My boobs are growing!! (Charlie Nicki's Diary)

[Roll]

I second the real avatar. I've seen your picture from even months ago and you looked wonderful to me, with the time that has passed I'm sure you have made far more progress than you may realize!

Dani, rest assured: you are beautiful, brave, and just all around awesome.

It's been a while since we chatted directly, but if you ever need to talk I will always be there.

[Charlie Nicki]

Thank you Roll and Jessica. I just tried uploading a new avatar through Tapatalk and I hit sent but I still see the same picture. I don't know where the other one went.

EDIT: I was able to change my pic and edited my previous post to remove that last part to avoid confusion. Not a picture of me since I'm worried about privacy.

[pamelatransuk]

Congratulations Charlie Nikki on the Breast Augmentation and Lipo.

I am sure your depression will only be temporary as your doctor warned and you felt the same after the orchie and then recovered. Just try not to be too introspective but I know that is difficult.

May I suggest also you try to concentrate (again it is not easy to adjust ones thinking) on what you have already achieved. You have come so far!

Special Hugs to you

Pamela

[Charlie Nicki]

Congratulations Charlie Nikki on the Breast Augmentation and Lipo.

I am sure your depression will only be temporary as your doctor warned and you felt the same after the orchie and then recovered. Just try not to be too introspective but I know that is difficult.

May I suggest also you try to concentrate (again it is not easy to adjust ones thinking) on what you have already achieved. You have come so far!

Special Hugs to you

Pamela

Hi Pamela, yes you're right. I'm trying to tell myself that this is temporary. Hope it passes soon so I can start feeling good about myself.

[Amaki]

been about a year since the you started hrt, are you happy with the results, I mean really. It took me along time to realize the only one who I should care about being happy is myself, and I think Im finally on the right path.

[Charlie Nicki]

I posted about this in the "what made you unhappy today" thread but I guess I should put it here as well.

I was feeling really good the past 2 days but last night I had an argument with my mother that made me feel bad again. I was planning to make my coming out post on social media... it's been 2 weeks since I had my breast augmentation and lipo so I thought it was about time. My brother took my picture and also got in some pics with me, he said he wanted to make a post on his social media as soon as I posted in mine, to show his support. I thought that was a great idea and felt supported. He told me I should ask my mom if she wanted to participate so I texted her and she said yes and told me to wait for her to come home.

Well she got home after work and didn't want to take the pic. Told me I should wait a few more weeks before coming out on social media... We started arguing and she called me selfish and said I always wanted to do things my way without thinking about the rest. She also said I still have masculine features so I should wait more.

I started crying as soon as she called me selfish. I mean I first told her I was transgender 4 years ago and didn't do anything about it back then because I wasn't ready to face lack of support (which I got from her and my ex), so how come I'm selfish now?... It hurt. Also feeling like the only way I'll be accepted is if I turn into a pretty Barbie? I know I have masculine features, but I don't want to wait a  million years for HRT to feminize more...I don't even know if it'll actually help my face more since it is so unpredictable.

So basically I'm feeling sad and discouraged and embarrassed. I got breasts and a tiny waist and feel like hiding cuz last night's argument made me feel like a freak. Like a dude with boobs. And I wanted to make the come out post on social media so it was easier for me to face the world if everyone already knew what's happening and how I look.

I'm going back to work in 2 weeks and still don't feel confident enough to face that...I was gaining confidence but the argument set me back.

[mm]

Sometimes we must do what is best for us and not what someone else thinks. After 4yrs she has had time and with 2 weeks until you go back to work you probably need to be out on social media.

[christinej78]

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So basically I'm feeling sad and discouraged and embarrassed. I got breasts and a tiny waist and feel like hiding cuz last night's argument made me feel like a freak. Like a dude with boobs. And I wanted to make the come out post on social media so it was easier for me to face the world if everyone already knew what's happening and how I look.

I'm going back to work in 2 weeks and still don't feel confident enough to face that...I was gaining confidence but the argument set me back.
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Dear Niki,                    15 June 2018

In 7 weeks and 2 days I'll be 78. I started transitioning (Officially by my reckoning) 08 March of this year. I wear women's T-shirts, slacks, jeans, shoes, underwear, lots of pink and other fem colors, etc. I still look like a guy and now a guy with boobs. I love it. I do get looks from a few guys looking at my boobs and trying to figure out what or who I am. It makes me laugh at their confused looks. I don't give a s*** what anyone thinks except me. I do what I want as long as I don't hurt someone other than me, and I'm sure not hurting me.

Look into your heart and do what it tells you. Don't worry about what someone else may think because we really don't know what someone is thinking unless they tell us. If someone says something stupid, just smile and walk on. You win, they lose.

The world has its share of bone heads, they are not worth worrying about; besides, most people do not care.

You will be fine. Getting to the exact point you desire cannot be done overnight; strop worrying and live the way you want. It is your life, the only one you will ever have, so enjoy it.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

[Charlie Nicki]

Dear Niki,                    15 June 2018

In 7 weeks and 2 days I'll be 78. I started transitioning (Officially by my reckoning) 08 March of this year. I wear women's T-shirts, slacks, jeans, shoes, underwear, lots of pink and other fem colors, etc. I still look like a guy and now a guy with boobs. I love it. I do get looks from a few guys looking at my boobs and trying to figure out what or who I am. It makes me laugh at their confused looks. I don't give a s*** what anyone thinks except me. I do what I want as long as I don't hurt someone other than me, and I'm sure not hurting me.

