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In a bad situation

Started by EmilyRyan, January 30, 2018, 12:58:24 AM

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Adam.D

I'm not sure how old you are, so that makes giving advice difficult.

I'm really sorry that your parents aren't supportive of who you are. When your family doesn't have your back, it can make the whole thing seem impossible, but I promise you that it isn't. Someone had suggested trying to hide your hormones somewhere else and taking them that way. I completely agree with that. Do you own a car? I was homeless for about a month, and it sucked, but my car at least gave me some shelter. I parked at Walmarts, apartment complexes, and malls. It gave me enough time to save up money for a deposit on an apartment. If you can find a shelter to shower at, that's even better.

All of this temporarily to get on your feet.

However, if you're under 18, then your best bet is to maybe find solace at school. Maybe a counselor can help you find the resources you need to get from under your parents.

But yeah, try hiding your meds. Your parents can't be around you 24/7.

Best of luck to you, love.
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TheDarkQueenEmily

Quote from: EmilyRyan on January 30, 2018, 12:58:24 AM
Back on the 13th my parents discovered my hormones and have forced me to either stop or kick me me out since them it's been a total nightmare since and my parents are determined to stop me from ever transitioning and are back to the same abuse that I tried escaping from last summer.

I need a way out and I can't just sit around waiting to save up either I need to get out ASAP can anyone please help??
Dear Emily,

I know the feeling; my Grandparents, the people who raised me, were totally against the idea of transgender and still are. However, if this transition is important to you, you will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is within your power to ensure that you can continue your treatment. If it were me, I would leave; start searching around for a roommate online or cheap apartments. Ask friends or coworkers; whatever it takes.

If I could I would move you in with me, but being so far away, that is an impossibility.

I wish the best for you.

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EmilyRyan

Quote from: CarlyMcx on February 12, 2018, 10:06:27 PM
Frankly, blowing off Tvals was a really bad idea.  They were the only people physically near you that are motivated to help you and have access to knowledge or resources that can help you.

Me, I can't do anything for you.  I'm over 1500 miles away from you.

I don't know what really happened between you and them, but patching things up with them may be the only way to keep your transition going, because you need help that if not trans specific, at least needs to be trans supportive.
I'm finding support groups very unhelpful and people seem to get rude when someone needs the kind of help like I do that's why I sorta left Tvals and thinking of leaving this other trans support group on Facebook.

Quote from: Adam.D on February 14, 2018, 02:21:33 PM
I'm not sure how old you are, so that makes giving advice difficult.

I'm really sorry that your parents aren't supportive of who you are. When your family doesn't have your back, it can make the whole thing seem impossible, but I promise you that it isn't. Someone had suggested trying to hide your hormones somewhere else and taking them that way. I completely agree with that. Do you own a car? I was homeless for about a month, and it sucked, but my car at least gave me some shelter. I parked at Walmarts, apartment complexes, and malls. It gave me enough time to save up money for a deposit on an apartment. If you can find a shelter to shower at, that's even better.

All of this temporarily to get on your feet.

However, if you're under 18, then your best bet is to maybe find solace at school. Maybe a counselor can help you find the resources you need to get from under your parents.

But yeah, try hiding your meds. Your parents can't be around you 24/7.

Best of luck to you, love.
I'm 26 and can't drive and there are shelters in my area but none willing or can take me in and my parents are getting worse my mom comes into where I work (I work at Walgreens) to make sure I'm not dressing or going by as "Emily" after she found out a couple weeks ago after walking in.

Quote from: TheDarkQueenEmily on February 14, 2018, 02:52:17 PM
Dear Emily,

I know the feeling; my Grandparents, the people who raised me, were totally against the idea of transgender and still are. However, if this transition is important to you, you will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is within your power to ensure that you can continue your treatment. If it were me, I would leave; start searching around for a roommate online or cheap apartments. Ask friends or coworkers; whatever it takes.

If I could I would move you in with me, but being so far away, that is an impossibility.

