A totally awesome day

[Northern Star Girl]

@krobinson103
Please feel free to post your little poem in in your signature line in either of my threads...
Really good stuff that you wrote!!!!

The Positivity thread or the Susan's Writers thread....
Links at the bottom of my comments in the signature line.
Hugs,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
Please feel free to post your little poem in in your signature line in either of my threads...
Really good stuff that you wrote!!!!

The Positivity thread or the Susan's Writers thread....
Links at the bottom of my comments in the signature line.
Hugs,
Danielle

Thank you, its a little mantra that kept me sane early transition, and is just as valid today with new challenges like divorce etc...

[krobinson103]

Tried on some new exercise clothes today. Looked at them and though no... women's exercise clothes (tight fitting) won't look good... but they do. I actually like what my body looks like! Add that to the 38 D  breast development and fitting into size 14 clothes I'm a happy lady! Actually looks like my body is in proportion. Add this to the fact that facial hair is under control and any o clock shadow takes days to appear, and the upcoming orchiodectomy I have to say..

LIFE IS GOOD!

Even if the cost has been very high.

[Northern Star Girl]

Tried on some new exercise clothes today. Looked at them and though no... women's exercise clothes (tight fitting) won't look good... but they do. I actually like what my body looks like! Add that to the 38 D  breast development and fitting into size 14 clothes I'm a happy lady! Actually looks like my body is in proportion. Add this to the fact that facial hair is under control and any o clock shadow takes days to appear, and the upcoming orchiodectomy I have to say..

LIFE IS GOOD!

Even if the cost has been very high.

@krobinson103
That is such a great feeling to come to the point of eventually enjoying tight fitting and body hugging clothing...  that is something that most men never experience or even care for when wearing gender appropriate men's clothing.

Also.... great news on your  38D,  your clothing sizes, and your facial hair reports.... 
I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for your updates...  they have become my daily reading enjoyment this last year...
... wow, has it been that long that I have been following your journey?

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

@krobinson103
That is such a great feeling to come to the point of eventually enjoying tight fitting and body hugging clothing...  that is something that most men never experience or even care for when wearing gender appropriate men's clothing.

Also.... great news on your  38D,  your clothing sizes, and your facial hair reports.... 
I am so very happy for you.
Thank you for your updates...  they have become my daily reading enjoyment this last year...
... wow, has it been that long that I have been following your journey?

Hugs and best wishes,
Danielle

One year and four months already! Hard to believe whats changed in that time...

[krobinson103]

Been doing some reading on the benefits of progesterone in mtf hrt. Its postulated (and tested in a limited way) that it benefits breast growth, energy, and libido. Not that I really need any extra of any of those but I'm going to try to push my doc to trial it for a few months and see if it does indeed make any difference.

[krobinson103]

I've added some extra supplements to the many that I take every morning that, in theory (yes probably not very effective) support a more balanced hormone balance in my body. At the next hrt review meeting (which SHOULD be when my orchie is done yay!) I want to discuss getting a small dose of progesterone cream to see if it adds anything to my results - which I have no issue with anyway.

On other fronts I'm going to move out of my house very soon as the situation is intolerable - almost found a solution, and, I've signed up for another trans visibility photo shoot next weekend to stand up and say (again) WE ARE HERE! I might get some flack from the haters out there but I don't care. Its time trans people were accepted as the same as anyone else and I'll do whatever I can to make that happen.

[krobinson103]

Did a fun run today. Longest bathroom line ever... 70 people and a 20 minute wait in my running gear... nothing! No odd looks or anything. That would have terrified me even 7 months ago.

[Northern Star Girl]

Did a fun run today. Longest bathroom line ever... 70 people and a 20 minute wait in my running gear... nothing! No odd looks or anything. That would have terrified me even 7 months ago.

@krobinson103
  ~20 minutes waiting in the bathroom line... sucks big time.....
     ~No odd looks waiting in line in your running gear... priceless!!!

Thanks for your update and overall good report!
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[krobinson103]

Sometimes the decisions you make out of desperation lead to the greatest joy in your life, and perhaps the greatest heartbreak. I had no choice but to transition if I wanted to continue to be alive. This is truth. I also knew the price could be very, very high. It seems more and more certain that the only path to happiness is to leave almost everything of the past behind me.

My 'wife' (on paper only) has been poisoning the kids against me and each time I return to this house they are a bit more hostile. It breaks my heart and I can't watch it. It seems the only true way to be happy and escape this horrible situation is to simply burn that bridge and let the 'father' they knew simply.. disappear and only provide financial support but make no effort to maintain contact.

I had hoped it would not come to this...

