Male attention at work

[ChrissyRyan]

I wonder what his wife would think of this inappropriate and wrong request.

Right is right and wrong is wrong.  This looks wrong.  Does not pass the smell test.  This stinks.

So, in his mind, it is not okay for you two to date because he is married, but it is okay to feel your boobs if you allow it?  Seems like a disconnect here.

It would be kind and appropriate to talk with him to let him know he crossed the line, this makes it clear that this type of request is unwanted.  You perhaps can continue to be friendly to the degree you are now, your talk would set the boundaries. 

[KathyLauren]

I am sorry that this happened to you.

Telling you that he'd ask for a date if he wasn't married is a clumsy way to ask you for a date.  The nice way out of that is to pretend it is a clumsy compliment and say "Thanks, but you're not my type" or some such brush off.  The important part is that he understands that you mean no.

Asking to feel you up is way over the line.  There's no "nice" way to deal with that, and you shouldn't try.  Again, it is important that he get the message that asking is inappropriate.  "Don't even think about it" is about as nice as you want to get, and it would be perfectly appropriate to apply more anger.

From his point of view, he was trying to see if you had boundaries and if you would enforce them.  If he gets the idea from your response that you have no boundaries or that you will not enforce them, he will try again.

I can understand not wanting to get HR involved on the first occasion.  But if it happens again, that is persistent harassment, and HR should be involved.

[natalie.ashlyne]

Thank you everyone for your replies and your help and concerns, I have dealt with it I have spoken to him and explained and he does understand see I did not want to bring it to management for a few reasons as he is a friend and has helped me out before and I am the President of our union and I did not want to make it bad for him so I was counseled and given materials by my Labour officer on how do deal with this and that is what I did. He understands that it was wrong and did apologize to me and promised it would not happen again to me or anyone else. So I am pleased with this and I really do thank every one that responded I appreciated all the love and support.

[Cassi]

Thank you everyone for your replies and your help and concerns, I have dealt with it I have spoken to him and explained and he does understand see I did not want to bring it to management for a few reasons as he is a friend and has helped me out before and I am the President of our union and I did not want to make it bad for him so I was counseled and given materials by my Labour officer on how do deal with this and that is what I did. He understands that it was wrong and did apologize to me and promised it would not happen again to me or anyone else. So I am pleased with this and I really do thank every one that responded I appreciated all the love and support.

Darn!  And I was sooooo looking forward to hearing that he was the cornerstone of the new S&L at _____st and ______ave

[natalie.ashlyne]

Darn!  And I was sooooo looking forward to hearing that he was the cornerstone of the new S&L at _____st and ______ave

I just wanted him to wake up and realize that was wrong and not to do it to anyone again which for me was fair. I would rather educate someone when I can than make them lose there job.

[Cassi]

I just wanted him to wake up and realize that was wrong and not to do it to anyone again which for me was fair. I would rather educate someone when I can than make them lose there job.

I was just pulling your leg.  Totally understand and have always tried to educate before adjudicate

[SashaHyde]

I concur, it was highly inappropriate he even asked you about your boobs. I'm a big believer that not everyone knows how to interact with other intuitively. You need to educate him. People can learn.
If he's a coworker he shouldn't even REALLY be complimenting you, especially on work time.
As a male I had to become very selective in what I said to female coworkers in the past. "You look nice" or  "nice outfit" or something like that is okay. Generally my standard was if I couldn't say the same thing to a guy (or at least close ie "someone cleans up well" ) then don't say it.
We should be erring on the side of caution. Its not JUST if the recipient is offended anymore. We live in such a culture that someone overhearing it would be offended on your behalf and action something beyond your control.
Food for though at least


--Sasha