The unexpected changes

[Virginia 71]

Put aside the whole physical/appearance part of transition. What else changed for you? Along similar lines, were there parts of you prior to transition that were along socially accepted gender norms that you were cool with. Did those things make you question whether or not you were really trans?

I am writing from a MtF perspective but I am also interested in hearing from FtM, I mean...change is change right? Sure there are differences but whatever, we all share similarities in our journey.

I am talking about every day things, not sex or how you dressed or whatever. Did your taste buds change? Crave different foods? Acquire or loose interests/hobbies?

I am ah automotive technician and also a CAD draftsperson. I did 3D renderings and blueprints for Architects for nearly 20 years before becoming a professional auto tech. I don't mind the work but would potentially like to get out of it one day. Seems funny to be MtF and work in this field which I realize is kind of stupid to say. I mean, there are really good female auto techs out there. Why not? So why not good trans-women auto techs?

I am a hunter, did not take that up until my 30's. For the most part I only eat meat I get while hunting. When I am out in the woods its not a matter of being male or female, just a matter of hunting effectively, ethically and, most importantly, safely. But I find myself wondering "how can I be a hunter and trans?"

Then I find I love knitting, jigsaw puzzles. romantic comedies fabulous fabric patterns, flowers etc. I love to garden, vegetable or annual/perennial flowers and plants. I want to learn to sew to make things for people I love as well as myself.

HRT may be happening soon. What will change? I have heard some of you say you became more concerned with cleaning. That would be OK with me and REALLY OK with my partner.

Is my personality going to change much?   

Just curious what you all experienced.

Thanks

v

[Daniellekai]

HRT has changed some things that weren't expected... A lot of it is sort of non tangible, hard to explain, certain feminine mannerisms come extremely naturally to me even though I'm still presenting male and would prefer to keep hiding a little while longer, whereas before I would have noticed, it's like when I'm spacing out a bit I act more female than intended, I've always had some degree of that, but used to be able to recognize and hide it better.

Some people have noted a change in my voice, which supposedly doesn't happen, it's not suddenly female or anything, just softer, more melodic, I haven't put any effort into changing it, but I do plan to train it. I've noticed myself that I can't force it to be super deep anymore, although my normal tone is still in my range, it's also not what comes out when I talk in a relaxed way any more... So more feminine, but not feminine yet.

I do suddenly have the urge to clean things occasionally, and cravings for dairy (not just cheese, which I've always loved). I can read emotions in other people effortlessly now, I could read them before, but I had to put thought into it. I cry in pretty much the same spots in movies and stuff as I used to, but in a more visceral way, like I couldn't not cry if I wanted to anymore.

Even though I present male guys hold doors far more often than they used to, they aren't sure why, I just smirk and say thank you as I walk in.

I NEED moisturizer now, skin's so dry, I used to actually use more drying products for oily skin... Steer clear of that now.

Mostly, I just feel good about myself for the first time since I was very young!

[Floof]

Read a lot of other peoples accounts of the changes HRT would bring, and yet the emotional change still caught me off guard.. In a nice way certainly, I feel more at ease and calm within myself than I ever thought possible before! I am no longer an angry frustrated person, I cry more easily, and have gained the awful trait of giggle-snorting when I think something is funny.

My overall personality is the same, though I have been quite feminine since puberty set in -and I suppose before, but only really aware of it then-, so that may be why. I was never the one who tried to hide behind a very masculine shell, even though I didn't dare come out as trans to anyone before age 16.

After SRS I strangely stopped caring if people could tell I was trans.. I went from being very caught up in passing and putting a lot of effort and energy into it, but now its almost like I'm proud of it some times.. As if I was so concerned with passing as a way of fleeing my own genitals, and now that they no longer bother me that need to be seen only as a woman fell away. I still want to be seen as a woman certainly, but I also am not shamed of or try to hide that I am transgender.

[Kylo]

I am a hunter, did not take that up until my 30's. For the most part I only eat meat I get while hunting. When I am out in the woods its not a matter of being male or female, just a matter of hunting effectively, ethically and, most importantly, safely. But I find myself wondering "how can I be a hunter and trans?"

What should being trans have to do with the manner of getting one's food? Or is it more to do with the idea women don't do it as much?

I was born female and was an avid hunter and fisher as a kid. And these days I'm a much sharper spearfisher because that's where I get my meat. Nobody at any time ever said "you shouldn't be doing that," and even if they did I wouldn't care. I suppose someone might argue my interest in hunting and camping and all that sort of thing was because I probably have more male-like brain structures, but where does it say women or trans people can't or shouldn't do it? If you ask me knowing how to get food and not be helpless or dependent on someone else to get it is only logical.

