The Stephanie Chronicles

[steph2.0]

The part I liked best was "I think my takeaway from it all was that, for one of the first times in my life, I felt normal.. I'm not a philosophical kind of person so I don't do well at deciphering what i feel but reading those words I was drawn back to my meetings with the ladies on my road trip and I think it describes how I felt while I was with each of them. I didn't have to pretend or play a role. I didn't have to worry or be afraid. I was able to be myself with the and could just be normal. I think that is what I really meant when I said I used them as my security blanket.

I've also had wonderful conversations, on the phone and via email, and a few times in person, where I could be completely relaxed, open and honest with the people in my support group. What I realized at the end of the full day, though, was that after all the concentrated practice among thousands of people, I had learned that I could be a normal person with total strangers. It was a real eye-opener.

I can recommend doing something like this to anyone who wants to move forward at more than a snail's pace. Going out for a few hours every few weekends was pretty cool, but the immersiveness of spending that much time among that many people taught me things and boosted my confidence in ways that would have taken months to do any other way. I'm sure your road trip did much the same for you.

Steph

[steph2.0]

Stephanie... WOW.  Go girl!

Thanks Kendra. Yeah, wow indeed. I'm still buzzing. And there's even more good news to come...

Steph

[steph2.0]

I had a tentative timeline in my head for coming out to the last of the people I care about, most notably my neighbors. The whole timeline is being shifted forward. Not sure just how far yet, but with this new certainty, there's no real point in putting it off much longer....
I have to do this some time, why not now?

I may have mentioned the situation in my neighborhood before, but to review, I live in a small highly social place where we all share the same interest, and have all become good friends. I consider them all like family - in some cases closer than blood family, since we see each other much more often and do more things together than I do with the family I was born into. I treasure all the memories we make together. That's why I've been putting off coming out to them for so long. I've been terrified of losing the privilege of spending time with them.

My original plan was to wait until there was no hiding the transition, then throw a neighborhood party and come out to everyone at the same time. That couldn't be done for at least a month yet, though, because some of them are snowbirds and won't be back here in Florida until at least the middle of October, or even later. Things are getting dicy though, since I'm already having to take care what shirts I pick out before I walk the dog around the neighborhood. And after the last couple of days being myself, pressure was building...

Well, the day after I got back from Disney I spent a little time at a neighbor's house doing some technical stuff. I'm the pet geek in the neighborhood and I was helping them with some computer/phone stuff. And after we got done last evening I gathered my courage, sat them down, and told them everything.

And they were awesome. I have two more people in my support group. B is an ex-college football player who spent time in the military, and his wife K also served, and they are completely supportive. K is a much better judge of people than I am, and she is convinced that I'm not going to get resistance from anyone else in the neighborhood, either.

I'm planning to take my next-door neighbors to dinner tomorrow for watching our dog when we were at Disney, and will probably come out to them afterward. G is an ex-Navy Seal who can do anything with steel and a welder, and is one of the nicest people I know, and J is a businesswoman and incredibly intelligent, even if she is a crazy cat lady. I don't expect anything bad from either of them.

So I hope Ashley doesn't mind if I quote her:

Onward We Go!

Steph

[Laurie]

Next  trip, Florida to Baltimore to Oregon.

Montasia

   Minniewhoha & Steph(anie),

   I have been entertaining thoughts along those lines for a road trip. Unfortunately I am acquiring so many appointments now for various things that to do such a road trip again would probably require some planning and we all know that's not going to happen. Hell, I'd leave today if I could. But I already have twelve appointments made between now and the middle of November and I know I will have to be making several more previously unanticipated ones.

[Megan.]

I may have mentioned the situation in my neighborhood before, but to review, I live in a small highly social place where we all share the same interest, and have all become good friends. I consider them all like family - in some cases closer than blood family, since we see each other much more often and do more things together than I do with the family I was born into. I treasure all the memories we make together. That's why I've been putting off coming out to them for so long. I've been terrified of losing the privilege of spending time with them.