[Faith]

Sometimes the decisions you make out of desperation lead to the greatest joy in your life, and perhaps the greatest heartbreak. I had no choice but to transition if I wanted to continue to be alive. This is truth. I also knew the price could be very, very high. It seems more and more certain that the only path to happiness is to leave almost everything of the past behind me.

My 'wife' (on paper only) has been poisoning the kids against me and each time I return to this house they are a bit more hostile. It breaks my heart and I can't watch it. It seems the only true way to be happy and escape this horrible situation is to simply burn that bridge and let the 'father' they knew simply.. disappear and only provide financial support but make no effort to maintain contact.

I had hoped it would not come to this...

this is heartbreaking. I have no idea what I would have done.

Losing your kids, for any reason, is horrible. Losing them due to the influence of another is worse yet better. There is still the chance that their own thoughts will sway them back to you. Don't slam the door, gently close it leaving a crack open. Most poisons have antidotes. You need to be the antidote to their mothers poison.

[krobinson103]

this is heartbreaking. I have no idea what I would have done.

Losing your kids, for any reason, is horrible. Losing them due to the influence of another is worse yet better. There is still the chance that their own thoughts will sway them back to you. Don't slam the door, gently close it leaving a crack open. Most poisons have antidotes. You need to be the antidote to their mothers poison.

What do you do?

You protect yourself and support those you have obligations to. What I can't do is expose myself to the pain and emotional manipulation she is throwing at me. I can understand she feels like her world has been turned upside down, but attempting to make everyone else feel miserable achieves nothing but drive me away (which, I suspect, is her plan).

If she wants kids who have a Father who is 'normal' they get some photos on the wall of a life lived in misery on the inside. I hate those photos because they bring back memories I don't want to surface ever again. If she wants support she gets the real me and that isn't negotiable!

[krobinson103]

Yesterday I thought its safe... and ate something with dairy in it. Today I have very unsubtle reminder in the form of lots of pain that diary and animal protein are off the menu! Haven't had this much breast pain since I started eating vegan.

Note to self... as good as it looks don't eat it!

[krobinson103]

Well I've spent 4/7 days every week not at my house and I have to say that its better. No hostility to deal with, and a welcoming partner in the evening makes for a MUCH better day. Just about sorted out living arrangements with Alicia and hopefully will stabilize finances soon.

Not sure how I go about collecting the cash for grs in 1 year and 8 months but since I got this far I'm sure I will find a way! Still no news on a surgery date for orchie except for a cap of 160 days wait of which I'm prob at day 115 or so. So a month a half out with a bit of luck.

Still got some pretty serious sorting to disentangle myself from my kids mother in terms of finances, organize some local benefits for her, and begin the separation / divorce process which takes two years.

Small steps forward... but I can see the end of the road ahead and I will soon be able to call transition.. FINISHED.

[krobinson103]

Strangest thing happened this week. I've considered my penis to be... left over for a while now and have rarely felt it. Lately when my gf wants to... play ... she has played with the end of it. Thing is I don't feel it there... I feel it where a clitoris would be and its to say the least... intense! Its like I have mental map that fits what I see as ideal and my body is mapping sensation around that.

Since it barely even responds in the usual way and is small to say the least I've decided to reassign it as a pointy out clitoris in my head till I can do something about it. 🙂 More and more my body is conforming to what I always wanted it to be and it feels... FABULOUS. Dysphoria exists but its no longer pressing since I know I have plans in place to remove the source.

On other fronts I have moved out of my house and now only spend 1-2 days a week there to manage practical finances, maintenance, and see the kids. Alicia and I have a bond that is unlike anything I've ever experienced and gets stronger every day. She challenges me to face my left over fears (short dresses etc) and pushes me to as she says emerge fully. She is my rock and my cheering section when the little voices of dysphoria and self doubt creep in. She is definitely a keeper! I want to be with her till we are both old and grey...

[krobinson103]

Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. 🙂 Just applied for a weeks leave...

excited does not describe my feelings right now.

[Northern Star Girl]

Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. 🙂 Just applied for a weeks leave...

excited does not describe my feelings right now.

@krobinson103
Great news...  I will be counting down the days with you!!!!
Hugs,
Danielle

[Linde]

Orchie in two weeks! Tuesday the 26th of March. 🙂 Just applied for a weeks leave...

excited does not describe my feelings right now.

congrats, just a little more than a month that I had mine.  It was not a big deal!  It taught me how to use maxi pads in women's underwear (guys briefs don't have that magic panel in the crotch area!)

[mm]

Yes, guy boxers have a fly hole to contend with and are to lose to hold a pads close to your body.  Need a nice panty to do the job correctly for a woman.

[krobinson103]

Yes, guy boxers have a fly hole to contend with and are to lose to hold a pads close to your body.  Need a nice panty to do the job correctly for a woman.

Haven't worn guys underpants for over a year... 🙂 The fit got really poor.