I got outed by a child.

[Julia1996]

I went to the store to get dog food and there was this guy in front of me with this little brat kid in the child seat of the cart. The kid was maybe 4-5 years old. This little boy was totally staring holes through me. I smiled at him but he just kept staring. I was totally wishing the line would hurry and this little monster points right at me and busts out with " you're a boy!!!"  He said it totally loud and it like echoed all over and people of course turned and looked. His dad turned around and looked at me and told the brat no I wasn't a boy and to knock it off.  The little brat did shut up but he kept staring holes through me till his dad wheeled him out. Talk about wanting to sink through the floor! No one said anything to me or even really even looked at me but it was totally awful! I can't imagine what that stupid kid saw to make him out me. I have makeup on and everything. Oh well,I was wondering when someone I didn't know from before transition would out me. I guess today was the day. I might have figured it would be some hateful kid. ......let me show you how much fun plastic dry cleaning bags can be little buddy.

[IzzyC]

Could have been nothing.

I remember this same thing happening to my sister once. Some kid told me once that I was asian because I have thing/permanently at half mast eyes.

If the father gave you a cursory glance and said no, then the kid might have been full of it for whatever reason.

My own kid did a similar thing once because he associated short hair = boy and said something to a cis-girl.

[Tessa James]

Oh Julia i'm so sorry that happened to you too.  While that may have been a hateful experience for you most children are obviously not yet equipped with an executive censor and will often say what they think or feel without shame or guilt.  I have experienced that a plenty and started a thread about how to respond.

Many parents have heard something like " i hate you mommy or daddy you are mean!"  Babies and children often do see gender in very stereotypical ways and will hopefully learn to appreciate the many different expressions of humanity around them. 

A family and village that is exposed to diverse thoughts and peoples and learns to celebrate them are goals we can work at together.  We can hope that little boy will learn that yes, people are so very interesting and different and fun to get to know rather than fearing the "others" all around us.

[Megan.]

Julia, sorry that happened to you. I've had plenty of quizzical looks from children (which is fine), but I've not yet had the point and call-out. As others have said,  the child may have said that for any number of simple/flawed associations. X

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[Bari Jo]

Children are the easiest to fool when it comes to imagination and magic, but the most difficult otherwise.  Sorry this happened Julia. You look cis to me and more than likely everybody else too.

[Julia1996]

Children are the easiest to fool when it comes to imagination and magic, but the most difficult otherwise.  Sorry this happened Julia. You look cis to me and more than likely everybody else too.

Aww thank you. Children have always been the worst for me.I totally don't like the little house apes! They always stare.  I've had kids ask me why I was all white, if I was a ghost, if I was a vampire and why I look like that. I had one little girl ask me if I was old. When I told her no, not yet she asked me did I have white hair then.  And I've scared more than one child with my natural eye color. When I would go anyplace with my mom she would tell me to leave my sunglasses on inside so I didn't scare anyone. But this is the first time a child has outed me.  I don't know why people want kids anyway. Dogs are much more lovable and they can't talk.

[Dena]

Children are more aware of gender because they are still in the process of discovery about it. You need to take a different attitude about children. The proper what to handle this after the boy made his remark is to reply "and you are a really cute little girl". Naturally he would instantly deny it but you would reply with "Oh yes you are".

As for what the child picked up on, I don't have a clue. I have never been call out but I am under no illusion that I ever was 100% passable. Somewhere around here there is a thread that's about 2 years old discussing this subject. In includes a number of original ways of dealing with this problem.

[Lady Sarah]

About 6 years ago, a little girl asked me, "are you a boy or a girl?" I responded with, "a very grown up girl". Then she continued to monkey around on a sapling, trying to snap it off. Dang it if she didn't remind me of a little boy!
Some kids definitely have a disconnect between their brains and their mouths. Quite frankly, I ain't too fond of the little brats. Now, the ones that behave respectfully are another story.

[Bari Jo]

  I don't know why people want kids anyway. Dogs are much more lovable and they can't talk.

I totally agree.  My Fanta doesn't judge me when I ask him if he's happy to see his mommy.  He thinks he can talk though.  I ask him questions and he does his best to answer.

Bari Jo

[Devlyn]

Fanta probably says the same thing about you! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Allie24]

Not kidding, I had the same thing happen to me once. I was at work and this old couple with their grandkid came in and he was tugging on his grandma's sleeve telling her, "Look, that boy is dressed like a girl." He must've said it like five times. I didn't have the courage to say anything at the time, though, because I just wanted to disappear at that moment.

