The Stephanie Chronicles

[steph2.0]

It is definitely an occasion for going as yourself.  I suppose it might be confusing for onlookers if they call you up for your hearing using your dead name, but they'll get over it.  You want to impress the judge as to what a classy dame you are.

Awesome! I have a neat gray skirted suit. Also a double breasted pinstripe women's suit with pants that might have them mistaking me for a lawyer. Like a really short Angie Harmon, but just as sexy.

As for confusing the onlookers, I plan to pack the peanut gallery with my groupies.

Steph

[Kendra]

For my name change hearing I went as Kendra - and right after I had the document in hand, I went down the hall and applied for US Passport.  I had everything else ready to go.

The judge was very courteous, I was in the courtroom less than 10 minutes.  Glad I didn't wear short shorts. 

[steph2.0]

For my name change hearing I went as Kendra - and right after I had the document in hand, I went down the hall and applied for US Passport.  I had everything else ready to go.

The judge was very courteous, I was in the courtroom less than 10 minutes.  Glad I didn't wear short shorts.

I remember your picture. Your smile was so big I thought your face was going to crack. That's gonna be me in 16 days.

I'm still pretty sensitive about my hairline. Is it disrespectful to wear a hat in court? Or do I need to go on a crash search for a topper wig? I thought I'd have a month to work these things out.

I talked to my endocrinologist about my gender marker change letter, and they won't give it to me until I show them the court order. I was hoping to have it in hand on that day, but I'll have to run to Orlando first now. Don't know if I need that for Social Security, but I'll for sure want it for my driver's license.

At the name change clinic I'd attended, they suggested that if you expect your appearance to change in the next two years, get a two-year temporary passport. You pay the fee with the temporary one, and there's no additional charge to get the permanent one in two years with a new picture. At this point I'm not planning any facial surgery, but after seeing some of the before and after HRT pics after only two years, I'm hopeful that a new picture will be needed then.

Steph

[Kendra]

I'd never wear a hat in court after seeing a traffic court judge (Everett, Washington State) get angry with a customer over that.  That was in the early 1980s, but I wouldn't try it.  You're probably not going to be taking a selfie photo with the judge, they should totally understand if your hair isn't perfect... but if it impacts self confidence I can relate (we have all been there, guaranteed).  I bought several wigs mail order 3 - 4 years ago before growing my hair out - actually I used that to help decide what hair style I wanted.

I went for the 10 year passport.  Several countries I have traveled to issue a 10 year visa (China), if the passport number changes they require $tarting over on the visa process. 

When I applied for new Social Security card, I showed the local social security office my "has had appropriate clinical treatment" letter from my endocrinologist for gender marker change.

[steph2.0]

Here's the latest, for those who haven't gotten tired of my stories:

My wife participates in trivia contests on Tuesday nights in a retirement community not far from where we live. I'm a pretty trivial person myself (we never miss an episode of Jeopardy), and she's been after me to join her team. Since I started living full-time, and she hadn't told any of her friends about my transition, I was nervous about going. Well, she told the two other people on her team about me a few weeks ago, and they assured her they had no problem with it and wanted to meet me. So tonight I went.

And I had a great time. The guy on her team couldn't make it, but the woman - I'll call her "S" - showed up and was really cool. We had a wonderful, respectful conversation about the transition process, and then went on to the trivia as a three-woman team. At one point we were in first place, but ran into a few stumpers that knocked us out of the running. Afterward we ate dinner, and at one point I told S that I was worried about getting clocked. She was confused by that, and told me that there was little chance of that. She said some really nice, complimentary things about how I was presenting, and about my facial features when I mentioned FFS. It was all very affirming from someone who had only met me once or twice in my old role, and was a real boost to my confidence.

On the way out we ran into a table full of more of my wife's friends. None of them had met me before in any persona, and I was simply introduced as Stephanie. They said nice to meet you, and the conversation went on. One gregarious lady was standing right in front of me as she told a story to my wife and S, and at one point, after noticing that I was wearing another one of my scarves and my cardigan, asked whether I was visiting Florida from up North, or whether I lived here. She guessed that I lived here because I was dressed warmly in 68 degree weather. And the conversation went on from there.

