The Stephanie Chronicles

[Jayne01]

Well, I had to shut off the notifications from Bari Jo's personal thread. Everyone there is congratulating themselves for being gendered as young female by how-old.net. Almost every single picture I've uploaded has come back as 79 or 80 year old male. On top of the inevitable backlash from having such a good day yesterday, and being constantly deadnamed today, I did not need that. I'm going to bed to cry myself to sleep.

Oh Steph, have a (((((HUG)))))!

Don't pay any attention to those websites. They are not scientific, they are based on algorithms created by some software writer's idea of how men and women are identified. The face detection part of my photo software on my computer at home has  previously identified a tree as me. I'm pretty sure I'm not a tree, I'm not made of wood (well not since the hormones evicted all the T out of my body). Computers are only as good as the people that program them, in the case of this website, it could very well be a 14 year old kid living in their mother's basement.

Well, now we see your true colours.

Look at your previous post. You are learning how to spell! Celebrate this victory by painting your nails your favoUrite coloUr!

Jayne

[Faith]

Steph, I sent this via email, it drew me back here so I am posting it here as well ..'

I tried it just once. I took my (to me) best picture and it told me that I was 67 years old. No way that picture came close to that age. It looks younger than I really am.

Trust not that website, trust yourself and your friends .. since I am one, you have to trust me .. so there.

XOXO

[steph2.0]

Jayne, Faith,

Thanks for trying to prop me up. It wasn't just the darn website, but that's what pushed me over the edge. When the subject popped up I dismissed it as more junk science. But then so many girls I admire tried it and gleefully celebrated being gendered correctly - even if the ages were all over the map - that I thought I'd give it a try. I grabbed one of my favorite pictures: bam, in the face, male. Curious. I tried another, and another, and now I've lost track. With only two or three exceptions, all male, and usually correctly aged or much older. It started out as a scientific curiosity. What is it looking for? Different glasses, no glasses, different light, different hair, smiles, different angle? But nothing I try fools it. I seem to be stuck with a male mug.

This is from Microsoft labs using AI. Unless the programmer's dad is Bill Gates, it's not a kid in the basement. And since it gets so many others right, I have to assume it's getting me right, too.

As I said, this wasn't the only thing that knocked me down. Just as when we returned from the fantasy trip to Phoenix, I expected a backlash from the wonderful day I'd had on Wednesday. I also had to deal with an old guy who hangs out in my shop, who is apparently completely unable to learn my new name.

So last night was really bad. Today is just meh. I'll keep muddling forward. No other choice, really. It's just another data point to add to all the others against me.


- Stephanie

[steph2.0]

One thing that occurs to me relates to the periodic meltdown cycle I've talked about here before. I thought I'd originally identified it at 24 days, but the last two times didn't seem to fit, so I dismissed all the previous ones as coincidence.

If I change the period to 28 days, though, the last two fall right on that day, including yesterday. Yeah, I know, correlation/causation/coincidence, choosing facts to fit the narrative, etc. But it could also be called curve fitting. One of the defining characteristics of science is its ability to make predictions, so after rejecting my original theory, I'm watching again. We'll see what happens toward the end of the month.


- Stephanie

[Charlie Nicki]

Jayne, Faith,

Thanks for trying to prop me up. It wasn't just the darn website, but that's what pushed me over the edge. When the subject popped up I dismissed it as more junk science. But then so many girls I admire tried it and gleefully celebrated being gendered correctly - even if the ages were all over the map - that I thought I'd give it a try. I grabbed one of my favorite pictures: bam, in the face, male. Curious. I tried another, and another, and now I've lost track. With only two or three exceptions, all male, and usually correctly aged or much older. It started out as a scientific curiosity. What is it looking for? Different glasses, no glasses, different light, different hair, smiles, different angle? But nothing I try fools it. I seem to be stuck with a male mug.

This is from Microsoft labs using AI. Unless the programmer's dad is Bill Gates, it's not a kid in the basement. And since it gets so many others right, I have to assume it's getting me right, too.

As I said, this wasn't the only thing that knocked me down. Just as when we returned from the fantasy trip to Phoenix, I expected a backlash from the wonderful day I'd had on Wednesday. I also had to deal with an old guy who hangs out in my shop, who is apparently completely unable to learn my new name.

So last night was really bad. Today is just meh. I'll keep muddling forward. No other choice, really. It's just another data point to add to all the others against me.


