My Boyfriend Wants To Become A Women, I Need Advice

[LynnSam]

I am new to this site and very happy I found it. I am struggling with some new information my Boyfriend has told me. I knew my Boyfriend was Bi and I have no problem with that being Bi myself. He finally came out and told me that he is into forced feminization and that he was always wanted to be a girl. This was a shock to me as he is usually very dominate and masculine. I now understand that he wants to be like that but that is not his full true self. I am happy that he is comfortable with sharing this with me. There is a problem, he is an amazing person and I want to support him, but I'm not sure that I can do that while still being in a romantic relationship with him. He is very secretive of this side of himself. I love him. I just haven't felt as attracted to him since knowing. I'm hoping it is only a phase from the shock. I don't want to break up with him. I am his support currently, especially with this and he is already to closed about it already saying he is fine never embarrassing it. I'm not okay with. I don't want to ended sinking him further into that. I am just looking for experienced advice on the situation. I can handle the forced feminization, but I him wanting to be a girl is difficult. I am usually a very accepting person, so I am not sure why this is bothering me so much.

[MaryT]

I'm not sure that the desire for "forced feminization" is typical of transgender women.  It sounds a bit fetishistic to me.  I would be interested in what other members think.

[Devlyn]

Hi LynnSam, welcome to Susan's Place! Thanks for opening up to us. Open communication with your partner is the key to success. I've known several women here who came to us by the forced feminization path. They've gone on to fully transition. You have a unicorn on your hands, not everyone is ready for that. I'd keep that treasure if I were you.

See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

[HappyMoni]

If  your partner feels guilty about wanting to be female, the fantasy of being forced to be female might be a way not to feel the guilt. It is my thought since I used to have such fantasies, but no longer, due to transitioning. Guilt can mess with our heads. Whatever your relationship status going forward, I would be supportive but honest about your feelings. Your support is important whether you are a partner or a friend. I would also give it time to play out. Snap decisions could be wrong. Both of you will evolve from this point going forward. You both deserve to have your feelings respected.
Moni

[Dani]

Both you and your boyfriend need professional counselling. If money is an issue, you may start with a support group near where you live. I agree with everything that was said above, but there is no substitute for a professional psychologist's counselling.

[Allie24]

I agree, some form of therapy needs to be had, especially for your boyfriend. None of us here know your boyfriend, nor are we licensed to really make any real assessments regarding his state of mind. Maybe he's trans, maybe not. The forced feminization thing I find a bit concerning. I'm afraid that he might be confusing a fetish with a transsexual identity, but this is just my analysis of what you have just disclosed.

Ask questions, seek out a therapist, and go from there. Hopefully it all works out for you both.

[amandam]

With more acceptance of myself, I've found that my forced fem fantasies have greatly diminished. I am a new tranagender and have only begun my journey. I may transition, or I may not. Or I may find out I have some sort of fetish component that cannot be decoupled from it. Only time and therapy will help me to find out.

[elkie-t]

Give it a try, let him dress as a female, invite him (as her) to shopping, dinner, bar, dancing. Who knows, maybe she'll turn out to be a very special gf with a bit extra. If she wants to start hormones, don't stop her - hormones' effects are slow and you both will have plenty of time to get used to the new changes, or stop taking them... And she's a new person for you, maybe you'll fall in love with her again, if not - you aren't obligated to stay, you can remain friends. But I'd suggest to give it an honest attempt.


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[Devlyn]

The forced feminization I've heard of frequently involves chemical castration, or HRT as we call it here. 

[Julia1996]

I'm sorry for being ignorant but what is forced feminization?? How can someone force another person to transition?? I don't understand.

[MaryT]

If  your partner feels guilty about wanting to be female, the fantasy of being forced to be female might be a way not to feel the guilt.

That's a plausible explanation as to why a genuinely transgender woman would have forced feminization fantasies but

The forced feminization I've heard of frequently involves chemical castration, or HRT as we call it here. 

would a doctor knowingly prescribe HRT on the basis of a desire for forced feminization?  I'm not challenging it, I'm just asking.

[MaryT]

I'm sorry for being ignorant but what is forced feminization?? How can someone force another person to transition?? I don't understand.

