Am I ‘trans enough’ ? Help please!?

[erintilly14]

I do think that I am trans but I keep becoming unsure and I always used to be very 'girly' and not have any feelings of dysphoria or anything but I'm just not a very good person at choosing decisions because I've always had a very controlling family. But I feel like this isn't a choice I just feel like I am a boy and it can't change but then sometimes I really doubt myself. I see all these things on the internet and news saying about trans people that are so upset and like suicidal or their circumstances are quite extreme and they need to transition but I just feel like I want to transition and I don't know why. I could really do with some help -Ethan (I do not like being called my female birth name, despite my doubts)

[HappyMoni]

Ethan,
   There are so many variations of need/want to correct gender. There are some folks who have no choice from the very start.  Others have a more confusing, less certain path. I was never suicidal, I conformed to my birth gender for many years, but it was something I could never get away from. My recommendation is always the same. Explore the feelings, either with a therapist or by experimenting in public with gender presentation or both. Running from it without knowing where it fits in your life is a mistake in my humble opinion.
Moni

[erintilly14]

Ethan,
   There are so many variations of need/want to correct gender. There are some folks who have no choice from the very start.  Others have a more confusing, less certain path. I was never suicidal, I conformed to my birth gender for many years, but it was something I could never get away from. My recommendation is always the same. Explore the feelings, either with a therapist or by experimenting in public with gender presentation or both. Running from it without knowing where it fits in your life is a mistake in my humble opinion.
Moni

Thankyou moni, but I fear going out in public because people call me she and it makes me feel bad or people call me he and my friends laugh and make jokes.

[Sephirah]

Ethan, there are no hard and fast rules for how a person is supposed to feel, or be, in order to transition. A lot of the time in the media, stuff is sensationalised to a degree, and extremes are reported to get people reading/watching. That absolutely does not mean that how you feel isn't valid, or worth exploring. It doesn't mean there aren't people who feel the same way you do. They may just fly under the radar.

Doubt is natural. It's something you see time and time again from people contemplating the first steps in their journey. You have a little voice inside telling you one thing, but a lot of voices outside telling you something else. Sometimes, if you don't feel confident in yourself, it's hard to know which to believe, or which to follow.

Like Moni said, see if you can find a therapist who has experience with gender issues and talk to them. Tell them how you're feeling. Take it from there, okay? How you feel and what you want matters, Ethan. It does. This is your life, hon. The fact of the matter is that you're thinking about this, and it's a part of your life. So it's something which needs exploring.

*big hug*

[WolfNightV4X1]

I've explained this before already, but dysphoria does not have to manifest itself in extreme discomfort or suicidal ideations, or mentions of gender in childhood. If you have this need or drive to transition, and you feel discomfort in being female, that's dysphoria. You already stated you feel that you already are a boy and you don't want to go by your birth name, seems as though you already have it figured out but you don't feel you "fit in". I've been in the same boat you were. Not every transgender person follows the same symptoms and each person is different, it takes a bit of self-reflection but if you already know yourself you don't have to worry about following any specific guidelines, you're already trans you don't need to be "trans enough"

[KarlMars]

I'm happy for you that you don't have terrible dysphoria. I don't think there's any such think as "not trans enough". Only you know how you feel.

[Roll]

I had the same question as well when I started down my path. I saw the people who were suicidal or driven to self harm over it(mtf self castration I mean), and thought that I didn't qualify. Turns out, a lot of that is overstated, and most people are not that severe until later in life regardless. There is no "trans enough", so don't worry about that. Just focus on your feelings, not how others feel. If you'd be happier transitioning and you can make that decision from a place of sound mind, that is what matters. Essentially, being trans is not a competition.

[Allie Bee]

It took me a while too, for all the exact same reasons, especially the family & indecisiveness.
Hun... if you want to transition for some 'unknown reason,' youre trans..most likely, 99% sure.
The reasons are unknown cause, they just are. Its [for the most part] inexplicable & uncontrollable but we all feel that same urge & dont know for sure why.  We just know we should transition,  just like you do.
Obviously its cause something happened during development in the womb & thats why the gender & sex dont match (at least thats the theory why they dont match). Some people say its enviromenral,  but lookin back at it, i knew Something was wrong wayyy back at an early age when i first started comparing myself to the other kids (mentally & physically) & it was to girls instead of boys. When i first was about to come out,  i was under the delusion, i was convinced i could live as a man comfortably. After starting hormones & coming out i realized id rather die than ever go back to that miserable shell of a person i was before.
My point is... if youre feeling the urge to transition for seemingly no reason, its for a reason.  & that reason is youre trans♡

[chance]

For me it's a spectrum.  I tried things to see if it was comfortable for me in my skin.  If I was comfortable great.  If I wasn't I examined to figure out what needed to be changed to feel comfortable (I.e. haircut, buying straightup men's shirts, etc) or did I need to try a whole different version.  You will recognize when your expression fits you.  For me the first tell sign was bursting into tears from finding yet another authentic piece of me.


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[Kylo]

This is only a question you can answer yourself by looking inside. Is this something you need to do or not? That's what it comes down to.