These retirement communities are like little worlds of their own, with everything within reach by golf cart, and always some kind of group social thing going on. Tonight there was a band in the square, with jewelry and other vendors set up in tents along the periphery. We wandered around enjoying the evening - me especially. You see, it was in this community that I'd had a major meltdown only three months ago, when while we were there having dinner I saw all the women out walking in the warm evening, in pretty sundresses and other comfortable clothes, and I was absolutely convinced that I would never ever get to a point where I could pass. And here I was, very early in transition, walking around just like I'd seen those women doing 12 weeks ago, with no questioning looks at all - and knowing, since it is so early in the process, that it would only get better. Don't pinch me. I don't ever want to wake up from this dream.

Eventually S decided to head for home, so I thanked her for being so cool. She got a big smile, gave me a huge hug, and told me she was happy to see me.

And surprisingly, I was happy to be seen.

Steph

[steph2.0]

I'd never wear a hat in court after seeing a traffic court judge (Everett, Washington State) get angry with a customer over that.  That was in the early 1980s, but I wouldn't try it.  You're probably not going to be taking a selfie photo with the judge, they should totally understand if your hair isn't perfect... but if it impacts self confidence I can relate (we have all been there, guaranteed).  I bought several wigs mail order 3 - 4 years ago before growing my hair out - actually I used that to help decide what hair style I wanted.

Yeah, I probably won't chance it, even though it's a woman magistrate. I was just thinking that maybe a woman could get away with a hat when a man couldn't. I am getting some hair regrowth, so I'll see how it's working out if I let it dry and not put on my usual hat. Maybe it'll be ok.

In 40 years of cross-dressing I've accumulated a lot of stuff, since I was too cheap to go through a purge cycle like so many others have. So I went through my steamer trunks and found that I had 16 wigs stashed away. I could probably find one or two decent ones, but I'm sure they'd have to be styled, and they're kind of hard to deal with since I already have pretty long hair.

I went for the 10 year passport.  Several countries I have traveled to issue a 10 year visa (China), if the passport number changes they require $tarting over on the visa process.

At this point I have no plans or desires to travel anywhere that requires visas in the next two years. Most likely if I leave the country it'll only be to Canada or the Bahamas. Though ya never know...

When I applied for new Social Security card, I showed the local social security office my "has had appropriate clinical treatment" letter from my endocrinologist for gender marker change.

Yeah, I don't know why my doctor won't give me that letter up front. I was hoping to leave the courtroom, and after getting certified copies of the order, go direct to the Social Security office. Instead I'll have to drive to Orlando and back. Guess I'll be doing a lot of driving that day.

Steph

[Faith]

Here's the latest, for those who haven't gotten tired of my stories ... <snip> ... Steph

I love following your stories, and the stories others here. Most are at a point I can't see myself getting to but it gives me hope. Plus I love the happiness you all exude when you tell them. 

[steph2.0]

I love following your stories, and the stories others here. Most are at a point I can't see myself getting to but it gives me hope. Plus I love the happiness you all exude when you tell them. 

Hi Faith. I've subscribed to your thread, too. Any of our stories have all the elements of a good book or movie. I stopped here while I was writing and did a search for "elements of good storytelling" and believe me, by taking a composite of our stories, we'd have a blockbuster movie. Everything is there. I won't bother repeating them. Anyone can do the same search I did.

And don't sell yourself short. Four months ago I felt the same way you do. You can go as far as you and your wife want you to.

If only the haters out there could see, and truly understand the joy we gain by finding our true selves, they'd be cheering us on. And despite the political climate and sensationalistic headlines, the real, regular people out there are starting to get it, and things are getting better. Each one of us who come out and let others see us live good, kind, happy lives moves the needle a little, even if we choose not to march in parades and yell at rallies.