Look into your heart and do what it tells you. Don't worry about what someone else may think because we really don't know what someone is thinking unless they tell us. If someone says something stupid, just smile and walk on. You win, they lose.

The world has its share of bone heads, they are not worth worrying about; besides, most people do not care.

You will be fine. Getting to the exact point you desire cannot be done overnight; strop worrying and live the way you want. It is your life, the only one you will ever have, so enjoy it.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

Christine, I appreciate your post and want to congratulate you for making the decision to live how you want without caring about the world. That's what I want to do as well.

[Charlie Nicki]

Sometimes we must do what is best for us and not what someone else thinks. After 4yrs she has had time and with 2 weeks until you go back to work you probably need to be out on social media.

Well the thing is that 4 years ago I took it all back and told her I was confused. So she really didn't mourn or assimilated the whole thing...Now is the first time she's actually experiencing my change.

[pamelatransuk]

I am so disappointed that you have encountered this latest obstacle. Sadly parents can often be the hardest to gain support from as they put up barriers as they feel they are losing a son (in their eyes) rather gaining a daughter. I hope in a very short time, your Mum comes round.

You have come so far and achieved so much. My advice is in 2 weeks time, go ahead and proceed and come out publicly but you must regain your confidence as I am sure you will.

Hugs

Pamela

[Charlie Nicki]

I am so disappointed that you have encountered this latest obstacle. Sadly parents can often be the hardest to gain support from as they put up barriers as they feel they are losing a son (in their eyes) rather gaining a daughter. I hope in a very short time, your Mum comes round.

You have come so far and achieved so much. My advice is in 2 weeks time, go ahead and proceed and come out publicly but you must regain your confidence as I am sure you will.

Hugs

Pamela

Hi Pamela and everyone else.

I've officially come out on social media . My mom did come around and I posted my pic and coming out message on both Instagram and Facebook this past Sunday. The amount of support, messages and likes has been overwhelmingly positive so I'm absolutely happy and relieved it all turned out good. My "secret" is out to the world so I don't need to hide anymore

[pamelatransuk]

Fantastic news both about your mom and about all the wonderful support you have received which as you say must be overwhelming!

Now you really can celebrate and the rest of us following your story can celebrate your happiness also.

Hugs

Pamela xx

[KathyLauren]

My "secret" is out to the world so I don't need to hide anymore

Isn't that the greatest feeling?  Congrats!

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Pamela and everyone else.

I've officially come out on social media . My mom did come around and I posted my pic and coming out message on both Instagram and Facebook this past Sunday. The amount of support, messages and likes has been overwhelmingly positive so I'm absolutely happy and relieved it all turned out good. My "secret" is out to the world so I don't need to hide anymore

@Charlie Nicki    Well, your good news report is a refreshing change of events for you in your transition process.
Coming out to your family, friends ... and to the social media sites can be a difficult and delicate endeavor for us transgenders.... many of us on the Forums have gone thought this gauntlet and many will be.

For me, when I came out to my family and friends I found very little, if any, acceptance and acknowledgement from my parents and friends...  that was a catalyst for my decision to relocate here as a full-time woman to start my self-employed business ... and since arriving I had been living in stealth here for over a year and a half...
...and then about 2 months ago I boldly and fearfully (and quite accidentally) came out to my small town.  My fears were unfounded as it has turned out that I have experienced very little negativity.
 
The point I am trying to make is that it was like a one-ton weight was taken off of my shoulders...  it was such a relief to not have to hide my secret any longer...   I could think clearer, be friendlier and be more open about myself... very refreshing for sure.
   
I sincerely trust that you have found it refreshing also as your load on your shoulders has been removed!!!

Thank you for your update...  please continue to allow us to follow your journey.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Roll]

Hi Pamela and everyone else.

I've officially come out on social media . My mom did come around and I posted my pic and coming out message on both Instagram and Facebook this past Sunday. The amount of support, messages and likes has been overwhelmingly positive so I'm absolutely happy and relieved it all turned out good. My "secret" is out to the world so I don't need to hide anymore

!!! That's great!!!

[Maddie86]

Hi Pamela and everyone else.

I've officially come out on social media . My mom did come around and I posted my pic and coming out message on both Instagram and Facebook this past Sunday. The amount of support, messages and likes has been overwhelmingly positive so I'm absolutely happy and relieved it all turned out good. My "secret" is out to the world so I don't need to hide anymore

yay!!! what a relief, right? I'm happy for you!

[Charlie Nicki]

Yes definitely relieving. I forgot to mention that both my mother and my brother made posts of their own in their social media accounts, supporting me. And posted recent pictures where we are together.

It has been absolutely wonderful. I'm blessed to have such a supportive family. My dad also encouraged me, he was the first one who told me to go ahead and post it, and that he would support me no matter what.

[Jessica]

And you were so worried!  Girl, I told you it would be okay. 
So happy that you're so happy!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

[Charlie Nicki]

And you were so worried!  Girl, I told you it would be okay. 
So happy that you're so happy!

Hugs and smiles, Jess

Yes honey everything is good now