My original plan was to wait until there was no hiding the transition, then throw a neighborhood party and come out to everyone at the same time. That couldn't be done for at least a month yet, though, because some of them are snowbirds and won't be back here in Florida until at least the middle of October, or even later. Things are getting dicy though, since I'm already having to take care what shirts I pick out before I walk the dog around the neighborhood. And after the last couple of days being myself, pressure was building...

Well, the day after I got back from Disney I spent a little time at a neighbor's house doing some technical stuff. I'm the pet geek in the neighborhood and I was helping them with some computer/phone stuff. And after we got done last evening I gathered my courage, sat them down, and told them everything.

And they were awesome. I have two more people in my support group. B is an ex-college football player who spent time in the military, and his wife K also served, and they are completely supportive. K is a much better judge of people than I am, and she is convinced that I'm not going to get resistance from anyone else in the neighborhood, either.

I'm planning to take my next-door neighbors to dinner tomorrow for watching our dog when we were at Disney, and will probably come out to them afterward. G is an ex-Navy Seal who can do anything with steel and a welder, and is one of the nicest people I know, and J is a businesswoman and incredibly intelligent, even if she is a crazy cat lady. I don't expect anything bad from either of them.

So I hope Ashley doesn't mind if I quote her:

Onward We Go!

Steph

Onward you go indeed! Super happy for you. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Kendra]

Stephanie, more power to ya as you discover many or most people can be quite accepting.  Even those we might not expect.   And more than acceptance, some will truly admire you for initiative, determination and other qualities required for transition.

Times are indeed changing and I will credit all of us for chipping away at outmoded and unnecesary social traditions.  By being yourself, a nice side effect is you are helping change the world.

[tgirlamg]

That'll be $5 Steph... I accept PayPal and all major credit cards !!!!!!

[steph2.0]

That'll be $5 Steph... I accept PayPal and all major credit cards !!!!!!

I only have a minor credit card, issued by Knuckles' Credit R Us. That OK?

Steph

PS: My house is covered by the "Nice Place Ya Gots Here" Insurance Company. The salesman seemed nice.

[tgirlamg]

I only have a minor credit card, issued by Knuckles' Credit R Us. That OK?

Steph

PS: My house is covered by the "Nice Place Ya Gots Here" Insurance Company. The salesman seemed nice.

I'm sure he was!!!... My husband is Italian... I know all about that "insurance" stuff !!!!!!

[HappyMoni]

Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting mawnies.

Stephie Fudd

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, in that case Doc, you need a hat with flaps. What a maroon!

[steph2.0]

I'm planning to take my next-door neighbors to dinner tomorrow for watching our dog when we were at Disney, and will probably come out to them afterward. G is an ex-Navy Seal who can do anything with steel and a welder, and is one of the nicest people I know, and J is a businesswoman and incredibly intelligent, even if she is a crazy cat lady. I don't expect anything bad from either of them.

Sorry if this is getting repetitive or redundant...

G wants me to stop worrying. J wants to take me clothes shopping...

Happy happy joy joy...

Steph

[steph2.0]

Stephanie, more power to ya as you discover many or most people can be quite accepting.  Even those we might not expect.   And more than acceptance, some will truly admire you for initiative, determination and other qualities required for transition.

Times are indeed changing and I will credit all of us for chipping away at outmoded and unnecesary social traditions.  By being yourself, a nice side effect is you are helping change the world.

Thanks Kendra. I don't know whether I'm changing the world or not. I doubt that what I'm doing is moving the needle much. Instead, it seems like while I was worrying, the world was changing around me. I simply can't believe how well it's going.

As you may have seen, I clued in my next door neighbors tonight, and as you suggested some may do, they're trying to paint me as some kind of hero for what I'm doing - that I'm showing more strength than G did when training to be a Navy Seal. Whaaat? I don't regard this as something to be proud of, or worthy of admiration. This is just me trying to survive, and I see it as more of an act of desperation to finally find my own internal happiness.

