Thank you all for the compliments on my Easter outfit. As I'd mentioned, it was a bit of a dream come true for me. But enough about that. There's been so much happening that I may never get it all documented. Instead of telling a story of the past, let me tell you what's coming up...
Most of you know that I was bitten by a radioactive airplane long ago, so have aviation in my DNA. For better than 20 years I've been attending the Sun-N-Fun airshow/gathering/celebration as a tourist, demo pilot, exhibitor, or volunteer. This year, due to changes in my business model, I'm going to volunteer.
There's a separate area with its own runway called Paradise City specifically for light aircraft and ultralights, which has been my home during the shows. It's the place my former self was most familiar and comfortable with, and where I was pretty well-known.
Well, this year, things are obviously different. Some people already know of my transition, while many others will find out at the show.
By sheer coincidence, my neighbor is in charge of all the volunteers for Paradise City. When I visited her home to come out last September, I suggested that maybe I should volunteer at a different part of Sun-N-Fun where I wasn't as well-known to avoid awkwardness. She didn't want to hear it, and after thinking about it, she contacted Paul, the guy leading the newly-formed Media Team, and suggested that I might be a good member of the group. He actively recruited me, and refused to accept any excuses I tried to make for avoiding the team.
The Media Team will not only announce live to the crowd that's watching the planes fly what they're looking at, with technical details and color commentary, but will be roving around with wireless mics to interview pilots, manufacturers reps, and passengers getting rides. There will be prerecorded interviews with exhibitors, and live conversations with onlookers. Some of it will be live-streamed to the Internet, and some will be broadcast live on "Sun-N-Fun Radio."
Great, I thought. I have technical expertise in most fixed-wing light planes, so I can supply Paul with stuff to talk about. I can also apply some of my geekiness to setting up and maintaining the equipment. It'll be fun, and I won't have to be out in front with all the social anxiety issues that triggers for me.
Uhhhh... no. Apparently it's going to be the Paul and Stephanie Show.
The rest of the people on the team are theoretically there to support us and keep us on the air as much as possible. Yikes! I'm not afraid of microphones - especially if I get to talk airplanes. What I'm trying to come to grips with is first, having to out myself to the roughly 75% of Paradise City volunteers and visitors who know the old me, and second, having my voice blasting out of speakers, on live streams and broadcasts, and on recordings.
A side story: Paul was getting matching shirts embroidered for the team members. He asked me what size I wore, and I told him women's large. He texted me back and told me that he couldn't get women's shirts in the same color as the rest of the team's shirts (apparently I'm the only woman on the team) and would I be ok with a men's small instead? I really struggled with that. I didn't want to cause trouble for the team or make my transition a "thing," but my dysphoria is such that I can't imagine wearing anything labeled "men's." In the end I decided to stand my ground and insist on a women's shirt. I could volunteer elsewhere if it was a problem. And Paul immediately backed off, insisting that I was a valued member of the team, and he'd just get me a different color. Here it is:
I'm trying to figure out the voice thing. I need to come up with something soon - the show starts next Tuesday, and volunteers start getting things set up on Thursday.
As for outing myself... well if I'm going to be there at all, people are going to find out anyway. So I might as well own it, and put myself front and center. My goal is to make myself indispensable, and be the most helpful and friendly volunteer working our little world. I've already asked the volunteer boss to not pigeonhole me into the stereotypical "guy jobs" but instead let me work jobs that she'd normally assign to women. She thought it was a good idea.
If I can get through this I think it'll do wonders for my self-confidence. I also feel that maybe in addition to helping myself, it might strike a positive blow for all of us. I'm sure I'll end up answering a lot of questions, so I hope I do well representing us all. Wish me luck!
- Stephanie
