How to be patient?

[Sinead]

Hi everyone.

This probably won't make sense at all, but I just need to get it out... So I've just recently realised that I am a woman trapped in a man's body. I've been to the doctors and I've been referred to a psychologist, who will then send me back to the doctors and I will be referred to a gender specialist, but the waiting list for an appointment is 16 months.

I'm not out of the closet yet - my plan is to learn how to pass as a woman before coming out and living as a woman full time, I will have the chance to dress as my true self for the first time next weekend and I will receive a make over too.

Learning to pass as female will take me a while, especially because I know nothing about make-up or how to even act like a woman, so it will take some practice, despite the fact I am getting a makeover.

My question is, have you had to be patient with coming out of the closet and being dressed as your true gender? How do you deal with having to be patient? My gender dysphoria is getting worse everyday, I feel like I'm gonna burst any minute

[KathyLauren]

Yes, it is hard to be patient.  Therapist waiting lists, doctor waiting lists, WPATH requirements, bureaucratic delays.  There's not much you can do except to take whatever shortcuts you can (for example, paying out of pocket to see a specialist instead of waiting for the one your health plan provides) and try not to get worked up about the delays.

I have to drive around with an 'M' on my driver's license for two years, thanks to bureacrats in another country.  There's no point in getting upset about it: it's just the way it is.

It helps that transition is complex, because there's usually something you can make progress on while waiting for something else to happen.  Celebrate all those small victories as they happen.

[Toni]

We are taught to be impatient.  Timed testing, deadlines, every part of marketing to society touting faster cars, faster internet, faster phones, faster billpay, faster food.  Transition is not fast.  It's excruciatingly slow and fraught with starts, stops and detours that all seem to conspire to keep you from achieving your goal.  It's also like Pandora's Box in that once opened, it's impossible to put back in.  Practice meditation to control the frustration you will encounter, learn that one of the key skills of successful people is knowing that if you can't do what you want, do what you can, and there is always something that can be done to help transition.  Being here will help as people will have suggestions and are willing to listen to you vent when you seem to run into a wall.  Think about a friend or two that may be sympathetic to your cause and be realistic about what to expect when you're all done.  When you feel angry count to ten and take a deep breath and think of all the people out there who really don't know who they are and how lucky you are to even know to start on your journey.  Have faith in yourself and your spirit and you will prevail.  Toni

[Gertrude]

16 months? Wow.


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[Sinead]

16 months? Wow.


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Yup . There's not that many clinics in the UK. It kinda forces my hand because I cannot live the next 2 years as a man, so I'll have to come out/live as a woman before that

[Megan.]

My personal situation allowed/required me to live part-time for 18 months before starting to present at work. This was not an ideal situation,  but if practical for you,  it would enable a more incremental transition,  while helping balance the GD. X

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[I Am Jess]

16 months? Wow.

Wow indeed.  My entire transition, from first therapy appointment to GRS, only took 18 months.  I couldn't have waited that long to just get started.

[RobynTx]

Keeping busy at work or finding hobbies to do can help past the time.  I feel for you.  I don't think I could go the route you have to go in transitioning. 

[Gertrude]

Yup . There's not that many clinics in the UK. It kinda forces my hand because I cannot live the next 2 years as a man, so I'll have to come out/live as a woman before that

In the US, at least for those with insurance, I just searched for a lgbt therapist and found three in my area and made an appointment.


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[Obfuskatie]

I'd recommend not doing a stealth transition once you're on HRT, but you may be more comfortable waiting to go full or part time once you've started it. I tried doing the stealth transition thing while on HRT for the better part of a year and it made me absolutely miserable.

What gets me through the waiting game is always having my next step planned exhaustively & ahead of time.

While you wait, I recommend starting hair removal if you need or want it. It's a long and expensive process, but you don't have to wait nearly as long.


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[Justarandomname]

Are you able to go to a private physician for hrt?

[Megan.]

Are you able to go to a private physician for hrt?

Helen Webberleys GenderGP service is used by several members here (including myself previously). They can/will also provide some experienced therapy (at a cost),  if you have the financial means.

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[Sinead]

Helen Webberleys GenderGP service is used by several members here (including myself previously). They can/will also provide some experienced therapy (at a cost),  if you have the financial means.

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I'm not really in a good enough state financially to go private (even though I do work), I appreciate the link though  . As long as I can learn how to pass and live full time as a woman while being on the waiting list, I think that will be enough to get me by, my main struggle at the moment is not being able to present as my true self

[HappyMoni]

Nina,
   For me to have any success waiting, I needed to progress in some way. I would look for any opportunity to move forward to keep my sanity. Others might dread electrolysis, for example, but I craved it because it was progress. Other than that, I threw myself into projects to try to keep my mind busy. I built a lot of stuff trying to keep that sanity although some might say, I wasn't really successful. 
Moni

[Tommygun]

The first and most important thing is not to compare yourself to others, at least not in a way that makes you feel sick. I guess that's a basic rule of life, but it is more important here than anywhere. Everyone's journey is different and while we can learn and draw strengths from our similarities, our differences can be jarring. I'm not sure if that could be part of the problem, but for myself and a lot of my friends it made transition feel a lot slower than it was.

As for patience itself, that's something I've yet to master. I'm 90% sure my insurance covers me, but that 10% is killing me. Talking to people helps alleviate this a lot, so if you have a friend to vent to(verbally, preferably) it can help you eliminate these thoughts and fears. HappyMoni and Toni pretty much covered the rest of my suggestions.

I'm sort of taking shots in the dark, but I hope this helps some.

Pretty soon you'll look back and this waiting period will seem so short. You've taken the most important step already.