Bari Jo's Corner

[bobbisue]

Hello folks, I'm noticing this week I'm feeling more vulnerable and prone to emotion than usual.  My hormone levels are fine, but I'm finding myself tearing up when people mention pets, grandparents, playful teasing, paying me compliments.  I almost feel like I need to be sheltered or taken care of.  It's a weird feeling that I'm not used to.  I wouldn't necessarily say it's bad, but I am, or have always been self sufficient.  Now I find that I need somebody to care for me.  I feel either like a child or pet.  I would say girl, but didn't want to diminish anyone else's definition of the subject.  I think if I did get caring attention while feeling this way, it would make me insanely happy and that would be a cycle to remain in this mentality, like an addiction.  I'm probably over thinking my transition.  This is what I do, part of that INTP personality type.  Do others feel as I do?  I can easily see falling for someone that cares for me right now.

Bari Jo

I too feel the need to be taken care of emotionally I can take on the world in any other way but I do need that emotional support

     bobbisue

[Michelle_P]

That desire to be taken care of, and a strong tendency toward limerence or "crushing" on someone who is kind or caring for us is pretty common, something that both trans women and members of the lesbian community seem to have in common.

There's an old line about lesbians bringing a U-Haul on the second date. Same thing seems to hold for many trans women.

I see this in myself as well as others. It is more than a little unnerving to experience this after a few decades of, well, precious little.


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[Bari Jo]

I see this in myself as well as others. It is more than a little unnerving to experience this after a few decades of, well, precious little.

Yes, it is.  I wouldn't say it's bad though

Allison, Bobbisue, looks like we are in good company!

Bari Jo

[LizK]

Hello folks, I'm noticing this week I'm feeling more vulnerable and prone to emotion than usual.  My hormone levels are fine, but I'm finding myself tearing up when people mention pets, grandparents, playful teasing, paying me compliments.  I almost feel like I need to be sheltered or taken care of.  It's a weird feeling that I'm not used to.  I wouldn't necessarily say it's bad, but I am, or have always been self sufficient.  Now I find that I need somebody to care for me.  I feel either like a child or pet.  I would say girl, but didn't want to diminish anyone else's definition of the subject.  I think if I did get caring attention while feeling this way, it would make me insanely happy and that would be a cycle to remain in this mentality, like an addiction.  I'm probably over thinking my transition.  This is what I do, part of that INTP personality type.  Do others feel as I do?  I can easily see falling for someone that cares for me right now.

Bari Jo

I think being Vulnerable is all part of being a woman...I find I am far more emotionally connected to the world than I ever have been so you saying all these things make you teary is hardly surprising. I think women learn to just go with their emotions in many cases rather than fighting them like many of us grew up doing. I can remember tearing up as a teenager over stuff and having to hide myself in fear that someone would notice...My mother said frequently that "I wore my heart on my sleeve" and I always you to think as I denied it, that if only they knew half of what upset me...Violence on TV, real life, or movies was a real issue for me and used to make me feel physically sick when I was growing up but like so many other things I taught myself to remain behind a hardened shell lest anyone see the real me.     

Overthinking things is like a staple for many transwomen(me included) so don't feel so bad...it is what it is. 

Take care

Liz

[Laurie]

  I of course am the emotionally stable one. Nothing affects me.

(That sounded good didn't it?)

[Roll]

I think all else aside, just going through transition will create that vulnerability, and the natural human response to that is to need comforting and compassion. Starting this journey, baring our souls to the world, praying that we don't run into violence or abuse... that family does not abandon us, or even just our fears about ourselves... And often after lifetimes of avoiding any vulnerability, closing ourselves off from potential harm (and those nasty emotions of course!). I dunno, it's late and I'm groggy (collapsing asleep with all lights on, fully clothed then waking up a few hours later sweaty and uncomfortable is always good fun), but yeah.

[KathyLauren]

I think being Vulnerable is all part of being a woman.

I agree.  And a necessary part of the transition process is opening up to that vulnerability.  Resisting it causes the fear that almost all of us have to get through at some point.  Somewhere in the early stages of transition, we have to say, "I don't know what awaits me on the other side.  It might be really good or it might be really bad, but here I go anyway."  If we don't accept that vulnerability, our transition stalls.

[Bari Jo]

Thanks everybody,  I really enjoyed everyone's responses and learned from each.  I kind of feel this topic should be a must read for any new girl.  I am reveling in this feeling as the moment.  It is new, sometimes exciting.  Every new social interaction has a spike of this feeling.

Bari Jo

Oh, and adding, I think a lot of us put up a front of holding it all together, yet we still have turmoil inside.  I know I do.  So Laurie, yes you carry yourself well, but don't be afraid to lean on us if you need us.  Same goes out to everybody

[Bari Jo]

I just realized something about myself and my personality while putting on my daily makeup today.  My go to color for my lids is the same as "Flower" which is bambi's skunk friend.  I remember as a kid way way back that he was my favorite character in the movie.  Now in my transition I feel just like that character and find myself doing some of the same body language and mannerisms.  Maybe coincidence, maybe I know Disney movies too well.  Still I like the trip back Memory Lane, and do love Flower.

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

I feel a need to document my favorite makeup products just to see how they change in my journey. This is the first.  I don't use a lot, a bit more than this post.  These are the ones I can see myself continuing.  If anybody has suggestions or comments I would live to hear them.

Sally Hanson Dual Duty base/top coat.  Yes, doing nails is a minimum of 3 coats.  That took me a while to figure out!

