The Stephanie Chronicles

[steph2.0]

I think you should go, and... with your wife right there, flirt with him.

Welp, there goes my dinner. 🤮

[steph2.0]

I don't want to hear any more of that kind of thinking. Yes, you are trans, but a freak ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! You are the president of the club and host great fly-ins, end of story.

Oh, don't get me wrong. While I used to think I was a freak before I got smart, I certainly do not now. It's why I put the term in quotes. It seems that no matter how I fight it, I still worry too much about what other people think, and that's one of the tags I was afraid would be put on the club by other people. Now that I know that none of my friends call me a freak, and would reject anyone who does, most of my worry about the club is gone.

I say "most of" because I'm reaching the conclusion that this tendency to care too much about how other people see me is an integral part of my personality, and will never go away. My therapist, my wife, and plenty of others tell me to keep that "mental finger" ready to flip any time, but it's not an easy thing for me. I'll keep working on it.

Of course you would go as Stephanie, who else would you go as?

Well they've seen me a few times in female mode, but since most of our get together are informal, always just jeans and a nice top. I haven't checked on the dress code yet, but I'm considering a skirt or maybe even a dress for the first time. I'm starting to sweat thinking about it. Yikes!

Sweaty Steph

[Jayne01]

You will be fine! Just think of how many people have accepted you whole heartedly. You are a great person who is smart and interesting and caring. If you don't have the confidence right away, just fake it until the confidence comes naturally.

As for what to wear, check the dress code and then wear whatever you feel most comfortable with. And most importantly, just be yourself.

I hope you do end up going to the party and that you have a great time. It will be a good boost to your confidence to just be yourself at a large social gathering.

Jayne

[KathyLauren]

I think you should go.  Dress nicely, be glamourous, and have a good time.  Happiness is the best revenge.

[LizK]

Go have fun...as Stephanie...A girl needs to get out every now and then. Don't give him the satisfaction...enjoy yourself, the best thing you can do is be you.

[steph2.0]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I will definitely be going. Just how glamorous I'll be remains to be seen. This isn't an evening affair at a nice place, just an afternoon BBQ in a friend's hangar.

Tonight helped ease some of my fears. We were all invited to a chili party at one of the neighbor's, and while I wasn't what I'd call glamorous, I was definitely in female mode with no effort toward moderating my look to hide who I am now. And everything was fine. Oh heck, it was better than fine: it was normal. I was carrying a heavy crockpot full of mulled cider I'd brought, and had to parade it past everyone on the way in. There was no sneaking in a back door, so I sucked it up and was just myself. And was greeted with, "Hey, Steph!" And that's the way it went all night. While most of them have already gotten the hang of using my correct name, I could see a conscious effort being made to avoid misgendering. And they got it right about 90% of the time. How cool!

The best part, though, is when the group inevitably split up, and the guys gravitated to one table and the girls to another. And somehow, with no effort on my part, I ended up at the girl's table. I was in the same chair I'd used all night, and suddenly realized there were no guys around me - they were all out in the kitchen. And everyone acted like I was where I belonged. While we sat there arrangements were made to start a weekly potluck dinner, hosted by the women in each home around the neighborhood, and they wanted to know which date I wanted to do it. What an incredibly warm feeling it was to be unquestioningly included in that circle. I didn't feel it too deeply then, but now I'm getting all verklempt.

It's interesting that I think I would have been just as comfortable at the other table talking about airplanes. What a strange, in-between world I'm inhabiting these days. I didn't want to be at that table though, since the religious guy was there, and while we were still friendly, I'm keeping some distance between us. His wife, on the other hand, was at the girl's table with me, and was pretty cool about everything.

So anyway, that experience has made me a lot more comfortable with everyone I know. Understanding that they're OK with my presentation now will make it easier to deal with the other people who I don't know who'll be at the upcoming big party.

Thank you all for shepherding me through this recent rough patch. You're the best!

Steph

[Megan.]

Sounds like a top night, and that the opportunity to socialize with other women was greatly enjoyed. It is interesting interacting in those mixed-gender social groups that knew our previous selves, seeing others reactions, and own own, very enlightening. X

[Kendra]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I will definitely be going. Just how glamorous I'll be remains to be seen. This isn't an evening affair at a nice place, just an afternoon BBQ in a friend's hangar.

One thing I'm figuring out (and I'm certainly not an expert) is shoes matter a lot.  Formal shoes can make jeans & casual shirt look relatively formal.  For this sort of thing, and to make just enough splash, I'd wear something like a long black dress or something else a bit formal and flashy but with casual shoes.  Basic sandals can make a formal dress suddenly casual enough for a BBQ. 

[steph2.0]

One thing I'm figuring out (and I'm certainly not an expert) is shoes matter a lot.  Formal shoes can make jeans & casual shirt look relatively formal.  For this sort of thing, and to make just enough splash, I'd wear something like a long black dress or something else a bit formal and flashy but with casual shoes.  Basic sandals can make a formal dress suddenly casual enough for a BBQ.

