  I think the problem is that they are exclusively women's special places that I don't hold a membership card for.  I can do the others fine because though men are uncomfortable in them, they are still public spaces.  It's sort of like those times I would wear my sister's clothes for Halloween. It was a load of fun, but at the end of the night the clothes had to be taken off.

Shhh,  don't tell anyone,  but you're a woman too,  have membership  and will be welcomed right in [emoji6]
Seriously though,  I was as nervous as anyone else here at the start,  but now it's just like picking up a new pack of drill bits at the hardware store. As I tell my young son,  you only get good at something by practice, so get out there and practice! X

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[steph2.0]

Anthems

There are two songs in my head right now that are helping me stay positive. I mentioned one in a different thread - it's the theme song from Star Trek: Enterprise, called "Faith of the Heart," written by Diane Warren:

It's been a long road
Getting from there to here
It's been a long time
But my time is finally near

And I can see my dreams come alive at night
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No they're not gonna change my mind

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

It's been a long night
Trying to find my way
Been through the darkness
Now I finally have my day

I will see my dream come alive at last
I will touch the sky
And they're not gonna hold me down no more
No there not gonna change my mind

Cause I've got faith of the heart
I'm going where my heart will take me
I've got faith to believe
I can do anything
I've got strength of the soul
And no one's gonna bend or break me
I can reach any star
I've got faith
Faith of the heart

The other song is from Jimmy Buffett (yes I admit it, I'm a Parrothead) called "Some Day I Will," part of which goes:

Don't need to know who
May help you make it come true
Just say some day I will

Don't have to work it all out
Don't have to tear it all apart
All you need's a place to start

And if it never worked before
Try it just once more
That's what your heart is for

Whether it's big or small
If you have a passion at all
Just say some day I will
Some day
Some day I will
Some day

Do you have an anthem?

Steph

[Megan.]

When I was in a bad place REMs Everybody Hurts always helped me make it another 24 hours...

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