I wish the best for you.
Sadly rent is still affordable despite having a job even with roommates I'm looking at over 500 a month and I live around a small town :(




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Allison S

Emily sounds like you're in a tough situation right now but you'll pull through. If taking your hormones is important to you than keep doing that any way you can. At least you have a place to live for now and you just have to keep trying. I didn't move out and start hrt until a few months ago at 27. I relate with you a lot and I know what it's like. I was scared I would be homeless after a bad situation with my roommates and my job last month. I'm okay, for now. I do turn to my therapist and doctors for support. They helped me a lot with my job- I went on disability.

Good luck!

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Igknight

Hey so I've actually looked into situations like this rather extensively because my parents have threatened similar on several occasions and I've used several different approaches to effectively combat this type of behavior. Here are your options:

A) Call their bluff. Tell them that you're an adult and you can do whatever you want. If they are Christian, tell them that it's a sin to judge others as you can only be rightfully judged on the eyes of God. As parents, their job is to accept their children for who they are as you accept your parents for who they are. If they try to kick you out for a medical condition that is recognized by the DSM-V (here's where I suggest showing them the DSM-V) that they are being corrupted by pride and that you will pray for them. When you call their bluff, you have to anticipate where they will draw the line. For my dad, it was when they threatened to kick me out of the house while we are driving down the highway and I more or less said "okay I'll leave right now" and opened up the door and unbuckled my seatbelt. I also made it very clear that I know both my parents' social security numbers, all of their credit card information, and every building permit they didn't file for. They often stop after I make my threats more extreme than theirs in a classic case of "mine is bigger than yours"

B) Agree, but set them up for housing discrimination (amazingly simple). Tell them you'll stop and like a week later say how you've been thinking that you want to help them by paying rent. Pay monthly by check and ask for a receipt with the excuse of using for a tax deduction or you can ask for some kind of informal lease by calling it a "written agreement". Make sure that in this "agreement" you make it look like it's completely in their favor that way if it's ever challenged in court, nobody will belief this was all your idea. After you've paid for a month or two, you can openly transition and if they try to kick you out, you are now a tenant and kicking you out for such a thing falls under housing discrimination. See, even if every state doesn't have laws protecting discrimination based on gender identity, they DO have laws preventing discrimination based on disability and asking you not to treat a condition recognized by the DSM-V violates the Americans with Disabilities Act and local discrimination laws. If they tell you they are kicking you out for that, record the conversation. Once you have a recording and a paper trail for rent, they can't even legally evict you because you have proof that they have ulterior motive.

C) Call the shelter and ask for a ride. Most shelters can assist you with transportation. If not, a lot of churches may be willing to give you a lift if you simply say "my parents have been emotionally abusive and have threatened to kick me out because of a pre existing condition". Make sure your language stays very surgical. If your explanation doesn't evoke an empathetic connection, most people will assume it's not something you want to talk about and/or it's been largely traumatic for you which has robbed you of an emotional response.

D) Last resort: call 911 and say your parents have threatened to hurt you. This is an outright lie and I don't recommend it. By law, if someone calls 911 and reports that someone they know is a threat to themselves or others, they have to be taken for a psychiatric hold. This depends on how well your local police force chooses to respond to said phone call and they could take your parents side. Ultimately, this doesn't achieve much except establishing that you are at risk as the police will be mandated to take a report which can help you get into a shelter more easily.

IF YOUR PARENTS CONFISCATE YOUR HORMONES, CALL 911. That is illegal possession of a controlled substance and that is at the very least a misdemeanor. You should browse through Tennessee penal law for the details on the law. The very threat that you will call 911 on them for a crime they would have committed will have your folks scared ->-bleeped-<-less.

BONUS: Again, if your parents are Christian, go to their church and speak with the clergy about counseling your parents to stop being oppressive, prideful, and judgmental. Most Christian sects are trying not to hate on queers since that hasn't been working out for them as of late. My local Catholic church states before every mass that everyone is welcome no matter what "orientation" (which is not the word I would have chosen but okay). If your local church isn't helpful, find out who presides over their church and just go up the chain of command. My dad wasn't open to therapy but when I suggested that he speak with the Father of the church he was much more open to dealing with our problems.

