So why'm I in such a good mood? It's been a few more nice days.
Remember when I mentioned the paperwork SNAFU at Quest Diagnostics? Well, I took another swipe at it yesterday... and the paperwork was still #*a@%ed up. But the nurse was so nice and helpful, and the doctor's office that made the mistake was so apologetic, and everyone used the right name and pronouns, so it ended up being a net positive experience.
Back home to pick up Sue. We'd decided to try switching from ATT to that new 55+ plan at T-mobile, so we girls drove to one of those pink stores. Giselle asked if both we ladies were going to be on the same plan, then who would be the primary account holder. Before Sue could answer I grabbed my ID and credit card and handed them over with a big smile. Both have the correct name, of course. The only thing that made me sweat was when she said she'd have to run a quick credit check. I haven't attempted to change anything with the credit reporting services yet. Apparently there were no problems with that. There were other problems with her computer system, though, to the point where she had to call her support folks for help. She explained that there were two ladies attempting to switch their service. There was a pause,and she said, "Ok, let me put her on," and handed me the phone. I came very close to making the guy at the other end think there was a feedback loop (SQUEEEEEEE!) but I restrained myself and concentrated on my voice. We got it all worked out and while Giselle was working through the paperwork, the lady standing next to me struck up a conversation. She was literally 16 inches from me, and just started chatting about why she was upgrading her phone and wondering what to do with the old one and... well I forget the details. I was just so lost in the moment and nearly staggered by the fact that I was just having a smiling, unselfconscious chat with another lady who I'd never met before. It was just so incredibly warm and affirming. Finally everything was wrapped up, and we left with working phones, smiles, and a "Thank you, ladies."
From there it was to the Mother Ship for lunch and tech support on her computer. I was greeted with, "Hi, Stephanie, it's good to see my daughter!" (Or something like that.) I couldn't stop grinning, and we hugged for a long time. We ate comfort food and I figured out the computer problem. Mom and her hubby still fall into the misgendering and old-naming traps, but they're getting better, and I'm making peace with the idea that this'll take a while, and I just throw out gentle reminders as needed.
On the way home we needed to do some shopping at Wally World. A few staples, a Keurig coffee maker on sale for $50, and the best part: new shoes! I found some really cute black ballet flats and some tan flats with neat cross-cross straps, not only in my size, but really comfortable, too! As other ladies shopped in the same aisle we excused ourselves as we got out of each other's way, and there was no weirdness at all. Went home to dinner and a nice evening.
This morning it was back to Quest for one more shot at the lab tests. Signed in, and there was a much bigger crowd waiting today - but nobody looked twice. Finally, the nurse called me - in the past two tries she'd used my last name, but today it was, "Steph, come on back!" We seem like old friends now who've been through a battle together. When she sat down to draw blood she wanted to chat about the weird morning she'd had. Based on the tests the order calls for, she must know my story, but she gave no indication of it at all. It was just more girl talk, sharing our trials and tribulations without filters. It seems like women are just comfortable talking with me. And I love it! Now that I think about it, this isn't a new thing. It seems like women have always felt comfortable around me. I must have been sending signals even I didn't know about.
I had to do some more shopping on the way home, and once I got into the store, I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to spend more time out in the world as me.
Irrational exuberance? Maybe. But I don't care. I keep recalling lines from Whitman's
The Song of the Open Road that I've quoted here before. They've been burned into my mind, and I thank Ashley once again for introducing me to them:
QuoteI inhale great draughts of space,
The east and the west are mine,
and the north and the south are mine.
I am larger, better than I thought,
I did not know I held so much goodness.
All seems beautiful to me,
I can repeat over to men and women
You have done such good to me I would do the same to you
Where has the fear gone? Once in a while I catch a few whispers of it, but it seems to have faded into the distance, with just a faint echo heard once in a while.
Maybe this won't last, but I will enjoy it while it does. I hope you all find this sort of joy in your lives, too.
- Stephanie
