The Stephanie Chronicles

[Cassi]

Aww. You're all so nice. I've got a topper, though. Today I got my first junk mail addressed to Stephanie.

yay [emoji19]


- Stephanie

OMG!  Be prepared for a lot of junk mail.  Once you're on their list your on dozens!!!!!

[Mariah]

Yes it is and I see it too. Beautiful picture of you.

Just surprised myself. I came in from the shop, all sweaty, with my hair up in a clip, my old glasses (which I've been told are too masculine), and two days of stubble, and glanced in the mirror. Dang!

Maybe nobody else in the world can see it, but I'm feeling good about myself today, and that's what counts, right?



Stephanie

[steph2.0]

KathyLauren had posted the following in her thread, and I replied there with more me me me. I realized that was rude, so I moved my reply here where I can be me me me as much as I want without annoying too many people. 

So this is my first peek at the rest of my life.  Meeting friends for lunch.  Going grocery shopping.  Going to the theatre.  Taking the car in for servicing.  Getting used to myself just being me, rather than transitioning.

I'm kind of digging it!   

I so look forward to that day. I had a small taste of it the last two days as I cleaned up 6 months of "active neglect" in my shop and hangar while I was overwhelmingly preoccupied with the early days of transition. I no longer have the luxury of pretending I'm retired and sitting at the computer all day doing research on transitioning, staying caught up in Susan's, texting my girlfriends, doing lunch. Getting back to work feels so familiar and so weird at the same time.

But while it seems so ordinary, there are still plenty of transition-related things to figure out. Some are prosaic, like what do I wear to work in the shop now that I've purged all my boy clothes? I used to just tie my hair back in a ponytail and always wore a baseball cap, but that's all so distasteful to me now. I'm learning how to keep my hair out of the way and have it still look feminine. What do I wear  to meet the customer that shows my newfound femininity, yet still shows I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty working on planes? Will I be able to sustain my voice for the entire meeting?

One thing I'm learning the painful way is my fingernails are a lot weaker than they used to be, and despite wearing work gloves as much as possible, these two days of work have completely wrecked them.

The reason I'm back in the shop is I'm preparing for my first face-to-face customer interaction as he visits to take a look at the plane I import and sell. It's the first serious work-related thing I'm doing as my new self, and I'm surprised I'm not more nervous about it. Maybe I am starting to truly understand who I am.

So here I am, putting the final touches on the shop while listening to Free Beer at Exit 80 on the stereo, wearing my mom jeans, a short sleeve scoop-neck top (which shows off what little endowments I can display) and my hair up in a claw clip. Like you, I'm kind of digging it. As I told my therapist last week, I think this is the new normal.

Wish me luck for tomorrow! (Note that as I post this, tomorrow is today...)

Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

I think it is amazing how such a major upheaval in our lives quickly normalizes.  Good luck with your impending sale!

[Bari Jo]

Work feeling normal and weird at the same time.  I know that feeling.  I'm hoping it normalizes soon.  I am used to being hyper focused and I'm not.

BTW, for nails take biotin, and do a base and top coat with hardener.  Have I mentioned I love doing my nails?  I do!  I still chip them occasionally, but much more rare than before.

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

Well, the customer visit went very well. He pulled in when I was walking to the shop, said, "Hi, are you Stephanie?" and from that point on we were just two aviation enthusiasts talking airplanes for two hours. Only time will tell if it will turn into a sale, and there was only one minor slip-up when he saw the avionics that I sell, and said, "Ah, so you're an xxx guy!" Eh, whatever. My personal life was never part of the conversation, and I wasn't about to bring it up. Everything else was fine, and it was fun talking with him.

Another hurdle jumped...


- Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Work feeling normal and weird at the same time.  I know that feeling.  I'm hoping it normalizes soon.  I am used to being hyper focused and I'm not.

BTW, for nails take biotin, and do a base and top coat with hardener.  Have I mentioned I love doing my nails?  I do!  I still chip them occasionally, but much more rare than before.

Bari Jo

Hi Bari Jo,

Yes, I do take biotin, but only 2/3 the dose they recommend. Maybe I should bump it up.

Since I got back from Phoenix I've been without polish, and that's probably a mistake. The polish would not only help protect them, but it would also discourage me from nibbling on them, a terrible habit I used to have for years when I got nervous, and somehow fell back into last week. So they're lavender now, and I'll hope I can keep them looking decent. The main problem I have is finding the time to let them cure properly, since I seem to so rarely stop moving long enough. Lately I've been attempting to paint them just before I crawl into bed at night, and take care to not smear them on the sheets.


- Stephanie

[Cassi]

Work feeling normal and weird at the same time.  I know that feeling.  I'm hoping it normalizes soon.  I am used to being hyper focused and I'm not.

BTW, for nails take biotin, and do a base and top coat with hardener.  Have I mentioned I love doing my nails?  I do!  I still chip them occasionally, but much more rare than before.

Bari Jo

HR Meeting???

[Kendra]

Another hurdle jumped...

