Life has moved on to another higher plateau. The walls keep falling...
Yesterday I was able to give away a little happiness to someone dear to me (starts with an "L"). The cool thing? I gave away joy but got more back in return. Talk about a great return on investment!
My bestest friend in the whole wide world praised me for it (I hope she doesn't mind that I quote it here, but it's so important to me):
QuoteIf the time comes that you have another down day and your confidence is low, I'm going to point this out as a prime example of how much of a positive impact you've had on a lot of people's lives. We love you, Steph!
My knee started to jerk in the same old reaction it's had for 50 years... then paused. After absorbing it, I ended up writing this in response:
QuoteYou know, when I read that I thought I'd cry again. But it just added more joy to my day and made me smile even more. Strange how giving away happiness just adds to your own. I do hope it'll help to be reminded of that when I need it. But you know how it is. Not to be fatalistic, but we've both been through it often enough to know how hard it is to crawl out of that hole. In any case, one thing I'm trying to do is to accept such praise instead of dismissing it. I'm beginning to understand that building up my sense of self-worth is not the same as being egotistical [or narcissistic]. It's more finally coming to the realization that maybe I'm actually a good person and need to just be me.
That newfound confidence manifested itself in many ways in the last two days.
I got another email from someone asking about the plane I sell. It was addressed to "Steve." With no other comment, I answered all his questions and attached my updated signature line, which has "Stephanie Bensinger" as the name. No reply yet, but
this is me.
This morning I got up late with lab tests scheduled, and managed to put myself together in 10-15 minutes and still make it to the appointment just a little late, looking fabulous. This was my first time going to Quest Diagnostics in my new persona, and there was no issue at all with that... there was a paperwork SNAFU that hasn't been resolved yet, but at least I was treated well.
So I left without bloodletting, and thought to myself, "Self, you're dressed up with no place to go. Might as well get some other paperwork straightened out." Off to my dentist I went. At my last appointment I'd told my dentist and hygienist what was coming up. I didn't know how they'd handle it with the rest of the staff. I walked up to the counter, and the lady who always greets me said, "Good morning, do you have an appointment?" I said no, but I need to update my medical records. Her eyebrows went up, and she said, "OH! We were told you'd be in to update them!" On the one hand, it was a little disappointing that she recognized me. On the other, it took some time for her to realize it. I had to fill out a new set of background paperwork, and have a new picture taken (to which she said, "Beautiful!"), and off I went with smiles all around.
Well, what the heck. I'm going right past my eye doctor on the way home. Might as well... Walked up to the desk - need to update medical records - come around to the back - last name?
"First name?"
"Well, that's the thing."
"Oh! Do you have new ID?" I had my new driver's license in my hand, she looked and smiled, and went to the back to make a copy. She took my updated insurance card, made changes in the files, and all was well. As I packed up my purse, she smiled even bigger and said, "More power to you! Good luck!" I said thank you, it's going very well, and she said she was glad.
When I got home I listened to a voice mail on my phone from a guy who's heading a volunteer crew at the Sun N Fun fly-in in April, and he wants me on his team. He called to talk to Steph about it.
Maybe not up to the same standards, but I hope to see SpaceX launch the the Falcon 9 Heavy from my house in a few hours. Though it's 100 miles away, it should be very visible from here.
But the most wonderful news of all came from that bestest friend I mentioned above. I'm not going to ruin her surprise - that's for her to post in her own thread - but it made me so happy I can hardly stand it.
Grin grin grin!
Life is pretty dang good...
Stephanie
