Why am I still hesitant to go through with the trans?

[Lexi Nexi]

I stopped my test 1.5 months ago and things are going well at trans therapy and at home.

But a few times a day I think:

"What are you doing? You were born trans. You don't have a choice in that. Now you are ready to go the full way into the new (and actually the old on the inside) outside you.

Or you can just be trans and live with you outside body assigned sex.

You were excited when you woke up this morning? Why the 2nd guessing?

[rmaddy]

It's ok to second guess the big stuff.  Gender transition is big stuff. 

[Allison S]

I've been doubting transitioning too. I keep thinking things would be easier if I just stopped and didn't care anymore

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[Lexi Nexi]

I've been doubting transitioning too. I keep thinking things would be easier if I just stopped and didn't care anymore

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Is that your real hair? You don't have to worry about the "Am I passable " part which is what scares me. When I get to your point I think I will be quite confident if I ever get that passable. How far in are you?

[Allison S]

Is that your real hair? You don't have to worry about the "Am I passable " part which is what scares me. When I get to your point I think I will be quite confident if I ever get that passable. How far in are you?

No it's a wig. My hair is short.. it's basically boy length [emoji17] It'll be 3 months next week. Trust me I'm not passable my nose gives me a lot of dysphoria. I've had people comment on it many times

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[Lexi Nexi]

No it's a wig. My hair is short.. it's basically boy length [emoji17] It'll be 3 months next week. Trust me I'm not passable my nose gives me a lot of dysphoria. I've had people comment on it many times

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Have you seen those youtube videos where the girl does the make up in a way that hides the manly features of her face? She had kind of a big nose and it was much less obvious when she did her thing. She goes from quite manly to passable 95% just by drawing lines? with make up creating light and dark spots that look like your face is moved around. I was really surprised.

My hair is short I just got it cut like 2 days before I decided not to do that. I hate long hair on a guy. Going from short until I can tie it back is going to be rough. I don't like wigs, but once you have the length I guess hair extensions work wonders. I would never pass with short hair. I also absolutely hate short girls hair cuts where they go for that kind of short look. So those are out.

[Lexi Nexi]

No it's a wig. My hair is short.. it's basically boy length [emoji17] It'll be 3 months next week. Trust me I'm not passable my nose gives me a lot of dysphoria. I've had people comment on it many times

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This I havent experienced. I only went out in femme once and the only thing I got was "nice legs" "You have pretty legs and feet" by two woman at a store. Do they just say rude things? I saw this girl with a really big nose once but I like big noses like jewish girls, and I actually wanted to complement her but I didn't know what to say without her thinking I was making fun of her because I'm sure she is self conscious but to some guys Her nose was her best feature!i always like to give sincere complements to girls that have an issue with a apart of their image that I think is really attractive but Its hard not to come off sarcastic and make them feel worse.

[Allison S]

Im overly self concious about it. Strangers on the street don't really comment about it and maybe they don't really notice. But in my head that's something that I worry about. I was picked on for my nose as a teen so that kinda stuck with me more than it should

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[Lexi Nexi]

Im overly self concious about it. Strangers on the street don't really comment about it and maybe they don't really notice. But in my head that's something that I worry about. I was picked on for my nose as a teen so that kinda stuck with me more than it should

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It seems fine from the little picture
Don't you wish you could go back in time and tell yourself that the other kids opinions don't matter and what the "cool popular kids" where doing with their lives 5 years out of high school? See that gguy who thinks he has the hottest girl and all the friends? Well he will be washing your new car you bought with what you learned in college. Instead of college he partied and nows he's washing your car hoping for a tip. Or the other girl that was so mean is ringing up you bottles of fine wine at the liquor store who made fun of you because your car was a POS? Look what she is driving: YOUR OLD CAR!

But I was always nice to the people after high school. And had actually made some friends with some who were quite men in school. I only had one kid/guy act like he was still in high school that bullied me alot. He lived in these dump apartments because he was just a ->-bleeped-<- up and wouldn't go anywhere in life. At the time I had just bought a really nice car and I was visiting the town we grew up in and I pulled into his parking lot. He came up to the car and he made some remark he used to make in high school. I told him "I was actually going to how you were doing and make amends BUT... high school is over. No one cares how that girl went to the prom with you over me. Where is she now? She's not living here in this dump. My car payments are as much as your rent. Good job at life. I'm going to drive out of here right now because I NEVER have see these ->-bleeped-<- hole apartments again. You on the other hand get to call this home." Yeah I was still kind of immature at the time but it felt good.