And that's today's update from Pollyanna. [emoji6]

Steph

[KathyLauren]

And despite the political climate and sensationalistic headlines, the real, regular people out there are starting to get it, and things are getting better. Each one of us who come out and let others see us live good, kind, happy lives moves the needle a little, even if we choose not to march in parades and yell at rallies.

That is so true, and it is an important point that is easily overlooked.  Regular people are starting to get it.  And they actually outnumber the haters.  People, even strangers, are happy to see me and treat me with respect and kindness.  Who'd have thunk it?

[Laurie]

I love following your stories, and the stories others here. Most are at a point I can't see myself getting to but it gives me hope. Plus I love the happiness you all exude when you tell them. 

  Faith,

  I have to echo the replies given you by Steph(anie) and Kathy... Don't sell yourself short It was less than a year ago I took my first dose of HRT. Almost 2 months after I was outing myself to my GP and asking for help here on Susan's to bolster my courage and when I did I also asked for therapy. Susan's and the good people help helped me with that also. Soon some were urging me to get out dressed into the public eye by going into a store and buy something and pay for it at a real live cashier. I did it. After maybe five such outings I found myself on a road trip from Oregon to Maine to Maine where I met 9 other trans people like myself. I had only intended to drive to the Denver area in my female persona, but as it turned out I went to Maine and back home 31 days later having change into male clothes only twice before making it out of Pennsylvania on the way out. I even survived locking myself out of my pickup while in female attire at a busy truck stop style gas station in Colorado where I had to go inside and be a damsel in distress and ask for help. on the last leg home it dawned on my that there was no reason for me to return to male mode as I had been almost exclusive living as myself for that month. I was full time and was just realizing it. Leonard left home in woman's clothes, but it was Laurie the came home. I was not the same per that had left a month ago.
  Who is to say what you will or will not do in your time Faith? Not I nor anyone else. Not even you can really see what your future will hold for you. I know I didn't know what I would do or where I would be when I started my journey almost a year ago.
  You will find many stories here of others having their own epiphanies and Faith, you will have your own when the time for it comes.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[steph2.0]

Well, Thanksgiving was... interesting. Not bad really, and in the end, being the silly person I am, I chose to give the whole thing a silly spin and roll with it.

We traveled over the river and through the woods to have Thanksgiving dinner with Mom and her hubby. Both are completely accepting and supportive, and I of course went as myself, Stephanie. I was hoping for a family dinner where I could completely relax and not worry about my hairline, voice, etc., but then I found out that they'd invited the neighbor lady to join us, since otherwise she would have been alone. So I was on my guard. They'd already told her about my transition, so there was no shock factor as we walked in.

And that's then the silliness began. My Mom introduced me, "This is my daughter, Stephanie, and his wife Sue." AAAAGH!!! What a bizarre mix of wonderfulness and pain. And that's the way it went all afternoon. It was never mean-spirited, they tried so hard, and were so embarrassed every time it happened. I felt sorry for them, but after a while when hubby would say "Steve" I'd either ignore it with a smile, and he'd catch it after I didn't answer, or I'd say, "Nobody by that name here!" It was so hard for them to remember both the name and the pronouns at the same time. Once, hubby asked my Mom to check on "Whether he'd like some pie." After a second of silence his eyes got big and he said, "Oh! I'm so sorry, Steve!" Double Aghh! But hilarity ensued.

I'm not too worried about it. Just knowing they still love me is enough. On the way out my Mom asked if it would be all right if they attend my name change hearing on December 7th. Of course! Looks like I've already got 6 people sitting in the peanut gallery. I did emphasize that I'm going to get more serious about enforcing names and pronouns after it's actually legal. They nodded and agreed they'd try harder. And we left with hugs and smiles.

On the way home Sue and I stopped by a Best Buy to investigate dishwashers, and actually ended up ordering one. For some reason I got a little timid and let Sue handle the transaction while I wandered off for a bit. She wasn't happy about that and I had to apologize later. I just kept wondering whether he'd clocked me, and if not, what he thought about two women out together buying a dishwasher for their house. I did end up standing in front of the guy and explaining why we didn't want the extended warranty, and that I'd be installing it myself.