I've read about some people having such fantasies, and even hiring dominatrices to indulge them, but I also may be missing something in this case.

[Allie24]

I'm sorry for being ignorant but what is forced feminization?? How can someone force another person to transition?? I don't understand.

Forced feminization, as I know it, is a fetish/fantasy with some elements of BDSM that involves a male sub being forced to either dress/behave feminine or take hormones by a (typically) female dom, and it is done solely for sexual pleasure.

[Devlyn]

If  your partner feels guilty about wanting to be female, the fantasy of being forced to be female might be a way not to feel the guilt.

That's a plausible explanation as to why a genuinely transgender woman would have forced feminization fantasies but

The forced feminization I've heard of frequently involves chemical castration, or HRT as we call it here. 

would a doctor knowingly prescribe HRT on the basis of a desire for forced feminization?  I'm not challenging it, I'm just asking.

It's frequently a part of someone's evolution. We all came to this by different paths. There is no saint's prize for arriving here without a sexual connection to our gender status. I thought I was dressing for erotic reasons until I noticed I no longer got aroused.

I suppose a doctor would probably suggest a therapist. Hence, TOS #8 because not everyone goes through a doctor and we won't be discussing that here.

Now let's remember, we're here to help someone, not criticize their partner. This is the SO section.

Hugs, Devlyn

[HappyMoni]

That's a plausible explanation as to why a genuinely transgender woman would have forced feminization fantasies but

would a doctor knowingly prescribe HRT on the basis of a desire for forced feminization?  I'm not challenging it, I'm just asking.

Informed consent in many cases will get HRT.  Forced feminization could have different motives based on the individual. I personally think too many trans folk are in fear that they have a fetish, when really they are just trans folk who, quite normally, have a sex drive. That drive is squeezed by the unnatural circumstance of having to live as the wrong gender. Hence, the idea of therapy is helpful to sort it out, agreed.

I'm sorry for being ignorant but what is forced feminization?? How can someone force another person to transition?? I don't understand.

Julia, some folks like to have someone force them into the feminine role. It is not a forced transition though.


Moni

[Devlyn]

A reminder to everyone, this is the category description for the Significant Others section:

A place for support of the family (parents, siblings and/or children) and intimate partners of trans* people. Please respect that this is an area for SO (Significant Others) only.

These are the guidelines for posting in this area:

This forum is primarily intended as a place Significant others can go to in order to seek support from each other. While I do not block posting by transgender people I would ask that as much as possible you respect this as a separate area for them. If they have a question and you can answer it in a neutral manner feel free to respond. This is a place for facts and good information and not for advocacy.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I find the forced feminization comment to be very confusing and I wouldn't be surprised to find that you are unsure of what it means as well. At this point like the other I would recommend both of you see a gender therapist. In this case your boyfriend needs to know exactly what the goals are and you need to determine if you can live within the framework of those goals. It's far better to do it now instead of latter when your  relationship has become much more serious. A relationship can and has worked for many on the site but then again, it has failed for others.

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[Sylvia]

Hi, as I seem to be the only SO here, I thought I'd reply to say hi, and welcome to the club none of us want to be in. I too had no idea what forced feminization was, until I read the above. I would echo the above, and say you both need some sort of therapy or counselling before you go any further. And talk to each other. Secrecy makes everything 100 times worse.

Good luck

S.

[CindyLouCovington]

We are not qualified to answer such a complex problem You and your boyfriend really need to see a psychologist experience in treating transgendered peopleto determine what is what many have sliding scales if money is a problem or there may be a free clinic near you. But both of you really need therapy, this is a serious matter

[Complete]

I know many here recommend therapy. For some it works. My thought is to connect and communicate
Honestly with your SO....AND with yourself. Without absolute candor and the most ardent commitment to absolutely being 100 percent honesty with yourself first and without reserve,  then it is a lie and you will only be wasting your precious time. You must answer this for yourself. If your SO does in fact want to transition, then you must decide for yourself if and how you might continue to satisfy and tend to your own needs....or not.

Some people save years of time, and possibly $1,000's of their own money, or public money by just being honest with themselves. ...and everyone else.