About the original question, lots of small almost significant changes have happened which result in an overall change.
Since HRT:

I sleep better.
I think clearer and more directly.
I'm less self conscious and less bothered about what other people are thinking
I like meat a bit more than before.
I get more stuff done during the day somehow than I used to
I appear grumpier to others, but I'm actually the opposite inside
I've begun to clean more and keep things more orderly in the flat, I was messy before
My work output has increased a lot
Worry less about things I used to
I argue with people less, because I just think what's the point, they're not listening anyway, which is usually true
I've taken responsibility for my own happiness and started doing more fun stuff for myself
Less hung up on matters of family
Less unnerved by the thought of impending surgeries
Have tried a bunch of weird foods out of curiosity, usually before I would stick to what I knew, was not very adventurous
Taken up some new hobbies and started to read more, but less fiction and more factual or historical or academic
Much less emotionally charged, which is relaxing and desirable for me
Can drink alcohol like a fish now
Can't drink coffee like a fish now

[KathyLauren]

I haven't experienced many unexpected changes.  HRT gave me all the expected ones (though not enough in some areas, dammit!   ).

I have noticed that I have less interest in techy stuff.  I have an electronics project that I have really want to get finished for two years, but I am having trouble getting motivated to do it.  A couple of days with a soldering iron and a multimeter would probably do it, and the result would be really useful, but I just don't seem to get around to it.  For reference, I have been a techie for my whole career.

I am much happier now, and feel less like I have to perform to other people's expectations.  I love not having to censor myself on things like clothes selection.  And, along with that, I love shopping for clothes!

[Toni]

Much as those before me have said, the emotional "changes" were what I enjoy the most.  I put changes in quotes because they really aren't changes, more like reading a book you've read before and really enjoyed, but had forgotten mostly and just enjoyed it even more when you found it again.  For me it is really like having had amnesia for years and come out of the fog to remember who I was and liked it.  More relaxed and not afraid to just let myself enjoy things I was not that comfortable (or society let me know I shouldn't be that comfortable) with before.  Significantly more interested in relationships than things.  Don't feel the need to compete or prove anything to anyone else.  But I do love shoes!  Toni   

[krobinson103]

There are a few. I used to hate social occasions, now I'm happy to chat away and actually enjoy it. I feel more at peace and reflective. I don't react without thinking anymore, and the underlying aggression, frustration, and anger that have ruled my life for so long are gone. I'm a bit more scatterbrained, and I find it harder to really focus on one thing a a time. Tend to flit from one to the other. Shopping used to be a hated mission. Now I actually enjoy it. Getting up in th e morning is a breeze because I look forward to each and every day. Finding clothes to wear that I like however... not so much! I'm more caring, and have more empathy for others. Lastly I used to have to do be doing something. Now I'm happy to sit down, make some tea and contemplate the world going by. Hell of a drug E.

All in all massive mental changes and at least for me, all for the better.

[MrsMac]

The most beautiful thing for me was very simply gaining the ability to cry.

[Megan.]

The most beautiful thing for me was very simply gaining the ability to cry.

^^ this.

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[bobbisue]

     Virginia I am an auto tech as well I do not find it strange to be doing this still it is what I do not who I am always was this way some of the things that changed for me was the ability to cry Which I do often happy or sad This is one of my favorites. I have and can express a full range of emotions,I have become more involved in our community than I ever thought I possibly could and loving it ,my sudden rages are gone most unexpectedly is that my brain fog that i had had all my adult life disappeared after I started blockers and stayed away until I was recently taken off hormones and blockers due to a DVT I was off both for about 2 weeks when the brain fog came back with a vengance I was just put back on a different blocker 2 days ago and my brain fog is going away quickly YMMV I wish you the best on this incredible journey it can be difficult but there is no substitute for looking at your life and saying this is who I was meant to be


   bobbisue

[dawnforever86]

Hi Virginia!

So the most immediate thing I noticed was my ability to run! I went from a 19:50 5k to 30+ minutes. It's taken a lot of work to just get down to 26 minutes, but I noticed cardio is much more difficult without T in my system.

My hobbies and interests never really changed... possibly because I never associated them as being male/female. I love what I do and that's never changed. I love hunting and fishing, I love cooking gourmet dishes, I love reading and drawing, I love coding... and I always have.

So I guess the only thing that really changed unexpectedly was my gym routine.

Hope this helps!

[Deborah]

So the most immediate thing I noticed was my ability to run! I went from a 19:50 5k to 30+ minutes. It's taken a lot of work to just get down to 26 minutes, but I noticed cardio is much more difficult without T in my system.

My 5K was a little over 20 min before.  I haven't raced recently but based on my training runs I think the best I could do right now would be between 26 and 28 min.  Maybe with more focused training I could get that to around 23 min on a good day if the 10% reduction in aerobic capacity that is expected without T is correct. 

I'm trying to compensate for that aerobic reduction with a lighter body weight and stronger legs, but that's a long term project still ongoing.



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[Virginia 71]

Thanks all for the replies!

