I Never Wanted To Be An Activist, But...

[steph2.0]

... today a Facebook "friend" who had committed to support me after I came out, even though they admitted to not understanding ->-bleeped-<-, reposted this on their page:



This was someone who has been a dear friend and mentor to me in the past, and though I knew he was very right-wing, I took him at his word that he would remain my friend even after knowing my truth. I had already unfriended his son for the same kind of thing, but I'd never had any kind of relationship with him other than through his dad. This felt like a betrayal, especially when his wife (who'd also said she would try to understand) and other acquaintances I'd hung out with in the past, all "liked" the repost. Normally I would have simply unfriended them, but this hit too close to home. I replied with the following:

This makes me sad. Do you know anyone who is transgender? While they're transitioning, which restroom do you think they should use? They just want to pee like everyone else. If they're presenting male, how far do you think they'd get going into the ladies room? If they're presenting female, who do you think is in more danger - the transgender person dressed incorrectly for the men's room, or the ladies who don't know, and will never know, that the person in the next stall just wants to get in, do their business, and get out? There has never been a case where a "predator" put on a dress to sneak into a ladies room to attack anyone. There have, however, been documented cases where, following the rules presented here, someone has gotten the snot beaten out of them for being dressed incorrectly for the bathroom they're in. Or maybe they should just stay at home and never be part of society while they're treating a medical condition? These are people, sometimes your friends, who are doing their best to become complete, authentic human beings with the least amount of obtrusiveness. Treating them as pariahs does a disservice to them, and shows a lack of understanding and compassion for fellow human beings who are going through a tough time. Hate to break it to you, but this has been going on forever, and only recently has it become an "issue," blown way out of proportion to sell commercials and votes.

For those who say this is a lifestyle choice, it's time to quit listening to the sensationalistic news media and politicians pandering for votes, and learn the facts of the condition. And for those who want to play the genetics card, ok, let's quit correcting cleft palates or any other congenital diseases and birth defects. To those who want to bring religion into it, remember that God has commanded, "This above all: Love."

I'm sure this will bring out plenty of hate. So be it. It's hate based on a false premise, and as such, has no meaning. Despite this kind of thing, the world is becoming more understanding and accepting of those who may be different than you're used to, but who are still good, kind, and useful members of society.

Not much more to say. Let the hatred fly.

I'm sure there will be fallout. Whatever. I'm still seeing red.

Steph

[Angela Drakken]

I dont identify as a man and I dont know anyone who does who prefers to use the ladies room. (Thats just the way my brain processes it.) I have as limited an understaning of that stand point as they have of me I suppose.

Generally speaking I sever anyone like that who just regurgitates any toxic rhetoric, with regard to any issue not even necessarily specifc to transgender issues, like a tumor. (Oddly enough I no longer HAVE a facebook and dont have any ideas on making a new one any forseeable time soon.)

[Megan.]

A strong and measured response. Will it change minds? I hope so... X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[ghost0001]

Too many times I've had to stand up before I started coming out.  So many old friendships tossed to the side over intolerance and hate.  I'm sorry you had to go through this.

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[Kendra]

Steph you just made me proud to know you.  Actually I already was, but I'm unsure if "more prouder of you" would pass a grammer checks.   

Your words are excellent and may cause people to stop and actually think before they yak or post on Faceplant.

[The Flying Lemur]

That was a really good and articulate response to a sucky meme.  The best case scenario is that the person who posted it put almost no thought into it, and your reply will actually get them to stop and think about the issue. 

Empathy is in such short supply these days.  Maybe your post will stir some up.

[MaryT]

Fantastic and heroic response.

Frankly, I don't understand why women would care who uses their Ladies' Rooms.  Unlike in Men's Rooms, all of the private stuff is done in private cubicles anyway.

I'm sure that there would not be a problem in, say, France.  I went there with my mother to see a solar eclipse, and there was a single loo, in a field, for both men and women.  The men peed in open stalls as in a Men's Room, and the women simply walked behind them, while they (the men) were peeing, to get to the cubicles.  (Bloody long queue, though.)

(Slightly off subject, I was having a pee in the Men's Room at the National Gallery in London, when I turned my head to see a woman standing and staring at me.  I continued what I was doing, and after a little while, she walked out.  Perhaps she thought that I was vandalising a Tracey Emin sculpture.  I hope I wasn't.)

[Artesia]

I love it!

I don't think I could have been as eloquent.

[Natsuki Kuga]

... today a Facebook "friend" who had committed to support me after I came out, even though they admitted to not understanding ->-bleeped-<-, reposted this on their page:



This was someone who has been a dear friend and mentor to me in the past, and though I knew he was very right-wing, I took him at his word that he would remain my friend even after knowing my truth. I had already unfriended his son for the same kind of thing, but I'd never had any kind of relationship with him other than through his dad. This felt like a betrayal, especially when his wife (who'd also said she would try to understand) and other acquaintances I'd hung out with in the past, all "liked" the repost. Normally I would have simply unfriended them, but this hit too close to home. I replied with the following:

I'm sure there will be fallout. Whatever. I'm still seeing red.

