Why does it have to be so confusing??

[KathyLauren]

I feel guilty because I am unhappy with who I am when everything is fine with me otherwise. And in order to be happy i desire going through all the changes which come with being transgender. Which I feel is crazy because I should be happy with who I am without seeking such changes. I dnt know whether I am making any sense to you right now or not, but it is a feeling that just comes over me from time to time.

We are born with a female brain and a male body.  With a female brain, who we are is female.  You say you should be happy with "who you are", but being male is not who you are.  It is who we were told to be and who our families wanted us to be, but it's not who we are.  That's why you can't be happy as that guy, because you are not a guy.

The changes we seek are not to become someone else.  They are to allow us to stop pretending to be who we are not, and allow us to live as our true selves.

[anne_indy]

We are born with a female brain and a male body.  With a female brain, who we are is female.  You say you should be happy with "who you are", but being male is not who you are.  It is who we were told to be and who our families wanted us to be, but it's not who we are.  That's why you can't be happy as that guy, because you are not a guy.

This seems to be the fundamental dilemma that we all, or at least many of us, struggle with - reconciling this incongruity between brain, body, and societal perception. I too have asked myself why can't I just be happy with the brain and body that I've been given. My body functions fine, is an acceptable form to others, and the combination of brain and body have enabled me to forge out what most would consider a successful life - successful career, successful marriage, children, etc. But the profound sadness of not being able to express the feminine soul that lies within persists. We fortunately live in an era when attitudes have shifted and technological advancement allows us to modify ourselves to reconcile this frustrating, unresolvable incongruity.


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[DawnOday]

This is one of the most dynamic threads I have read so far. So many great comments. Ladies you have raised the bar. Wish I were more capable of expressing the same sentiments as all of you. To me my life has been like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Not out of confusion but because of ignorance. Please keep teaching me ladies.

[Sephirah]

I feel guilty because I am unhappy with who I am when everything is fine with me otherwise. And in order to be happy i desire going through all the changes which come with being transgender. Which I feel is crazy because I should be happy with who I am without seeking such changes. I dnt know whether I am making any sense to you right now or not, but it is a feeling that just comes over me from time to time.

Go with your feelings, sweetie. They're often more accurate than anything. I have a few more questions for you, if that's okay?

Regarding the part in bold... why do you feel it's crazy? Why do you feel you should be happy with who you are without making changes?

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, hon, but I feel like it's important to maybe understand a little more. When you say you feel bad because you can't feel like yourself... how does this manifest itself? Like... does it affect your relationships with people? The way you live your life?

As for answering the second part, Absolutely no! I have never felt that women are the weaker sex and being a woman in any term is a sign of being the weaker sex. In fact I feel quite the opposite and believe women to be stronger at times, and some part of me wanting to be a woman comes from admiration and respect for strong women.
But if you're talking abot being a transwoman, some of my guilt may be coming from there as it is seen as a taboo and the entire world isnt nearly as accepting as this corner of internet is. And also that being a transwoman might come in middle of me achieving all my goals in life.
Again, I dnt know whether I am making any sense or not, but I'm just trying to flow with my emotions here [emoji25][emoji28]

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Hmm, I think I understand what you're saying. But one last question... what is it that you want to achieve that you think transitioning may stop you from doing so?

[coconutballoon]

Go with your feelings, sweetie. They're often more accurate than anything. I have a few more questions for you, if that's okay?

Regarding the part in bold... why do you feel it's crazy? Why do you feel you should be happy with who you are without making changes?

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, hon, but I feel like it's important to maybe understand a little more. When you say you feel bad because you can't feel like yourself... how does this manifest itself? Like... does it affect your relationships with people? The way you live your life?

Hmm, I think I understand what you're saying. But one last question... what is it that you want to achieve that you think transitioning may stop you from doing so?

I feel its crazy because no one wants to be transgender (its just the way it is and its not a choice) yet I want to be one as long as it gets me to being who I really want to be. And at the same time I feel it's kind of like "Throwing an axe at your own feet" and it's easier just staying like this. And I feel I should be happy without making changes is because at times it feels like I am being ungrateful to the life that I've been given.

Manifestation of me feeling bad is mainly with myself. I just feel incomplete, disappointed, frustrated, and, usually find myself dreaming about the life and body that I want. Other than that I am pretty good at controlling my emotions and keeping to myself. I feel disappointed and even stressed that I cannot transition yet when all I want to do most of the time is fast forward 2 years and be a complete woman or just go to God and tell him to correct the mistake.

And lastly, I want to see the whole world, or at least whatever is possible in one lifetime. I have a very extensive bucket list and its growing uncontrollably and I feel that being a trans woman may prove to be quite counterproductive towards achieving that. And I want to start working towards that goal ASAP but I also want to transition. To do one thing, I will have to pause or maybe even completely let go of the other thing and I dnt know if I can make that choice.

I hope I made enough sense with these answers

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[coconutballoon]

We are born with a female brain and a male body.  With a female brain, who we are is female.  You say you should be happy with "who you are", but being male is not who you are.  It is who we were told to be and who our families wanted us to be, but it's not who we are.  That's why you can't be happy as that guy, because you are not a guy.

The changes we seek are not to become someone else.  They are to allow us to stop pretending to be who we are not, and allow us to live as our true selves.

Thanks a lot Kathy!
That is a very enlightening answer.

Its just that sometimes i dnt feel trans enough because I would literally not want to change anything about myself except for me being a woman instead of a man. I do not picture myself making any changes about the things I like or do or want to do as a guy, I just want to do them as a girl. Otherwise I am more than happy with who I am. And most of all I do not really care about social roles I'm expected to play. I'm just saying that because a lot of ppl find it hard to fit into a role expected of their assigned gender. I've never found it hard to be a guy, its just that I find being a woman lot better and easier, calming and exciting at the same time; more like how it was supposed to be and a lot less "basic". Given a choice, I'd always pick being a woman over being a guy, but at the same time I wouldnt change things I do or want to do just because they're "expected" more out of a man than a woman.

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[davina61]

With you on that c/ balloon , my brain says my body should be female but not sure if I have a female brain what ever that is (just me). As I have said before its like a past life memory so what I should see is not what I  see (did that make sense?)

[coconutballoon]

With you on that c/ balloon , my brain says my body should be female but not sure if I have a female brain what ever that is (just me). As I have said before its like a past life memory so what I should see is not what I  see (did that make sense?)

Its more like a female heart and soul than just mind, if it makes any sense.. [emoji6][emoji28]

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[coconutballoon]

This may seem  a bit too desperate.. But, I just feel lost and this is just an attempt to find some peace.. So any thoughts? Anyone?
Thanks! [emoji4]

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