In my opinion this has huge significance.  Becoming comfortable with so many details of transition to the point you are able to focus on a potential customer, your passion for aircraft and resume regular business operations.  All those details the casual observer doesn't see or comprehend, developed on layers of discovery, failure and success.  Can I say built on the right airframe of mind. 

[steph2.0]

Can I say built on the right airframe of mind.

Well, I geared up for it and just kind of winged it, and things just took off from there.

[Faith]

Way to go Steph, at least one of us isn't crash landing. I'm attempting a touch-and-go see if I can't get back up where I belong.

Sorry, this is about you. I really am happy for you, keep your gear up and out of the trees.

[Bari Jo]

HR Meeting???

I had it, went well, didn't want to talk about it in Steph's thread:)  Thanks for asking though.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

Ooh, lavender polish.  I may also do that.  Thanks for the idea.  I've only worn clear so far, but I'm itching for color.  I'm following your lead big sister:)

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

Ooh, lavender polish.  I may also do that.  Thanks for the idea.  I've only worn clear so far, but I'm itching for color.  I'm following your lead big sister:)

My girlfriend Cassie gave me the lavender at my big party on New Years. It's the two part with the color and a clear coat/hardener. The neat thing about lavender is it's classy without being too noticeable. I was surprised how well it blended in.

Wow, I'm three big sisters now! Awesome!


- Stephanie

[Jayne01]

Hiya Steph. I'm getting online for short periods at a time, so really only get to catch up one or two threads each time. I'm glad you are starting to get into a "normal" kind of groove with your daily life. That is a huge step forward for you. I believe it's the kind of peace we all aim for. It's also great that you are getting busy with your business. I hope you get many orders.

Anyway, I just dropped by to let you know I am still here reading even if I don't get many opportunities to reply.

Jayne

[steph2.0]

Hiya Steph. I'm getting online for short periods at a time, so really only get to catch up one or two threads each time. I'm glad you are starting to get into a "normal" kind of groove with your daily life. That is a huge step forward for you. I believe it's the kind of peace we all aim for. It's also great that you are getting busy with your business. I hope you get many orders.

Anyway, I just dropped by to let you know I am still here reading even if I don't get many opportunities to reply.

Jayne

I'm happy to hear from you, girlfriend! I hope your holiday is going well and you keep smiling!

I just let them shoot a laser at my face again, and this was by far the worst for pain. This is the first time it left marks. Thank goodness for concealer. The good news, I guess, is this is the last laser session. We seem to have killed everything the laser will get, so in a month it's on to electrolysis. Oh joy.

After my pain session I met Cassie for a lady's lunch, got a tour of where she works (it was geekalicious), and met some of her coworkers, who accepted me unquestioningly. Now I'm out sitting on a park bench next to a fountain on a beautiful Florida winter day after walking around this neat little town. I'm whiling away the afternoon before I meet up with Cassie again at the local T-network social meetup this evening.

I'll be darned if it ain't pretty darn cool being me today (despite the sore face).



Stephanie

[mm]

stephanie, I hope you make the sale.

[LizK]

Well, the customer visit went very well. He pulled in when I was walking to the shop, said, "Hi, are you Stephanie?" and from that point on we were just two aviation enthusiasts talking airplanes for two hours. Only time will tell if it will turn into a sale, and there was only one minor slip-up when he saw the avionics that I sell, and said, "Ah, so you're an xxx guy!" Eh, whatever. My personal life was never part of the conversation, and I wasn't about to bring it up. Everything else was fine, and it was fun talking with him.

Another hurdle jumped...


- Stephanie

This trying to live a normal live as a trans woman can be full of pain and angst however every now and then we "kick a goal" with our lives and sounds to me like you just did. I agree your personal life is never part of any conversation you don't want it to be.

Knowing you can still interact easily with customers must be a bit of a relief. I know for me I tend to overthink these thinigs. Hurdle well and trully jumped!!

Take care

Liz

[steph2.0]

Thank you Liz! I think, though I'm sure there will be other down days, that this is actually becoming the new normal.

I spoke on the phone at length with another customer yesterday, identified myself as "Steph" and did my best with my voice. After the initial introductions, pronouns never came up, so I have no idea what gender he was thinking, and I guess it doesn't matter. There will be ongoing conversations between he and I and the supplier in Italy, via phone and emails, so it'll be interesting to see what he thinks, and what will happen if I have to correct him.

It's fascinating that the anxiety I would have felt over it just a few weeks ago seems to be gone. I yam what I yam...

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

stephanie, I hope you make the sale.

Thank you mm! There are unrelated roadblocks to get past, but that's just part of doing business, and so far nobody is letting gender get in the way.

How strange that things are actually going the way they should in an enlightened society, not the way politicians and sensationalist press try to present it.

I've said it before, and sorry if I sound like a skipping CD, but I think ordinary people are starting to get it.

I've said it before, and sorry if I sound like a skipping CD, but I think ordinary people are starting to get it.

I've said it before, and sorry if I sound like a skipping CD, but I think ordinary people are starting to get it.

StStStStStephanie