- Stephanie

So sorry for that Steph! But this too will pass. Hugs!

[Faith]

Steph

I'll just leave this here for you:

[Kendra]

Oh my.  Steph I am so sorry to hear Microsoft's age/gendering app was terrible at exactly the wrong moment.  I have several immediate thoughts regarding the app itself, but most important is to know we are all in this together - all of us on Susan's - and whether it's a minor language glitch (hey guys) or blatant misgendering the pain is genuine. 

<big hug>

I admire you so much for relentlessly moving forward while at the same time admitting to being fragile and human.  If someone is a repeat obsolete-name offender in your shop, maybe it's time to buy a roll of those corny conference "HELLO My name is" stickers and a Sharpie-wit marker.  Just in case. 

Now some thoughts on that site/app which I considered running but probably won't after reading your experience.  I was 27 when I joined that company, only a few years younger than the average employee at the time.  Over the decades the company has literally aged but not drastically - I am surrounded with people who would be shocked to know I started comp sci in college the year after paper punch cards were sidelined.  It's possible the demographic and research for this app may contain age bias.  I won't go so far as to say gender bias but the demographics for the entire tech industry are well known.

I used Windows 10 facial recognition login until recently.  I bought a Mac right before GRS and mostly use MacOS now - figure I might as well change everything at the same time.  And no, WPATH doesn't require 12 months with a new operating system.  Anyway... I found it amusing but annoying Windows facial login didn't notice when I transitioned at work and starting wearing makeup there, no increase in login errors after 6 months HRT.  Not once. 

We are all fragile and it isn't always simple to go around obstacles.  Some barriers we tackle while making animal noises, some aren't worth the bother so we drive around it.  Technology usually doesn't appear fragile but is, or even worse may display arrogance instead of admitting a mistake.  People have driven their car onto an active airport runway by placing too much faith in their phone's mapping app.  Technology needs to serve us, not the other way around. 

Kendra

[KathyLauren]

Steph, I am sorry that you are having a down spell right now.  And that our goofiness in Bari Jo's thread contributed to that.  It is just a silly app.  What does Microsoft know anyway?

We know the real Steph.  We know the joy that shines in your face.  We know the generosity that moves you to fly halfway across the country just to make someone else feel better.

Here's a hug, just because: (((((HUG)))))

[SassyCassie]

I also had to deal with an old guy who hangs out in my shop, who is apparently completely unable to learn my new name.

Oh, that guy again. You know, I might still have an old dog training collar around here I could lend you for him. It has two buttons on it - beep and shock. If one doesn't work, try the other.

Hugs!

You know, I'm wondering if this notion that every happy moment must be paid for by a sad moment is some kind of coping mechanism left over from...before. The reason I say that is the whole thing sounds way too familiar to me. It's a way for a depressed person to deny that they can have any happiness, thus furthering the depression with what becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Remember how at one point before I went to see my mom, I regarded the preparations for the trip as preparing for war? After some great advice from friends, I recognized it as an old fatalistic coping mechanism from the before-days and just released it to fall away. You know how things turned out afterward.

With that said, I suggest you pick yourself up, put on your favorite outfit, and go do something fun for yourself. Hold your head up, tits out, back straight, and march forward. You know who you are and neither a piece of software nor an old man can tell you different!

[Faith]

Oh, that guy again. You know, I might still have an old dog training collar around here I could lend you for him. It has two buttons on it - beep and shock. If one doesn't work, try the other.

Hugs!

You know, I'm wondering if this notion that every happy moment must be paid for by a sad moment is some kind of coping mechanism left over from...before. The reason I say that is the whole thing sounds way too familiar to me. It's a way for a depressed person to deny that they can have any happiness, thus furthering the depression with what becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Remember how at one point before I went to see my mom, I regarded the preparations for the trip as preparing for war? After some great advice from friends, I recognized it as an old fatalistic coping mechanism from the before-days and just released it to fall away. You know how things turned out afterward.

With that said, I suggest you pick yourself up, put on your favorite outfit, and go do something fun for yourself. Hold your head up, tits out, back straight, and march forward. You know who you are and neither a piece of software nor an old man can tell you different!

Cassie, I'm going to have to intercept some of this, Steph will have to share (well, except the 'push the tits out' part since I don't have any). I really think I've been doing the 'I don't deserve to be happy' routine.