So I just tell myself they were just mean kids and probably would be nice to you now or apologize. But I have issues from school talking with the therapist helps alot.

Im self conscious

[tgirlamg]

I stopped my test 1.5 months ago and things are going well at trans therapy and at home.

But a few times a day I think:

"What are you doing? You were born trans. You don't have a choice in that. Now you are ready to go the full way into the new (and actually the old on the inside) outside you.

Or you can just be trans and live with you outside body assigned sex.

You were excited when you woke up this morning? Why the 2nd guessing?

Hi Lexi...

I hope all is well today little sister!...

2nd guessing, at it's root, is born of fears.... a perfectly understandable feeling when one contemplates change of great enormity.... transition's changes touch just about every aspect of your life to one degree or another and no matter how we try to think it through and envision how it will be... at the end of the day, it is still a leap of faith off a tall cliff and what will truly be at the bottom of it for us, is still an unknown...

So... we second guess and we question... What if I do all this and I am still not happy???

The thoughts, questions and fear are a part of this process of change and you will come to the decision that is the right one at the right time for you... The fear sometimes wants to make itself bigger than it should be and often tries to be the loudest voice in the room... Don't allow that for long sister... There are other voices that need to be heard from as well... The ones that speak of hopes, dreams and possibilities

Keep putting one foot in front of the other... keep asking yourself questions and questioning those of us who jumped from the cliff already... You will find your way through all of this and...all will be well 😀!!!

I can tell you that, in my own case, I found my true self at the bottom of the cliff as well as an amazing, beautiful world that had just been waiting for me to arrive and become a part of it

Onward we go brave little sister!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

[Allison S]

It seems fine from the little picture
Don't you wish you could go back in time and tell yourself that the other kids opinions don't matter and what the "cool popular kids" where doing with their lives 5 years out of high school? See that gguy who thinks he has the hottest girl and all the friends? Well he will be washing your new car you bought with what you learned in college. Instead of college he partied and nows he's washing your car hoping for a tip. Or the other girl that was so mean is ringing up you bottles of fine wine at the liquor store who made fun of you because your car was a POS? Look what she is driving: YOUR OLD CAR!

But I was always nice to the people after high school. And had actually made some friends with some who were quite men in school. I only had one kid/guy act like he was still in high school that bullied me alot. He lived in these dump apartments because he was just a <not allowed> up and wouldn't go anywhere in life. At the time I had just bought a really nice car and I was visiting the town we grew up in and I pulled into his parking lot. He came up to the car and he made some remark he used to make in high school. I told him "I was actually going to how you were doing and make amends BUT... high school is over. No one cares how that girl went to the prom with you over me. Where is she now? She's not living here in this dump. My car payments are as much as your rent. Good job at life. I'm going to drive out of here right now because I NEVER have see these ->-bleeped-<- hole apartments again. You on the other hand get to call this home." Yeah I was still kind of immature at the time but it felt good.

So I just tell myself they were just mean kids and probably would be nice to you now or apologize. But I have issues from school talking with the therapist helps alot.

Im self conscious

Wow you showed him! Someone in middle school called me ugly and then in high school some guy said my nose is big and the whole class and teacher started laughing
I wish I had a quick response for that! But I think I bottled it in
I talked about it a bit in therapy a few years ago but it recently cropped up in my mind for some reason

Nothing wrong with working on our appearance when we can!

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[DawnOday]

Lexi   
Or you can just be trans and live with you outside body assigned sex.

Take it from someone who tried all their long life but it was always there to remind me something was amiss. When you have a mind that reprocesses every bit of minutiae over and over again. When you have withdrawn from society in fear they may find something out. The only real relief is following your heart and go with it. I am testament to the relief that recognizing who you are. It has affected me so positively, I constantly wonder what took me so long. You will make the decision that is right for you. I hope you make an informed decision by seeing a Therapist and whatever it is, I hope you spend a lifetime of happiness.

[Gertrude]

It's one thing to doubt it, but imagine a life or really the rest of ones life to go back to suppressing it. I might rather put a rope around my neck. I don't know how trans people dealt with it when there was no outlet for expression. Lots of alcohol or suicide I guess. The only way to fix this is to be true to oneself and recondition societies views. Most of the problems with is this are caused by social integration issues.