Steph

I was at an airport bar in Charlotte, presenting male, back when they were debating their bathroom law in NC. It was on the news on the bar TV.

Guy next to me starts lipping off about how "it's about g*ddam" time they do something about 'those people.'

Makes me... sorta mad.

I decide to have some fun with him.

"I'll say!" I go, "It must happen a h*ll of a lot down here if you actually need to pass a law against it. What's the deal with North Carolina, anyway? I mean, I've heard about San Francisco, but a whole state full of Froot Loops? I'm from Illinois, so I wouldn't know."

He's starting to give me the uneasy stink-eye.

I continue, "Honestly, there really can't be that many of those people in North Carolina. You're from around here, right?" He nods. I continue, "Think about it. It's a numbers game. To be such an issue, I betcha it's gotta be mostly regular guys like you and me just having a little fun. Amirite?"

Then I lean into his face, all conspiratorially, and give him this sleazy grin. "Admit it. You've done it. Yeah? Few times, throw on a skirt, a wig, and some lipstick, walk right in? Can't be that hard to do."

Trollman is absolutely sputtering at this point, so I drop the bomb. "Hey, look - I got a couple hours to kill before my next flight. You guys know all about this dressing up like a woman thing. Can you teach me how? Like, I got no idea. Then we can both sneak into the ladies' room like a couple local fellas."

He grabs his bag and is outta there. Doesn't look back, doesn't even pay his bill. 


It is my experience that arguing with fools does little to persuade them, and noisy disputes at airport bars do little for one's dignity.

But a few improv classes and a black sense of humor can be hella fun.

I'm sorry about your friends pulling that rotten FB thing. I hope my story can help cheer you up, and that you can find it in your heart to forgive your friends.

[KathyLauren]

Well said, Steph!  I have some asbestos underwear you can borrow.   

[Laurie]

 Steph(anie),

  You may have ruffled some feathers but you'll find out who actually does support you instead of giving you lip service. Then again you my get an apology too. I'm not as eloquent in my remarks to ignorant people.

Hugs,
   Laurie

[MaryT]

Then I lean into his face, all conspiratorially, and give him this sleazy grin. "Admit it. You've done it. Yeah? Few times, throw on a skirt, a wig, and some lipstick, walk right in? Can't be that hard to do."

Trollman is absolutely sputtering at this point, so I drop the bomb. "Hey, look - I got a couple hours to kill before my next flight. You guys know all about this dressing up like a woman thing. Can you teach me how? Like, I got no idea. Then we can both sneak into the ladies' room like a couple local fellas."

Also a heroic response.  That must have required physical as well as moral courage.  I must be the most cowardly person in the world, but well done to you and Steph.

[Natsuki Kuga]

Also a heroic response.  That must have required physical as well as moral courage.  I must be the most cowardly person in the world, but well done to you and Steph.

That's very kind of you to say.

I'm afraid a lot of my courage that day was probably bourbon-flavoured.

That, and I was pretty upset with the guy, have a big mouth I can't really control, and a mean streak a mile wide that comes out fast when I've been drinking.

So I was going to rip him a new one anyway, whether I wanted to or not. It's all in the technique. 

[Dee Marshall]

Steph you just made me proud to know you.  Actually I already was, but I'm unsure if "more prouder of you" would pass a grammer checks.   

"Prouder still to know you",

Pedantic Linguist

:

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!

Think outside the voice box!

[steph2.0]

Uh... wow. I used to be pretty quiet and retiring. I'm astounded at how much I've changed. A month ago I would have unfriended them and gone off for a good cry. Now I'm just angry.

I thought I wrote decently enough before, but it seems that since I started HRT my thoughts are so much clearer. Once I start typing, the words just seem to flow, and my vocabulary has expanded, almost like someone else is driving. And I was highly motivated this time. I was seeing hypocrisy and feeling betrayed. Regardless if my words have any effect, I feel better.

But I think I've used up my quota of eloquence today, so I'll just say thank you all for the kind words (and the reputation bump)!

Steph

[Devlyn]

Steph you just made me proud to know you.  Actually I already was, but I'm unsure if "more prouder of you" would pass a grammer checks.   

"Prouder still to know you",

Pedantic Linguist

I'm a cunning linguist. 

  You best be running... I'm sending Kendra out to take care of my light work for me. Best run fast and far

[Dee Marshall]

"Prouder still to know you",

Pedantic Linguist




I'm a cunning linguist. 

Who isn't? [emoji14]


:

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!

Think outside the voice box!

[echo7]

The Facebook meme is true though.  Men don't belong in the ladies room.  Transgender men are men, and don't belong in the ladies room.  Transgender women are women, and do belong in the ladies room.

The problem is that the world does not consider trans men as men, nor trans women as women.  That's the underlying issue.  What can we do to change that?

[Charlie Nicki]

Hi Steph. Your response was perfect.

I couldn't see the post he made though.

[Katie Jade]

Well  - all the girls have said so proudly where we stand ai So wholeheartedly agree
All our boundaries seem to be shifting all the time - I'm not certain what I need/belong/demand...
Just all be safe please and have fun