So, Steph, where are you? Too much work is bad for you, you know. Time for a break!

[Laurie]

  Okay you! Yeah you S(te)(((p)han)e)! Into the kitchen... Now!! Up on the fridge with you. Oh I know it's hard for you to climb up that high ehen you are feeling so down but I'm not having any of it. Now up with you. At least from up there you'll be looking down in that little problem that looked so big and insurmountable to you before.  You have to get over this eggshell existence just as I need to get over feeling hurt when others tell me they care. No Hun, it isn't easy to do, but they are unreasonable things we both need to overcome. You can do this.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

[Bari Jo]

Hi Steph, sorry about that topic.  at first I thought it was a nice boost, now with the same picts it's gendering me without fail as male.  I was just starting to see Bari Jo too.  Yup, I feel your pain.  I'd give you a hug, but I can't reach the top of the fridge.  I'm little as well.

These apps just can't be trusted:(

Bari Jo

[steph2.0]

Hi everyone. Can you hear me down there? I have chocolate and #stormchips up here.

How lucky can a girl get? You are all so cool, I hardly know where to begin. I guess I'll try to reply to some of your advice. Sorry Laurie. It's going to be long...

So sorry for that Steph! But this too will pass. Hugs!

Thank you, Charlie Nicki. I always knew it would, and it mostly has. But in the middle of it, the pain overwhelms any logic. Things have pretty much stabilized. More on that later.

Faith: Here I am. I was never very far away. Your ghost hug helped, but you know what made me happiest? Seeing your beautiful smiling avatar back. Please don't take her away from us again.

Jayne: You took time to help me out here and via PM when you should be enjoying your holiday. Thank you for being my good friend.

Dear Kendra: You've given me much to think about...

I admire you so much for relentlessly moving forward while at the same time admitting to being fragile and human.

Says the woman who is getting four surgeries in one year, and never seems to have a bad day. You're the one who deserves all the admiration, and you sure get it from this part of Florida.

If someone is a repeat obsolete-name offender in your shop, maybe it's time to buy a roll of those corny conference "HELLO My name is" stickers and a Sharpie-wit marker.  Just in case.

This was my solution, bought for when I hosted our fly-in last weekend (pen shown for scale, among other reasons!):



I wore it today, and may have helped force an uncomfortable but effective solution to the old-name problem. More on that below.

I am surrounded with people who would be shocked to know I started comp sci in college the year after paper punch cards were sidelined.  It's possible the demographic and research for this app may contain age bias.  I won't go so far as to say gender bias but the demographics for the entire tech industry are well known.

Heh. It must have been the winter semester, 1981, Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan. CIS 101, and the first semester after they'd retired the card readers and installed terminals on the Multics mainframe. Programming in 6502 assembler, and fortran on the PDP-10(?) with storage on 8 inch floppies. I wrote my Creative Writing assignments with Emacs and got permission from the professor to turn in my assignments on greenbar. In my third and last semester before college and I gave up on each other, my friend brought in this incredible, boxy little computer in a cloth sack, made by some company with a fruity name, and named for a type of apple. This completely blew away all of us who were used to fighting for one of the few color Multics terminals instead of the amber screens. I fell in love with that fruit flavored company then, and have never changed my mind. More on that later. And I digress.

The software... well, I didn't bother trying to figure out the logic behind their choices. I figured, being AI, that they fed it bunches of pictures, told it the age and gender of each, and let it make its own decisions from then on. That should have kept human bias out of it, but who knows? One thing I did notice was it did slightly better if I took my glasses off, for what that's worth. It was just unendingly galling that it seemed to be identifying everyone the way they'd hoped - except me. Meh.

I used Windows 10 facial recognition login until recently.  I bought a Mac right before GRS and mostly use MacOS now - figure I might as well change everything at the same time.  And no, WPATH doesn't require 12 months with a new operating system.  Anyway... I found it amusing but annoying Windows facial login didn't notice when I transitioned at work and starting wearing makeup there, no increase in login errors after 6 months HRT.  Not once. 

OK, now you have me worried. Am I going to have to switch to Windows when I get my GCS? I will sacrifice almost anything to transition, but that's asking a lot.

It will be interesting to see if my iPhone X's facial recognition ever starts having problems due to HRT. I kind of doubt there will be enough changes at my age to fool it without FFS, which I hope to avoid.

Technology needs to serve us, not the other way around.