Viktor, I TOTALLY want you on my Zombie Apocalypse Team! Spear fishing sounds cool!

Bobbiesue, thanks for letting me know that you are still turning wrenches! I think the crew where I work will accept me changing, they are all pretty laid back and only care if you have a work ethic and are a team player. Loosing brain fog would be a huge plus. (Where did I put my 14mm socket THIS time? etc.)

Thanks to all of you who replied about the mental and emotional changes. I was wondering about that. How intense is this "second puberty" that I have heard about? I imagine it must be a bit surreal going through it as an adult.

To the runners; I wish I was out there with you! Have not run since I herniated a disc after a motorcycle accident seven years ago. May give it a shot again though.

I just picked up my first HRT prescriptions tonight after work. Its kind of silly but I decided to wait until the morning to take them. I feel like if I just take them and go to sleep I might miss something. Highly unlikely I know, but why not...I have waited years so what is one more night?

[CarlyMcx]

Hormones made me far more patient, empathetic, understanding and I am a far better listener.  I also used to have a quick temper.  I am far more even tempered and far slower to anger.

In short, the hormones totally changed my personality.  And my wife loves it.

[HappyMoni]

I am a much different person on HRT in a wonderful way, but to answer the question, the thing that surprised me was the change in temperature regulation. I used to hardly ever get cold. I now am so sensitive that I can be fine and a breeze on one part of my body will send me to a different zone. I put on, take off clothes way more than before. My female partner gets a great deal of satisfaction that I have joined her in this endeavor. lol
Moni

[Julia1996]

Really the only emotional change from hrt has been that I have much less anxiety. I did have some unexpected physical changes. Like Moni I also get cold easier. I have never liked the cold but I seem to have much less tolerance for it now. One change I totally didn't expect was my body odors. Last summer after working out my brother told me I smelled like " sweaty pussy". He said his friends noticed it too. Ok, since I don't have a "pussy" to get sweaty yet, I thought he was just messing with me and I didn't believe him. But he swore he wasn't messing with me. Later on I mentioned it to my dad and he said he had actually noticed the same thing once. I asked him if it was a bad smell and he said it wasn't a bad odor like "dirty pussy" but that it was noticeable and definitely a female odor. My dad and brother have also mentioned that my pee smells like female pee. I didn't know male and female pee smelled different. I started using deodorant for down there and as far as I know there haven't been anymore "sweaty pussy" incidents.  But they tell me if they go into the bathroom right after I have peed they notice a female pee odor. I was skeptical about that but my boyfriend said the same thing. So I asked him if he ever noticed any other odor and he said once in a while he could smell a female odor. He said it wasnt a bad odor but it was hard to describe. He said it was a musky female smell. He said he actually found it arousing. The only logical thing I can think of is that I wear Lycra panties for tucking so I do sweat a little down there. Maybe hrt changed my sweat odor down there. As for the pee thing I can only think that maybe some estrogen is passed in my urine. I've never noticed any odors. Maybe it's more noticible to guys. I notice the smell of guy sweat a lot more after hrt. So maybe hrt has given me some kind of female odor guys notice.

[HappyMoni]

A thought to back up the change of smell idea! When I first went on HRT I had a few dogs react very oddly toward me. The one sniffed me and started barking like he was confused. He was fine with everyone else around me, but me. I discounted it until it happened again with a different dog. I haven't noticed a new smell for me, but I don't smell like a guy any longer. Surprised me, yeah!
Moni

[Bari Jo]

I notice the holding doors thing and find it makes me happy each time.  I've also noticed a few men giving me attention at restaurants that have never given me any attention before.  It felt weird to have family members comment on it.

The crying comes easy and it's sometimes enjoyable.

At first I thought hrt was causing my drive to be creative to diminish, but that's still there.  It has though made me more calm about it.  My manic periods are less intense now.

I havent seen the dog issue.  I hope that doesn't change as I'm a dog person.  I can't imagine life without them.

My tastes in colors have changed dramatically.  No more black!!!

I find myself cursing less, using stupid antiquated words. I wouldn't want to hear a lady curse, so I don't.  I say things like poo, fudge, and fiddlesticks.

Bari Jo

[Allison S]

My butt got bigger.. jking that was (kinda) expected lol
I've always been a sensitive and emotional person but it's different in a way. I'm much less tempremental. It could be because a huge weight lifted once I started transitioning...
And I'm only just getting started!

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[Jessica_Rose]

My body odor has changed, at least when I am sweaty. It used to smell like Doritos for some reason, now I don't notice it at all. Maybe that is because I stopped eating Doritos?

I say what I am thinking more frequently. I used to withhold commenting about things, but now I let most of the comments through. I guess I am just being more open and honest.

I smile a lot more, usually for no specific reason.

I knew emotions would be easier to express, but I did not expect to enjoy them so much. Being able to cry while experiencing multiple emotions is awesome!