Saturday was a pretty cool day (mostly). Our sister Faith and I have been kicking around the idea of meeting up since we both realized that we were within a three hour drive of each other. Since on Saturday there was going to be a social meeting of a support group that's almost exactly halfway between us, it seemed like a good time to make it all happen. We made plans to get together around noon in a well-known beach Mecca for lunch, some touristing, and an early dinner, followed by attending the support group meeting.
I made two mistakes while planning: One, I failed to take into account that this is a beach-side tourist town, and all the snowbirds are in Florida now. Parking was impossible. Compounding the problem was the fact that we had to drive Leviathan*, my F-250 diesel pickup, instead of RollerSkate, my Mini Cooper (it's a long story). After many text messages back and forth with Faith, we decided to just have a big lunch right away so we could use the restaurant parking lot.
The second mistake was listening to the weather forecast, which said it would be in the high 60's (F, of course). I wore black skinny jeans and took a cardigan. When we got there with the windows up and A/C on, and I saw all the shorts and swimsuits out, I knew I was in trouble. But hey, I looked fabulous. The price we pay to be glamorous...
We finally got situated, and Sue and I found Faith and Lori in front of the restaurant. We had tasty food and, being within close proximity of strangers, general conversation. After lunch the waiter encouraged us to go up to the third storey roof-top bar to enjoy the view out over the bay. After we all used the ladies room, we walked up all the stairs, found a private table, and started sharing personal stories. Lori and Faith are both very intelligent people and obviously love each other very much. There are challenges to overcome, as we all have, but I'm confident that their commitment to each other will see them through. What impressed me the most was the confidence level that Faith exudes. She's so much stronger than I was when I was at that stage of transitioning. I think her pace is going to be much faster than mine was, and I was no slouch. She's also a very private person, almost taciturn, but with deep insights when she shares them. Lori is sunny and vivacious, and the two of them complement each other well. It was a fun, and at times deep, conversation. Very enjoyable.
After a while we decided to head down to the beach. We looked around some of the vendor's stalls, bobbed around to the live music, got some liquid refreshments at the grill, and found a shady table where we could talk some more. At this point we were just enjoying each other's company and whiling away the afternoon until the meeting at 6pm. I was probably dressed the most inappropriately for the beach, but we decided to take a walk on the sand anyway. I pulled off my shoes, and we four ladies enjoyed a walk along the water through the middle of the sunbathers and revelers. Black skinny jeans are not recommended for this activity, but nobody seemed to care.
After a while we ended up back on the roof of the restaurant. We temporarily lost track of Faith and Lori, and got a text that they were already upstairs. This time we decided to take the elevator. And here I had an interesting "affirming moment." All day I had been just being me, and hadn't thought about my presentation. I was unconsciously embracing my "new normal." Without fail I had been addressed properly, to the point that I scarcely even noticed. I did insist on using my credit card with that wonderful name on it, though. But I digress. As the door on the elevator started closing a guy slipped in at the last second. As we ascended slowly he struck up a conversation with us. "Where are you ladies from?" We found out he used to live in an adjacent town to our home, and since the elevator is so old and slow, had quite an extensive conversation while it creaked upward 30 feet. Here I was, having a completely unselfconscious conversation with a total stranger in a tiny elevator, with absolutely no weirdness at all. He was talking with two ladies, and knew nothing different. All the time we were talking, there was this noise growing louder and louder. It sounded something like "squeeeeEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" It turned out it wasn't the elevator. It was coming from inside my head. When the doors opened, he wished us ladies a nice day. It had just gotten better.
We found our compatriots at a table with only two stools. I went to the bar to steal a couple more and some of the other patrons joked with me that I was stealing their chairs. We had some fun with that for a few minutes, and again, they were just joking with a crazy old lady (thanks for the idea, Tia. It applies to Sue and I, for sure). A little later a group of people came up on the roof and asked if one of us would take their picture. Lori volunteered, and they wandered all over the roof looking for a good spot for the snap. When they were finally done, I chased them down with my phone and insisted they repay the favor. And here some magic happened. Faith insisted that she doesn't smile for cameras, but well, the picture speaks for itself.
The conversation moved from transitioning to hobbies and comparing pictures of pets - just a bunch of ladies having a nice afternoon. Finally we headed back down and drove the 25 minutes to the location of the support group meeting.
Other gatherings I'd been to had been run by some dynamic folks who kept things moving and fun. The last two I'd attended had been the Halloween and Christmas parties, with lots of people I knew and fun activities. I looked forward to introducing Faith and Lori to some of the neat people I'd gotten to know. But this meeting... wasn't quite like that. It was run by a very nice lady, but she wasn't what you'd call high energy. Very few of the fun-loving people I know were there. And the topic of the evening was, "It's all about you." Nobody had to volunteer anything they didn't want to, but the activities were built around getting to know each other, which involved talking about ourselves. And I had brought a very private person there. Sue and I tried to keep things light with occasional silliness, but there weren't many people there, and there were long periods of total silence while we stared at the tabletop. It was a terribly painful couple of hours. When we finally were able to make a graceful exit, I apologized profusely to Faith and Lori. It wasn't what I was at all used to. It's not likely they'll be back, and I may not, either. Besides, I'm finding as I integrate my new self into general society, I'm getting less and less value from attending these kinds of meetings. Almost all of any therapy I need is gotten here now, among people whom I love and trust.
Overall, it was still a great day. We all plan to get together again some time soon. We May have to March toward each other when a certain lorrie rolls into town, whenever that may be. It was so cool to get to know even more denizens of this wonderful group, and I hope to meet many more face-to-face.
Stephanie
* Sorry Cassie, I just couldn't bring myself to name it "Behemoth." That name will forever belong to your now-replaced old pickemup. So "Leviathan" it is.
