Christmas coming up how to handle it....

[mako9802]

Hello with the big Christmas holiday coming up in a few weeks I was  thinking how to handle this.  I little back story I am 35 years old and having recently came out to others in  my life,   sister was  the big one she was ok and took it well   my parents are the only ones I am not out to.  I still present male for the most part and will be going home  after being on a full hrt dose  for a year and have developed small but  noticeable  boobs and my facial appearance has changed (sometimes I cant see it and other times I am like wow)  I am developing some serious anxiety over this upcoming appearance at the holidays.  I was speaking  to my mother today and I was thinking about laying it all out and punked out...They are the one obstacle in my path still holding me up....

[AnamethatstartswithE]

I'm generally a fan of the idea that the "right time" to come out is whenever you're ready. However Christmas may not be the best of times to do this. Your parents will see what they want to. Unless they know you are gender nonconforming the idea that your different appearance is a gender transition won't cross their minds. Some people can be weird about holidays.

Although, full disclosure, I came out to my parents on the 4th of July.

Anyways, good luck.

[Roll]

I've been worried about how to deal with Christmas and some family too. I won't be presenting female in the slightest, but it's a convenient time to have people all together and tell them face to face. But I worry that I'll be making it "about me", which I really don't want to even remotely be the perception.

[Bari Jo]

I'm learning there is no right time, only awkward fumbling and surprise even by those that know you the best.  I personally wouldn't do it at a large gathering for fear of losing control of the message.  Even two is hard enough.  For Xmas though not doing it.  I wouldn't want people to remember my coming out every Xmas after.  I'd rather they remember good times of our last Xmas. 

Ellie, you need a ticker for how many ice cream sandwiches you eat instead of putting up a ticker.

Bari Jo

[Roll]

Ellie, you need a ticker for how many ice cream sandwiches you eat instead of putting up a ticker.

I ran out of my big box  of ice cream sandwiches from sam's club. ALL IS MEANINGLESS.

[VeronicaLynn]

I'm generally a fan of the idea that the "right time" to come out is whenever you're ready. However Christmas may not be the best of times to do this. Your parents will see what they want to. Unless they know you are gender nonconforming the idea that your different appearance is a gender transition won't cross their minds. Some people can be weird about holidays.

Although, full disclosure, I came out to my parents on the 4th of July.

Anyways, good luck.

I thought about not even visiting for the holidays, but couldn't think of a good excuse. Christmas is a pretty big deal to my family. Although I've always been pretty gender non-conforming, they may notice that I've been doing laser and electrolysis on my face, and laser on my arms. I'm not quite at 100% reduction on either, but quite a bit more than where I was last year. I may have to come out if cornered. Now that you mention it, though, I would prefer to come out at a time other than Christmas, if I do at all.

mako9802, do you have an idea on how your parents will react? My parents have given some very anti-trans reactions when some of the bathroom bills have been in the news, which is why I've been trying to distance myself from them. I don't think it will go well, if and when I do come out to them.

[ainsley]

It is a band-aid and we all know the best way to take one of them off.   

[mako9802]

I know how exactly they will react...especially my father in particular not very well.  We had  a  conversation and I can't remember how Rock Hudson came up but he went off on a tangent over  Rock Hudson who has been dead for years being a "->-bleeped-<-"   Every-time he sees something  slightly gay or effeminate  he tends to  spazz out....I remember a conversation with my mother and the topic of gay issues came up and she was like "I really don't care what people do  none of my kids have come to me with that so I don't care"....I kinda got silent on the phone  with her...She asked me "why are you getting silent....

[mako9802]

And to make matters worse  I know they already know....my brother  listened to one of my voicemail messages  on my phone years ago and told them the contents of that message it was kind of X-rated.  I know  they already think I am gayI I have never not once  brought a female home to meet  them....they don't know about me taking hormones though..........and like I stated have not been home since I started taking a full dose of HRT in Janauary of this year....

[Roll]

And to make matters worse  I know they already know....my brother  listened to one of my voicemail messages  on my phone years ago and told them the contents of that message it was kind of X-rated.  I know  they already think I am gayI I have never not once  brought a female home to meet  them....they don't know about me taking hormones though..........and like I stated have not been home since I started taking a full dose of HRT in Janauary of this year....

It seems counter intuitive, but sometimes people find it easier to have their children be trans than gay. In the minds of some, secretly being a woman who likes men makes more sense than being a guy who likes men. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised by their reaction, even if it isn't the most socially astute one. Unfortunately, I think it can be really hard to predict. I know my dad said a few things over the years that made me really wonder, but he has been extremely supportive of me.

Beyond their opinions of gay or trans issues, think about them more as a whole. For example, is your father an easy going, good natured person who just is a bit ignorant? Well, chances are if that is the case, youd be looking at, at worst, a neutral reaction. (That was the case with my father, as I believed that even if I wasn't sure he'd be particularly happy about it or overly accepting, he wasn't going to disown me or anything, it just wasn't in his basic nature.) But then, if he is old school, with a history of being angry and judgmental, then obviously that is a radically different scenario. Basically, just remember they are more than that one opinion, and their reactions will hinge on a lot of things.

[Pao]

I have been sorely tempted to buy everyone transgender related books for Christmas and watch the he fall out, but the will likely wait until after the 1st.

If you're looking to try to hide your chest buds, you can do what it s transguys do and buy a binder. Also are you going to be in a warm climate? Layers and long sleeves cover up a lot.