The Stephanie Chronicles

[Jayne01]

You have nothing to worry about Steph. You've got this. Enjoy the party.

[Jayne01]

Me and Maggie

You look great Steph....and so does Maggie, she is cute.

[KathyLauren]

Get out there and mingle, hun.  Show 'em that big smile.  You'll be fine.

[Megan.]

Climb up on a table and start dancing,  I'm sure they'll all join in [emoji16]

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[steph2.0]

Climb up on a table and start dancing,  I'm sure they'll all join in [emoji16]

Megan, they're allowing me to contact one person. Can you send bail?

[Megan.]

Let me check down the back of my sofa...

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[steph2.0]

Faith, Jayne, Kathy, Megan,

Thank you so much for the moral support. I'm sorry to be such a basket case. It's hard to believe that I just spent five days and 1400 miles on the road presenting as myself, and I can't handle one simple little social event. It does seem that the more intimate the interactions, the harder it is for me. I do much better with total strangers than I do with friends and acquaintances.

On top of that, yesterday and today are the target days for my 3 1/2 week meltdown cycle I've identified. Whether it's real or a self-fulfilling prophecy now, I can't tell, but I've been anxious and weepy for the last two days.

Anyway, I managed to surround myself with good friends, and distracted myself with airplane talk during lunch. I'm back home and decompressing now. I think all three of us are going to take a winter nap now (it's ridiculously cold and blustery out there - 53F and dropping.

Thanks again,

Steph

[Megan.]

Those close social events can be the hardest, you did well, and next time it'll be easier. X

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[Laurie]

Stephanie

  You did (fine). And you've done wonderfully all week. Stop beating on yourself and letting your anxieties get the best of you. It is perfectly normal that people closer to you cause you more concern. You have to deal with them on an ongoing basis and that alone can cause you more anxiety. Now (Lady), you just stop that nonsense.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[Jayne01]

You are doing great Steph. Strangers are easier to deal with. You have no history with strangers. Don't beat yourself up too much.

Also, if you are worried about creating a self fulfilling prophecy with the 3 1/2 week cycle, turn it around and make the prophecy about something positive. You have just had your name change hearing with some final paperwork to come. Use that as a positive event to boost your spirit every 3 1/2 weeks.

Jayne

[steph2.0]

Stephanie

  You did (fine). And you've done wonderfully all week. Stop beating on yourself and letting your anxieties get the best of you. It is perfectly normal that people closer to you cause you more concern. You have to deal with them on an ongoing basis and that alone can cause you more anxiety. Now (Lady), you just stop that nonsense.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Yes ma'am. I'm trying ma'am. Both Maggie and I had a ruff day, but we're starting to recover. When my neighbors B and K realized how stressed I was, they invited us down for some pina colada therapy. I'll be better in about 32 ounces.

Steph

[steph2.0]

You are doing great Steph. Strangers are easier to deal with. You have no history with strangers. Don't beat yourself up too much.

Also, if you are worried about creating a self fulfilling prophecy with the 3 1/2 week cycle, turn it around and make the prophecy about something positive. You have just had your name change hearing with some final paperwork to come. Use that as a positive event to boost your spirit every 3 1/2 weeks.

Jayne

Jayne,

Thank you for the kind words. I know you're having a tough time yourself right now, so the fact that you can be encouraging for me means a lot. I hope you can take some of your own good advice to heart and get to feeling better, too.

Maybe our cycles are getting in sync?

Steph

[Jayne01]

Maybe our cycles are getting in sync?

Uh oh! That sounds serious.

Now when you say cycles, my mind starts thinking tricycle, as in undercarriage. [emoji12]

Jayne

[steph2.0]

Uh oh! That sounds serious.

Now when you say cycles, my mind starts thinking tricycle, as in undercarriage. [emoji12]

That's the silliness I like to hear from you. I hope you're feeling better.

Though I didn't enjoy it when I was draggin' tail earlier, I still think taildraggers are the way to go.

Seriously, though, thank you everyone for your help today. Though we may be isolated physically, it's good to feel the warmth and closeness we all have here. I've never met any of you in person, I've only talked to Laurie on the phone, and I don't even know what some of you look like, but none of that matters. Our commonality of experience lets us help each other in ways that even trained therapists can't. We just get it the way only someone who's BTDT can.

While it feels wonderful to receive help when I'm down, it feels even better when I can help someone else. What a great resource we have here in Susan's Place!

Steph

PS: Pina Colada therapy and warm conversation with good neighbors, along with your help, have me back on an even keel. Looking forward to meeting Denise from the forums in Orlando tomorrow!

[Laurie]

  I am sure you, Sue and Denise will enjoy the visit. There is just something very cool about meeting someone in the flesh that you've known on the internet. Give her a hugs from me if you will.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[steph2.0]

  I am sure you, Sue and Denise will enjoy the visit. There is just something very cool about meeting someone in the flesh that you've known on the internet. Give her a hugs from me if you will.

You got it! My friend Cassie is going to meet us there, too. Sue will be the only cisperson around!

Steph

[Jayne01]

That's the silliness I like to hear from you. I hope you're feeling better.

Silly? Me? You must have me mistaken for someone else. I am feeling much better, thank you.

Though I didn't enjoy it when I was draggin' tail earlier, I still think taildraggers are the way to go.

People keep telling me that the nosewheel belongs at the back. That is another thing I need to do, get my taildragger endorsement.

Seriously, though, thank you everyone for your help today. Though we may be isolated physically, it's good to feel the warmth and closeness we all have here. I've never met any of you in person, I've only talked to Laurie on the phone, and I don't even know what some of you look like, but none of that matters. Our commonality of experience lets us help each other in ways that even trained therapists can't. We just get it the way only someone who's BTDT can.

While it feels wonderful to receive help when I'm down, it feels even better when I can help someone else. What a great resource we have here in Susan's Place!

Steph

PS: Pina Colada therapy and warm conversation with good neighbors, along with your help, have me back on an even keel. Looking forward to meeting Denise from the forums in Orlando tomorrow!

We are here to help each other. Sometimes we need support, sometimes we give support. This forum is a great place. I agree with you. We don't need to have met in person to help each other.

I'm glad the Pina Colada therapy was helpful.

Jayne

[Laurie]

You got it! My friend Cassie is going to meet us there, too. Sue will be the only cisperson around!

Steph

  Hey Lady, Don't go singling Sue out like that. With all the support she's given you, she's one of us too. Give that one a hug for me too. I think she deserves it big time.

[steph2.0]

  Hey Lady, Don't go singling Sue out like that. With all the support she's given you, she's one of us too. Give that one a hug for me too. I think she deserves it big time.

She deserves every hug I can give her. I'm sure she'll be happy to accept proxy hugs from everyone else, too.

During our conversation with our neighbors tonight, we talked a lot more in-depth about my situation than we ever had before. At one point we were talking about just this, how wonderful it was that Sue stayed with me. She just about had me in tears when she asked, "Why would I leave my best friend?" I've never felt like I've earned the right to be anybody's best friend, and that touched me deeply.

As for being trans... well, she has always said that she's part lizard, meaning because she's always cold, she must be cold-blooded. She has also always loved dragons. Sometimes I introduce her as "The Dragon Lady," and I've had people whisper to me, "She lets you call her that?!" Actually, that's what she calls herself. So I suppose she could be the world's first transreptilian person. Or maybe she's just cisdragon...

Steph

[Denise]

... Looking forward to meeting Denise from the forums in Orlando tomorrow!

As I am looking forward to meeting you, Sue and Cassandra.  Congratulations (although I'll reiterate this when I see you) on the name change being all but done.  Now the fun begins (changing everything).