I hope this helps. You can also call places like lambda legal or the ACLU and ask for local resources. They will most likely be able to help you connect with your local trans community.
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Igknight

Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on January 30, 2018, 01:08:09 PM
How old are you? Because if your 26 like your profile says it's time to be on your own regardless of what's going on and especially living in a bad situation. I mean if you 15 you don't have many options. But at 26 and dealing with what you are get the hell out of there!!

You said you have a job so start looking for cheap housing with multiple roommates. With living with a couple people in a cheap place you should be able to get you rent down to under 500 a month.


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Age isn't a great determining factor for independence and it's very presumptuous to assume someone has the ability to live on their own. I'm 28 and I am not physically able to live on my own. Even at $500 of rent, I doubt OP would make ends meet because minimum wage ain't getting you ->-bleeped-<- and you KNOW Walgreens won't pay a living wage. Factoring in food, medical expenses, buying an entirely new wardrobe, furniture, etc., It's just not that easy.
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Sparklefish

I'm so sorry hun.I'm the mommy of a trans teen and I can't imagine being unsupportive of my child.My suggestion to you is to search on one of the roommate sites for a roommate,get on craigslist and look at the section that has rooms for rent in other people's house,place an ad of your own on CL under the housing section,and go down to the housing authority in your area and get on the waiting list if it is open. I know you said you can't afford rent but you can find a place in your range of price on CL just be safe and don't give anyone money without signing an agreement first. I know you can do this hun! I believe in you! :)
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EmilyRyan

Quote from: Sparklefish on February 15, 2018, 06:07:17 PM
I'm so sorry hun.I'm the mommy of a trans teen and I can't imagine being unsupportive of my child.My suggestion to you is to search on one of the roommate sites for a roommate,get on craigslist and look at the section that has rooms for rent in other people's house,place an ad of your own on CL under the housing section,and go down to the housing authority in your area and get on the waiting list if it is open. I know you said you can't afford rent but you can find a place in your range of price on CL just be safe and don't give anyone money without signing an agreement first. I know you can do this hun! I believe in you! :)
Wish you could've been my mom too it be nice to have supportive family sadly I have no one :(

Quote from: Igknight on February 15, 2018, 03:26:04 AM
Age isn't a great determining factor for independence and it's very presumptuous to assume someone has the ability to live on their own. I'm 28 and I am not physically able to live on my own. Even at $500 of rent, I doubt OP would make ends meet because minimum wage ain't getting you ->-bleeped-<- and you KNOW Walgreens won't pay a living wage. Factoring in food, medical expenses, buying an entirely new wardrobe, furniture, etc., It's just not that easy.
You're correct even if I had at least 4 other roommates I still wouldn't be able to afford rent
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Bobbie LeAnn

Quote from: EmilyRyan on February 19, 2018, 07:18:00 PM
You're correct even if I had at least 4 other roommates I still wouldn't be able to afford rent

Wow rent must be outrageous where you live. I live in a 4 bedroom house (just my stepson and I) and I am on SSI and I get by ok. Sounds like you need to find a cheaper place to live.
Just my 2 cents.




Love
Bobbie LeAnn






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EmilyRyan

Thing is the area I do live in is considered one the cheapest in the country (Tennessee i general is) the real problem is I'm stuck doing low paying (and high stress) jobs due to having a disability too and there's little to no help and I can't just pick up and move unless I really wanna be living in a cardboard box but I'm kinda already on the verge of that anyway so... yeah I sometimes hate my country
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Allison S

You're struggle is like everyone else. Believe that. If you want higher paying job you have to work for it. It is stressful as a cashier, it's fast paced, and bottom line it's a business. That's anywhere you go- as in most jobs are like that.

The only jobs I actually enjoyed were at my college. But they were part time and only for students.

Anyway, now way after college I still have to work hard and prove myself. It's not easy and I've hated schmoozing as a "guy" so I haven't gotten very far yet.

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EmilyRyan

Quote from: Allison S on February 21, 2018, 12:08:11 AM
You're struggle is like everyone else. Believe that. If you want higher paying job you have to work for it. It is stressful as a cashier, it's fast paced, and bottom line it's a business. That's anywhere you go- as in most jobs are like that.