This. Absolutely this. While some of you know my propensity for fruit flavored technology, and I joke about it occasionally, I never understood why people insist on turning it into religious wars. I've been through Apple vs. IBM, then Apple vs. Windows, now Apple vs. Samsung, and guess what? They're all just tools! Use what you like, and I'll do the same. Drive your Ford and I'll drive my Chevy. They both get us there. /soapbox

Most meaningful:

most important is to know we are all in this together - all of us on Susan's - and whether it's a minor language glitch (hey guys) or blatant misgendering the pain is genuine. 

<big hug>

All of you replying to my meltdown make it so clear how important Susan's is to us. How else could we support each other and share the good and occasional bad times? The pain is indeed very real, and because every one of us has experienced it, we can support each other in ways that those who haven't gone through this fire could never possibly understand.

<BIGGER HUG> back at all of you.

Kathy: You and I have so much in common. As I've commented on before, I could have written so much of what you put in your thread, except you do it sooner and much more eloquently. I read your experiences and can only nod, yes, that's me. Like so many others here, I wish we weren't so far from each other. I certainly understand your not wanting to visit here right now, and unfortunately I don't see any opportunities for me to go north for a while. But someday I want to take you flying in an experimental aircraft I built, and I want to see Eta Carinae with my own eyes. We'll make it happen.

My dear sister Cassie: What would I do without you? As I said earlier, I was so lost last night when I couldn't get in touch with you. Today you made me laugh harder than I ever remember doing before. What incredible therapy you provided.

We were passing messages of support back and forth, and devolved into some of the most sophomoric humor you've ever seen, and I experienced something that proved to myself that I am indeed becoming female. It was what I can only describe as hysterical laughter and joy. I just couldn't stop laughing, to the point that it literally started to hurt, and as the laughing tapered off it evolved into a torrent of tears. It was joy and pain mixed, and so cathartic. I could only think of the scenes in The Green Mile, where John Coffey expels all the pain as a dark cloud, and all is well again. The laughter and tears allowed me to rid myself of that dark cloud, and I have Cassie to thank for it.

You know, I'm wondering if this notion that every happy moment must be paid for by a sad moment is some kind of coping mechanism left over from...before. The reason I say that is the whole thing sounds way too familiar to me. It's a way for a depressed person to deny that they can have any happiness, thus furthering the depression with what becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Does the universe demand balance? Is Sadness+Happiness=K built into our psyche or is it a male construct? Heck if I know. I only know that on our trip, and again last Wednesday, I was happier than I remember being before, and I don't think I was guilty about it. I certainly didn't consciously go looking for a meltdown or welcome it when it hit. Whether I brought it on subconsciously is beyond my ability to judge. It just hurt...

With that said, I suggest you pick yourself up, put on your favorite outfit, and go do something fun for yourself. Hold your head up, tits out, back straight, and march forward. You know who you are and neither a piece of software nor an old man can tell you different!

Ummm... I am standing up, and my tits are out. It's the best you're going to get, both vertically and horizontally.

As for Old Dude, I guess the problem kind of solved itself today. I wore my name tag when he came over, and kept pointing to it (with a smile) every time he screwed up. He's one of those people who like using your name in sentences a lot, so there was plenty of opportunity. Well, my friend D was over, too, and while I was elsewhere, she had a talk with him, telling him that he really needed to figure out how to get my name and pronouns correct. She told him I was feeling down, and his constant previous-naming wasn't helping. Apparently he decided that his mistakes were the root cause of the depression, and he decided that for my sake, he should probably keep his distance. He left on good terms, but said he probably wouldn't be back, since he admitted to himself that he may not be able to teach himself to get it right. I had mixed feelings about it. I like him as a person - he had no problems at all with my transition, unlike the other guy who used to help out. He's very open-minded in his views about such things, and a very good person otherwise. The fact that he decided to step back for my sake speaks to the quality of his character. But it will be a relief to not have to be on guard all the time. I guess it's all for the best...

Laurie. Oh Laurie. We've each gone through so much since we met. So much pain overcome, and so much joy to look forward to. We each have our own very different mountains to climb, but I know your tough love is always out there for me, and I hope you know I'm there for you. I so look forward to the day I see a certain truck pull into my yard, to the point where I'll even allow your non-fruit-flavored computer access to my network. If that's not love, I don't know what is. I wouldn't be able to stop you anyway from up here on the fridge.