If only I were 5'9" I could go as a long cool woman in a black dress. As it is I'd be a short sweaty one.

I do have a black sundress that comes to just below my knees, but couldn't really wear it once I found out that spaghetti straps accentuate wide shoulders. Then I came up with the idea of wearing a black cardigan or suit jacket over it. Pretty snazzy!

I think, though, for this event I'll be a bit more conservative. After all, it's not all about me, it's about them being married for 50 years. Strange to think they got married about the time I realized I was trans.

I plan to have a coming out party when I get my name change court order. I'm thinking of saving my sundress/jacket combo for that. That one will definitely be all about me.

Hmmm. Wonder if we can get Laurie to take a road trip to Florida for a party? She could pick a bunch of you up on the way. You might have to sit in the back of the truck, but it'll be worth it.

Thanks for the advice. I've still got oodles to learn.

Steph

[Laurie]

  I've got a long sleeve cold shoulder red dress you can borrow. I think it's below the keen in length and would look good with my high boots with 3 1/2 ' stiletto heels. You could strut your stuff. It might be a bit big for you though as you're a skinny Minnie

[steph2.0]

  I've got a long sleeve cold shoulder red dress you can borrow. I think it's below the keen in length and would look good with my high boots with 3 1/2 ' stiletto heels. You could strut your stuff. It might be a bit big for you though as you're a skinny Minnie

Woo! Hotchacha! I don't have the nerve for that!

I'm usually size 12-14 top, 8 bottom. Damn wide shoulders...

[steph2.0]

  I've got a long sleeve cold shoulder red dress you can borrow.

It does bring up a question. I've been avoiding tank tops and spaghetti straps because of my wide shoulders. How do "cold shoulder" styles fit into that formula?

Oh, and Laurie, I'll make you a deal. If that dress fits, and you drive it here and smile at me, I'll wear it!

[Laurie]

  You're safe Steph(anie) it is too big for you. It's an extra large. I wear an 18 or XL or a 1X. Some brands even a XXL works. Pants are a 14 and loose in the thigh and hip. I've got too fat of a beer belly to fit clothes properly.
  So I save gas money. Besides I can't go on a trip until I change the oil (needed to be changed on my way home from the trip) and I still need to get the 4wd drive fixed.  Between being a procrastinator and other things,  I haven't been in the mood to get much of anything done.

[steph2.0]

  You're safe Steph(anie) it is too big for you. It's an extra large. I wear an 18 or XL or a 1X. Some brands even a XXL works. Pants are a 14 and loose in the thigh and hip. I've got too fat of a beer belly to fit clothes properly.
  So I save gas money. Besides I can't go on a trip until I change the oil (needed to be changed on my way home from the trip) and I still need to get the 4wd drive fixed.  Between being a procrastinator and other things,  I haven't been in the mood to get much of anything done.

Dang. Can't say I didn't try! Not likely you'll ever see me in stilettos, but a red dress... yeah, maybe some day.

[steph2.0]

And so it begins...

As mentioned earlier, I was just voted back in as president of our flying club. We're a chapter of the Experimental Aircraft Association, and have to refile our club documents every year. I started the process today, then realized there was no way to update my name in their profile information. So, for the first time, I contacted an outside organization, told them I was transgender, and asked to have my name changed. No comments from the guy I was emailing about it other than, "Okay!  I have everything all set for you now. You should see the name change on the January issue."



I'm so geeked I can hardly stand it!

Steph

[sarah1972]

So cool! Congratulations! That's one small step for them, one giant leap for Steph!

And so it begins...

As mentioned earlier, I was just voted back in as president of our flying club. We're a chapter of the Experimental Aircraft Association, and have to refile our club documents every year. I started the process today, then realized there was no way to update my name in their profile information. So, for the first time, I contacted an outside organization, told them I was transgender, and asked to have my name changed. No comments from the guy I was emailing about it other than, "Okay!  I have everything all set for you now. You should see the name change on the January issue."



I'm so geeked I can hardly stand it!

Steph

[Jayne01]

Steph that is AWESOME! I am so happy for you. I now want to rejoin the EAA just so I can receive a copy of the magazine. [emoji106][emoji106][emoji106]

Jayne

[steph2.0]

Steph that is AWESOME! I am so happy for you. I now want to rejoin the EAA just so I can receive a copy of the magazine. [emoji106][emoji106][emoji106]

I hope I'm not featured in it! [emoji15]

[Jayne01]

I hope I'm not featured in it! [emoji15]

You mean the article about that awesome chick running the Florida chapter known for its great breakfast fly-ins?

[steph2.0]

So cool! Congratulations! That's one small step for them, one giant leap for Steph!

Yeah, Sarah, that was a giant leap. I typed out that email with the "T" word in it, and dithered for probably an hour before I clicked Send. It was tough, but now the next one will be easier. I think I'll tackle the credit cards next. Kendra had great advice about that.

Steph