[FtMitch]

I am the most "dude-ish" type person there is and yet I dressed like the girliest person in the world through the first twenty-five years of my life.  No one would have guessed I was transgender in a thousand years, but there's no hard and fast rules for what makes someone transgender.

Don't let other people's expectations guide how you feel.  You could offer to pay me a million dollars, and I wouldn't agree to return to living life as a lady, because that's simply not who I am.  However, that doesn't mean I found it horribly traumatic to wear dresses or arrange flowers.  Focus on what will make you, as an individual, truly happy, and seek to bring that to life. 

[erintilly14]

I've explained this before already, but dysphoria does not have to manifest itself in extreme discomfort or suicidal ideations, or mentions of gender in childhood. If you have this need or drive to transition, and you feel discomfort in being female, that's dysphoria. You already stated you feel that you already are a boy and you don't want to go by your birth name, seems as though you already have it figured out but you don't feel you "fit in". I've been in the same boat you were. Not every transgender person follows the same symptoms and each person is different, it takes a bit of self-reflection but if you already know yourself you don't have to worry about following any specific guidelines, you're already trans you don't need to be "trans enough"

Thank you

[erintilly14]

Ethan, there are no hard and fast rules for how a person is supposed to feel, or be, in order to transition. A lot of the time in the media, stuff is sensationalised to a degree, and extremes are reported to get people reading/watching. That absolutely does not mean that how you feel isn't valid, or worth exploring. It doesn't mean there aren't people who feel the same way you do. They may just fly under the radar.

Doubt is natural. It's something you see time and time again from people contemplating the first steps in their journey. You have a little voice inside telling you one thing, but a lot of voices outside telling you something else. Sometimes, if you don't feel confident in yourself, it's hard to know which to believe, or which to follow.

Like Moni said, see if you can find a therapist who has experience with gender issues and talk to them. Tell them how you're feeling. Take it from there, okay? How you feel and what you want matters, Ethan. It does. This is your life, hon. The fact of the matter is that you're thinking about this, and it's a part of your life. So it's something which needs exploring.

*big hug*

In order to find a therapist, do I need parental consent or anything like that?

[erintilly14]

I'm happy for you that you don't have terrible dysphoria. I don't think there's any such think as "not trans enough". Only you know how you feel.

Thanks[emoji4]


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[erintilly14]

I had the same question as well when I started down my path. I saw the people who were suicidal or driven to self harm over it(mtf self castration I mean), and thought that I didn't qualify. Turns out, a lot of that is overstated, and most people are not that severe until later in life regardless. There is no "trans enough", so don't worry about that. Just focus on your feelings, not how others feel. If you'd be happier transitioning and you can make that decision from a place of sound mind, that is what matters. Essentially, being trans is not a competition.

Thank you


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[erintilly14]

It took me a while too, for all the exact same reasons, especially the family & indecisiveness.
Hun... if you want to transition for some 'unknown reason,' youre trans..most likely, 99% sure.
The reasons are unknown cause, they just are. Its [for the most part] inexplicable & uncontrollable but we all feel that same urge & dont know for sure why.  We just know we should transition,  just like you do.
Obviously its cause something happened during development in the womb & thats why the gender & sex dont match (at least thats the theory why they dont match). Some people say its enviromenral,  but lookin back at it, i knew Something was wrong wayyy back at an early age when i first started comparing myself to the other kids (mentally & physically) & it was to girls instead of boys. When i first was about to come out,  i was under the delusion, i was convinced i could live as a man comfortably. After starting hormones & coming out i realized id rather die than ever go back to that miserable shell of a person i was before.
My point is... if youre feeling the urge to transition for seemingly no reason, its for a reason.  & that reason is youre trans♡

Thanks❤️ the thing is though, I've never questioned my gender when I was younger or even experimented or anything so I'm just confused.

[erintilly14]

For me it's a spectrum.  I tried things to see if it was comfortable for me in my skin.  If I was comfortable great.  If I wasn't I examined to figure out what needed to be changed to feel comfortable (I.e. haircut, buying straightup men's shirts, etc) or did I need to try a whole different version.  You will recognize when your expression fits you.  For me the first tell sign was bursting into tears from finding yet another authentic piece of me.


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Awh I hope this happens x

[erintilly14]

This is only a question you can answer yourself by looking inside. Is this something you need to do or not? That's what it comes down to.

I think I do.

[erintilly14]

I am the most "dude-ish" type person there is and yet I dressed like the girliest person in the world through the first twenty-five years of my life.  No one would have guessed I was transgender in a thousand years, but there's no hard and fast rules for what makes someone transgender.

Don't let other people's expectations guide how you feel.  You could offer to pay me a million dollars, and I wouldn't agree to return to living life as a lady, because that's simply not who I am.  However, that doesn't mean I found it horribly traumatic to wear dresses or arrange flowers.  Focus on what will make you, as an individual, truly happy, and seek to bring that to life. 

Thank you omg this was the consolation I needed because that's how I feel

[Roll]

In order to find a therapist, do I need parental consent or anything like that?

Varies state by state (if in the US) or country by country. Odds are you wouldn't be able to keep it secret regardless though if your living situation is typical because of insurance or payment.