support group not great

[noitsbecky]

So i went to this support group based on encouragement from a few different people encouraging me to check it out.  This last support group i was in was awesome but that was like 9 years ago.  Unfortunately it was kind of a bust i found a few of them flat out obnoxious they were at the start of there transition and kept talking about being able to "Kick any guys ass that messed with them" and for a MtF support group it felt a bit testosterone filled now alot of them were in the begining stages and maybe i was like that to but i wanted to talk about feelings and provide and get support.  I may go back one more time but im not sold on it.  one girl seemed cool and i wish i had more of a chance to speak with her. 

I went primarily because the last shred of any masculinity i posses is in my voice that i never changed and i think about the HRT and real life test and all the firsts i did in my early transition now i am scared to do one thing.  and i was hoping someone there could help but no one there bothered with their voices.  i feel like a failure and i just want to quit but quitting has never been in my mind set i just dont know how this seemingly minor thing is so overwhelming for me.  the other closest support group is like an hour away and i have a ton of anxiety about getting stranded when i drive.  I just feel like laying in bed and not moving or talking.  even my therapist is out of ideas

Thank you for reading my ti-raid 

[Dena]

We have a voice section on the forum and I am willing to work with anybody willing to put in the effort. I supply the ear and the knowledge but you will have to apply it. I learned from the guy who wrote the book on voice therapy and was the therapist to Hollywood so I was able to pick up quite a bit of knowledge.

[noitsbecky]

Thank you Dena the voice in my opinion is perfect the hold up is i guess im embarrassed to use it there is were my block is

[Dena]

Use your voice with people who are aware of your transition first. Your therapist, family, friends or neighbors. After you become comfortable with that, you can expand it out to others. The more you use your voice, the more it will become locked in. In my case, I have to work at it if I want to use the old voice because I have "forgot" how to use it. My mind remembers but the muscle memory doesn't remember.

[Sinead]

I'm not really sure how far you are in your transition or how good your support network is, but I'd encourage you to stick it out, I was thinking of quitting my trans group because I felt like I wasn't connecting with anyone, but I realised it's a vital part of my life, and the only place where I can currently be myself

[Devlyn]

The idea of a support group is everyone supporting each other. The fact that you're referring to MTF's as testosterone filled and unable to offer you support because of the status of their voices.....eh, well.....exactly how much support were you ready to give back?

[noitsbecky]

Devlyn Marie, i didnt mean it was testosterone filled because of there voices and i would have giving any support i could to them for an array of topics.  the part i felt was testosterone driving was the 30 min wasted on talking about going to bars and picking fights with men and how they could kick there asses it just felt like shop talk prior to transition.  maybe i came off wrong i apologize if i did, i just personally feel like phrases like "i am more man than youll ever be and more woman than you can handle" a bit uncouth.  on the other hand maybe im a bit pretentious.  but i was judging them per say i just had 20 years of that kind of talk.  i should have made that clearer in my previous post and if i offended anyonr i apologize

[Jailyn]

Maybe you need to put yourself out there in this group. Being trans you have to understand everyone is going to be at a different point in their transition. You have to realize that they may have worked on their voice, but I have noticed in the group I attend that a lot of them let their guard down being around us. Even if they are in the start you will still find a lot of common themes with your own journey. I am in the beginning and can relate to those further along. It's just a matter of connecting with them. I think you are being to strict in your offering friendship and supporting them as well. You can also try youtube for help on voice and a speech therapist with experience in trans. In my case also have to work at my voice. It doesn't come easy. Don't judge them as obnoxious either just go in with a completely open mind. I agree with Devlyn like I said support group is supporting everyone. So you have to support them too, so that you can receive support in return.

[Devlyn]

Devlyn Marie, i didnt mean it was testosterone filled because of there voices and i would have giving any support i could to them for an array of topics.  the part i felt was testosterone driving was the 30 min wasted on talking about going to bars and picking fights with men and how they could kick there asses it just felt like shop talk prior to transition.  maybe i came off wrong i apologize if i did, i just personally feel like phrases like "i am more man than youll ever be and more woman than you can handle" a bit uncouth.  on the other hand maybe im a bit pretentious.  but i was judging them per say i just had 20 years of that kind of talk.  i should have made that clearer in my previous post and if i offended anyonr i apologize

But..but..that's one of my personal favourites!   

I've done nothing with my voice, I don't want to. That voice represents the part of me that's male, and allows people to understand that I'm a unique blend they may not be used to.

Hugs, Devlyn

[FinallyMichelle]

No, I get it. There comes a point when you wonder if there are any people like you at the support groups. Like you are looking for the victims of domestic violence support group and keep finding anger management support groups instead. It's not that there is anything wrong with them but what can we do for each other? How can there be support when we are nothing alike.

I tried so hard to find people like me in support groups and never found one. I have heard them say that they are jealous of my voice but when I try to help them they are not interested in doing what it takes to be passable if they have to work on it all the time. If over and over in groups I am the only person who HAS to be seen as a girl, then we are not after the same thing and the help that they can offer is minimal. I can't even help any of the people I have met in support groups, they are content with where they are at, which is great but again, nothing for me.

Nothing has changed for me since I started, I still want the world to see me as I see myself, a woman. I want them to accept me as a woman because that is all there is to see. It's who I am and always have been and now I live it every day. I have yet to find one girl like that, or even close to like that, in a support group so I don't go to them anymore. I have been told that I should go so I can support the "community" but a community that in no way represents who I am or that I cannot give or receive support in, is not my community and I am as much an outsider as I would be at a tractor pull. There is nothing wrong with the community, support groups or tractor pulls but they are not for me.