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[xAmyX]

I've never experienced a trace of doubt since the beginning. I saw that transitioning was a possibility, and went.. that's me! Made it happen, and have not looked back.

If you're having doubts, perhaps you should have some more therapy and really get to the bottom of things and figure yourself out before making such a big decision that you aren't fully certain of.

[Jessica]

Hi Lexi 🙋‍♀️ In the first three months I had several wtf moments.  I would stop for a short bit till my thoughts cleared again and felt absolutely compelled to continue.  3 times that happened and after each time I felt closer and closer to being at ease.  At 5 months now I'm absolutely at ease in the thought that I'm on the right path.  How far that path goes for me will be determined by my progress of my transition mind, body and soul.  I've got 2 boxes ticked, working on the body now.

Hugs, Jessica

[rmaddy]

I've never experienced a trace of doubt since the beginning. I saw that transitioning was a possibility, and went.. that's me! Made it happen, and have not looked back.

If you're having doubts, perhaps you should have some more therapy and really get to the bottom of things and figure yourself out before making such a big decision that you aren't fully certain of.

I think your advice is sound, but I also suspect that the amount of doubt we experience and/or tolerate is a relatively fixed part of our personality.  Some, like you, seemingly cruise through with few if any doubts.  I would be willing to bet that this is a trait which could be observed in other facets of your life.  Others, like me, distrust the very concept of certainty, and tend to assume that if they have no doubts, they haven't adequately considered the situation.  Susan's has taught me to realize that both personality types and every variant in between exist.

[xAmyX]

Well, there's one way we can compare personalities.

I just took a personality test and this is what I scored:


You can take this test here:
https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

My results are INTJ-T:
"It's lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types, Architects know this all too well. Architects form just two percent of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population – it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up with their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering. People with the Architect personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy."

"Nothing Can Stop the Right Attitude From Achieving Its Goal"

"Architects radiate self-confidence and an aura of mystery, and their insightful observations, original ideas and formidable logic enable them to push change through with sheer willpower and force of personality. At times it will seem that Architects are bent on deconstructing and rebuilding every idea and system they come into contact with, employing a sense of perfectionism and even morality to this work. Anyone who doesn't have the talent to keep up with Architects' processes, or worse yet, doesn't see the point of them, is likely to immediately and permanently lose their respect."

I would like to see what you score, so I can compare. Please do take the test.

[Allison S]

I have doubts creep up on me from time to time but that's because I haven't told my mom yet. I haven't told any of my family I just give them little hints (growing my hair, removing facial hair, they know I "crossdress").

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[natalie.ashlyne]

I myself always had doubts even though I did really girly things I started by removing all my body hair than did my eyebrows girly wore eyeliner and mascara than my nails bought girly underware, those where my hints to the people I know, that was over a 12 year period. I would try to stop doing girly things and it would work for a couple week and than i was right back at doing the because I felt I had to that it was normal it was me and than I had enough and than I still was scared but I have always been scared of big changes but I went through with my HRT appointment and I myself was scared still but happier to this day I am still scared but again Happier. You just have to sit back and think of the what you truly are and believe in yourself it will come to you.

[SadieBlake]

Lexi, I worry more about those who profess no doubts. I had my last serious doubt as I lay spread eagle on the operating table for GCS moments from being put under and knowing I only had seconds to go before I could no longer change my mind. This was very much compounded by being in San Francisco alone for the procedure.

Then Dr Wittenberg took my hand in hers. I knew it was her because her hands were so small and cold and we'd shaken hands on our first in person meeting about 20 minutes earlier. That simple thing, which I think of often I will always remember as one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. My last minute jitters disappeared and I was glad to let go and allow the anesthesia to take hold of my now calm mind.

I had spent untold hours in therapy and out, analyzing both HRT and GCS and sitting with the decisions from the time I realized I probably needed to transition -- around October 2015 -- until January 2017 which was the time I finalized my decision.

In 20:20 hindsight I sometimes wonder at all the time I spent grinding that wheat. So much became clear to post-op me yet I know pre-op me didn't know these things and I don't ultimately begrudge the time spent.

It's far better imo to hesitate some before, just don't let hesitation become paralysis.