The only jobs I actually enjoyed were at my college. But they were part time and only for students.

Anyway, now way after college I still have to work hard and prove myself. It's not easy and I've hated schmoozing as a "guy" so I haven't gotten very far yet.

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What about us that struggle with a disability??
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Allison S

Um no but you clearly skipped the entire rest of my post. No need to be snide here this is my second post trying to give you advice...

As for disability. Go to your doctor and local social security office. No one here can help you with that... all we can do is share our knowledge.

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EmilyRyan

Quote from: Allison S on February 21, 2018, 01:02:54 AM
Um no but you clearly skipped the entire rest of my post. No need to be snide here this is my second post trying to give you advice...

As for disability. Go to your doctor and local social security office. No one here can help you with that... all we can do is share our knowledge.

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I'm confused by the "um no" part.

As for doctor I'm gonna need to see someone that specializes with learning disabilities in order to update my documentation. Trouble there no money and no insurance and my job doesn't provide. 
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Allison S

"Um no" I meant I wasn't talking about your disability in my first post. But as for seeing a specialist. Have you found one yet? Usually you can ask for a sliding fee based on what you can pay. Worse case scenario you'll owe money but they may be able to work with you on a payment plan you can afford over serveral months or more depending on how much.

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EmilyRyan

Sadly I can't find a specialist that charges under 500 (even with sliding scale) another messed up thing about living in America :(
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Sparklefish

Hun did you ever find a place to live? How are you? I tried to pm you but I guess I haven't made enough posts. I am thinking of you and wondering how you are. Sending you big hugs.
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EmilyRyan

Quote from: Sparklefish on April 18, 2018, 11:58:35 PM
Hun did you ever find a place to live? How are you? I tried to pm you but I guess I haven't made enough posts. I am thinking of you and wondering how you are. Sending you big hugs.

I've given up
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120716

Giving up is an option, not always the best one. Having a disability some times puts us into a mindset we are stuck and our disability owns us. I had a learning disability when I was younger, I did not let it stop me, I just learned to work around it. I then became physically disabled, I found a different job that I could manage. I have notice people offering you suggestions on how to help yourself, you shot everyone of them down.  IF where you live is causing you trouble, save a little bit of money and MOVE. Go to A East or West coast city, giving up is also a thing. I live in Tacoma, WA and there are rooms for rent under $500 a month that include utilities. I go to Walgreens and there are two trans-women who work there and they share an apartment. There are also trans-women and men who work for Amazon (local) and it pays enough to cover bills. At age 27 it is no longer the responsibility of your parents to see to your housing, feeding and other needs. IF you live in their home you are a guest at age 27, I left at age 18 to not be at home. If you need pointing at employment opportunities or housing I will be glad to point you in the direction of them. I don't know what you meant by help in your earlier posts, others did offer guidance. Best of luck -M
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EmilyRyan

Quote from: 120716 on April 22, 2018, 11:16:45 PM
Giving up is an option, not always the best one. Having a disability some times puts us into a mindset we are stuck and our disability owns us. I had a learning disability when I was younger, I did not let it stop me, I just learned to work around it. I then became physically disabled, I found a different job that I could manage. I have notice people offering you suggestions on how to help yourself, you shot everyone of them down.  IF where you live is causing you trouble, save a little bit of money and MOVE. Go to A East or West coast city, giving up is also a thing. I live in Tacoma, WA and there are rooms for rent under $500 a month that include utilities. I go to Walgreens and there are two trans-women who work there and they share an apartment. There are also trans-women and men who work for Amazon (local) and it pays enough to cover bills. At age 27 it is no longer the responsibility of your parents to see to your housing, feeding and other needs. IF you live in their home you are a guest at age 27, I left at age 18 to not be at home. If you need pointing at employment opportunities or housing I will be glad to point you in the direction of them. I don't know what you meant by help in your earlier posts, others did offer guidance. Best of luck -M

I've tried all the suggestions given none helped or lead nowhere except back to square 1. I thought about moving to the west coast but housing is unaffordable and last thing I want is to be another homeless person they have to deal with cause last I heard that's a huge problem out west as well and same for east coast.
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