Essie, Gel Couture nail polish.  Color is Sheer Fantasy.  It's a transparent pink.  I have not graduated to opaque yet and these are a great step up from clear.

Tarte Quench Lip Rescue.  It goes on creamy and has some sort of mint or pepper ingredient that makes my lips tingle a bit.  Plus the color, Rose works great with my coloring.  Why are these so expensive though?

Garnier Skinactive Cleansing Water.  This is a makeup remover.  It's cheap and works really well.  Glad a neighbor told me about this.

Garnier Skin Renew miracle skin perfecter BB cream light to medium tinted moisturiser.  It blends well and works with my skin tone.

As I am frugal all of these except the lipstick are available at target.  I'm on the lookout to a lipstick like this at target.  It's a coveted purchase from my Sephora makeover trip.

As stated above any suggestions and comments are welcome.

Bari Jo

[SassyCassie]

I agree.  And a necessary part of the transition process is opening up to that vulnerability.  Resisting it causes the fear that almost all of us have to get through at some point.  Somewhere in the early stages of transition, we have to say, "I don't know what awaits me on the other side.  It might be really good or it might be really bad, but here I go anyway."  If we don't accept that vulnerability, our transition stalls.

I agree 100%! That vulnerability is part and parcel of the experience. We can't move forward until we accept it. Once we get to the point where we actually embrace it as part of ourselves...that's when the real magic starts to happen!

[Sarah_P]

Tarte Quench Lip Rescue.  It goes on creamy and has some sort of mint or pepper ingredient that makes my lips tingle a bit.  Plus the color, Rose works great with my coloring.  Why are these so expensive though?

Does it have lip plumper in it? I've got some lip gloss like that (plus a plumper/primer that I use before lipstick), and it feels like a very mild burning for a minute or so. That might also explain the price, plumpers usually cost more.

I'm still being cheap & using elf for most things. They keep coming out with new items that are much cheaper alternatives to the expensive brands. I do experiment here and there with others brands, though. Not sure I actually have any real favorites, yet.

[LizK]

Hi Bari Jo

I stumbled across a video on Utbue expounding the virtues of cheap makeup. SO off I went to Target to purchase a set of basic supplies in the Essence Brand

So I got 16 hour long stay liquid foundation, Liquid eyeliner, mascara, primer, finishing spray, lipstick eyeshadow all for under $40 Aus.

I did a straight comparison between this stuff and my MAC makeup which was 10 times the price. Yes I would buy MAC makeup again but for everyday wear it is fantastic and goes on amazing well. What surprised me even more was how good it looked after 8 hours on Sunday in the heat and sweat of mall shopping. During this trip I got 3 more eyeshadows and lipstick for $15 and I am so impressed on how good they look and how well they apply.

Hope that helps as a quick review of my experience...cost does not seem to dictate the quality of these products as the 16 hour foundation matches my skin colour amazingly and give such great coverage even my wife has started to use some of the Target brand products.

Take care

Liz

[Bari Jo]

Sarah, I'm not sure if this is a lip plumper.  If this is, I need it:)

Liz, yes, I am all for cheap makeup.  Plus I've got a target within walking distance.  I know, I live in a great area, Hah!

Bari Jo

[Cassi]

Sarah, I'm not sure if there is a lip plumper.  If there is, I need it:)

Liz, yes, I am all for cheap makeup.  Plus I've got a target within walking distance.  I know, I live in a great area, Hah!

Bari Jo

https://lumabylaura.com/collections/lip-care/products/lumalips?tid=238977364831522051

[Bari Jo]

https://lumabylaura.com/collections/lip-care/products/lumalips?tid=238977364831522051

Hah, $40 is pricey!  I'm a low maintenance girl, I think.

Bari Jo

[Cassi]

Hah, $40 is pricey!  I'm a low maintenance girl, I think.

LOL, I'm sure there's a less expensive product.  I just noted that you gave the impression that you maybe didn't know if the product existed. 

Bari Jo

[Bari Jo]

LOL, I'm sure there's a less expensive product.  I just noted that you gave the impression that you maybe didn't know if the product existed. 

Argh, tanj auto correct!

[steph2.0]

Argh, tanj auto correct!

There Ain't No Justice!

[Bari Jo]

Today was a first for me.  This was going shopping with another lady.  She knew this was my first outing, so we just went to DSW, which is my first time in there and handily recommend it.  They had shoes up to size 11 in stock and you could basically help yourself.  My friend was so kind in telling me what was cute, what was age appropriate for me, and girl, what was just silly.  I wasn't planning on getting heels at all, but she had me try some on.  My only limits were no open toes, since I hate the look of feet.  I know I'm weird.  Anyway, I tried on some floral print boots.  They made my feet look tiny even thought they were size 10, and as she says, made my walk feminine.  I cannot wear these anyplace except group, since they are soooo feminine.  As she mentioned though, they are starter heals, I can learn to walk in them, and just wear them to group and home.  I also got a pair of Steve Madden black velvet sneakers with pearls on them.  They are oh so femme, without looking like I'm in drag.  She also convinced me to get pearl earrings to wear with them to complete the look.  I love how my friend was always trying to think of what goes with what.  It's a mindset I need to develop more.  Both shoes and boots were just over $60 total with their crazy discounts.  I ended up taking her to lunch, for making me so happy.  Is this the way girls feel all the time when they go shopping together?  I think it will be easy to become an addicted.

Bari Jo