Tia Anne, while you haven't posted things publicly, our behind-the-scenes communications mean more to me than you may understand. I'll be writing more via email, but I need to acknowledge publicly that you've been such a help to me, and make sure everyone knows how thankful I am that I've found you as a new sister.

Bari Jo, please don't feel guilty for having fun with that software on your thread. Any pain due to it is all on me. As in all my previous meltdowns, it wasn't any one thing, it was a combination of small things adding up to more than I could bear at the moment. Your thread wasn't the problem, I was. I'm glad it's no longer being discussed, though. I've signed up for notifications again. I don't want to miss a moment of your progress. So even if we can't hug, here's a <fist bump>.

So I guess I'm feeling better. All of you contributed to the recovery in your own way, and I appreciate it all so much. As always, it seemed to be caused by a combination of small things, exacerbated by what may (or may not) be some sort of cycle - at this point theorized as 28 days. Backlash from a great day Wednesday? Too much old-naming and misgendering? Funky software misgendering me? Adjusting to the stresses of getting the business going again as my new self? This morning, dealing with the departure of Megan? I dunno. Any, none, or all of the above. I'm just thankful I have all of you to pick me up when I fall, even if I end up on the fridge.

Thank you. I love you all.

Stephanie

[Laurie]

Okay (((((((((S)t)e)p)h)a)n)i)e),

   It does sound like ((y)ou) have calmed down, so you may clim(b) on down from the fridge. But mind you if you continue to misbehave I just (May) have (to) drive out that(a)way and March (y)o(u) into the k(itch) en and put you up there again myself. Since it's February you're safe for the nonce. I'm (((mak)i)ng) a list and checking it twice and I'm bett(ing) I'll fi(nd) out y(ou)r naughty and nice. (or is that nice and naughty?)

Hugs,
  Laurie

[steph2.0]

Okay (((((((((S)t)e)p)h)a)n)i)e),

   It does sound like ((y)ou) have calmed down, so you may clim(b) on down from the fridge. But mind you if you continue to misbehave I just (May) have (to) drive out that(a)way and March (y)o(u) into the k(itch) en and put you up there again myself. Since it's February you're safe for the nonce. I'm (((mak)i)ng) a list and checking it twice and I'm bett(ing) I'll fi(nd) out y(ou)r naughty and nice. (or is that nice and naughty?)

Hugs,
  Laurie

May? March? February? I'm so confused.

If you can't be good, be GREAT!

Stephanie

[Laurie]

 Oh Great! What two bee cornfuzzled about? Did I spelt any Things wronger?

[Faith]

Faith: Here I am. I was never very far away. Your ghost hug helped, but you know what made me happiest? Seeing your beautiful smiling avatar back. Please don't take her away from us again.

awwww 

I know you typed a lot of meaningful stuff, I lost track after that and all I heard was 

j/k I read it all

[steph2.0]

To quote L(aur)ie: Today Was a Good Day. Many positive things happened that have washed away all the junk from the last two days. The first involves the wife of the guy I built the last plane for.

When I came out to D and E, they were instantly 100% accepting, and have been incredibly supportive. E in particular took me by the hand, gave me tips on makeup, and has spent hours giving me practical advice on mannerisms and heartfelt guidance on what to do and not to do as a woman.

You may have read about how I ran my first flying club breakfast fly-in as my new self a few weeks ago. I had dressed especially to showcase for E everything that I'd learned with her help. And I was terribly disappointed that they never showed up. They'd forgotten about it and had flown somewhere else for breakfast.

Today D flew the plane here for me to do some work on it, and to give me something to fly while he's busy doing other things this month. I needed to fly him back home, then bring the plane back. He'd mentioned going somewhere for lunch on the way back to his place about 55 miles away. I had dressed almost exactly the way I had on the day of the fly-in, since I intended to suggest to D that we go straight back to his place, and take E to lunch with us. And again I was disappointed. She had gone off on a girl's day out with some friends. (I said, I can do that, too! But she'd already left, dang it.) So we flew to another airport with a restaurant and had lunch there, which was somewhat affirming in itself, since the restaurant staff treated me very well. We got back to D's and hung around the neighborhood for a while (D had been my across-the-street neighbor when I lived there ten years ago) and as I got ready to fly home I went inside for a pee break, and while I was in the bathroom, E came home. I walked out with a smile, and the look on her face was priceless. Her eyes got wide in surprise and she exclaimed, "Oh, look at you! You're so pretty!" And I got a long warm hug. I'd caught her by surprise, and her answer was so spontaneous it could only have been genuine and honest. Talk about validation. Talk about affirmation.