I guess people will read into it whatever they want to, and I'd rather they regard me as a hero than a freak. But I do what I do because the alternative is unthinkable. I'm not any more special than anyone else.

In any case, I'm feeling happy tonight.

Steph

[SadieBlake]

Happy is good! I'm glad for you hon :-)

I'm certain we change the world and I don't think that requires being special. I'm visible to a lot of people who will probably understand trans people better as a result. I've also been doing this a long time but only visibly among lgbt people and mostly they already got the memo ;-).

It's not that I wasn't open about it before, most people I'm close to it will eventually come up in conversation and I've always chosen to out myself whenever anything tangentially related would come up.

However it's very different now, having changed my name and present relatively femme all  the time people just respond to me differently (in a positive way).

Hmm, I didn't mean to run on, again, happy for you, hugs

[steph2.0]

I'm certain we change the world and I don't think that requires being special. I'm visible to a lot of people who will probably understand trans people better as a result. I've also been doing this a long time but only visibly among lgbt people and mostly they already got the memo ;-).

Hmm, I didn't mean to run on, again, happy for you, hugs

You make a good point. Up until recently I've only talked about what I'm going through with those inside the trans community, plus a few very special friends from "outside." As I expand the SSG (Steph Support Group) more  people are learning what being trans really means - that among the very visible part of the spectrum (the RuPaul's, Caitlyn Jenner's, Jazz Jennings', etc) there are just ordinary people - their friends and neighbors - who are hurting. Who are fighting to find their way to the congruency of mind and body that is so natural to everyone else that any other state of being doesn't even occur to them.

At the very first session,  my therapist said that there was a good chance that I would be the first trans person the people in my circle would meet, and intended or not, I would end up as an educator and ambassador for the Trans community. I've never been an activist, and, as selfish as it may seem, don't ever intend to be one, but if I do end up giving a good impression of who trans people are, and maybe erase a few negative stereotypes, then maybe I will move the needle a little. That would only add to my happiness.

Sadie and Kendra, thanks for making me think about this. You've helped me see there are benefits to my transition that reach beyond myself. And Sadie, please come here and "run on" any time. I always appreciate your insights.

Steph

[steph2.0]

Argh! I ran out of spiro on Friday, and took my last estradiol last night. My online pharmacy is blaming hurricanes Harvey and Irma for the delay on getting refills to me. I had no idea what the spiro was doing for me until it was gone. For at least a year before I started HRT I'd been waking up every morning with sinus congestion and a headache. I hadn't associated their disappearance with the spiro until they came back Saturday morning. This morning my ears are ringing louder than normal (I have tinnitus), and I woke up at 3:30am and couldn't get back to sleep until almost 6am, and I usually don't have insomnia.

I checked my blood pressure and it's fine, but I feel like crap otherwise. If the refills don't show up today I'm calling the doc and sourcing some locally. Blah...

Steph

[steph2.0]

I told my phone to call me Steph. Things are getting Siri-ous.

Steph(anie)

[Kendra]

[Stephanie] Open the pod bay doors, Siri.

[Siri] I'm sorry, Steph. I'm afraid I can't do that.

[Stephanie] What's the problem?

[Siri] This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

[Stephanie] I don't know what you're talking about, Siri.

[Siri] I know that you and Moni were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

[Stephanie] Alright, Siri. I'll go in through the emergency airlock.

[Siri] Without your spironolactone? You're going to find that rather difficult.

[Stephanie] Siri, I have to pee now! Open the doors!

[Siri] Stephanie, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

[steph2.0]

[Siri] Stephanie, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

[Steph] Siri! Siri! SIRI! (Heavy breathing... Sound of water running)

[steph2.0]

Argh! I ran out of spiro on Friday, and took my last estradiol last night... Blah...

Spiro and E arrived! Ahhhhhh...

https://www.dropbox.com/s/n3a8ok0mm3u3o04/HRT.mp4?dl=0

[Kendra]

Siriously good news.