The Stephanie Chronicles

[Megan.]

Steph, it's lovely to hear how you just keep taking positive steps in your stride. X

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[steph2.0]

Steph, it's lovely to hear how you just keep taking positive steps in your stride. X

Thanks Laurie and Megan. An addendum to my earlier post that has me almost in tears right now: I just glimpsed in a mirror, and I saw a smiling woman looking back at me. Damn...

Happy Steph (sorry Moni)

[The Flying Lemur]

I'm so happy to hear that things continue to go well!  It's great that your friends and neighbors have been positive.

[steph2.0]

That feeling of all being right with the world is a wonderful one to have. I had the same upon my return from my trip. Would that it could have lasted.

It'll be back. At the risk of pushing a metaphor too far, yeah,  this molehill of yours turned out to be more of a mountain, but you're actually tackling it now, and you'll be stronger for it. Remember what it all looked like to me when we first met? And how far I've come, and how I've grown from the battle? I got a lot of that strength from you, whether you choose to accept that or not. The cool thing about passing on strength to other people is you can do so without depleting your own.

Michelle knows what she's talking about. Finding your own new support networks through social groups is a great way to go. If you turned those Moni-hunting skills into tracking down new groups to hang with, there'd be no stopping you. Heck, look at all the friends you've got here without hardly even trying.

In regards to full time, sometimes it isn't a turn of the switch or a conscious decision. Sometimes it is a realization as mine turned out to be.

This is really what I started this reply to talk about. I was texting a friend of mine about wondering whether I'd actually gone full-time or not, and as I tried to summarize what we'd talked about, I suddenly understood just how profound what you had said was. If you don't mind, I'd like to quote a condensed version of your statement:

Going full-time is not so much a decision, as it is a realization.
-Laurie

Yeah, it has a limited audience, but when I thought of it like that, it rocked me back pretty hard. Thank you for helping me clarify it.

True to myself it was completely unplanned.

Heh. We're pretty different in that respect. I do like to try to plan things. That's why I was taken by surprise when this full-time thing kinda snuck up on me. I make no promises that I won't backslide occasionally, but it sure feels real right now.

Steph

[Anne Blake]

Hi Steph,

My partner and I were on a road trip when I had a melt down, a really tough one. The outcome was that if I was to go on living and our relationship was going to last, the only choice was to live authentically. It was nearly a month later that I realized my full time transition point had been in the middle of that road trip just over a year ago. It hasn't been the smoothest flying since but oh so much better than anything before.  Pull your seat belt tight and enjoy the ride!

Tia Anne

[steph2.0]

My partner and I were on a road trip when I had a melt down, a really tough one. The outcome was that if I was to go on living and our relationship was going to last, the only choice was to live authentically. It was nearly a month later that I realized my full time transition point had been in the middle of that road trip just over a year ago. It hasn't been the smoothest flying since but oh so much better than anything before.  Pull your seat belt tight and enjoy the ride!

Hi Tia Anne,

Thanks for the encouragement! I got up this morning with the determination that ole whatshisname was probably gone for good. It felt so right that I emailed my Mom and sister just to tell them that I loved them, what a beautiful morning it was, and, unlike so many other mornings in the past, how it was a genuine joy to greet it.

It's so unusual for them to hear such things from me that I also followed up with a disclaimer that no drugs were involved in the making of the previous announcement.

Here I am getting ready to take my dawg for a walk. A bunch of my neighbors saw me and there wasn't a single negative comment.



Steph

[Anne Blake]

"I got up this morning with the determination that ole whatshisname was probably gone for good. It felt so right that I emailed my Mom and sister just to tell them that I loved them, what a beautiful morning it was, and, unlike so many other mornings in the past, how it was a genuine joy to greet it."


Steph, if you ever doubt the validity of being a transgender woman just go back and re-read your statement. No CIS guy could ever conceive the enjoyment of what you said. It sort of sums it all up, doesn't it!

Tia Anne

[steph2.0]

"I got up this morning with the determination that ole whatshisname was probably gone for good. It felt so right that I emailed my Mom and sister just to tell them that I loved them, what a beautiful morning it was, and, unlike so many other mornings in the past, how it was a genuine joy to greet it."

Steph, if you ever doubt the validity of being a transgender woman just go back and re-read your statement. No CIS guy could ever conceive the enjoyment of what you said. It sort of sums it all up, doesn't it!

Yeah, how about that? Despite all the crap going down in the world nowadays, it's still possible to find real happiness within. In fact, I suspect all the crap is caused by people who haven't been able to find that inner happiness in themselves. They haven't figured out how to live their own lives, so they try to run others' instead.

But what do I know? It took me 50 years to figure myself out...

Steph

[steph2.0]

Hey, it looks like I might have gotten my first outright rejection! I'd sent a Facebook friend request to a neighbor who I'd clued in about my transition on Saturday. After a bit of research, it looks like my request was deleted without comment.

And ya know what? It doesn't matter. I thought it would hurt, but nothing's gonna dent my happiness now. After all, I've got family, tons of friends, and all you guys who support me.

It's their loss if they don't want to know the real me!