The second happened while we were hanging around the neighborhood. One of my other old neighbors was building a kit plane with the help of a friend who had built a couple of that model before. D had been advocating for me to take over finishing the kit if J's experienced help quit assisting him. D had also told him about my transition, to which he had responded immediately, "Well, next time she's in the neighborhood, bring her over to see the project." Wow.

Today, while D and I were standing in front of his hangar, J rode up behind me unnoticed on his bicycle. When I turned and saw him there, I just said, "Oh, hi J." The strange thing: there was no awkwardness or embarrassment at all on either my part or his. I completely surprised myself that I just immediately went into an unselfconscious conversation with him. We walked over to his hangar and looked the project over for probably an hour with no weirdness at all. I was just completely comfortable. D showed up a little while later and consistently used the correct name and pronouns as we talked about the kit and anything else aviation related that popped up. Thinking about it now, I realize that it must have been some sort of turning point. Gender was of course part of the picture, but transitioning was absent. I was just a female aviation tech talking with a couple guys about airplanes. How strange that it was normal.

I finally had to get back home before dark, so I got one more hug from E, and climbed in for the flight home. As I taxied out to the runway, another local plane landed, then taxied back to take off as I waited. He obviously knew the plane, but couldn't see yet who was flying it. He called on the radio, "D, are you ready to go? I'll wait for you." So I got out my best female voice and told him I was ready. There was a pause and I got some sort of incoherent reply, and I pulled across in front of him - when I assume he got a look at me with my hair down - announced my takeoff, and was on my way. I had to smile on climbout as I wondered what he was thinking, and what he was going to ask D later. Hopefully he's wondering who that good-looking woman was who was flying D's plane.



Finally, when I got home I didn't feel like cooking dinner. In the past I used to text people around the neighborhood to try to arrange going to dinner somewhere, but I'd become too self-conscious in the last six months to do that. Tonight I said heck with it, let's see what we can put together. And through a series of text messages, I arranged for what ended up being four households - twelve people - going out for a fun dinner together. And I was just the lady neighbor down the street. There weren't really any pronouns used, since we were all talking to each other, not about each other, and I was Steph when someone wanted to get my attention. There were a couple of house guests I hadn't met yet there, too, so I tried to be careful with my voice. Sue and I got an, "Excuse me, ladies" from a waitress as she had to get around us, and I got smiles from the staff as I went to get refills on my drink and went to the ladies room. When the owner of the restaurant stopped by our table, he stood next to me with his hand on my back as he asked how our meal was. It was a warm gesture that I doubt he would have used with a male customer.

So the upshot of the day: even though I may still have down days like yesterday, I think I really am starting to fit into this new life. It feels so natural and comfortable now. Cassie texted me earlier about a very affirming thing that happened to her today, and I wrote back:

"You have arrived, girlfriend. Know what? I think me too."

[Kendra]

> Thinking about it now, I realize that it must have been some sort of turning point. Gender was of course part of the picture, but transitioning was absent. I was just a female aviation tech talking with a couple guys about airplanes. How strange that it was normal.

It brings me joy to see others learn to fly and experience freedom.  As you are.  Literally.

[steph2.0]

.Today, while D and I were standing in front of his hangar, J rode up behind me unnoticed on his bicycle. When I turned and saw him there, I just said, "Oh, hi J." The strange thing: there was no awkwardness or embarrassment at all on either my part or his. I completely surprised myself that I just immediately went into an unselfconscious conversation with him. We walked over to his hangar and looked the project over for probably an hour with no weirdness at all. I was just completely comfortable. D showed up a little while later and consistently used the correct name and pronouns as we talked about the kit and anything else aviation related that popped up. Thinking about it now, I realize that it must have been some sort of turning point. Gender was of course part of the picture, but transitioning was absent. I was just a female aviation tech talking with a couple guys about airplanes. How strange that it was normal.

It was late when I wrote that, and this morning a detail popped up off the memory stack. As J and I were walking over to his hangar, he asked, "So how have you been doing? I was going to ask what but..."

I answered, "I'm doing very very well!" I held my arms out and said, "What I've been up to is obvious!" We both chuckled, the conversation moved on to airplanes, and that was that.


- Stephanie