I'm so sorry you went through that. Instances like that, especially with children, are so, so painful, because they have no filters whatsoever and will just blurt the first thought that comes to mind.

You're not alone, sister :/ it's hard, especially when you feel like you can pass so well, and then someone says something stupid like that.

[Charlie Nicki]

Wow that can be really embarrassing and annoying. But oh well, kids don't know better. The good thing is that his dad immediately corrected him.

[RavenMoon]

I wouldn't dwell on it. Kids says the darndest things. Lol.

I've had kids say things about the purple steaks in my hair. As two women and a small boy walked past me the mom says out loud "yes, some people do have crazy hair" I laughed out loud. I'm sure the kid wasn't being mean. 

Then another day I'm walking with my BFF (a cis woman) and some kid about 12 made a comment about me, saying to my friend "is that your sister?" My friend being a smart ass said "no, that's a boy!" The kid looked confused. Lol. I said to her "why are you confusing that young man?" Lol. It was funny. I really don't care, but the amusing part is I'm not even part time yet. I don't think I look like a woman at all. I'm just small, dress androgynously, paint my nails, and have long, bushy hair. Point being people see what they see.

One funny episode was when I was at the park with my daughter (she's 12). Some little girl about 5 was with her dad. She says "I want purple hair like that lady!" Dad: "I'm pretty sure that's a boy" girl: "no! It's a lady and I want purple hair!" Dad: "I really think... oh it doesn't matter. And yes, you can have purple hair."  Lol

I know this is opposite, but I'm amused since I do not look like a woman in person. In my avatar I have a lot of makeup on.

So I guess when kids aren't sure they guess based on I don't know what. I think I'm my case it's the long hair and nail polish, and maybe my size.

But I'd by horrified to attempt to walk out of the house in one of my dresses. I just can't pull it off yet. So I take any misidentification as a small victory, even though the kids are completely wrong about my sex. Lol. I mean on the inside they are right. But it doesn't matter. [emoji5]


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[Tessa James]

I don't know why people want kids anyway. Dogs are much more lovable and they can't talk.

And they don't need money for college or rent

[IzzyC]

One funny episode was when I was at the park with my daughter (she's 12). Some little girl about 5 was with her dad. She says "I want purple hair like that lady!" Dad: "I'm pretty sure that's a boy" girl: "no! It's a lady and I want purple hair!" Dad: "I really think... oh it doesn't matter. And yes, you can have purple hair."  Lol

Oh my god that is adorable. I can picture the kid throwing a fit, "No!"

Makes me want to do dye streaks in my hair. I really like dark purples so I was thinking about doing something of the sort whenever it finally gets long.

[Roll]

And they don't need money for college

... because they always get free ride scholarships on account of being adorable!

...

Okay, that was a dumb post even for me, I apologize.

[Jailyn]

Julia I love you, if I can say that, lol!!!! You seem so nice on here and brave with your transition. Kids seem to be more perceptive on gender than adults. I know I have 5 boys of my own. We have gone a lot of places. Of course being kids they have no filter either. When we were in Mexico City we rode the subway. On the subway was two beautiful trans women. My kids of course were staring and they turn to me and my ex and say those are boys.............then you should have seen the stares from them at me and my ex. It was like I should go and die, hehehehehe. We had a talk about gender when we got off and told the boys not to say things like that out loud. they have done this several times at stores or where ever. So children are much more perceptive on this than adults or at least mention it when most adults won't. Kids will out you just not purposely. Now my kids and I will have another talk about gender only in relation to dad now, so touches home more, and I can make it more personal now. I guess what I am saying is kids are innocent and don't know better.

[Dani2118]

Julia, There's one part I loved best. Don't get me wrong, I like kids. But the plastic bag Everybody's all kumbiya and poor kid until it happens, then" let me show you...'   

[MeTony]

I often get the "Are you a boy or a girl?" question from kids. Lots of kids in the neighborhood. Most of the time I just smile back with a mysterious face and leave it at that. Leave them with a feeling of doubt and confusion. Hehe

When I was bigger than I am now kids asked me if I am pregnant. I said "No, I'm fat." That also made them confused. Was I being ironic or not?

[Cindy]

At least you didn't suffer the fate of the dear lady in my post office.

My close friend went with her 5 year old to the post office and she chirped up in front of all the customers to the woman behind the counter.
"Did you you use to be a man like Mummy's friend?"

Now that is how to ruin someones day!

(She is as far as I know a cisgender female)