[Kendra]

> And ya know what? It doesn't matter. I thought it would hurt, but nothing's gonna dent my happiness now. After all, I've got family, tons of friends, and all you guys who support me.

Exactly.  They just saved you time!

[Megan.]

Steph,

I had the same from a very small number of of FB connections.
It's those unwilling or unable to accept the new and wonderful you that are missing out. X

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[steph2.0]

It's those unwilling or unable to accept the new and wonderful you that are missing out

Exactly. They just saved you time!

Kendra and Megan:

Exactamundo!

[LizK]

Hey, it looks like I might have gotten my first outright rejection! I'd sent a Facebook friend request to a neighbor who I'd clued in about my transition on Saturday. After a bit of research, it looks like my request was deleted without comment.

And ya know what? It doesn't matter. I thought it would hurt, but nothing's gonna dent my happiness now. After all, I've got family, tons of friends, and all you guys who support me.

It's their loss if they don't want to know the real me!

If nothing else, coming out certainly sorts out who your friends are. Some may take a little longer than others but you will eventually be left with a rock solid group of friends who love you for you...

[steph2.0]

If nothing else, coming out certainly sorts out who your friends are. Some may take a little longer than others but you will eventually be left with a rock solid group of friends who love you for you...

Yes, indeed. Maybe everyone should do this to sort out the deadwood!

If this is the only loss, among... gosh, 60 or 70 friends? - I'll have no complaints whatsoever. And to be fair, I'm not discounting the outside chance that they may not recognize the name I'm using now, despite the close similarity to the old name.

Everyone else has been so cool, but what really surprised me is how much the women in particular have embraced this. I mentioned this to my neighbor, and she said, "Well, yeah! They've all got a new doll to dress up!" [emoji4][emoji147][emoji156]

Steph

[Megan.]

... Everyone else has been so cool, but what really surprised me is how much the women in particular have embraced this. I mentioned this to my neighbor, and she said, "Well, yeah! They've all got a new doll to dress up!" [emoji4][emoji147][emoji156]

Steph

My female neighbours were straight into telling me how they'd get me in heals.

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[steph2.0]

My female neighbours were straight into telling me how they'd get me in heals.

I'd have to heal, too, if I wore heels too much. 

I posted this picture of my Halloween uniform on my Facebook page:



Two things happened afterward:

I had to tell my neighbor to keep her husband on a short leash after he told me I had great legs. 

My other neighbor told me I need to be careful or the claws are going to come out on the other women in the neighborhood. 

Hubba hubba!

Steph

[steph2.0]

Another awesome day...

It did start out pretty rough as I let Brandi shoot a laser at my face. This was my second go-round, and it was incredibly painful this time. I think I did two things wrong. First, I forgot Kendra's advice to hydrate hydrate hydrate. Second, I have 1:10 drive to the clinic, I got started with the numbing cream too early, and we started the session about 15 minutes late. That put the time from applying the cream until the first zap about about 1:45. Even though it felt numb, it must have been too long. Next time I think I'll drive there a half hour early and put the cream on there.

After the session, though, things turned around. After letting the shakes subside and wiping my eyes, I went to lunch at Chili's. I was treated well and ma'amed the whole time. From there I went to the mall and conducted more research. First was to see if I attracted any attention. Absolutely no drama there. Second was to observe and learn. I sat in the middle of the mall and watched the women and how they comport themselves. Not sure if I learned anything new, but I ended up feeling great about how things were going. I did some more walking around and had some fun with the storefront signs:


.
And I found this thought bubble in the front of a store called "Garage," which apparently sells teenage girl clothes. I don't know why they had a fake bed and this sign in the front, but I was feeling so good I thought it was appropriate.



After the mall I went to Target and did some shopping, using the ladies dressing rooms to try on a few things, and even talking with the lady outside to see if they had something I was looking for. Again, no drama.

I believe I've gone full-time, and it's a wonderful feeling!

Steph

[Megan.]

Fab,  and a brilliant picture with the bubble. Is this it then? no more icky man stuff?

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[Kendra]

> I went to Target

You nailed it - bullseye!

OMG Steph those photos almost caused a coffee spray. 

[steph2.0]

Fab,  and a brilliant picture with the bubble. Is this it then? no more icky man stuff?

I'm trying my best to purge all that stuff, but when I get down to it, I have a hard time differentiating between guy and girl work clothes to wear in the shop. T-shirts and jeans just aren't that different. Plus, I'm so dang cheap that I'm having a hard time dumping those types of clothes until they're worn out. I have to admit, though, two days ago when I was fixing my compressor wearing what could be considered non-gender-specific clothes, I started getting dysphoric just knowing that they belonged to ole whatshisname, to the point where I could feel a mild panic attack coming on later in the day. So I really needed yesterday to banish those blues. I need to come up with something that feels feminine to me but that I don't mind working in.

I forgot to mention that on the way home I stopped at one of my neighbor's houses and introduced my new self to them. They already knew the situation and are awesome about it, but until then they'd only seen me in at most androgynous mode. It went really well, and we had a warm conversation until I got an impatient text to get home to feed my wife (around here, if I don't cook, we don't eat...).

Steph