It all went well in the end, but I really have to get over this timidness. This is the way I'm going to live the rest of my life, and I have to get used to it. And so do they.

Finally, I posted a version of the entry I made here in the Happy Thanksgiving thread on my Facebook page. (Susan's post here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,230934.msg2052942.html#msg2052942). I got more likes and positive comments on that one post than on any other. People are really cool...

Steph

[steph2.0]

I was obsessing to my friend Cassie, who I met at one of the social events of a local support group, about my hair situation regarding my upcoming court appointment. She's the one we went to the Ren Faire with, is also full-time transitioning, and has become a good friend. I told her I was considering going to a salon and getting some advice for my hair, and she invited me to go with her to her hairdresser tomorrow. So hopefully I'll find out if there's any hope for my mop, and maybe get some trimming and styling done. It's all a little scary. It's been 20 years since I let anyone do anything with my hair,  and I'll be putting my foot down if she suggests shortening it by any significant amount.

My Mom asked me to send pictures if I do get it styled, and I told her then about how envious I was when my sister got to grow her dark hair down her back. Poor Mom got a little taste of the pain, and much hugging ensued.

Anyway, if I can't do anything with my hair, I guess I'll try to find a friendly wig shop to find a topper or something. Need to look fabulous for the magistrate!

Oh! I meant to ask. I've read a few sites where they make clear that all piercings should be removed for the court. That doesn't include discreet earrings, does it?

Steph

[Jayne01]

Steph, I'm glad thanksgiving went well for you. It seems that you handled any accidental misgendering and using the wrong name quite well. It sounds like your family are really trying hard to get it right. It must be hard to undo a lifetime of habit. Hopefully it won't take them too much longer to be getting right all the time.

I wish I could make it to your name change hearing. Know that I will be thinking of you. It's so exciting!

Jayne

[steph2.0]

Hey, it's just a short 20 hour flight. John Travolta lives close to me, and he's actually a pilot with Qantas. We fly over to see what he's got parked on the pad once in a while. Maybe he'll come get you in his 707.

Steph

[Jayne01]

Hey, it's just a short 20 hour flight. John Travolta lives close to me, and he's actually a pilot with Qantas. We fly over to see what he's got parked on the pad once in a while. Maybe he'll come get you in his 707.

Steph

If I'm not mistaken, I think his 707 was actually owned and operated by Qantas back in the day. Would you mind having a word with John and see if he is willing to come pick me up?

[steph2.0]

Well, actually I'd heard he let his ATP lapse and is no longer certified with Qantas. He may even have sold the 707. He's still got plenty of fast stuff on the apron.

As for contacting him, well, the restraining order prevents that.

Juuust kidding.

Steph

[jessica95]

Nice Log, Step 2.0 , I support your journey. And cool you live near John Travolta.

[steph2.0]

Nice Log, Step 2.0 , I support your journey. And cool you live near John Travolta.

Hi Jessica, and welcome to my strange world!

John and Kelli live on a private airport about 30 miles north of me. And no, we aren't on a first name basis! (Or any name basis...)

Steph

[Kendra]

> I've read a few sites where they make clear that all piercings should be removed for the court. That doesn't include discreet earrings, does it?

I've never heard such a thing but I suppose it would be good to avoid showing up in court with a fish hook through your eyebrow.  I went to my name change hearing wearing dangly earrings - didn't think about it, and nobody threw a book at me. 

[steph2.0]

I've never heard such a thing but I suppose it would be good to avoid showing up in court with a fish hook through your eyebrow.  I went to my name change hearing wearing dangly earrings - didn't think about it, and nobody threw a book at me.

I suspect that all the advice I've been reading on the internet is for defendants in criminal cases. I'll bet for cases like ours there's a lot more leeway. In any case, I'll have some kind of earrings in, and pearls under my shirt to commemorate the date.

Steph